Blue Raider Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Hey all just wanted to get your opinions: My romantic advances were just rejected by my friend. We tried to stay friends and actually begun to hang out more thinking that I could move on from it. I can't. I still feel what I did. How do I deal with this? Do I keep my mouth shut and continue being friends, tell her again I like her and can't think of her as just a friend, just stop contact with her, ect? She has been a great friend to me and I don't want to hurt her. THank you. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Blue Raider Hey all just wanted to get your opinions: My romantic advances were just rejected by my friend. We tried to stay friends and actually begun to hang out more thinking that I could move on from it. I can't. I still feel what I did. How do I deal with this? Do I keep my mouth shut and continue being friends, tell her again I like her and can't think of her as just a friend, just stop contact with her, ect? She has been a great friend to me and I don't want to hurt her. THank you. Love is just one of those things -- it's often one-sided, and that sucks for the person with the unreciprocated feelings. But it ultimately can also suck for the person who hasn't fallen in love, because they have to accept and respect the other person's situation. You both lose. And that sucks. But that's how it goes. You have to be honest and real with yourself -- and your friend. Friendship isn't possible for you right now, and she shouldn't want you to have to pretend just to make her happy. You need to stay away from her until your feelings have faded. Until friendship -- true friendship that isn't twisting your heart into a pretzel -- is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Blue Raider She has been a great friend to me and I don't want to hurt her. Don't do this to yourself anymore. Right now you should be thinking how you can get over this as quickly as possible and move on. I can't think of any quicker way to get over this other than "no contact". It may take a while, but you WILL get over it. But as long as you guys still hung out, you'll probably get hurt more. Explain to her why you need to do this. If she's truly your friend, she'll understand. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
LostInTortola Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 I speak from experience, I've been where you are now...TWICE...with the same friend!!! No Contact is best but I was in a situation where Limited Contact was the only option. The first time I told her how I felt we didn't change much at all, basically just a week or so of a little wierdness. The end result was that several months later I ended up developing feelings for her again (proably never really lost them). Staying friends was not the best. Since we were also coworkers we couldn't exactly not see each other. After the second time I told her she was VERY angry (she had the right to be) and we basically ignored each other for a few months (sort of an unspoken agreement we had). The only times we spoke was when work ABSOULTELY required it. It sucked but its been four months now, I have proverbially "moved on", things are returning to "normal", and we are now getting "reacquianted". Yes No Contact is best but even Limited Contact will work. Friendships have a knack of working through difficult times if both of you want to truly remain friends. One important note: things will be different I can guarantee that but they will be right and that is the most important thing to remember. LiT Link to post Share on other sites
condor Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I am in the same situation exactly. What i am following now is basically limited contact, considering she has other two major problems in her life at the moment , a place to stay and a new job to find. Its the first time i have been in this situation. This is my advice to myself. Be a friend but from seeing her sparingly or none at all. Speak to her rarely or via text messages.Its the only way to keep yourself from getting hurt again and at the same time keep that small window open in case sometime in the future she realises that to her, you are somebody special. Its a gamble, and can go either way or nowhere in particular. c Link to post Share on other sites
Redmoongirl Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Hi Just wanted to say that i understand what you're going through. I also agree on the "No (or Limited) Contact" statements, although i personally feel more for the Limited Contact- option. Why is that? Experience has showed me that No Contact can feed the fantasies about this girl you're longing for even more. Limited Contact is okay, but you should - and i emphasise this - talk about it with her first. Explain her why it is you want to avoid her for a while. Don't be afraid: it is for the best. Believe me. Your feelings will almost certainly fade away after a few weeks or months. Take your time! The love will not disappear (that is, if you truely love her) but it can change in a strong but friendly/platonic - non-romantic - love. But someone mentioned it already: don't be surprised if the romantic feelings "pop up" again once in a while, when the two of you meet again. The good news is: in my experience and from stories i heard from friends, you'll be able to recognize them sooner this time and this will probably help you not to get "totally blown away". Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Raider Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Well just an update. It has been close to a month and a half now and for all intents and purposes it has been no contact (minus one short e-mail exchange when a family member of hers became sick). It has absolutely killed me and I can say my feelings have not disappeared. She and her old boyfriend are back together and needless to say he doesn't like me which is why I think she hasn't attempted to talk to me about it. That and apparently she may be angry at me for bringing this up after 7 months of saying those feelings were gone. So I think that fact has kept me from letting her know exactly what happened. It kills me because I would really like her to know everything I ever did for her was out of friendship and not because I wanted more, I am not sure if she understands this. So I don't even know anymore because it isn't going to happen and after 1.5 months my feelings are just as strong. Link to post Share on other sites
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