Exists or not: Married men who cheat while in a happy marriage?

[Winterina]

Here is the story - I have always tried to understand people's motivations and emotions, how much of emotions are they able to have, what drives them in life and what does it say about them, etc. And there is one thing that I cannot understand.

 

I have a friend who says he is happily married, has three adult kids, his wife is pretty and has her own small business... they are together for 30 years, married for 25 and in their mid-fifties. He maintains the appearance of a picture-perfect family, beautiful model daughters, successful and gorgeous son... They have a big family home, expensive cars, and go to social parties that cost a fortune. Their FBs are full of showing off with their lifestyles, clothes, places they visited, etc.

 

He does not wear a wedding ring. I just never wore my wedding ring" is not a good explanation.

 

He is cheating on her and had been cheating all their lives. Even when they just got their first child and soon she became pregnant with another one. That is where he had someone he loved more than anyone ever, but still did not leave his wife.

 

She has no clue that he had a dozen affairs during their marriage. He says she would leave if she found out. At the same time, he is sitting with this woman out in the restaurant in a busy street in town where any time someone he or his wife know can walk in, and he does not care. He hugs her and kisses her in public places where there is a decent chance of getting caught. So he is putting everything at risk. At the same time, he would not want to divorce her, and he would not want her to cheat on him.

 

I found out about this all because at some point a couple of month ago he made a move on me and tried to kiss me, which I refused. And then I got really curious and started asking all the questions about his life. He is rather closed, no wonder for someone who has a lot to hide. But he did tell me about his cheating habits since he trusted me not to tell anyone. And I will not. But it sucks. I feel sorry for his wife on the one hand. On the other, I really do not know what is going on so I have no right to form opinion. Apparently, whatever it is that they have, they do not have very intimate relationship and close friendship.

 

Often he stays at my place till early morning hours and we just hang and watch movies. For me this is not hard as I have no feelings or attraction for him. He never tried it with me again as I was pretty clear it is not an option. One thing that I noticed is that of all the times that he has been away from home for most of the day till, say 3 or 4 a.m., his wife never texted him or called him to ask where the hell he is... That's always been strange. I also started feeling guilty for spending time with him at all.

 

I understand that people do not want to say about all the dirt that goes on behind the closed door, but I find it hard to believe that everything is just great in his marriage and I think he is full of it. He says he "just likes women too much" and that he just has a character flaw.

I see him as someone who is trying to maintain that image of everything being ok in his life all the time, and he does not want to be seen as a failure in anything, including his marriage.

 

I really NEED to believe that marriages like that cannot possibly be happy because how can I go on knowing that everything can be perfect and your husband will still have affair after affair, both physical and emotional...

 

Opinions? Can it really be so? If this is a happy marriage, I never want to be married... luckily I know not all people are like him. And that is what he tells me too, which is kind of him and which I appreciated.

 

Can there be really nice guys out there who have it all, but who just cannot keep their hands off other women? That right there is probably the description of my biggest personal fear, to end up with someone like that. I would in particular like to her opinion from men on this one.

[GoodOnPaper]

Guys who are "nice" still want exciting sex lives. If a "nice" woman has inhibitions, that could cause some discontent. I've never attracted anyone else but if I did, the temptation would be very difficult to overcome.

[minimariah]

...how can I go on knowing that everything can be perfect and your husband will still have affair after affair, both physical and emotional...

 

you grow up, mature & accept the fact that your very best may NOT be enough for someone else. meaning - it is absolutely possible that you'll be the BEST wife, lover, partner and companion... that you'll do your best to make your relationship a fantastic one and STILL get cheated on. that's life. giving love does not neccessarily guarantee you that you'll get that same love back; every relationship is a RISK.

 

to comfort you - folks DO feel something is off, when they want to. of course, you can definitely be blindsided... but in most cases, your gut feeling will tell you all you need to know.

 

Can there be really nice guys out there who have it all, but who just cannot keep their hands off other women?

 

no mature & emotionally composed man will claim happy marriage + life + perfection overall... while being a serial adulterer for YEARS; you already know this.

 

don't stress too much over it; you can't possibly protect yourself from being cheated on... that is entirely up to your partner and his choice to be or nor be faithful. in order words - it is pointless to worry about something you cannot control.

[ltjg45]

On paper, that makes no sense. How can anyone, man or woman, be in a happy relationship/marriage and still cheat?

 

However, considering how many people actually do settle for someone because they can't seem to find the full package or because their partner is "safe" but is not exciting especially in their sexual lives, that isn't too surprising. But all that does is create more problems with nothing positive to gain from it.

 

Personally, this is just another reason not to settle. If I can't find exactly what I am looking for in my partner, for any reason (regardless if it is in my control or not), there is no point in getting married.

[minimariah]

He does not wear a wedding ring. I just never wore my wedding ring" is not a good explanation.

 

just to comment on this - i don't like rings. period. never wore my wedding ring, i won't wear my (future) wedding ring & i never cheated... so it means nothing. there doesn't need to be some big reason behind not wearing it.

 

& just to add - nice guys are great. awesome. but finding someone who is emotionally mature and composed, who knows their weaknesses & strengths well is much more important = all of that does NOT always come with the niceness.

 

i think we've all had at least ONE friend JUUUUST like yours & we all heard the same old story - i know i did! sounds super familiar and you'll probably meet the Nice Guys like this one again.

Edited April 10, 2016 by minimariah

[central]

I really NEED to believe that marriages like that cannot possibly be happy because how can I go on knowing that everything can be perfect and your husband will still have affair after affair, both physical and emotional....

 

Your need to believe does not make it reality. The research shows that many people who cheat really are happy in their marriages - but want something more or just aren't suited for strict monogamy. There are various ways to achieve this: some cheat, some have open marriages, some are swingers, some are openly polyamorous. All can be happy in their relationships, but cheaters do it clandestinely for a variety of reasons, whereas the others do it ethically and consensually.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Apparently, whatever it is that they have, they do not have very intimate relationship and close friendship.

I would take that with a grain of salt; married guys hitting on women tend to say stuff like that with alarming regularity.

 

I also started feeling guilty for spending time with him at all.

Good! You should stop. You are wasting your time and probably are crossing some of your own boundaries, along with inviting a bunch of negative and creepy energy into your life.

 

 

I really NEED to believe that marriages like that cannot possibly be happy because how can I go on knowing that everything can be perfect and your husband will still have affair after affair, both physical and emotional...

 

Opinions? Can it really be so? If this is a happy marriage, I never want to be married...

of course it's not a "happy marriage" because this man is incapable of being a good husband or contributing to the happiness of his marriage.

 

His wife probably just accepts it for whatever reasons of her own.

 

That doesn't sound happy to me.

 

He is a crap guy. Just don't marry a guy like that and you will increase your chances of a happy marriage by at least 75%.

[thefooloftheyear]

I would take that with a grain of salt; married guys hitting on women tend to say stuff like that with alarming regularity.

 

Good! You should stop. You are wasting your time and probably are crossing some of your own boundaries, along with inviting a bunch of negative and creepy energy into your life.

 

 

of course it's not a "happy marriage" because this man is incapable of being a good husband or contributing to the happiness of his marriage.

 

His wife probably just accepts it for whatever reasons of her own.

 

That doesn't sound happy to me.

 

He is a crap guy. Just don't marry a guy like that and you will increase your chances of a happy marriage by at least 75%.

 

Maybe she's cheating as well.....

 

I don't know why people care about what others do in these areas... ...You see these posts all the time...I don't get it....Its frankly none of anyone's business, unless its affecting them personally...

 

Id say to the OP if he doesnt like the friends behavior then drop him as a friend...Otherwise, who cares??

 

TFY

[Gloria25]

He says he "just likes women too much" and that he just has a character flaw.

 

He answered your question ^^.

 

He's a jerk (aka "character flaw"). Doesn't matter who he married, no one woman would ever satisfy him.

 

Don't let garbage like him make you lose your faith in men and/or the institution of marriage. There actually "are" men out there who take vows seriously, don't see women as "objects" to fulfill roles for them (wife at home, mistress in the streets).

 

Just pay attention while you're dating them...Upon marriage, wait about two years before you start having kids and don't have more kids if he shows signs of slipping.

 

I don't believe his wife doesn't know. Like my neighbor's wife, she just wants to keep her head in the sand. I'm sure he showed her red flags while they were dating and throughout the marriage. Shoot, maybe she is making excuses for his "character flaw", I mean maybe she's thinking "Oh, he's a sex addict and needs help"

Edited April 10, 2016 by Gloria25

[Robert Z]

He answered your question ^^.

 

He's a jerk (aka "character flaw"). Doesn't matter who he married, no one woman would ever satisfy him.

 

Don't let garbage like him make you lose your faith in men and/or the institution of marriage.

 

So you expect people to accept you for who you are, but men who are who they are jerks and garbage? Have you ever considered letting men be men and trying to accept us for who we are? It appears that some men have a genetic drive to constantly seek new sexual companions. It is probably a spin off of the Coolidge Effect, which is present in ALL male mammals.

 

I'm not saying it's okay to cheat. But I don't think it is all a matter of character any more than is smoking, or drinking booze, or gambling, or homosexuality, fetishes, religious zealotry, or authoritarian, militaristic tendencies. Maybe some men [and women] just aren't cut out for monogamy.

[SJS]

So you expect people to accept you for who you are, but men who are who they are jerks and garbage? Have you ever considered letting men be men and trying to accept us for who we are? It appears that some men have a genetic drive to constantly seek new sexual companions. It is probably a spin off of the Coolidge Effect, which is present in ALL male mammals.

 

I'm not saying it's okay to cheat. But I don't think it is all a matter of character any more than is smoking, or drinking booze, or gambling, or homosexuality, fetishes, religious zealotry, or authoritarian, militaristic tendencies. Maybe some men [and women] just aren't cut out for monogamy.

They should not pretend that they are cut out for monogamy then.

[Gloria25]

They should not pretend that they are cut out for monogamy then.

 

Thank you ^^...

 

If you want a harem of women, then be single. Don't go in front of God, family, friends, and the community and recite vows when the vows mean nothing to you.

 

Be single and have all the women you want.

[Winterina]

Thank you ^^...

 

If you want a harem of women, then be single. Don't go in front of God, family, friends, and the community and recite vows when the vows mean nothing to you.

 

Be single and have all the women you want.

 

True. But people like that want to have it all. And they will justify it with whatever excuses they can come up with. Even if they entirely accept it is their fault.

 

It is the deception that I don't get. A deception lasting over 25 years. All the sneaking around, lying on a daily basis, deleting your messages every day so she never finds out... it is a lot of hard work.

She does not know and is not implicitly accepting it.

She is just straightforward deceived.

 

He told me he does not feel guilty at all. I already thought and excluded the possibility that he might be a sociopath. He is just a player, playing with his wife and anyone else he manages to get into a relationship. Narcissist?

 

To not even hide in public and risk all you've built over 25 years is beyond a poker game with your life and the lives of your family.

 

It is, as I said, a mystery to me, and I do not understand.

[Mr. Lucky]

Often he stays at my place till early morning hours and we just hang and watch movies. For me this is not hard as I have no feelings or attraction for him. He never tried it with me again as I was pretty clear it is not an option. One thing that I noticed is that of all the times that he has been away from home for most of the day till, say 3 or 4 a.m., his wife never texted him or called him to ask where the hell he is... That's always been strange. I also started feeling guilty for spending time with him at all.

 

If you regularly have a married man at your place until 3 or 4 am, you're not exactly part of the solution...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Winterina]

If you regularly have a married man at your place until 3 or 4 am, you're not exactly part of the solution...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm aware but at the same time I am neither trying to find a solution to someone else's issues, nor I feel that I contribute in any significant way to the problem which is a waaaay bigger and lasts longer than I could possibly ever make it just by having him as a friend. In fact, you could also look at it from opposing point of view and say that if he weren't watching a movie with me, he might be somewhere having an affair.

 

What I am trying to do is understand the psychology of a guy like that.

[elaine567]

I'm aware but at the same time I am neither trying to find a solution to someone else's issues, nor I feel that I contribute in any significant way to the problem which is a waaaay bigger and lasts longer than I could possibly ever make it just by having him as a friend. In fact, you could also look at it from opposing point of view and say that if he weren't watching a movie with me, he might be somewhere having an affair.

 

What I am trying to do is understand the psychology of a guy like that.

 

Of course you are contributing to the problem, why are you entertaining a married man alone in your home till 3-4am???

Not only is is disrespectful to his wife, but also when it all comes out, which no doubt it will at some point, you will be tagged as his OW.

Who will believe "he just watched movies and hung out with me??" - he's 50 not 15...

If you are genuinely not in a PA, you are definitely in an EA.

You need to protect yourself here.

[Winterina]

Of course you are contributing to the problem, why are you entertaining a married man alone in your home till 3-4am???

Not only is is disrespectful to his wife, but also when it all comes out, which no doubt it will at some point, you will be tagged as his OW.

Who will believe "he just watched movies and hung out with me??" - he's 50 not 15...

If you are genuinely not in a PA, you are definitely in an EA.

You need to protect yourself here.

 

No, I am not in EA, because definition of it is not "spending time with a person of the opposite sex that is married". There have to be some emotions to have emotional affair. I appreciate the attempt to warn me, but I am aware of how it looks and I am not concerned by it. I care for what it is and I know there is no affair of any kind as we have no feelings or anything for each other, and we hang as friends. What others are going to think is not my concern.

As far as it coming out at some point - no, it never will. He has a job that can cover for any time that he is not at home including night time. He had actual affairs over the period of 25 years, including a woman that he loved for 18 month, and nothing ever came out.

 

Still would appreciate if someone could contribute to an actual topic.

[elaine567]

Maybe she's cheating as well.....

 

I don't know why people care about what others do in these areas... ...You see these posts all the time...I don't get it....Its frankly none of anyone's business, unless its affecting them personally...

 

 

But it IS affecting her personally, she wants to know if is is even worth her while getting married, if guys in general think like this guy does.

Textbook "good" marriage but he has been sneaking around for years behind her back.

 

I believe that cheating is down to the person involved.

Some in awful marriages for 50 years, never cheat, others where the wife looks like a top model, who is open to anything sexually, who is a wonderful woman, cheat all the time.

Mr INeedVariety will never be happy with one woman, all the "good" marriages in the world will never make him faithful.

He is of course not all that easy to spot, the guy who will jump on anything that moves is obviously one but the average Joe with only a few conquests under his belt may be one as well only he never got the opportunity. Give him a flash car, a good job and something to attract "the ladies", or just some confidence as he ages, then he may be MrINeedVariety in disguise...

[minimariah]

All the sneaking around, lying on a daily basis, deleting your messages every day so she never finds out... it is a lot of hard work.

 

it is.

 

but it's also hard for me to believe that his wife knows NOTHING. maybe she's suspicious & simply doesn't care as long as he stays married - i thought my colleague's wife (similar situation) was in the dark, too... and i was wrong. i don't know why you're so convinced that's she straight up deceived - you know her? you spoke about it with her? or you're going only by what you hear from him & others?

 

you really never know what goes on in someone's head; also... i don't think your friend is a narcissist. i don't think he's special at all - i think he just doesn't love his wife... hence him not feeling guilty + he acts like a single dude who is active in dating.

 

again - you don't know what goes on behind their closed doors, no matter what he tells you, so it's hard to understand his actions without context. at this point, you're going only by his words and assuming their marriage dynamic.

 

you're trying to figure out his behavior without a LOT of important pieces of his life so... you're different than he is and probably won't understand his point of view.

 

p.s. i highly doubt he loved that woman for 18 months. i'm pretty sure he doesn't really know how love looks like or should feel like. when you can put love in that exact period frame... that's not it.

Edited April 10, 2016 by minimariah

[minimariah]

I care for what it is and I know there is no affair of any kind as we have no feelings or anything for each other, and we hang as friends.

 

he tried to kiss you. i doubt his attraction for you vanished into the thin air - actually, i'm pretty sure that he is having an EA with you. one - sided, obviously; it's common with serial adulterers. you gotta look at him the way you'd look at a single dude dating & looking for a girlfriend - their behavior patterns are pretty much the same. so he probably does get something from you he needs, something he should be getting from his wife.

 

folks like that often have relationships like that - they take what they can get and need at that moment in their lives.

 

his situation and thought process is very simple, you kind of think it's complicated... but not really. you're overanalyzing and overthinking a lot of stuff. you don't have to be complicated or with a diagnosis to lead the life he's leading - you gotta be completely detached from what you have at home, immature in order to ignore a lot of guilt, entitled + to some degree... sure that you won't lose anything by risking everything. that's really it.

Edited April 10, 2016 by minimariah

[minimariah]

True. But people like that want to have it all.

 

just to comment on this - this is actually not true because they usually don't have it all. if you dig deeper and long enough, you'll find out there's a LOT missing in their lives and they're in constant pursuit of something...

 

It is the deception that I don't get. A deception lasting over 25 years.

 

what would you say about a man who has two FAMILIES on two different continents?

 

if THIS is a mystery to you, i think THAT would interest you far more.

 

i had a guy with two different families + the one just like your friend in joint therapy - trust me, the difference is obvious when you compare their stories.

 

and always remember - THEIR reality might not be objective reality at all. no matter how convincing he sounds. just because he tells you, for example - that he loved that one woman... does not mean that it's actually true. you're giving him a lot credit, keep in mind that he's EMOTIONALLY on another level than you are.

 

in therapy, for example - the therapist does not try to UNDERSTAND his patient's reasons or figure out his "psychology"; rather, the therapist is helping the patient understand HIMSELF. it is next to impossible to understand someone else's life dynamics, we're different.

Edited April 10, 2016 by minimariah

[Ladyjane14]

True. But people like that want to have it all. And they will justify it with whatever excuses they can come up with. Even if they entirely accept it is their fault.

 

It is the deception that I don't get. A deception lasting over 25 years. All the sneaking around, lying on a daily basis, deleting your messages every day so she never finds out... it is a lot of hard work.

She does not know and is not implicitly accepting it.

She is just straightforward deceived.

 

He told me he does not feel guilty at all. I already thought and excluded the possibility that he might be a sociopath. He is just a player, playing with his wife and anyone else he manages to get into a relationship. Narcissist?

 

To not even hide in public and risk all you've built over 25 years is beyond a poker game with your life and the lives of your family.

 

It is, as I said, a mystery to me, and I do not understand.

 

You've arrived at your answer. It's all that hard work, the illicit nature of the adultery, the cunning plans, the risk of being caught.

 

I wouldn't be so quick to discount sociopathic tendencies if I were you. I mean, if one is super-entitled, feels no guilt, and seeks his thrills through risk-taking behavior, what else could you call it? I mean seriously, what's the difference between this guy's motivating factors and say, that of a serial killer except scale? We wouldn't hesitate for a minute to refer to serial killer as a sociopath, but we pull our punch at habitual philandering even though the motivations are much the same.

 

Stay away from this guy. Whatever you want to call him... he's bad news.

[Mr. Lucky]

how can I go on knowing that everything can be perfect and your husband will still have affair after affair, both physical and emotional...

 

Often he stays at my place till early morning hours and we just hang and watch movies. For me this is not hard as I have no feelings or attraction for him. He never tried it with me again as I was pretty clear it is not an option. One thing that I noticed is that of all the times that he has been away from home for most of the day till, say 3 or 4 a.m., his wife never texted him or called him to ask where the hell he is... That's always been strange.

 

 

No, I am not in EA, because definition of it is not "spending time with a person of the opposite sex that is married". There have to be some emotions to have emotional affair. I appreciate the attempt to warn me, but I am aware of how it looks and I am not concerned by it. I care for what it is and I know there is no affair of any kind as we have no feelings or anything for each other, and we hang as friends. What others are going to think is not my concern.

 

Then I guess one answer would be to encourage your husband to avoid women comfortable doing what you seem perfectly willing to do...

 

Mr. Lucky

[elaine567]

He has a job that can cover for any time that he is not at home including night time.

 

One thing that I noticed is that of all the times that he has been away from home for most of the day till, say 3 or 4 a.m., his wife never texted him or called him to ask where the hell he is... That's always been strange.

 

Having been married to him for years and having got used to his irregular hours, and the fact she most likely trusts him, then why would she need to bother calling and texting him?

People in relationships with on-call/emergency workers tend to learn pretty quick that "I'll be home in half an hour" is usually meaningless, so stop asking.

[Gloria25]

True. But people like that want to have it all. And they will justify it with whatever excuses they can come up with. Even if they entirely accept it is their fault.

 

It is the deception that I don't get. A deception lasting over 25 years. All the sneaking around, lying on a daily basis, deleting your messages every day so she never finds out... it is a lot of hard work.

She does not know and is not implicitly accepting it.

She is just straightforward deceived.

 

He told me he does not feel guilty at all. I already thought and excluded the possibility that he might be a sociopath. He is just a player, playing with his wife and anyone else he manages to get into a relationship. Narcissist?

 

To not even hide in public and risk all you've built over 25 years is beyond a poker game with your life and the lives of your family.

 

It is, as I said, a mystery to me, and I do not understand.

 

What is a mystery to you?

 

The guy was clear - he wants women. He wants what "he" wants. He wants the "image" of successful family man, businessman, husband. It's all about getting what he wants.

 

To him marriage is all about "image".

 

You know, there's a saying that goes like 'Character shows in what you do when no one is looking'. When no one is looking, instead of this guy being at home and being that "perfect husband", he's running the streets hooking up with other women.

 

So, he can be married 25 or 100 years. He's not a "husband". Can you call yourself an "employee" if you only show up to work for a few hours a week? Would you expect a check for full-time work when you only show up a few times a week?

 

It's not hard work what he's doing. His wife wants to keep her head in the sand. Also, at my job, it's routine for me at the end of the day to delete and/or shred certain things. When you do certain things long enough, it becomes 2nd nature - to the point where you do it without putting much thought into it, it's routine.

 

Also, going back to his selfish nature...he feels no guilt. So, he's not up at night having night sweats about what he does. Like sociopaths. They can do so many things that we think are horrible cuz they just don't care. The screw in their head that allows them to feel must have been removed at birth or something. They don't care. So, he's done this for years - in public or not - and he doesn't care.

 

You know lawyers, business people, (i.e. people in certain professions) are ideal for sociopaths, cuz they'll do what it takes to represent garbage (as in the case of lawyers) and/or run a company (cut costs, fire/lay off people) - cuz sociopaths don't care what it takes - except for the bottom line.

 

This guy you described? We just had a thread on diagnosis, but he sure sounds like a sociopath. He's a successful businessman who is a cheating creep. He doesn't care about anyone but #1 (himself).

 

So, again, I'm trying to understand what's the mystery here. He's told you clearly that he wants what he wants - women.

 

And, as for those who think you're contributing to him doing what he does? Trust me, if it wasn't you, he'd be hanging out and/or trying to hook up with someone else. He's a jerk - his "character flaw" - that existed before, during, and after your existence.

 

And, please 25 years of marriage?

 

I'm gonna tell you a little story...

 

My neighbor didn't get a lot of attention from women. He ran across his now wifey at work. Both of them aren't like the most dateable people. They latched onto each other with their last breaths majority in part out of desperation. They had the white wedding too...and their marriage and "family" is a joke.

 

Why is it a joke?

 

Don't pay attention to white dress, ceremony, etc. Neither of them go to church and/or have God in their lives. It's all show-and-tell. They actually went and got married civilly (out of desperation) several months before the ceremony. If I were there parents I would have withdrawn my money towards the ceremony...cuz, if you're not into God and you eloped months before the ceremony, then what does the ceremony mean to you both? Nothing except a "trick-and-pony" show to the world. Mind you, they moved in, engaged, and married in barely 1 year (not even two years) of meeting each other....

 

And, they did all of this with my neighbor still obsessing over his skanky ex-gf and starting obsess over me. That's why I tell you don't feel sorry for his wife. Part of me thinks my neighbor's wife sorta knew about his wondering eye, so she put the on the speedy marriage and pregnancy - and him, in desperation not to let go of this opportunity to show the world that he can get married to and crank out rugrats, did what she demanded. In other words, they didn't marry out of respect/love for each other, vows, family and/or the institution of marriage - they did it to show the world that they finally "got" someone too. Now, they may like each other - but not enough to honestly say, "This is the person I want to spend my life with" - it's more of "Meh, I sorta like him/her, let's do this". So don't take seriously people who marry - especially now a days.

 

Some people don't marry because they believe in vows (especially now a day). They do it out of their own selfish and narcissistic whims. They wanna "fit in" with society. That sounds like this guy you described. He didn't marry his wife out of love for her and/or desire for a family - she's a means to an end - another "check mark" of what he wanted to accomplish in life....Ok, "wife" - check. "Kids" - check. "My neighbors, family, etc. looking up to me" - check.

 

So, again, I don't see what the mystery is here. This guy is a fake and a joke, thankfully there's women like his wife out there who also want to give off the impression/illusion/image of having the perfect family and are on for the ride.

 

This woman called my fav podcaster the other day - like 20 something years of marriage to a drunk. She spent years cleaning up his mess. Literally. He'd come home drunk and she'd hide it from the kids. She'd tell them 'Daddy's tired from a long day' - when thing is he came home sloppy drunk. She told my fav podcaster that he needs her, bla bla. So yes, some women stand behind creeps for years, and from the outside we think it's this "picture perfect" marriage - when it's a sick co-dependent situation that they're happy with. Married people are like salt/pepper shakers - while you may not put up with what they put up for each other, they're more than happy to do their silly "dance" for centuries.