I can't figure out why I keep getting rejected

[ZA Dater]

Neither you nor the OP should accept a dateless life. I'm 40+, separated after 12 years of marriage and did not have a girl friend before marriage, so have been with just one woman...AND I'm an immigrant, albeit a highly qualified one. So you can imagine it would be easy for me to throw up my hands and resign to being a celibate monk for the rest of my life....but I will NOT accept a dateless life.

 

So I'm putting myself out there and and am pleasantly surprised by how LITTLE looks matter (I'm a brown skinned average Joe), and how HUGE other stuff matters: humor and playful nature, a confident direct attitude, maintaining eye contact, voice tone, and paying genuine compliments to a woman whom you find attractive. Do read my thread and you will see that though I'm also still searching for that special person, my effort is slowly bringing me benefits.

 

To me, this process also made me realize that my happiness does not depend on whether a woman "rejects" me or "accepts" me, and I treat it as a fun activity (as it should be!). Happiness comes from within...read The New Mood Therapy which explains this in detail.

 

So keep approaching women, be polite, yet confident and VERY generous and direct with your compliments. Don't give up.

 

 

I think if you enjoy success rejection can be fun.

[redbaron007]

I think if you enjoy success rejection can be fun.

 

Yes, rejection can be fun and sometimes hilarious...I remember getting "rejected" by a lovely woman at bachata class late last year. She's doing her masters in nutrition, and since I was getting into healthy eating at the time, we found we had a lot to talk about. So one day after bachata class I asked her out. She said: "Umm...I'm actually kinda fully booked right now" (meaning of course, thanks but no thanks!). I said:"Oh, ok, that's cool...yeah, so keep me posted if you have any new health tips!". She said:"You know what, I can setup a consult with you". I responded:"So you're fully booked for a date but you have openings for a consult. It's funny but I have the exact opposite problem...I only have openings for dates!"...She laughed and playfully hit me on my arm. I said:"You handed it to me on a platter"...so yeah, I always treat "rejections" as fun. Even the word "rejection" is funny in this context. If every girl I approach agreed to go out with me, that would be totally weird and actually freak me out!

[ZA Dater]

Yes, rejection can be fun and sometimes hilarious...I remember getting "rejected" by a lovely woman at bachata class late last year. She's doing her masters in nutrition, and since I was getting into healthy eating at the time, we found we had a lot to talk about. So one day after bachata class I asked her out. She said: "Umm...I'm actually kinda fully booked right now" (meaning of course, thanks but no thanks!). I said:"Oh, ok, that's cool...yeah, so keep me posted if you have any new health tips!". She said:"You know what, I can setup a consult with you". I responded:"So you're fully booked for a date but you have openings for a consult. It's funny but I have the exact opposite problem...I only have openings for dates!"...She laughed and playfully hit me on my arm. I said:"You handed it to me on a platter"...so yeah, I always treat "rejections" as fun. Even the word "rejection" is funny in this context. If every girl I approach agreed to go out with me, that would be totally weird and actually freak me out!

 

I think you missed the point I was trying to make. If you have never had success rejection is terrible, its more manageable if you have has a few "yes" answers.

 

 

I can tell you about the person who sat down at a date with me, went to the restroom and never returned. I got a msg 20 min later "sorry you are ugly"

[deckard11]

Neither you nor the OP should accept a dateless life. I'm 40+, separated after 12 years of marriage and did not have a girl friend before marriage, so have been with just one woman...AND I'm an immigrant, albeit a highly qualified one. So you can imagine it would be easy for me to throw up my hands and resign to being a celibate monk for the rest of my life....but I will NOT accept a dateless life.

 

So I'm putting myself out there and and am pleasantly surprised by how LITTLE looks matter (I'm a brown skinned average Joe), and how HUGE other stuff matters: humor and playful nature, a confident direct attitude, maintaining eye contact, voice tone, and paying genuine compliments to a woman whom you find attractive. Do read my thread and you will see that though I'm also still searching for that special person, my effort is slowly bringing me benefits.

 

To me, this process also made me realize that my happiness does not depend on whether a woman "rejects" me or "accepts" me, and I treat it as a fun activity (as it should be!). Happiness comes from within...read The New Mood Therapy which explains this in detail.

 

So keep approaching women, be polite, yet confident and VERY generous and direct with your compliments. Don't give up.

 

Yeah, that ain't happening with me. Sorry, but a lifetime of rejection has defeated me and turned me into the bitter, angry man I am. I'm done with it all.

[redbaron007]

I think you missed the point I was trying to make. If you have never had success rejection is terrible, its more manageable if you have has a few "yes" answers.

 

Why do you feel so "terrible" about it? Women turning you down for a date can definitely be disappointing, especially if you've been over-investing in them (spending more mental energy on specific individuals). But the disappointment is only momentary if you understand a few basic things:

1> Always have an "abundance" mentality, not a "scarcity" one. To put it simply, there are plenty of fish in the ocean, even if 100 say "no".

2> Why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you?

3> You know you are a great guy, with interesting stories to tell, great qualities and know that you are a catch, so if a woman cannot see it, well, it's her loss.

 

 

I can tell you about the person who sat down at a date with me, went to the restroom and never returned. I got a msg 20 min later "sorry you are ugly"

Why on earth would you ever want to be with this kind of woman? Ready point <1> above. Someone who does not know how to behave on a date has serious issues...you dodged a bullet my friend!

[redbaron007]

Yeah, that ain't happening with me. Sorry, but a lifetime of rejection has defeated me and turned me into the bitter, angry man I am. I'm done with it all.

 

If you're done with it, you should be feeling great since there are no "rejections" to worry about. And that's perfectly fine. After all, you should only do what makes you happy.

 

However if you're still bitter and angry, then you have a problem, my friend. And since your thoughts guide your emotions, you should be addressing them. I recommend the New Mood Therapy by David Burns MD. My primary care physician recommended it, and this is a great book to help control your thoughts, and thereby your feelings.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Why do you feel so "terrible" about it? Women turning you down for a date can definitely be disappointing, especially if you've been over-investing in them (spending more mental energy on specific individuals). But the disappointment is only momentary if you understand a few basic things:

1> Always have an "abundance" mentality, not a "scarcity" one. To put it simply, there are plenty of fish in the ocean, even if 100 say "no".

2> Why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you?

3> You know you are a great guy, with interesting stories to tell, great qualities and know that you are a catch, so if a woman cannot see it, well, it's her loss.

 

 

 

Why on earth would you ever want to be with this kind of woman? Ready point <1> above. Someone who does not know how to behave on a date has serious issues...you dodged a bullet my friend!

While I agree that wallowing depression because of a rejection is stupid and its best to try again and again, I think a few of your points obviously come from the perspective of a guy who isn't getting rejected constantly.

 

 

here's the thing I never said I can't get any girls period! I can, but dating isn't about simply finding a female to be with, there needs to be mutual attraction, and that is where I m failing, I can't seem to find a girl who I m attracted to who is also willing to go out with me.

 

I m still gonna try my luck with women as long as I can. But obviously it isn't as easy for someone like me who never succeeds to let rejection just bounce off of me compared to a guy who is getting some dates. If I was getting some dates I d definitely be less anxious about rejections.

[JuneJulySeptember]

While I agree that wallowing depression because of a rejection is stupid and its best to try again and again, I think a few of your points obviously come from the perspective of a guy who isn't getting rejected constantly.

 

 

here's the thing I never said I can't get any girls period! I can, but dating isn't about simply finding a female to be with, there needs to be mutual attraction, and that is where I m failing, I can't seem to find a girl who I m attracted to who is also willing to go out with me.

 

I m still gonna try my luck with women as long as I can. But obviously it isn't as easy for someone like me who never succeeds to let rejection just bounce off of me compared to a guy who is getting some dates. If I was getting some dates I d definitely be less anxious about rejections.

 

Well, that's a big difference. Because I know guys in their mid-late 30s and older who have never gotten a woman, likely to even like them. Again, you could more specific.

 

In that case (you're in your 20s, right), and let's say you're going after US women with a college education, cute, white and quite socially adjusted who are also in their 20s.

 

Well. That is a very hot commodity and is very difficult to snag.

 

In that case, I would suggest guys in that situation go for...

 

Non-US women. I have actually never dated a US woman, and I am as American as apple pie. I was born here, watch US sports, listen to pop music, know who Punky Brewster is and I have followed politics from every election since the Reagan administration. Non-US women are easier, and there's no doubt in my mind about it. You'll probably be able to get an even better looking woman than you thought you could if you go non-US.

 

Actually, that's the best suggestion I have at the time.

 

If I confined myself to a pool that included only US women, it is quite likely, that I would have never had a relationship in my life.

Edited April 18, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[deckard11]

If you're done with it, you should be feeling great since there are no "rejections" to worry about. And that's perfectly fine. After all, you should only do what makes you happy.

 

However if you're still bitter and angry, then you have a problem, my friend. And since your thoughts guide your emotions, you should be addressing them. I recommend the New Mood Therapy by David Burns MD. My primary care physician recommended it, and this is a great book to help control your thoughts, and thereby your feelings.

 

Sorry, I don't do therapy.

[scorpiogirl]

Why do you feel so "terrible" about it? Women turning you down for a date can definitely be disappointing, especially if you've been over-investing in them (spending more mental energy on specific individuals). But the disappointment is only momentary if you understand a few basic things:

1> Always have an "abundance" mentality, not a "scarcity" one. To put it simply, there are plenty of fish in the ocean, even if 100 say "no".

2> Why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you?

3> You know you are a great guy, with interesting stories to tell, great qualities and know that you are a catch, so if a woman cannot see it, well, it's her loss.

 

 

 

Why on earth would you ever want to be with this kind of woman? Ready point <1> above. Someone who does not know how to behave on a date has serious issues...you dodged a bullet my friend!

 

 

You're really wasting your time with these guys. Do you notice a pattern with them? They're all bitter ( self-confessed). they can't get a date (self-confessed). They refuse therapy (self-confessed).

They will ruin your positive energy. And as much as you have proven that you can turn your life around by making changes, they will always shoot your very clear evidence down. They just like to come here to announce that they're content with a lonely, dateless life.

 

You have a great attitude and it's admirable, all the steps you've taken after your divorce to carve out a new life for yourself.

 

I'm also not sure about all the young women but at least you're getting out there.

[redbaron007]

OP - I will continue to try and be constructive on your thread because you are still young and you only need a gentle course correction, not a major overhaul in your thinking...so here goes...

 

While I agree that wallowing depression because of a rejection is stupid and its best to try again and again, I think a few of your points obviously come from the perspective of a guy who isn't getting rejected constantly.

 

For the record, it has been 365+ days since I have been intimate with a woman. The most "success" (your words) I've had is gently stroking the hair and neck of a woman I've been on the date once (second time with her sister does not count as a date) ending with a cheek-kiss.

 

But I define success differently. I define success as my ability to be happy irrespective of the outcome of my interaction with a woman I find attractive. Do I tell them they are beautiful? Yes. Do I ask them out? Sure. But do I expect anything from them? NOPE!

 

So I just talk to many women. Most (99.99%) will not find me attractive at all but I don't care if they find me attractive or not....I just want to talk to them. If you approach them the right way and pay them a genuine compliment (this comes naturally with practice!), ALL of them will atleast stop and chat with you for a while. Your compliments can also be playful. For example: just this evening, I approached a lovely woman at the gym and asked her: "You are really fit AND you have a lovely complexion. What do you eat?". She smiled, thanked me and told me what she had since this morning. And I was genuinely interested in her responses because I'm into healthy eating. Then I asked her what she did, which happened to be a corporate job like mine, and I said: "I would never have thought you did X, I would have expected you to be an athlete or a fitness trainer" (again, a playful compliment). She laughed and said she still rows and was a competitive rower in college. Then she gently ended the interaction by saying:"I need to go downstairs for some cardio, but it was really nice talking to you."

 

Now by your definition, I got "rejected" because I did not even get a chance to ask for her number, she just walked off. Right? Well, I don't see this as a "rejection" but another positive interaction I had with a woman I found attractive.

 

...here's the thing I never said I can't get any girls period! I can, but dating isn't about simply finding a female to be with, there needs to be mutual attraction, and that is where I m failing, I can't seem to find a girl who I m attracted to who is also willing to go out with me.

 

I m still gonna try my luck with women as long as I can. But obviously it isn't as easy for someone like me who never succeeds to let rejection just bounce off of me compared to a guy who is getting some dates. If I was getting some dates I d definitely be less anxious about rejections.

 

Find some things you genuinely enjoy like sports (softball?) or something artistic (photography is a great conversation starter), then make the girl comfortable, then gently flirt with her. I'm assuming you are sociable and are able to joke around with your male friends. Well, just joke around with the girl you're with. If she laughs with you, well, that's a great sign she's into you...

 

REMEMBER: Every interaction you have with a woman you find attractive will increase your confidence and you will find yourself getting bolder and more comfortable flirting as time goes by. So just put yourself out there, talk to beautiful women and joke with them without expecting anything in return. You may be surprised!

 

For tips on how to show genuine interest and flirting, read Mark Manson's MODELS: ATTRACT WOMEN THROUGH HONESTY. Among all the trash out there, this is one book I found quite interesting and balanced.

 

Also, if you're worried that you're always labeled a "nice guy", read Dr. Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy". He also has online courses on Creating Positive Emotional Tension. It sounds a bit new-agey but I really like NMMNG, so I might actually sign up for this course myself.

Edited April 19, 2016 by redbaron007

[redbaron007]

Well, that's a big difference. Because I know guys in their mid-late 30s and older who have never gotten a woman, likely to even like them. Again, you could more specific.

 

In that case (you're in your 20s, right), and let's say you're going after US women with a college education, cute, white and quite socially adjusted who are also in their 20s.

 

Well. That is a very hot commodity and is very difficult to snag.

 

In that case, I would suggest guys in that situation go for...

 

Non-US women. I have actually never dated a US woman, and I am as American as apple pie. I was born here, watch US sports, listen to pop music, know who Punky Brewster is and I have followed politics from every election since the Reagan administration. Non-US women are easier, and there's no doubt in my mind about it. You'll probably be able to get an even better looking woman than you thought you could if you go non-US.

 

Actually, that's the best suggestion I have at the time.

 

If I confined myself to a pool that included only US women, it is quite likely, that I would have never had a relationship in my life.

 

I would suggest OP to approach, chat, joke and flirt with any woman he finds attractive, as long as she is above legal age of consent, wherever they are from: US, non-US or is a Na'vi chick from the planet Pandora...

[JuneJulySeptember]

I would suggest OP to approach, chat, joke and flirt with any woman he finds attractive, as long as she is above legal age of consent, wherever they are from: US, non-US or is a Na'vi chick from the planet Pandora...

 

I didn't say don't talk to anybody. I'm just telling it like it is.

 

I am a guy who has had some trouble with women and that is where I have had success. Foreign women from three/four different countries.

 

If you play roulette and lose $1000 every time you play, and play blackjack and win $500 every now and then, then which game do you tell your friends to go play?

 

You feel me?

[ZA Dater]

Why do you feel so "terrible" about it? Women turning you down for a date can definitely be disappointing, especially if you've been over-investing in them (spending more mental energy on specific individuals). But the disappointment is only momentary if you understand a few basic things:

1> Always have an "abundance" mentality, not a "scarcity" one. To put it simply, there are plenty of fish in the ocean, even if 100 say "no".

2> Why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you?

3> You know you are a great guy, with interesting stories to tell, great qualities and know that you are a catch, so if a woman cannot see it, well, it's her loss.

 

 

 

Why on earth would you ever want to be with this kind of woman? Ready point <1> above. Someone who does not know how to behave on a date has serious issues...you dodged a bullet my friend!

 

I'll start by saying your posts are interesting and the advice valuable so here is a question for you.

 

How do you vanquish the feeling of constantly being rejected? Clearly the OP is battling with that, as am I. If you never really get anywhere then where does the "oh there are plenty of people" come from, especially if you don't find many people attractive.

 

Its not her loss, its mine to be constantly lonely, eventually a form of desperation kicks in and desperation and bitterness are not good together.

 

When I work at something, sure I may not get it right but I wont give up until I understand what the issue is but the painfully hard thing to accept here is there is so much "wrong" with me in eyes of almost every lady.

 

Try living with that.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'll start by saying your posts are interesting and the advice valuable so here is a question for you.

 

How do you vanquish the feeling of constantly being rejected? Clearly the OP is battling with that, as am I. If you never really get anywhere then where does the "oh there are plenty of people" come from, especially if you don't find many people attractive.

 

Its not her loss, its mine to be constantly lonely, eventually a form of desperation kicks in and desperation and bitterness are not good together.

 

When I work at something, sure I may not get it right but I wont give up until I understand what the issue is but the painfully hard thing to accept here is there is so much "wrong" with me in eyes of almost every lady.

 

Try living with that.

 

You treat life as way too much of a competition.

 

Once I stopped doing that, I became happier.

[redbaron007]

I'll start by saying your posts are interesting and the advice valuable so here is a question for you.

 

How do you vanquish the feeling of constantly being rejected? Clearly the OP is battling with that, as am I. If you never really get anywhere then where does the "oh there are plenty of people" come from, especially if you don't find many people attractive.

 

Here's the truth:

- If I see a woman for the first time and approach her, and it's not a "success" as in she is not interested in a date, then there is little or no disappointment. This is because I have not thought about her before approaching except "she's cute...let me see if she wants to chat". That is why I try to approach as soon as I see them at the gym or coffee shop.

 

- Now if I have seen her before, and have been thinking about her, i.e. thought about asking her out, where I can take her for a date, how she would respond if I try to kiss her, etc., my disappointment will increase in direct proportion to the time I've spent thinking about her. Now if you follow my thread, I have been out twice with a German girl and have not yet kissed her on the lips yet. On my next date, I will try to kiss her on her lips. If she avoids kissing me, or gently puts me in the friend zone, I will surely be disappointed, because I have spent mental energy thinking about her, i.e. I have "invested" in her. But this disappointment is normal (we are not sociopaths!) and temporary.

 

What is NOT normal is I treat this disappointment as a verdict about my attractiveness to women, or some sort of indication that I am "deficient". This would indicate cognitive distortion, i.e. a tendency to evaluate my personal qualities in an extreme, black-or-white fashion. There are some common ones below:

1> Fortune-teller error: I am never going to get a girl-friend, ever.

2> Emotional reasoning: I feel like a loser, therefore, I am a loser.

3> Should statements: I should get a girlfriend by the end of this semester.

4> Labeling: I'm a loser when it comes to getting girls...instead of I've not yet met someone to enjoy a mutual relationship with.

5> Personalization (very important!): She turned me down when I asked her out, so I must be really old/ugly/fat/short/bald/<insert-negative>....

6> Overgeneralization (very important!): No girl will ever like me, ALL will reject me.

 

Its not her loss, its mine to be constantly lonely, eventually a form of desperation kicks in and desperation and bitterness are not good together.

 

When I work at something, sure I may not get it right but I wont give up until I understand what the issue is but the painfully hard thing to accept here is there is so much "wrong" with me in eyes of almost every lady.

 

Try living with that.

 

Do you recognize the cognitive distortions in your thinking? See my notes above.

 

I had ALL the feelings that OP and you have had + the "loser" feeling that I could not save our marriage after a lifetime of being a "nice" - as a son, student, employee, friend, father, husband.

 

It took me 6 months of reading about cognitive distortions in the Burns book and training and retraining my mind to purge itself of these distortions. It is hard work, and the older you are, the harder it is to overcome such distortions. But if I can do it at 40+, you guys can too.

[redbaron007]

I didn't say don't talk to anybody. I'm just telling it like it is.

 

I am a guy who has had some trouble with women and that is where I have had success. Foreign women from three/four different countries.

 

If you play roulette and lose $1000 every time you play, and play blackjack and win $500 every now and then, then which game do you tell your friends to go play?

 

You feel me?

 

Hey, glad you found a model that works for you! But I suspect your belief drives your success, rather than your success driving your belief.

- When you approach a foreign girl, your mind probably thinks: "This girl is foreign, and I have a shot at her, because foreign girls fancy me!"....so you approach with more confidence/swagger/bravado/attitude...

- When you approach a local girl, your mind probably thinks: "I've never had any success with American girls, why should this girl be different?"...so you approach with a different mentality, and it shows...

 

It's hard to believe that these foreign women detect some mysterious attractive quality in you that the poor US girls miss.

[ZA Dater]

Here's the truth:

- If I see a woman for the first time and approach her, and it's not a "success" as in she is not interested in a date, then there is little or no disappointment. This is because I have not thought about her before approaching except "she's cute...let me see if she wants to chat". That is why I try to approach as soon as I see them at the gym or coffee shop.

 

- Now if I have seen her before, and have been thinking about her, i.e. thought about asking her out, where I can take her for a date, how she would respond if I try to kiss her, etc., my disappointment will increase in direct proportion to the time I've spent thinking about her. Now if you follow my thread, I have been out twice with a German girl and have not yet kissed her on the lips yet. On my next date, I will try to kiss her on her lips. If she avoids kissing me, or gently puts me in the friend zone, I will surely be disappointed, because I have spent mental energy thinking about her, i.e. I have "invested" in her. But this disappointment is normal (we are not sociopaths!) and temporary.

 

What is NOT normal is I treat this disappointment as a verdict about my attractiveness to women, or some sort of indication that I am "deficient". This would indicate cognitive distortion, i.e. a tendency to evaluate my personal qualities in an extreme, black-or-white fashion. There are some common ones below:

1> Fortune-teller error: I am never going to get a girl-friend, ever.

2> Emotional reasoning: I feel like a loser, therefore, I am a loser.

3> Should statements: I should get a girlfriend by the end of this semester.

4> Labeling: I'm a loser when it comes to getting girls...instead of I've not yet met someone to enjoy a mutual relationship with.

5> Personalization (very important!): She turned me down when I asked her out, so I must be really old/ugly/fat/short/bald/<insert-negative>....

6> Overgeneralization (very important!): No girl will ever like me, ALL will reject me.

 

 

 

Do you recognize the cognitive distortions in your thinking? See my notes above.

 

I had ALL the feelings that OP and you have had + the "loser" feeling that I could not save our marriage after a lifetime of being a "nice" - as a son, student, employee, friend, father, husband.

 

It took me 6 months of reading about cognitive distortions in the Burns book and training and retraining my mind to purge itself of these distortions. It is hard work, and the older you are, the harder it is to overcome such distortions. But if I can do it at 40+, you guys can too.

 

All very true! If one is very logic driven its difficult not to connect the dots though, lack of dates= lack of attraction.

 

However its very difficult not to define ones own attractiveness by ones own dating success or failure rate.

I believe confidence comes from success and the opposite comes from failure. I think what a lot of people battle with and this thread is a good example is constant disappointment, not rejection but disappointment. You try to make a good impression, you try OLD and find the good parts of you really aren't appealing to the world at large. That is a shock to many.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Hey, glad you found a model that works for you! But I suspect your belief drives your success, rather than your success driving your belief.

- When you approach a foreign girl, your mind probably thinks: "This girl is foreign, and I have a shot at her, because foreign girls fancy me!"....so you approach with more confidence/swagger/bravado/attitude...

- When you approach a local girl, your mind probably thinks: "I've never had any success with American girls, why should this girl be different?"...so you approach with a different mentality, and it shows...

 

It's hard to believe that these foreign women detect some mysterious attractive quality in you that the poor US girls miss.

 

Actually, it works the opposite. I think I have a better shot at US women, because we typically have more in common.

[ltjg45]

It's hard to believe that these foreign women detect some mysterious attractive quality in you that the poor US girls miss.

 

For what it is worth, I do get a lot more foreign women's attention than I do from the local U.S. women.

 

Regardless of if I am interested in a American women or not, their reaction to me is lukewarm at best. I gotten far more positive looks from foreign women locally and, on the online dating website I am on, I also get a lot more attention.

 

While I am not letting all of this attention get to me and start making me feel like I can rule the dating world, the level of attention between U.S. women and foreign women is like night and day. I wouldn't be surprised if I do start traveling that I got a lot more positive attention there than I do here.

[redbaron007]

@JuneJulySeptember and @ ltjg45: Have you guys asked these foreign ladies as to what attracted them to you specifically? For instance: did the Polish girl say you look Polish, or the Swedish girl say you look Scandinavian, i.e. is it your looks? Or is it certain mannerisms they found attractive? Or do you guys behave differently with foreign women, than with American women?

 

This type of extreme polarization (no luck with American women, very lucky with foreign women) is difficult to rationalize. If the Polish or Swedish girl liked some mannerism or quirk or attribute about you, surely an American girl would also find that aspect appealing...after all, Western civilizations aren't that different...But this probably warrants a separate thread....

 

BTW where is the young OP?? Did we scare him away?

[ZA Dater]

@JuneJulySeptember and @ ltjg45: Have you guys asked these foreign ladies as to what attracted them to you specifically? For instance: did the Polish girl say you look Polish, or the Swedish girl say you look Scandinavian, i.e. is it your looks? Or is it certain mannerisms they found attractive? Or do you guys behave differently with foreign women, than with American women?

 

This type of extreme polarization (no luck with American women, very lucky with foreign women) is difficult to rationalize. If the Polish or Swedish girl liked some mannerism or quirk or attribute about you, surely an American girl would also find that aspect appealing...after all, Western civilizations aren't that different...But this probably warrants a separate thread....

 

BTW where is the young OP?? Did we scare him away?

 

I have found tourists far more friendly than locals but perhaps that is specific to the city I live in.

 

Thus I can see why some would have more luck with foreigners.

[you_can_not_see_me]

@JuneJulySeptember and @ ltjg45: Have you guys asked these foreign ladies as to what attracted them to you specifically? For instance: did the Polish girl say you look Polish, or the Swedish girl say you look Scandinavian, i.e. is it your looks? Or is it certain mannerisms they found attractive? Or do you guys behave differently with foreign women, than with American women?

 

This type of extreme polarization (no luck with American women, very lucky with foreign women) is difficult to rationalize. If the Polish or Swedish girl liked some mannerism or quirk or attribute about you, surely an American girl would also find that aspect appealing...after all, Western civilizations aren't that different...But this probably warrants a separate thread....

 

BTW where is the young OP?? Did we scare him away?

I m still here, I just have lots of work to do.

I m ready to approach other women, I m just currently very occupied. Once I have more free time I ll be back at it.

[elaine567]

When I meet a person born and bred here, I can usually suss out class, education and where they are from in a few sentences.

If I went to Italy I would be for the most part clueless.

American women will be the same as me regarding men born and bred in the US, and thus reject and judge accordingly.

Foreign women do not have the advantage of these clues.

There is also the allure of "foreign" men, some women are very attracted to foreign accents and foreign ways, so an American man is seen as "different" in a good way, and some foreign women just want to trap an American man as he is perceived to have more going for him than a man of their own culture and nationality.

[JuneJulySeptember]

@JuneJulySeptember and @ ltjg45: Have you guys asked these foreign ladies as to what attracted them to you specifically? For instance: did the Polish girl say you look Polish, or the Swedish girl say you look Scandinavian, i.e. is it your looks? Or is it certain mannerisms they found attractive? Or do you guys behave differently with foreign women, than with American women?

 

This type of extreme polarization (no luck with American women, very lucky with foreign women) is difficult to rationalize. If the Polish or Swedish girl liked some mannerism or quirk or attribute about you, surely an American girl would also find that aspect appealing...after all, Western civilizations aren't that different...But this probably warrants a separate thread....

 

BTW where is the young OP?? Did we scare him away?

 

It's all pretty logical actually, if I break it down.

 

Two of the women I dated came here from foreign countries and wanted to be in the US. One of them in particular loves all things US (movies, language, music), so me being American was a big plus.

 

Another woman I sorta dated was from a developing country. She is a lot more laid back than Americans.

 

I mean, I am American too, but I must admit, we are entitled and spoiled to ****. I'm not one of those real ambitious 'I gotta get the best in life', 'A passionless life is a life of ****' types. I'm laid back, so I think foreign women (from certain countries) agree better with me.