Need [advice for] decision on my current ldr

[Factor31]

Okay hello everyone. I'm here to ask for any help on my situation.

 

Okay I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now. We are both outside the country. We only see each other for about twice or three times a year. Usually we have gotten along most of our relationship and when there were an issue, we discuss and everything will be great again.

 

Just recently I have been noticing a difference in contact. I'm usually contacting her more often and when I do she takes hours to reply. We probably these days talk briefly for like once a day. I told her about what's going on or concerns, she said its because she is busy at work. She just recently got promoted and understand that its more difficult to contact now. But no contact in the mornings like she use to and then when she finished work has not been happening. Even when she have off days, we barely talk.

 

We had a huge discussion recently about it. She thinks I'm going crazy because she doesnt notice any differences and saying to me, why all of a sudden, I'm feeling this way.

 

I do not what to do anymore. I have been loyal and in love with her. Hoping to make her move up with me and stay. I'm beginning to think she is slowly trying to opt out of this relationship or she probably found someone else.

What do you think I should do?

[smackie9]

Yup I think your fears are spot on....She's got a great new job.....so you can guess what's going on here. There is no way she's gonna leave to be with you...possible crush on a new coworker going out after work, etc.

 

LDR's usually don't work, don't do them. Please date locally.

[ExpatInItaly]

From the sounds of it, you've only seen each other 2 or 3 times in person. How long did you spend together each time? And how far apart are you?

 

Long-distance is very hard to maintain, particularly if you don't already have a solid foundation to build on. How did you meet?

 

I think you are probably right that she is drifting away. I can completely understand her being busy with a new position, but she obviously has some free time in her life too. If she's not making an effort anymore, you need to ask yourself what you're hanging for, exactly.

[Factor31]

I guess you guys are right but a year in and plus I put in alot for her to come here and spend time. I was suppose to go down there next month. When she is here its usually for about 3 weeks and she stays with me. Funny thing is she did not even wanted the promotion but they still gave it to her.

 

We already began discussing her to move here in the states. She is from the carribean. She loves it up here and I'm actually working for to make that move. We both have patience and agreed to get what we need to get done before doing so. Its just now I feel she is just becoming more distant. I need her to at least show more effort before I just send her here.

[ExpatInItaly]

I guess you guys are right but a year in and plus I put in alot for her to come here and spend time. I was suppose to go down there next month. When she is here its usually for about 3 weeks and she stays with me. Funny thing is she did not even wanted the promotion but they still gave it to her.

 

We already began discussing her to move here in the states. She is from the carribean. She loves it up here and I'm actually working for to make that move. We both have patience and agreed to get what we need to get done before doing so. Its just now I feel she is just becoming more distant. I need her to at least show more effort before I just send her here.

 

OP, please be careful. Have you spent any of your own money in the process of trying to bring her to the US? Any what do you mean when you say you've been working to make that move for her? I'm curious to know on what grounds she is going to apply for a visa. How did you meet her?

 

Do not make any further relocation plans (on her behalf) unless and until this relationship improves.

[d0nnivain]

Your plan is to have her move to you. What is her plan? If she has this great new job but faces the prospect of unemployment when she moves, your plan just went up in smoke.

[central]

You can't make her love you. The harder you try, the more you push her away - she may not even consciously realize that she's being more distant.

 

Cut back on the communication, don't ask for reassurance, and consider that LDRs seldom work unless there is a definite endpoint where you can be together (which should be at most a year). I suspect that she may be starting to date others, or will soon if you persist in this recent behavior.

 

Add in immigration issues, and it's a huge problem to move. You'd probably have to marry her, and then YOU are legally responsible for her support for at least two years no matter what. Do you want that burden, and will she stick around after this period? Be very, very careful.

Edited April 11, 2016 by central