How to cope with a deadbeat father and ex husband...

[kitana2010]

I've been separated from my husband for well over a year now and I dont know how to cope. I'm sinking into depression..

 

We have a 2 (almost 3) year old together, and my ex has done nothing to help me support him. My ex and I live apart. I have a full time job, being garnished for credit cards he never paid when we were together, I cant afford daycare so I have friends and family watch james.. but sometimes I am forced to miss days of work, and now I'm on thin ice at my job for it. Affording a divorce so I can get child support just isnt possible... even if I did payments.

 

In the last year my ex has bought diapers once, and 2 single bags of groceries for my son. and Only because I begged. He watches him very rarely when I'm at work, but smokes in the car with my son.. which I've told him to stop many times.. but doesnt listen. He doesnt have a good job.. and thats probably why the credit companies came after me (higher income). I dont qualify for any financial assistance because I makr just barely over the income limit for it..

 

Im sinking fast.. financially and mentally.. I dont know what to do anymore. My ex is a deadbeat loser and the thing that hurts the most is my son will cry for him but hes never around. He spends all his time with his new girlftiend, throws all of his finances at her and ignores every plea for help from me. He spins the truth and made me out to be a "psycho" and "gold digger" to his family, so they all hate me now and refuse to help too... His father even threatened to take me to court to get my ex full custody, but my ex declined.. because its obviois he doesnt want his son.. but attacks me saying I'm using my son ad a weapon against him because I do not want my son around him and his gf together.. and here is why::

 

Last year, he watched james while I was at work, him and his gf had been drinking heavily the nighy before. When I came by to get him, nobody answered the door. went inside, and my son wad sleeping in a highchair in front of the tv not strapped in, coveted in food and my ex was in the other room, door closed, in bed sleeping with his gf.

 

He is extremely irresponsible, and every major injury james has sustained was while in his care.. including 2 black eyes and bloody nose ("he fell on his face") and my son drovr his riding car off the porch down stone steps and landed on his head, scalping himself in one spot.

 

Honestly, I dont feel safe with my son with him at all... but if I deny him access, he spreads it and it comes back to me..

 

 

I feel so trapped.. I guess this was more of a vent than a questiob.. Just really depressed today, havent even been able to oull myself out of bed today.. just been laying here watching Ocuanauts all day with my son.. and the killer is.. I would be able yo get past everything... if my son could just have a dad he could look up too. If my ex would just TRY to live up to thr vision of himself in my sons eyes.. be a dad, play at the park, teach him to play sports, visit the zoo..... but all he does is ignore him, even when hes around.. and I can see the pain in my sons face and its slowly killing me.

[josieh]

I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this. I completely relate to your feelings - you aren't alone. I have a couple of things - depending on the state you live in, you don't have to have a divorce to get child support started and enforced. I would check with your state's attorney general and see how to apply.

 

Secondly, I hope you know that just because things are hard right now doesn't mean they always will be. There are options for filing for a divorce on your own (paperwork can be purchased and sometimes found at your local library for free). After paying filing fees - and publishing a notice - you go to court. It's not always that simple, but it can be.

 

Lastly - don't give up. We all have bad days, and we all need someone to vent to. You need to allow yourself those feelings Keep your head up and if you need to talk more - feel free!!

[Mr. Lucky]

and the killer is.. I would be able yo get past everything... if my son could just have a dad he could look up too. If my ex would just TRY to live up to thr vision of himself in my sons eyes.. be a dad, play at the park, teach him to play sports, visit the zoo..... but all he does is ignore him, even when hes around.. and I can see the pain in my sons face and its slowly killing me.

 

I'm afraid the only person who's conduct and actions you're in charge of is you. Probably easier if you consider yourself a single Mom since any productive parenting your son receives will come from you. Life has dealt you a tough hand but your son needs you to be strong.

 

Affording a divorce so I can get child support just isnt possible... even if I did payments.

 

You don't need to be divorced to receive court ordered support. You might try the free legal aid in your community to get advice specific to your situation. Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky