One step forward, two steps back :(

[bathtub-row]

I would've never tried the dark tactic you described. OF COURSE your dad doesn't think you care about him because you wish him dead at every turn. Saying those words to a person even once is unforgettable. To hear someone say it over and over again is soul destroying. What else would he think?? The response your dad was probably looking for during the crash and burn conversation was for you to say something like, "Oh, dad, please don't even joke like that. That would break my heart."

 

You are too young to understand this so I'll just say it and hope it sinks in. As a rule, people do not put time, energy, money, blood, sweat, and tears into a child they don't care about, or who they feel little for. It is virtually impossible to not love that child as their own. I disagree with the way your parents handled telling you about being adopted. They should've told you that from the time you were a small child. But regardless, that doesn't make them bad parents. It's apparent to me that they love you so much that they want you to love them as much as they love you. Just because you're not they're actual flesh and blood means nothing to them. Do you get that? They are fully invested in you, and love you without reservation. That's the part I don't think you see.

 

From where I'm standing, it appears that you have the most golden opportunity you could ever dream up right in front of you. You have highly intelligent, highly educated loving parents, in a loving home environment that's peaceful and entertaining. Your dad sounds awesome and both your parents seem extremely admirable. It is highly doubtful that your birth parents could've even come close to the life that you now have. And that may be exactly why they gave you up. Maybe someday you'll have the answer to that but, the truth is, whether you ended up with a different scenario like being with your birth parents, where you probably would've struggled, or if you had remained in an orphanage, you probably couldn't have picked a better scenario than what you have right now. And that's not something to take lightly. Just because you don't know what it's like to live in poverty or to be with parents who fight all the time, or abuse their kids, doesn't mean you should take for granted what you have. And it doesn't mean those things don't exist and that it couldn't have been your life.

 

I have no doubt that it's hurtful to find out that your parents gave you up. I get that. But you have people who have shown you love and support and you are completely breaking their hearts by the way you act and the things you say. They don't deserve that. No matter what, for all intents and purposes, they are your parents and they always will be. Believe me when I tell you that there's no question that they gave a LOT of thought to the idea of adopting. And I'm certain that both of them loved you from day one and their love has only increased over the years. If you have fears about them abandoning you, I think they have the same fears about you. I'm sure they were scared to death that you would hate them and someday leave them once they told you the truth.

 

So, it cuts both ways, my friend. This fear of abandonment is on both sides of the fence. Your parents have done nothing to cause you to think they're sorry for having you in their lives. If you could see that and show love towards them, you would see your life and home transformed by returning their love. You can all be a loving and tight knit family that cannot be broken, or you can continue down this contentious path you're on. It really is your choice. And I personally am not buying this stuff that teenagers are just difficult and all that. Being a teen does not give you license to be mean.

 

Your parents have, in essence, taken you from the storm and have not only sheltered you and given you the basics to live, they have gone above and beyond that. I hope you'll think about how fortunate you actually are and stop looking at a few negatives in a world of so many positives.

[jen1447]

I hate to break up the party here but is there actually no danger of your dad committing suicide, Mirandaaa? Ever since your first post there's been no real mention of the relative immediacy of that threat and everything about your feelings.

 

I get that you're an angsty teen and all that but that's not a priority issue when someone's life's in danger. Newsflash - ppl who talk about killing themselves sometimes do indeed kill themselves, so if that's at all a realistic possibility you need to set your own issues aside for now and alert a responsible adult asap as to what's going on. Believe me, you don't want to live in the reality of a suicide victim's aftermath.

[ZHguy]

I already said that I cried last year when I got scared when he was flying. My dad would love if he knew that I cried, thats why he won't ever find out.

 

NEWSFLASH* I think your mother told him about your crying.

 

Can we start trying with baby steps? Put aside morbid talk, and leave all death insults out of your conversation. Period. With regards to your last post: don't do something just because somebody online tells you to (I know, rich coming from me).

 

Put aside all adoption thoughts out of your mind, they're your parents, not because of conception, but because they raised you! That's what parenting is, not just being able to reproduce, even a rapist can do that.

 

Silently kindly tell your mom about your guilt-trip problem, and ask yourself this: what feelings do you have for your father? When you look at him and think about him deeply, do you love him? Do you hate him? Or do you not care about him? I hardly think it's the latter. Tell us when you're done contemplating.

Take Care.

[Mirandaaa]

I would've never tried the dark tactic you described. OF COURSE your dad doesn't think you care about him because you wish him dead at every turn. Saying those words to a person even once is unforgettable. To hear someone say it over and over again is soul destroying. What else would he think?? The response your dad was probably looking for during the crash and burn conversation was for you to say something like, "Oh, dad, please don't even joke like that. That would break my heart."

 

You are too young to understand this so I'll just say it and hope it sinks in. As a rule, people do not put time, energy, money, blood, sweat, and tears into a child they don't care about, or who they feel little for. It is virtually impossible to not love that child as their own. I disagree with the way your parents handled telling you about being adopted. They should've told you that from the time you were a small child. But regardless, that doesn't make them bad parents. It's apparent to me that they love you so much that they want you to love them as much as they love you. Just because you're not they're actual flesh and blood means nothing to them. Do you get that? They are fully invested in you, and love you without reservation. That's the part I don't think you see.

 

From where I'm standing, it appears that you have the most golden opportunity you could ever dream up right in front of you. You have highly intelligent, highly educated loving parents, in a loving home environment that's peaceful and entertaining. Your dad sounds awesome and both your parents seem extremely admirable. It is highly doubtful that your birth parents could've even come close to the life that you now have. And that may be exactly why they gave you up. Maybe someday you'll have the answer to that but, the truth is, whether you ended up with a different scenario like being with your birth parents, where you probably would've struggled, or if you had remained in an orphanage, you probably couldn't have picked a better scenario than what you have right now. And that's not something to take lightly. Just because you don't know what it's like to live in poverty or to be with parents who fight all the time, or abuse their kids, doesn't mean you should take for granted what you have. And it doesn't mean those things don't exist and that it couldn't have been your life.

 

I have no doubt that it's hurtful to find out that your parents gave you up. I get that. But you have people who have shown you love and support and you are completely breaking their hearts by the way you act and the things you say. They don't deserve that. No matter what, for all intents and purposes, they are your parents and they always will be. Believe me when I tell you that there's no question that they gave a LOT of thought to the idea of adopting. And I'm certain that both of them loved you from day one and their love has only increased over the years. If you have fears about them abandoning you, I think they have the same fears about you. I'm sure they were scared to death that you would hate them and someday leave them once they told you the truth.

 

So, it cuts both ways, my friend. This fear of abandonment is on both sides of the fence. Your parents have done nothing to cause you to think they're sorry for having you in their lives. If you could see that and show love towards them, you would see your life and home transformed by returning their love. You can all be a loving and tight knit family that cannot be broken, or you can continue down this contentious path you're on. It really is your choice. And I personally am not buying this stuff that teenagers are just difficult and all that. Being a teen does not give you license to be mean.

 

Your parents have, in essence, taken you from the storm and have not only sheltered you and given you the basics to live, they have gone above and beyond that. I hope you'll think about how fortunate you actually are and stop looking at a few negatives in a world of so many positives.

 

Thanks for giving me a different perspective on it. I would like to think you are right. My mom went somewhere with my aunt today so it was just me and my dad. Okay, I admit the day could have started out crappy. When I came down this morning my dad was all smiles and he had fixed me my favorite lunch, a chicken waldorf salad with strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches, and with a garden salad. It was like 10:00 in the morning tho so I asked him why he didn't fix me breakfast instead. He said "because this is your favorite!" So I told him thanks and he made me promise that I would fix him his favorite meal next time, and I said I would. So we ate lunch, he was acting really cheerful and happy and he kept looking at me and grinning.

 

Then I thought about how last night he told me I didn't care about him and I got depressed. I wanted to ask him why he said that, but I chickened out. Besides he was in a good mood and I didn't want to ruin it by reminding him what he said to me last night.

[Mirandaaa]

NEWSFLASH* I think your mother told him about your crying.

 

Can we start trying with baby steps? Put aside morbid talk, and leave all death insults out of your conversation. Period. With regards to your last post: don't do something just because somebody online tells you to (I know, rich coming from me).

 

Put aside all adoption thoughts out of your mind, they're your parents, not because of conception, but because they raised you! That's what parenting is, not just being able to reproduce, even a rapist can do that.

 

Silently kindly tell your mom about your guilt-trip problem, and ask yourself this: what feelings do you have for your father? When you look at him and think about him deeply, do you love him? Do you hate him? Or do you not care about him? I hardly think it's the latter. Tell us when you're done contemplating.

Take Care.

 

The answer to your question is yes I do love my dad and I care about him. Like I said in my other post maybe I am just a little insecure about being adopted.

 

No, I don't think my mom told him I cried. If she did, then he would KNOW I don't want him dead.

[Methodical]

Cause basically I don't want people playing on my emotions. He would be happy if he knew I was worried about him and that is kinda wrong.

 

Yes, he would be happy if he knew you loved and cared about him. That doesn't equate to playing with your emotions. He would prob appreciate knowing that the child he chose to adopt and care for, provide food, clothes, shelter, insurance, and unconditional love for, reciprocated his feelings just a little bit. Despite you making heinous remarks to him, he continues to make attempts to show you he cares, i.e. preparing your favorite meal. And to show your gratitude, the first thing you asked him is why he didn't fix breakfast instead of a salad, which really was an alternative way to slap him down. Sadly, your words are cutting deeper than any double-edged sword, yet you are projecting your abusive behavior on him and painting yourself as a victim. On one hand, you say you are worried, and with your next breath you tell him you hope he dies.

 

He finally said "I know you don't care anything about me Miranda. You don't have to remind me every ten minutes." So I was kind of shocked because it was the first time he ever said something like that to me, like just blatantly say that I don't care about him.[/Quote]

 

You shouldn't be shocked that he finally acknowledged that you have made your thoughts well-known.

 

Secretly I always wondered if my dad would rather have a real daughter who looks like him but instead he got stuck with me. Secretly my dad wishes he had a real daughter who loves him and doesn't say mean things to him all the time.[/Quote]

 

You've stated that skin color and physical attributes aren't an issue for you, yet you continually make statements that contradict that. You are the one who doesn't see yourself as a "real daughter," not him. Talk to your mom, tell her how you feel. Professional counseling might help you process your feeling and emotions.

[trippi1432]

Thanks for giving me a different perspective on it. I would like to think you are right. My mom went somewhere with my aunt today so it was just me and my dad. Okay, I admit the day could have started out crappy. When I came down this morning my dad was all smiles and he had fixed me my favorite lunch, a chicken waldorf salad with strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches, and with a garden salad. It was like 10:00 in the morning tho so I asked him why he didn't fix me breakfast instead. He said "because this is your favorite!" So I told him thanks and he made me promise that I would fix him his favorite meal next time, and I said I would. So we ate lunch, he was acting really cheerful and happy and he kept looking at me and grinning.

 

Then I thought about how last night he told me I didn't care about him and I got depressed. I wanted to ask him why he said that, but I chickened out. Besides he was in a good mood and I didn't want to ruin it by reminding him what he said to me last night.

 

My parents are good parents, but I can't really explain it, I just like being mean to my dad. He does everything for me, helps me with my homework, takes me places. My adoptive mom was told when she was a teenager that she could never have kids. On the day I was born, 8 days before my dad turned 20, he and my mom adopted me with the help of my grandparents and their friends. I guess it was because they are both geniuses and way more mature than most people. They now both have PhDs in chemistry.

 

First of all, bathtubrow gave you some really good advice, and in your response, you evaded it. So yes, I do believe you are very young and naïve. I would like to understand your opening post a bit more to be earnest...your "adopted father" was (I guess) very young.

 

When you say "your grandparents and their friends" helped your Mom and Dad adopt you is that your actual blood grandparents? That would help to understand your angst against this man you want to see as a father but refuse to. Is there a difficult span of an age difference between your mother and father?? If you are 14 and were told two years ago that you were adopted, that would make you 12, so your dad is 34..........and your mom is how old?

[Mirandaaa]

First of all, bathtubrow gave you some really good advice, and in your response, you evaded it. So yes, I do believe you are very young and naïve. I would like to understand your opening post a bit more to be earnest...your "adopted father" was (I guess) very young.

 

When you say "your grandparents and their friends" helped your Mom and Dad adopt you is that your actual blood grandparents? That would help to understand your angst against this man you want to see as a father but refuse to. Is there a difficult span of an age difference between your mother and father?? If you are 14 and were told two years ago that you were adopted, that would make you 12, so your dad is 34..........and your mom is how old?

 

My mom will be 39 in December. And no it wasn't my actual blood grandparents. I don't even know them. It was my adoptive grandparents. My moms parents and my dads parents are best friends.

[Mirandaaa]

I hate to break up the party here but is there actually no danger of your dad committing suicide, Mirandaaa? Ever since your first post there's been no real mention of the relative immediacy of that threat and everything about your feelings.

 

I get that you're an angsty teen and all that but that's not a priority issue when someone's life's in danger. Newsflash - ppl who talk about killing themselves sometimes do indeed kill themselves, so if that's at all a realistic possibility you need to set your own issues aside for now and alert a responsible adult asap as to what's going on. Believe me, you don't want to live in the reality of a suicide victim's aftermath.

 

sorry Jen1447 I didnt see this one until now. I don't think my dad will kill himself. I was just scared because he was acting weird that day and about what he said joking about jumping off a bridge when he was on the phone to his friend. I told my mom about what he said and she told me not to worry, that my dad is not that stupid, he was just joking. Then she said "Trust me if your dad was suicidal I think I'd know about it." So yeah, I don't think he will probably actually kill himself. I was just worried.

[jen1447]

Ok, it's good you told your mom.

 

I don't want to scare you, but my BF was involved in the aftermath of a domestic drama like yours a few years back where the stepdad did, in fact, jump off a bridge after saying similar things. (Different background circumstances but still ....) The mom and the ex didn't think he was serious either.

 

You should treat the ppl in your life well bc you never know when you might lose them for whatever reason. And then it's too late to make anything right.

[Gemma1]

The answer to your question is yes I do love my dad and I care about him. Like I said in my other post maybe I am just a little insecure about being adopted.

 

No, I don't think my mom told him I cried. If she did, then he would KNOW I don't want him dead.

Your mom almost certainly told him that you cried. That's why your dad brought it up this year. He wanted to get some kind of reaction from you - validation that you do love him since you have been rejecting him lately.

 

Believe it or not, parents want and need to know that their kids love them. It's not enough that your mom told him you cried at the air show last year. He wants to see some emotion or at least kindness from YOU.

 

It sounds like you have amazing parents and it's so sad that you are doing this to your dad. Trust me when I say that your words crush him. I think you are going through a phase where you are just uncomfortable with showing him affection. I hope it passes quickly and in the meantime, please try to be conscious of what you say and try to keep in mind that you really can crush his feelings with the words you say so casually.

[Mirandaaa]

Ok, it's good you told your mom.

 

I don't want to scare you, but my BF was involved in the aftermath of a domestic drama like yours a few years back where the stepdad did, in fact, jump off a bridge after saying similar things. (Different background circumstances but still ....) The mom and the ex didn't think he was serious either.

 

You should treat the ppl in your life well bc you never know when you might lose them for whatever reason. And then it's too late to make anything right.

 

Wow. Guess I am kind of worried now. I have been trying to get up the nerve to tell my dad that I'm sorry. I have been trying to get up the nerve to tell him I'm scared about the air show. Today I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to go because it would make me nervous, and he said "Why will it make you nervous Miranda?" And I couldn't get up enough nerve just to say that I was scared I could lose him. I know that's what he really wanted me to say, so that's why I didn't say it because I felt like he was manipulating me with that question.

[Mirandaaa]

Your mom almost certainly told him that you cried. That's why your dad brought it up this year. He wanted to get some kind of reaction from you - validation that you do love him since you have been rejecting him lately.

 

Believe it or not, parents want and need to know that their kids love them. It's not enough that your mom told him you cried at the air show last year. He wants to see some emotion or at least kindness from YOU.

 

It sounds like you have amazing parents and it's so sad that you are doing this to your dad. Trust me when I say that your words crush him. I think you are going through a phase where you are just uncomfortable with showing him affection. I hope it passes quickly and in the meantime, please try to be conscious of what you say and try to keep in mind that you really can crush his feelings with the words you say so casually.

 

But why would he say that maybe I would get to watch him crash like I would get some kind of pleasure out of it? It was gross and cruel.

[whichwayisup]

Wow. Guess I am kind of worried now. I have been trying to get up the nerve to tell my dad that I'm sorry. I have been trying to get up the nerve to tell him I'm scared about the air show. Today I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to go because it would make me nervous, and he said "Why will it make you nervous Miranda?" And I couldn't get up enough nerve just to say that I was scared I could lose him. I know that's what he really wanted me to say, so that's why I didn't say it because I felt like he was manipulating me with that question.

 

You have such mistrust with your dad. Where does that come from? This man loves you, has provided for you and sounds like he's been a great father to you.

 

Since you're nervous about speaking to him about this, how about writing him a letter?

 

This is a life lesson and you can learn a lot about yourself and build up your character of who you want to be as you get older. It takes courage to own up to mistakes but you'll earn respect by apologizing to your dad for treating him so poorly. Parents have unconditional love for their kids, so he will forgive you, don't doubt that.

[sandylee1]

My mom will be 39 in December. And no it wasn't my actual blood grandparents. I don't even know them. It was my adoptive grandparents. My moms parents and my dads parents are best friends.

 

You are so lucky to be in this family. They all sound like fantastic people and you need to appreciate them. I have teenagers they have never one day said they wish me or their dad would die. It should NEVER be said even if you don't mean it.

 

You also have mentioned looks a few times ... there are many kids who look nothing like their biological parents .....so don't be thinking that way.

 

Your dad is a human being ...with feelings and emotions.... The more you say you want him dead. ..The more he will believe it. He will rationalise that you don't say that to everybody..so there must be a reason you only say it to him. In his mind he'll be wondering what he has done to you.... to make you say that to him over and over again.

 

I bet this whole thing is really upsetting him ..... to the point that he's racked his brain on how to improve your relationship. I reckon he may have been advised to do something nice for you..like the meal ... where the two of you could be together and talk.

 

Let me also tell you that I don't make breakfast for my teens. They do it themselves.... so to even ask your dad that.. was very rude.

Perhaps one day you could suprise your parents on the weekend and make them breakfast.

 

Can you say any nice things you do for your dad? Maybe you could suggest an activity that you both like ... so you can spend quality time with him.

 

I also think that counselling would help you. Speak to your mom about it.

[salparadise]

Wow. Guess I am kind of worried now. I have been trying to get up the nerve to tell my dad that I'm sorry. I have been trying to get up the nerve to tell him I'm scared about the air show. Today I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to go because it would make me nervous, and he said "Why will it make you nervous Miranda?" And I couldn't get up enough nerve just to say that I was scared I could lose him. I know that's what he really wanted me to say, so that's why I didn't say it because I felt like he was manipulating me with that question.

 

Mirandaaa, please, please, please go to your dad and say you're sorry. Tell him you love him and that the thought of losing him scares the crap out of you. Tell him you love him! And never wish him ill again- ever.

 

You have the power to instantly change your relationship with your father if you're ready, and it sounds to me like you are. It will be liberating to get your feelings out and have an honest, open relationship with him. It will be good for you, and there's probably nothing anyone could do that would be more meaningful for your dad.

 

How do I know? I am the father of a 20 year old daughter. Her mother and I divorced when she was 14 and it was a trying time for her. A couple of years later we had a "come to Jesus meeting" and got it all out. It changed everything. Now, we openly express our feelings and our love and no more head games. We say "I love you" every time we talk on the phone and when she visits.

 

You won't always agree, of course. But you're now old enough to understand that he wants the best for you, and I'm sure he wishes he could have a harmonious relationship with you. It will make a huge, positive difference for you both. You can be the reason he'd never do anything to harm himself! Think about how good that would feel. You know it's the right thing to do.

[Gemma1]

But why would he say that maybe I would get to watch him crash like I would get some kind of pleasure out of it? It was gross and cruel.

 

It's not gross and cruel, he was just joking around and also trying to get you to contradict him and tell him that you don't want to see him die.

 

What's cruel is what you are doing - telling him you want him to die. How can you not see this? Your dad is just desperate for your affection so he is doing anything to get you to show it.

[Mirandaaa]

You have such mistrust with your dad. Where does that come from? This man loves you, has provided for you and sounds like he's been a great father to you.

 

Since you're nervous about speaking to him about this, how about writing him a letter?

 

This is a life lesson and you can learn a lot about yourself and build up your character of who you want to be as you get older. It takes courage to own up to mistakes but you'll earn respect by apologizing to your dad for treating him so poorly. Parents have unconditional love for their kids, so he will forgive you, don't doubt that.

 

I don't mistrust him. But if my mom dies someday, my dad might actually get remarried and have kids of his own. I actually dreamed that once. I don't think I could write a letter because what good would that do when I would have to follow up with actions that I'm not ready for. It would be awkward.

Edited March 28, 2016 by Mirandaaa

[turnera]

Why don't you ask him to go to a counselor with you? So you can talk?

 

I know you don't understand it at your age, but grownups are people too, with feelings just like yours. They still have doubts, fears, and needs. He has a need for you to show him you don't hate him. You could do that in many ways.

[Mirandaaa]

Why don't you ask him to go to a counselor with you? So you can talk?

 

I know you don't understand it at your age, but grownups are people too, with feelings just like yours. They still have doubts, fears, and needs. He has a need for you to show him you don't hate him. You could do that in many ways.

 

I don't hate him. I had a bad dream last night so when I woke up I made up my mind I was going to treat my parents better. I have been sick this morning so I stayed home from school. I was going to come down and kiss my dad goodbye this morning before he left. I was even going to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him. I was even going to hug him so tight and probably cry. It was because of the dream and the fact I was feeling really emotional this morning from being sick. But when I came downstairs he was already gone and I started crying. My mom just thought it was because I'm sick.

[PinkElephants]

Maybe secretly my dad wishes he had a real daughter who loves him and doesn't say mean things to him all the time.

As far as your dad is concerned, you ARE a real daughter. You admit you do love him. So stop saying mean things and he'll have everything you think he wants. You'll feel less guilty too which will probably improve your relationship with him.

 

I guess I don't want him to think I love him, because I'm adopted, and maybe I'm not really entitled to be loved by him the way he would probably love his own biological kid

He's made the choice not to have biological children. He chose you and has stuck by you despite all the hurtful things you've done. It's not up to you to decide who he does or doesn't love so just accept it and be grateful and happy.

 

Cause basically I don't want people playing on my emotions. He would be happy if he knew I was worried about him and that is kinda wrong.

This is interesting. You're afraid of being manipulated so you are highly manipulative in order to avoid it. Sound healthy to you?

 

I also hope you'll get counseling but for a different reason. Your parents will love you no matter what, your boyfriends won't. People like you, with abandonment and insecurity issues, are extremely difficult to date. BTDT, he was also adopted and his abandonment issues were towards his mom which spread to all women. In his desperation to avoid abandonment he did some very degrading, manipulative, just sad things that did eventually result in him being abandoned by ex-girlfriends, friends, siblings and me because we just couldn't take the drama and constant turmoil anymore. It got worse as he got older. I'd hate to see you entering into a destructive pattern that you can avoid with help right now.

[whichwayisup]

I mentioned this before, write him a letter since you are having trouble getting the words out and having a real conversation with him.

[Mirandaaa]

Even though some people posted some not very nice things to me, it caused me to think differently about my situation. Writing about it helps, and getting encouragement from people who don't know me helps too. So thanks. I'm the only one who really knows me so I didn't take it personally.

[turnera]

Miranda, you ever hear the saying "hire a teenager...while they still know everything"?

 

What do you think that means?

 

It means that, while you are a young adult, your brain isn't physiologically finished growing and changing yet. Research shows that that doesn't happen until the body is around age 25. As a teenager, you may FEEL you know all you need to know, but the truth is, what you 'know' at 17 will be wholely different from what you 'know' at 19, which will be different from what you know at 23, and again at 25.

 

I watched my DD25 go through this (she's a psych grad student). It was fascinating to see her 'tell' me at 17 what the world's truths were, which morphed into something completely different a couple years later, and again, and again.

 

The point is, what we are telling you, is stuff that WE have learned over the years, in OUR own development, in OUR experiences. What we tell you will help you is what we've learned helped US.

 

The best lesson you can learn in life - throughOUT life - is humility. The ability to look at yourself and say 'wow, I really DON'T know everything. I DO have a lot to learn. Maybe I DO need to look at new ways of doing things. Who can I turn to to ask for help? Who will guide me? What elders in my life can share their experiences so I can learn from them?'

[Omei]

Op I'm adopted and when I was a teen I had issues as well with my adoptive parents I had the mindset they weren't really my parents so I was mean and didn't listen a lot, I was adopted at 6 too old imo too confused.

 

I will share one of my biggest regrets in life was alienating my parents I took their love and kindness for granted and I caused them a lot of pain with my behaviour because of this they pulled back a tremendous amount they love me but now they have great difficulty showing it they can't pysically say "I love you" and we don't have the closeness we could of had they have troubles expressing feelings towards me.

 

My relationship with my parents is very very good today in my adult hood but it does have some missing links I wish were there, and it took a long time to fix our relationship.

 

I suggest you treat them better before you realize what you lost.

 

I don't blame you for the inner issues you have it's very hurtful to grow up wondering why you were given up but your parents love you and when you say things like you wish your dad would die you are hurting them very deeply could you imagine wanting to adopt a child to help a child in need do your best to love them and they hate you? They may put on a front dear but when you're not around they prob talk and cry about how hurt they are and are at a total loss on how to make you treat them better. Could you picture them saying the things you do to you? How would you feel if they stopped doing those nice things for you?

 

Be good to them they're the only ones you got and once you hit 18/21 you hurt them enough they may not want to help you in your adulthood legally they don't have too they can dump you on your ass if you like...I learned the hard way the lonely way as soon as I hit 17 my parents told me to get the **** out, those first two years of my adult hood were a real eye opener.

Edited April 1, 2016 by Omei