singlelife Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I know guys who try to control almost every aspect of a women's life. If they drink, smoke, shop, whatever. The women seem to be happy but when they break up they share how they were so miserable. Then there are guys who back off and let their lady have freedom and they seem to have a better relationship. Do women respond better to having some freedom? If so why do so many dudes do the opposite?
JustGettingBy Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I would assume women would like to be given some free will, its a basic human right after all. As for why there's some controlling men out there: Some people are just a-holes. 10
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 (edited) Do women respond better to having some freedom? Yes, most do. They respond even better to having all their freedom. If so why do so many dudes do the opposite? Because of feminism? I find it's the standard response from modern controlling guys. Edited April 11, 2016 by PrettyEmily77 7
basil67 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I know guys who try to control almost every aspect of a women's life. If they drink, smoke, shop, whatever. The women seem to be happy but when they break up they share how they were so miserable. Then there are guys who back off and let their lady have freedom and they seem to have a better relationship. Do women respond better to having some freedom? If so why do so many dudes do the opposite? I don't think this is gender specific. I reckon the average man would not like being controlled by a woman either. Why do people do it? Because they don't understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. 10
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I don't think this is gender specific. I reckon the average man would not like being controlled by a woman either. Why do people do it? Because they don't understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. I answered the OP without much thinking but yes, very good point.
coolheadal Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 What kind of space are you welling to put up with first? Giving them space for what so they don't have to be with you at all and just keep you around as a backup? Have you around only when it suits them then pushes you away, then calls you when they want you too show-up. This space could be mean anything from 100% away from each other or they just don't want you around at all in their life or in their face. Sometimes it could be both or just they don't want to hurt your feelings. To me when the word space comes up time to say goodbye! 1
Emilia Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Healthy relationships are formed between independent adults who are allowed autonomy. Unhealthy, controlling one where there is no recognition of the other as a separate entity is formed by needy, codependent people. 4
GemmaUK Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Of course. It's the basis of a healthy relationship. I got in a brief RS with a guy who turned out to be controlling - worst RS of my life! His 'demands' were so ridiculous I thought he was messing around but it turned out he wasn't. As to why they do it I think above all it's a lack of respect for women in general.
basil67 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 What kind of space are you welling to put up with first? Giving them space for what so they don't have to be with you at all and just keep you around as a backup? Have you around only when it suits them then pushes you away, then calls you when they want you too show-up. This space could be mean anything from 100% away from each other or they just don't want you around at all in their life or in their face. Sometimes it could be both or just they don't want to hurt your feelings. To me when the word space comes up time to say goodbye! I see where you're going here and I very much agree. Though I think the OP is referring to having space to make one's own decisions about their lives. At least, that's what I make of it.
Popsicle Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I prefer the clingy intense type of guy, and I when I need space, I just explain what I need to him (in a NICE and caring way, not an unloving way) and this has always worked out fine for me. 1
elaine567 Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I know guys who try to control almost every aspect of a women's life. If they drink, smoke, shop, whatever. The women seem to be happy but when they break up they share how they were so miserable. Then there are guys who back off and let their lady have freedom and they seem to have a better relationship. Do women respond better to having some freedom? If so why do so many dudes do the opposite? Some men feel that by controlling a woman, he owns her, she can't leave him unless he tells her to go. She has to do what he wants, when he wants to do it and that gives him a feeling of power. I say "Jump" and "She says how high?". He is in control and that feels good, his life is sorted. He doesn't have to worry about her wearing short skirts or going out or even just working. If he controls her every move, manipulates her, messes with her head, she then has no opportunity or desire to see other men and potentially leave him. Fear is often behind the need to control.
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 You can't make a generalization along gender lines. Different strokes for different folks. You need to find a partner who expresses caring in the way you prefer. 1
S_A Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I prefer the clingy intense type of guy, and I when I need space, I just explain what I need to him (in a NICE and caring way, not an unloving way) and this has always worked out fine for me. Are you a Libra? Just a shot in the dark 1
stillafool Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I know guys who try to control almost every aspect of a women's life. If they drink, smoke, shop, whatever. The women seem to be happy but when they break up they share how they were so miserable. Then there are guys who back off and let their lady have freedom and they seem to have a better relationship. Do women respond better to having some freedom? If so why do so many dudes do the opposite? When I was single a man giving me space was the best way to get me to fall for them. I need and give a lot of space in a relationship.
Shanex Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I asked the same question in a different thread. Yes they usually do.
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I know guys who try to control almost every aspect of a women's life. If they drink, smoke, shop, whatever. The women seem to be happy but when they break up they share how they were so miserable. Then there are guys who back off and let their lady have freedom and they seem to have a better relationship. Do women respond better to having some freedom? If so why do so many dudes do the opposite? Any woman with decent self esteem will run like the wind once she gets the picture that a guy's controlling. And, controlling guys are desperately insecure guys or else they wouldn't behave that way. A man is not in any position to give a woman "some" freedom. Women ARE free. 2
Larryville Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Any woman with decent self-esteem will run like the wind once she gets the picture that a guy's controlling. And, controlling guys are desperately insecure guys or else they wouldn't behave that way. There is a much deeper psychology going on with dudes who control something many may overlook, if a guy grew up in a single parent household he is likely to be more controlling. Bottom line because he not likely to have had a good relationship role model. We emulate what we have learned. I’m NOT saying single moms can’t raise healthy kids… But if a guy or young man feels the need to control his significant other it goes to above quote, in addition to the part about a woman’s self-esteem staying in that type of situation, good relationship role models are vital and is a great predictor of someone’s worthiness and mental health in a relationship.
jasmineb Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I love spending time with a SO, but being suffocated will drive me away in a snap. I once tried to date someone who would text something flirty, and then five minutes later text "did you like that" followed by "what, not response?" followed by "???" Yeah.....that doesn't work for me. I am submissive by nature, but try to overtly control me and who I am....and no. That will not work either. A self-sufficient, attentive, equal partner is, in my opinion, the most attractive type of partner. 1
S_A Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I once tried to date someone who would text something flirty, and then five minutes later text "did you like that" followed by "what, not response?" followed by "???" I found this to be hilarious! Sounds like he may have been crazy about you though, or we would not have been freaking out over your delayed response.
Popsicle Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Are you a Libra? Just a shot in the dark No why? I am a Cancer. 1
stillafool Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Are you a Libra? Just a shot in the dark When I was single a man giving me space was the best way to get me to fall for them. I need and give a lot of space in a relationship. I am. As you can see by my above post I'm not clingy nor do I like clingy people. I need alot of alone time. So much for astrology, huh? 1
thecrucible Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I'm a free spirit and kind of feisty so I don't like it if I feel I'm being restricted by a man. I'm not a terrible person though - I will do a lot for someone but I don't like the feeling that someone is telling what to do and how to be me.
S_A Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 No why? I am a Cancer. Just a wild guess. Cancers are freakin' awesome though! (At least the ones I've known).
S_A Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I am. As you can see by my above post I'm not clingy nor do I like clingy people. I need alot of alone time. So much for astrology, huh? Do you always feel like you need validation though?
Cinnamonstix Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 The more you give your partners the freedom/space to be who they are and pursue their dreams, the more they will want to be around you.
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