Mixed Emotions

[chellyxx3]

Hi there, my name is Michelle and I am brand new to this site. I wanted to start this thread and hopefully get some advice on my situation as every break up is different person to person.

 

My ex, Dennis and I were together one year. Last summer I moved into his parents house. His mom was very controlling of him and one day I stood up to her about it and ever since that day she was very bitter towards me and fed Dennis lies about me to try and break us up. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I had a very big hunch she was jealous of the fact that as long as he was with me, she couldn't have him wrapped around her finger.

 

In December he had gotten settlement money and could afford to purchase a house. We found a great house and moved in January together. After purchasing the house he did not have much money saved as before he actually purchased the house, he made rather large purchases instead of putting money aside for bills and repairs. His mom was in and out of the hospital as she was suffering from liver failure from Hep C. The beginning of March Dennis had gone up to see his mom in the hospital and when he came back he was acting very cold and distant to me. We sat on the couch in silence and I finally asked him what was wrong, he told me I have to move out. I learnt later that night she had told him I was using him for his money. This was one of the lies she had fed him to break up with me. I work in retail in a resort area and in the winter time until Memorial Day my hours are drastically cut, all I was afford was our cell phones and groceries. We even had a verbal agreement that until I don't need to pay for anything but our cell bill until my hours picked up then I can chip in more. I never asked him for anything except for food in my belly in between my checks since I am paid bi-weekly. I even started looking good a second job. His job is selling retro games on Facebook, yes you can actually make decent money but that's only if you have the inventory for it and he doesn't and refused to get a stable job to help us both.

 

About exactly a month ago, I moved out. It was the hardest thing I had to do, I loved him so much and did not want to go. All I felt was a pain in my heart, which lead me to attempt suicide. I od'ed on Tylenol and was admitted to the hospital and then was transferred to another hospital with a psychiatric ward. I guess I was trying to get his attention and see how he really felt. I never got a text or call from him asking if I was okay. Eventually I came to terms that since he showed he didn't care, I wouldn't care about him either. After a week of being hospitalized I felt cleansed and ready to move on. Feeling like my old self again, I got back into the game and even went on a date with another guy. Last night I broke NC and texted Dennis because he texted me the other day and my curiosity got the best of me. We got into a conversation and even video chatted. He called me beautiful and I could hear in his voice he had meant it, even at that point I was still ready to move on from him.

 

Today I got a text from him saying his mom had passed away. It really threw a wrench in the gears because she was the catalyst of our breakup. Now I'm not sure if I want a relationship again after how bad he had hurt me, but at the same time I want to be his rock through his mothers passing and try it again. All I really know is if he really loved me he wouldn't have listened to his mom, but now it seems like he does miss me. I am just so conflicted.

[TimmyC]

Hi Chelly, sorry to hear your going through such a difficult time dear. Here is my input:

 

It appears to me that growing up he was very close to his mother. I only mention this because of how comfortable she was controlling him. She saw you as a threat because in her eyes you were taking "mommys little boy" and she was afraid of loosing him.

 

Now here is the tough part, unfourtunatley because he was so attached to his mother he felt obligated to respect her wishes. I definitely see that he cares about you because he was concerned about your well being. I don't feel that he wanted to kick you out in the first place, I just think he was so attached to his mother especially with her being sick he made every effort to do what ever she told him.

 

If you do decide to jump back into a relationship with him, you'll need to realize it would be IMPORTANT that he seeks a counselor after what he has gone through. I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I have had close friends go through the same thing. They ended up destroying their relationships because they began to become extremely reliant on their significant other to the point it became unhealthy and they stopped taking care of themselves.

 

My advice would be to support him from a distance, be there for him when you can. Once he has healed the possibility of a relationship may be healthy.

[chellyxx3]

I know he really cares about me. It's just so hard because I still love him so much and he fell out of love with me he said last night. A piece of my heart is still holding on to hope that maybe one day he will fall back in love with me. It's been hard to move on. One minute I'm okay then the next I can't imahine being with anybody else but him. At this point in time he doesn't want a relationship with anybody because he has to deal with his loss and I totally understand.