Putting a stop to something before it happens.

[Lindsaycaper]

I've been seeing a new guy for a few months now. We just recently became official.

 

Something he told me recently has made me a little uneasy. He told me that before he had a girl that he was involved with. He basically admitted that he's cheated on every girl he had in the past with her over the years. Like every girl friend he'd get he'd find himself still wanting this girl basically.

The last girlfriend he had he told me that he craved this girl so bad that he created a fake number on his cell phone so that he could always talk to her.

 

I was a little confused about their relationship because he said they were only having sex BUT their behavior was off. He told me they kissed a lot (some FWB try not to do this) and that they argued a lot (also something I thought FWB don't do). He said that she'd question him a lot about like his whereabouts and he'd sometimes even lie just to please her. To me that sounds like she had him wrapped around her finger for a friends with benefits!! he literally opened up to me about everything. He said once she got really offended because he used a condom with her. Now that to me was weird!? He told me also that he'd always call her baby. He said he was always confused about how he felt about her. He views her snapchat story everyday and sometimes multiple times throughout the day. So that's constantly viewing pics of her EVERYDAY!!

 

I think he still sees her sometimes because they have mutual friends. I feel that he'll start to cheat on me with her. They still communicate. I found text from him and her in his phone that read:

 

Her: why are you ignoring my text?

Him: I was busy at work now

Her: your shift doesn't even start until 7

Him: no I started early today

 

 

Do you see how he still allows her to question him?? I honestly feel like she questions him more than I ever do.

He did mention that she was great in bed. Does her sex have that much power over him?? Why not just make HER the girlfriend instead of cheating on every girl with her??

[Poutrew]

You are dating a married man. Even if it's not official, she is acting like his wife and he is allowing it.

[Lindsaycaper]

You are dating a married man. Even if it's not official, she is acting like his wife and he is allowing it.

 

Yeah!!!! And it's so crazy how he obeys her and tries to please her!!

[PegNosePete]

Yeah!!!! And it's so crazy how he obeys her and tries to please her!!

No; it's crazy how you continue to date him after finding out this information.

 

You know with 100% certainty that he is going to cheat on you with her. He has done it every time. He will do it this time too. He is broken inside. You can't fix him.

 

You should tell him that you are not comfortable dating someone who is still friends with someone with whom he cheated on all his exes, and break it off immediately.

[dreamingoftigers]

No; it's crazy how you continue to date him after finding out this information.

 

You know with 100% certainty that he is going to cheat on you with her. He has done it every time. He will do it this time too. He is broken inside. You can't fix him.

 

You should tell him that you are not comfortable dating someone who is still friends with someone with whom he cheated on all his exes, and break it off immediately.

 

Bingo.

 

They can both be as crazy as crazy comes. There's LOTS of crazy out there.

 

What would make you crazier is staying on this relationship dynamic with two other crazy people that have some dysfunctional thing going.

 

And who knows, maybe she IS the girlfriend or SOMETHING. He's lied and cheated in all of his other relationships, so why not lie to you? I mean, why would a pathological liar even bother with that pesky honesty stuff?

 

Look, I get that people get attached when they've been dating and screwing. That's biology. We're supposed to attach and "trust" the one we screw. But you are seriously looking at the wrong target to try to jettison.

 

You need to jettison HIM and realize he's an adult with his own choices. If he's having some weirdo quasi-relationship with the girl, it's time to get away from him. Have more self-respect.

[elaine567]

You are correct you cannot possibly wait around here until it happens.

Maybe he is actually looking for a woman to accept this ménage à trois, hence why he has told you all about her.

One woman is not enough for some men.

[Lindsaycaper]

Yeah he was telling me that he doesn't try to cheat on his gfs with her but he can't resist and he always ends up leaving the gfs

[Methodical]

The writing is on the wall. He has exposed his past behavior as a means to foreshadow the future. Then, when he does the same thing to you, he'll say he told you so. Unless you are willing to be in an open relationship, don't put yourself in a situation to have your heart broken.

[stillafool]

I

 

 

.

He did mention that she was great in bed. Does her sex have that much power over him?? Why not just make HER the girlfriend instead of cheating on every girl with her??

 

Yes it does. Obviously what they did in bed is still haunting him. I wouldn't get too serious with this guy if I were you because he will see her again.

[smackie9]

Don't date serial cheaters.....no brainer.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly?

 

She sounds like his girlfriend. I think your guy is full of malarkey about who this girl really is.

[Jersey born raised]

Are you buying a lottery ticket hoping to striking it rich? Perhaps you need to put aside "what if they are the one and will change" to "broken is broken and I am not the second coming".

 

This link is about a relationship with a person who is BPD that might provide some insight for you. Understand BPD is based on a broad array of personality traits. Therefore on one scaie, and only that scale he might appear to have BPD. Read it take what fits and discard the rest. Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder

[Space Ritual]

Run Fast

Run Hard

Run Now

[Space Ritual]

He did mention that she was great in bed. Does her sex have that much power over him?? Why not just make HER the girlfriend instead of cheating on every girl with her??

 

 

He gets the best of both worlds without putting in the effort.

 

He gets you for his emotional needs

He gets her for his physical needs.

 

For example: She probably does things with him sexually that he probably feels comfortable with. And if he approaches that subject with you and you rebuff him, he can always just do it with her. She is a known quantity and she will do stuff with him and he knows it so he keeps her around for that and that alone.

 

This is more common than you even want to know. So he is basically telegraphing that he will eventually go screw around with her when he feels the need to serve up a facial or something a little more offbeat.

 

You have been forewarned. Like I said before..Run from this guy or you will regret it.

[Zahara]

You mentioned in your last thread that your ex ended it with you in December. In a few months, you're now caught in a bad situation and continuing to stay in it even when you see the red flags. Stop dating for awhile. Truly heal from your ending with your ex and invest time in yourself. We often make bad choices because we're trying to escape pain, and this could likely be why you are where you are today.

Edited April 11, 2016 by Zahara

[Keke1]

Yeah he was telling me that he doesn't try to cheat on his gfs with her but he can't resist and he always ends up leaving the gfs

 

So it doesn't matter you're still going to be the exception right? Sounds like you aren't going anywhere. Well at least you know ahead of time if you stay.