spicytuna Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 My ex and I broke up approx. 8 months ago because he was immature and was always wanting to spend time with his friends. He was constantly breaking plans to hang out with me to hang out with them so we decided to end the relationship. Neither of us contacted the other until recently. We were previous co-workers and are co-workers again. I spoke to him briefly just to clear up the air so things weren't awkward should we see one another or have to work together. A week or so after he was finding me on my breaks/lunch talking to me about anything (himself mostly) and all of the things that have happened to him since the break up. Fast forward to now, he literally messages me every second of the day. When he wakes up, when he goes on break, lunch, after work, before bed etc. We had an off and on friendship before dating and when we were dating we talked 24/7. He often brings up things we used to do, sometimes flirts, but mostly talks about work/himself/his life. He brings up his exes and how hard it is for him to move on. He said he still has feelings for an ex before me (not enough to get back togetherr with her) and he also has some feelings for me too. He shared with me that he hooked up with someone after we broke up. Then in the next breath he tells me he thinks its best we remain just friends. I am so confused. I can't say I have zero feelings for him and wouldn't like to somehow see if things could work again. He admitted he was immature and didn't handle things well. He said our break up sucked because it was so sudden and he wasn't expecting things to go down the way that they did. My only issue is, why is he hitting me up so much? I almost NEVER start the conversation. Yes, I stupidly reply but I do not engage with him unless he starts. I almost feel like he says he doesn't want to be friends but is keeping me on the back burner incase he can't find anything else. After he told me he hooked up with someone else though and that we should stay just friends, I'm starting to decide that whatever he has to offer isn't something I want. I told him we're bad together and he didn't agree or disagree. I am just having a hard time understanding why he keeps in contact so much? He even goes as far as telling me where he is and what he is doing... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 why is he hitting me up so much? I almost NEVER start the conversation. Yes, I stupidly reply And there you have your answer. He starts it because he knows you will reply. He craves attention. Stop replying and he will stop "hitting you up". Problem solved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 Yeap, if you are uncomfortable with this situation, you do not respond any of his messages. If you ignore completely his texts, he will give up sometime, and that will be the end of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 Because you enable it. He does it because you allow him to do it. Pretty simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 If you don't want to hear what he has to say, don't listen, and don't reply. Especially, don't reply. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. *If you work together, engage in nothing more than basic civil communication about work. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 (edited) He never has to miss you or realize what he lost as you are always there. Id show him you have your own life, friends, and are invested in your life. It was noble to clear the air but I think thst should be the extent of it. You are basically a stand in girlfriend. He doesnt have to feel alone, vulnerable or find his own life, you fill the void with no benefits to you. You are making yourself way too available to your ex. You can never move on, heal, or have freedom from him in your thoughts. It makes no sense. You've been nice enough...cut the cord. Its like going to work still every day after being fired. Thats what sticking around to be friends after a breakup is like. Its good to be nice and polite...but he is taking advantage by writing and being so demanding of your time. You need to process this breakup and figure out what is next now. He has you stuck in the past. Edited April 11, 2016 by privategal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExtraSpice Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I can understand the temptation to reply. Best thing would be to not reply. But if that plan isn't working maybe you should straight up call him out on it. Just plainly point out the inconsistent behavior and mixed signals he is exhibiting. This conversation would have a 50-50 chance of going by calmly. Better thing is to ignore though Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Based on your first post about his maturity you need to take the attitude he does so because you are handy, nothing more. Ice him. Link to post Share on other sites
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