What do I do with my ex?

[Jax13]

My ex (23F) an I (23M) broke up at the end of October after dating for 4.5 years. She had thought we were going to be married and I did too but didn't really show it to her that much. Long story short, she got the feeling that I didn't want that and started falling out of love with me. Very shortly after she broke up with me, she started seeing another guy. Ever since she left me, I have made it my mission to make her see how I truly feel about her but she doesn't bite. She says she cares about me, likes me, values me, wants me in her life, but yet she still likes this other guy now and doesn't want to leave him.

 

 

I still want her back so bad. We have had regular contact and she knows how important I am in her life. Her new boyfriend has gotten wind that she still talks to me very regularly and is very mad about it. He has threatened to confront me or fight me if he ever sees me in public. Personally this doesn't really concern me. My ex warned me of this because she worries about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me.

 

 

I know for a fact that one of the reasons she is seeing this guy is because she has some issues with her parents and their authority in her life. She feels that when she is with him, she is escaping from their authority and they can't do anything about it. I know that she has fallen for him and does like him and his friends as well.

 

 

So she likes me and doesn't want to lose me in her life, her new boyfriend hates me and doesn't want her to have anything to do with me, and I am stuck in the middle, wanting her back because I love her so much and I know who she is as a person and what she's doing is totally out of her character. Funny thing is that she wants to get together for dinner and hang out one night before she leaves. However she doesn't want anyone finding out since she knows that he would get extremely mad if he found out. He found out last week that we hung out for an evening and he was super mad.

 

 

She is moving 1500 miles away in two weeks for an entire year. She is going alone and she has said she is going to sort things out when she is alone, away from the pressure everyone puts on her.

It tears me up inside knowing that she has this new boyfriend and that she likes him. It makes me happy that he hates that my ex and I still talk and she doesn't want to stop that. I don't like being treated like a great friend but then she still has him as the boyfriend.

 

 

I just don't know what to do right now. I want her back more than anything so please don't tell me to just move on. I am looking for advice on what to do. Do I go no contact with her until she leaves, hoping that she realizes how much she really misses me and appreciates me in her life? Or do I continue to talk with her and be her friend, which will just infuriate her current boyfriend more in hopes that he breaks up with her or gets so mad at her that she breaks up with him?

 

 

Once she moves, I feel that she will really think things through and that her new boyfriend won't stick around anyways.

Edited April 11, 2016 by Jax13

[ExpatInItaly]

Go No Contact, and certainly don't meet up with her before she leaves. That is a horrible idea, bluntly-speaking.

 

She broke up with you. Let her really see what life without you is like. Nothing will change unless and until you disappear and she realizes she can't rely on you for attention and support when she feels like it. You're making it way too easy for her to keep you on the fringes of her life.

 

You are currently Plan B. Sure, her boyfriend gets mad when she talks to you. But that's not something to be happy about, because who does she go home to at the end of the day? Not you.

[Satu]

You have become the other man.

 

Her primary relationship is now with her current boyfriend.

 

She's got very messed up boundaries, and so have you from what you say.

 

You should go NC and get on with your life.

 

She'll very probably end up with neither you or the current bf, because she doesn't seem to value either of you very highly.

 

She's a bad bet.

 

 

Take care.