After two days NC, contact. How do I move forward?

[daytripper88]

Hi all, thanks for taking a look at the thread.

 

After reading all these posts about the agony of going NC, I feel pretty lucky that it only took two days after my break-up (immediately decided to go NC to give each other space) to hear from my ex again.

 

To make a long story short, we'd dated for two months before the split occurred. It had been an incredibly seamless two months of mutual trust and respect, and we had developed a great routine of being present for one another. To date, the easiest thing I've ever been in. However, we had our first ever rough week which was inspired by talk about our future - we're both moving to different areas in a couple of months and decided mutually that it would be better if we didn't pursue long distance, but up until that point had wanted to just enjoy what time we had left together. However, that decision didn't come easy, and it created a lot of stress for both of us and a lot of talk about "what the point was" - a completely natural reaction. The relationship ended with him saying that the last week had made him incredibly stressed and upset, and for his mental health, he needed to end things. He also mentioned that the past week had really made him question his feelings and for that reason thought it would be good to end things.

 

I immediately decided to go NC and give him the space to assess how he really felt. I personally feel like the week was a natural reaction to the future coming up and not in any way indicative of how our relationship had gone up until that point, and was confident and still am confident we can still enjoy the time given to us before we part ways because it had been incredibly stress-free up until that moment.

 

He reached out today after two days - he said he wanted to meet up and express himself more completely, and was really concerned about how I was doing. I told him I thought it best if we give each other a few more days to clear our heads given how recent the break-up was, and really see how much we miss each other during this time. He was down with the idea, but asked if he could keep touching base with me about how I was doing. He told a close friend of mine that he hasn't made any conclusions about how he feels about me or our relationship; another close friend said he doesn't want to experience the same stress as we had over the course of a week.

 

I want to make this work (I think being apart from him now would be an incredible shame), and consider him reaching out so quickly a positive sign. My question being - am I reading this right? If so, how do you advise moving forward?

 

Thanks again!

[kidm]

If you both don't want to do long distance, what is the point of meeting again? Seems like everything that needs to be said has been said unless he has had a change of mind- which he hasn't communicated. I wouldn't meet him again to rehash the same stuff over and over again- you know the essence of what he is saying. Does it need to delivered in a more complete form? why is he "really concerned" about how you are doing? Seems pretty egotistical. Break ups are hard but let him know you'll be fine and your entire existence is not tied up in him. You only dated for 2 months!

 

You don't want to keep waiting for a guy to make up his mind about you if he is unsure. That gives him too much power. If neither of you wants to do long distance, it doesn't make sense to delay the inevitable. It just makes things harder. Plus you never want to serve yourself up on a silver platter for mediocre treatment and being downgraded from gf status to "will do until I leave" status. Seems difficult now but he did the right thing by ending it but now he needs to leave you alone to move on.

 

I wouldn't put much stock in him reaching out. Hate to say this but this is typical dumper behavior ---checking in to see how you're doing, wants to stay in touch. Most of the time, it's a way to relieve any guilt he is feeling or potentially being relegated to friends with benefits until the time comes for him to end things and move away.

[privategal]

Hi all, thanks for taking a look at the thread.

 

After reading all these posts about the agony of going NC, I feel pretty lucky that it only took two days after my break-up (immediately decided to go NC to give each other space) to hear from my ex again.

 

To make a long story short, we'd dated for two months before the split occurred. It had been an incredibly seamless two months of mutual trust and respect, and we had developed a great routine of being present for one another. To date, the easiest thing I've ever been in. However, we had our first ever rough week which was inspired by talk about our future - we're both moving to different areas in a couple of months and decided mutually that it would be better if we didn't pursue long distance, but up until that point had wanted to just enjoy what time we had left together. However, that decision didn't come easy, and it created a lot of stress for both of us and a lot of talk about "what the point was" - a completely natural reaction. The relationship ended with him saying that the last week had made him incredibly stressed and upset, and for his mental health, he needed to end things. He also mentioned that the past week had really made him question his feelings and for that reason thought it would be good to end things.

 

I immediately decided to go NC and give him the space to assess how he really felt. I personally feel like the week was a natural reaction to the future coming up and not in any way indicative of how our relationship had gone up until that point, and was confident and still am confident we can still enjoy the time given to us before we part ways because it had been incredibly stress-free up until that moment.

 

He reached out today after two days - he said he wanted to meet up and express himself more completely, and was really concerned about how I was doing. I told him I thought it best if we give each other a few more days to clear our heads given how recent the break-up was, and really see how much we miss each other during this time. He was down with the idea, but asked if he could keep touching base with me about how I was doing. He told a close friend of mine that he hasn't made any conclusions about how he feels about me or our relationship; another close friend said he doesn't want to experience the same stress as we had over the course of a week.

 

I want to make this work (I think being apart from him now would be an incredible shame), and consider him reaching out so quickly a positive sign. My question being - am I reading this right? If so, how do you advise moving forward?

 

 

Thanks again!

My advice is to let go now and I mean this with kindness but 2 months is a short time so if you can stop analyzing you can think of it more maturely like it was great to have had it, the timing was bad, the moves for both of you will help you move on.

I had a relationship with alot of loose ends. I moved to a new city and we tried real real hard to work out a friendship from a distance but we simply could not.

That just corrupted my new start, had me crying and feeling alone and tortured in my fresh start which should have been an exciting new fresh start and adventure.

Id give anything to have made a clean break when I left and left it on a good, healthy mature note.

I say...say goodbye...mean it...trust me its going to fall apart because you dont have a solid foundation.

You will both meet new people, see new things, find a new life.

Its not easy letting go but get out of your head and emotions and get excited about your move and putting this behind you and just being grateful for the time shared. Do not hold on or drag out the goodbye or make it overly sentimental. It was good while it lasted, make it a new chapter by tying up the loose ends with a definate and firm, mature goodbye.

[strong-hearted]

Honestly I think it's best if you leave it as it is, I am in a long distance relationship since September 2015 and I've had it. It won't hurt at all since you guys were dating for 2 months and I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years