The_Dork_Lard Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 sometimes there is a nagging feeling that i do want to control him as if he is my property and no one else can have him or his attention. I once read a great analogy about love, an it stuck with me. "Love is like sand in your hand; the tighter you clench, the more it slips between your fingers" I've found this to be true, so please don't imagine you exist outside of this. Be careful how tightly you grip, otherwise you'll become empty handed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 ... sometimes there is a nagging feeling that i do want to control him as if he is my property and no one else can have him or his attention. It's good that you are aware that this is possession, narcissistic, not a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbpencils Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 Thanks guys and the sand analogy is spot on. But there was a big whoops moment on Friday, a woman i know was getting really close to my gentleman and i blew up, anyway sparing the details, she ran off and he just put his arm around me and held my head to his chest and walked me away from everyone, I'm so embarrassed ! Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Glad the OP found someone, my Aunt met her dream man at age 49 Link to post Share on other sites
deadparrot Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 OP, I'm so happy to hear you've found what seems like a wonderful man. I was a late bloomer on the dating scene, too, so I empathize with the constant "are you dating anyone?" questions at family gatherings! Might I suggest perhaps talking a counselor to work through your issues with jealousy? In this or any relationship, women are going to interact with your SO in a variety of ways--whether that's a cashier at the grocery store, a personal friend from work or childhood, or, yes, even a flirty waitress or bartender. However, constant blow-ups in response to innocuous conversation or platonic/business relationships are going to doom things almost uniformly. At some point, you have to trust your partner. Talking to a professional might give you some strategies for reassuring yourself and communicating how you feel in a calm and measured way. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbpencils Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Thanks Dead Parrot, everything is going really well. Not too many blow ups at the moment, i'm learning to relax and try and make the relationship as light and fun for him as much as possible. We went walking last monday and as we were walking up the hills, there were women smiling and talking to him, i didn't feel any jealousy. My man seems to be good at communicating with me, i do think part of my problem is a social anxiety, i was never a really good mixer with people and i would always be really bossy. But my man is calm and understanding, he has a little thing with me that if i feel like blowing up, before i do, i should squeeze his hand tightly and it works. I'm a bit frightened of professional help, i guess i do need it, but i need to admit to myself at the moment that i need it, my mind keeps telling me that i don't need it. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 And there was a thread started by a woman who claims to be 33 ans never had a boyfriend, ya always shocking to hear of women being single that long 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 And there was a thread started by a woman who claims to be 33 ans never had a boyfriend, ya always shocking to hear of women being single that long What is the point of posting the same message over and over in this and other threads? Yes, we all know you don't believe this happens to women. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Life is short. You have less time than ever. Make every effort to make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 What is the point of posting the same message over and over in this and other threads? Yes, we all know you don't believe this happens to women. Yes because women are far less at risk than men are at being single this long because women don't have to be the initiators 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Yes because women are far less at risk than men are at being single this long because women don't have to be the initiators Maybe it's just you they don't initiate with as there are plenty of women who make the first move. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Maybe it's just you they don't initiate with as there are plenty of women who make the first move. And you are one of them? Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 And you are one of them? Yes. And now what are you going to say to refute that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 And you are one of them? I am an initiator as well! Perhaps women can sense your bitterness and avoid you. OP, congrats on landing your first man!! This is a charming thread and I wish you all the best..please keep updating! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 I am an initiator as well! Perhaps women can sense your bitterness and avoid you. OP, congrats on landing your first man!! This is a charming thread and I wish you all the best..please keep updating! well that's very commendable of you, I swear!, and I wish more girls did it, even one of the RSD coaches, instructors admits that too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbpencils Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 Thanks Chickie Pops, everything is going well, the relationship is fun. However he is making fun of me for the past couple of days because i bought him a pullover for him to wear, he looks cute in it, but all the way around the shop he would keep saying i'm like a wife and point out other men being dragged around by their wives to pick out clothes. It did make me laugh. He also called me his wife twice in public, i didn't mind and i don't think he realised what he had said, but i picked up on it and smiled. Everything is coming together, even our confusion over sleeping arrangement, what happened in this case is i thought i was giving him all the right signals, i would never initiate anything with him, too shy for that, so after our day of walking, we went back to my home, he fell asleep on my sofa, not a big problem for me, so i left him and kissed him on the head. He must have got up in the night and felt that he over stepped his mark or something and he left, puhsing my key back through the door, when i woke up my heart sank a little and i really regretted not making it clear that he could come and join me in bed. That little problem has been corrected though and we talked and i've been a bit more clear on bedroom activities and what i want, which is a positive for me. Also i'm going to see a therapist on Saturday, my gentleman is taking me and he said he would wait for me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) Well honestly I swear I'm happy for you OP, glad it finally happened for you, so it's been like over a month now? Edited June 22, 2016 by BronzeAgeJaeger217 Link to post Share on other sites
stilltrying16 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 This is a charming thread and I wish you all the best..please keep updating! I second what CP says! Charming is the perfect word. OP, here's wishing you and your man the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Horse Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Good luck OP finding your dream man. May the force be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbpencils Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 Thanks everyone, I'v had two sessions of therapy, my gentleman has taken me to them and waited for me which is nice, having that level of support and not feeling weird has been good. We've had one or two disagreements, one i thought he was going to end the relationship, thankfully he didn't. All my friends bar one really like him, the one that doesn't is just acting jealous for the sake of being jealous. We've started to have our own private jokes, but all my friends say we look nice together despite the age difference, i'm comfortable in the relationship. We're spending time together and i'm enjoying life. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 So first ever boyfriend, relationship, at age 40? Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 So first ever boyfriend, relationship, at age 40? Why do you do that in these women never been a relationship threads? Can't you see that it maybe hurtful/insulting? There are guys who struggle. My guess is there would be women who struggle. Google Forever Alone Women. I know of some at work who just don't seem like they've been in relationships. One is a cute lady too. There's a young lady. Not the best looking, even with make up on. I don't think guys are hitting on her. That sucks, knowing that guys are supposed to hit on you, and they don't. (Of course, I don't know the actual facts of her love life, just going by the looks). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) So first ever boyfriend, relationship, at age 40? [] People are different, respect that. It doesn't matters when she had her first kiss, her first sex, her first boyfriend. What matters is that now she's happy with someone who treats her nicely. How many times don't we go through very bad relationships? How many people out there at age 40 who had lots of failed relationships only to end up single? I'm really happy for you, OP. Aside from your jealousy and insecurities, which you're already doing your best to address, you seem to be doing very well! It's always very motivating to read stories like yours, it shows that as long as we're alive, we're able to find someone to love. I wish you nothing but to be very happy, you deserve it. Edited June 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hbpencils Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 I don't find it insulting or hurtful, but think about this BronzeAge, maybe the men that were around me didn't interest me, didn't have the right qualities for me and this gentleman does. For over 20 years i put up with some sort of stigma about not having had sex, been touched, kissed or held, i have someone who does most of those things at the moment. Not all women want to hop between men, they want to find someone who they can share things with. I'm perfectly happy, although 20 years of not being touched, i have a man who is being difficult in the sex department at the moment, i get that we've not been together for very long, but i'm ready to go all the way with him and things, but he wants to wait a little bit longer, although we sleep together he seems to be quite happy to just cuddle. So, i guess that could be the sign of a true gentleman, he hasn't forced himself on me, happy to go on dates, take me places, immerse me in his world. I don't think there is a text book guide to dating or relationships, they either happen or they don't, but to be honest, i fell for this man when he was not available to me, his previous relationship was fizzling out, his ex partner had met someone else, but i didn't want to move in on him until he was healed from the previous relationship, he had lived with her for 8 years, had 3 children who i adore and love spending time with. One of my closest friends who is similar age, she would poach men from me when we were out and about in the evening and on holiday together, she wouldn't have a relationship with them, just sex and that was it, she's never had a meaningful relationship and now it bothers her that i have a man who isn't trying it on with me all the time and that he wants a relationship. But also i know the reason why i rejected him 3 years ago, i didn't want to be his rebound girl, i wanted to be more to him and have something meaningful, which i'm having. When he's ready or whatever is going on in his mind, i want him to be my first and fingers crossed he will be my last, but i don't know that, i can't see into the future. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 I don't know how it is for women, but for men there's an extremely strong and prevalent peer pressure to be sexually active. From the time you are about 15 and up, men talk about women and sex, and if you cannot contribute, then you feel completely inadequate. They will ask you about it, prod you about it, harass you about it. That's why so many young guys feel so much pressure to have sex and find a GF. Social pressure. I mean, in reality, sex really isn't even that good. Then, when you get to your late 30s, it totally disappears. Other guys will be invested in their careers and families, and discussion in formal places (work) becomes surficial. I know a few guys I work with I'm almost sure have never had a woman and are in their 40s ... and they are free about to go about their business. Anyway, congratulations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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