startinganew777 Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 So every year I go to florida with my two best friends. We have been going since 2010. Last year only one could go because the other friend was pregnant. Well at the last minute she backed out because work wouldn't let her off, I had to pay her back for the condo and hope I could find someone else to go to take her place. Well my parents ended up going. This year, both those girls begged me to go to this same timeshare in Florida. I made sure that one friend that backed out the year before took off work and the other friend said she was done having babies and good to go. Ok. Great! This was back in November when we all 3 paid for the timeshare, that may I add, we cannot back out of, once it is paid for, that is it. Well my friend that couldn't go last year because she was pregnant, just backed out today. Said has been having her 14 month son sleep with her in bed since he was born and now he won't sleep in his own crib because he is so used to sleeping with her. She is totally against the "cry it out method" and her husband will even call her to come home early at night, if we are out, because the baby will cry and scream and won't go to bed without mom. So again, second year one of my friends back out. I said fine, but next year, I want my boyfriend to go since we never get to go on vacation and now they are mad because we have been going to this timeshare for years. I'm just sick of people backing out and I would rather just go with him next year so I don't have to worry about it. What is wrong with me wanting to enjoy this timeshare with my boyfriend for once? They both have backed out on me anyways. Am I wrong to invite him for next year instead? Link to post Share on other sites
ufo8mycat Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 What I do in these scenarios is ask people who back out to pay for their share of the accommodation. Sure, they can back out and not going but you still have to pay. Then, next year, don't book anything until they pay upfront. Then go with your boyfriend if they back out. my view is that if you agree to go on holiday you pay. Things do some up but you can't expect others to be out of pocket. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Aargh, I completely understand your frustration. I hope the one who's backed out again is paying her share. However, I wouldn't have told them that you're taking your boyfriend next year. Instead, you'd be better off just not organising/participating next year. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Right up front, everyone should have the understanding that they can back out but they don't get their money back. Personally I would stop trying to do these trips. They sound like they're too stressful and, as people's lives get more entrenched in kids, jobs, etc, these kinds of things become somewhat unrealistic. The next time someone brings it up, just say you can't make it this time. Instead, you guys should do short trips that are spontaneous and close to home. That way there's not a lot of planning and no feeling of obligation to plan something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 Thing is, they do pay upfront, they paid me late last year for the condo. Funny because when this happened last year, I posted something about how my friend wanted her money back since she couldn't go anymore and a bunch of people told me to pay her back, it wasn't worth losing the friendship over. So I did. But I didn't think she should get her money back, especially when she put me in a bind to find someone else to go with. Luckily my parents decided to go at the last minute. All my other friends had other vacations planned for the year, couldn't get off work, ect. She pestered me for that money for months and told her when I find someone to replace her, I will pay her back. I was not going to pay out of my pocket because she canceled and I wasn't sure I was going to find anyone. Anyways, my friend hasn't asked for her money back.....yet. But I will probably have to pay her since I paid my other friend back last year. This timeshare is a co worker of mine and it is super cheap and right on the beach so I love going but next year, and yes, they have already asked about next year, I'm just going to bring my boyfriend. I have already made up my mind. And yes, I agree, weekend trips with the girls are more doable so that is just what it is going to have to be. Just irritated that they begged me to go this year, just like the year before and then back out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 Anyways, my friend hasn't asked for her money back.....yet. But I will probably have to pay her since I paid my other friend back last year. No. You don't have to pay her back. She knows it's non-refundable. The deposit has been paid. It's a done deal. When they ask about next year, you can say, "You know what, guys, organizing this trip has ended up being too difficult. I'm not planning on another girls' trip to Florida, but I'd love for us all to get together and plan a weekend or overnight roadtrip somewhere else." Go and have a nice trip with your boyfriend next year. You're not obligated to take your friends on vacation. At least one of them sounds like kind of a jackass, anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 My friend said she doesn't want her deposit back and will even help pay for the rental car since she agreed to it. I told her that wasn't necessary and that since I paid our other friend back her deposit last year that we would both pay her back. She refuses to take the money back. I'm glad she realizes it was a deposit unlike my other friend last year. Actually I hope my other friend realizes she kinda screwed me last year when she made me pay her back the deposit. LOL Thanks for your suggestions. I will say exactly that, it has been a hassle the past few years planning this trip so I decided to take my boyfriend next year and maybe we can plan a girls weekend trip instead! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted May 12, 2016 Author Share Posted May 12, 2016 Soooo,,,, my friend that was going to back out on me this time, she wants to go now and bring her baby and maybe her 3 year old daughter. Which is totally cool with me because I LOVE her kids and I think it would be fun! She would actually only be on the trip for probably half the time because she has a wedding to go to. Fine, perfect. So me and the other girl can do more things like going out, snorkeling, paddleboarding, manatee tours, ect. when she leaves in the middle of the week. She might even have her mom come down and stay at the same condo, not the same room, and have her help out when and if we go out, shopping, ect. Well she of course asked me if I was ok with all of this and I said absolutely! Keep in mind, this timeshare is a friend of mine from work. I'm the one who sets it all up and invites them every year. Well she also, just to be nice, texted my other friend and asked if she was cool with it. Well she responds with this really long text basically saying no, it would be a hassle with the kids and that we wouldn't be able to do anything. Ummmm.... ok. Well, I pick who goes down there, it is my connection, she wouldn't be going if I didn't invite her so she has no right to say she doesn't think our friend should go down with her kids. Now my friend, with the kids, says she feels like they are all unwanted now and may not go!!! I'm furious!!! I feel like calling my friend up and telling her off for making our friend feel like that and that it isn't up to her who goes! This is all turning into such a disaster!!! And the trip is in less than a month! I don't know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 **OR*** Be sensible and hear each side holding off a knee jerk response. Since what I am hearing is you are in essence the Hostess for the gathering then be polite. The guests also need to regard the turn of events. It's your gathering, be a diplomatic hostess. (And yes it's impolite to say your inviting your bf next year... That was a dig ) Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 I wouldn't necessarily like the idea of someone bringing their kids. Even good kids can be a pain in the behind and they could dampen the fun of the trip. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 OP, what's the relationship like between the two other women? Are they close friends of their own accord, or is it more like they know each other through you? If they're close, I think it's a callous move for the other friend to reject the kids option. Sure, it will change the dynamics of the vacation, but as you get older and your friends have kids you just HAVE to deal with these realities or you lose your friends entirely. Now, if they aren't that close, I can understand why the one friend would be a little upset, esp. if she's not chummy with the kids. If a woman I didn't know that well was throwing that bomb on my vacation without much warning, I'd be annoyed. I think it's up to the two of them to sort out this problem, though. You've stated that the kids are welcome - from this point, just try to keep out of it as much as you can. Your one friend can choose to a) accept this in a civil manner, b) cause enough of a stink to prevent the other woman from coming, or c) back out herself. Hopefully she chooses "a" but if not, she can deal with the consequences! Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 How is it a dig I told them in asking my boyfriend next year? The one backed out on me last minute last year and demanded I give her back the deposit. The other one almost backed out this year too. The friend with the kids has since told me she totally understands me wanting to go w my boyfriend next year anyways. The other friend is the one pissed but she has been a pretty crappy friend the past year and I'm not so sure u care what she thinks anymore. Anyways, to answer one of your questions, we are all best friends. My other two friends are just as close to eachother as I am. That is why she is so hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 Another thing is we all go down on a Saturday and the friend with kids is only staying until wed. Morning. So we would have until the following sat. Without the kids to do whatever we wanted. I think it is a good compromise actually Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Another thing is we all go down on a Saturday and the friend with kids is only staying until wed. Morning. So we would have until the following sat. Without the kids to do whatever we wanted. I think it is a good compromise actually Talk separately to your friend -- encourage her to chill out and deal with the kids without making a huge issue out of it. But if she feels passionately about this, make it clear that that's HER issue with the other friend, not yours, since you don't care and already permitted it. Your friend has a right to feel annoyed, but if she goes to lengths to stir drama over this, she's being an a**. Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 So friend with kids is not going. My other friend made her feel so bad, she opted out. Vacation is in 3 weeks and I'm so not looking forward to going anymore with this other friend. There are so many things I'm frustrated with her about. This whole situation, the fact that I have helped her out in so many ways and she is never there for me, I have come to the realization that she uses me and uses other friends, I haven't hardly even talked to her in almost 2 weeks! She has really changed this past year. Not the same person. I think she is stressed with work and her jerk of a husband but she is really in this situation because of her own fault. She complains all the time but does nothing about it. I was so excited about this trip. Now I have to go on this trip with her and I have all this resentment against her. Plane tickets are bought, condo is paid for, there is no backing out. We would be out money. And I only get one vacation a year and this is it. Already took off work, blah, blah. I guess I just go and suck it up? I don't want a huge blow up fight right before we go spend 7 days together. Any suggestions to make this vacation still bearable? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 May I suggest a brief open conversation before the trip on each of your mindsets. I get that this friend has pretty much gotten her way on who is allowed on this vacation. I think though you deserve to go with the understanding that she won't control your happiness. Speak up and do enjoy this time away! Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 To me if you agree together to pay for something non refundable and someone has to back out they should pay their share still UNLESS you find someone else to go and pay for it, like you did last year with your parents. I'm also confused, since it's time share who owns it, do you own it with these friends? Otherwise why do you need their permission to go to it with your bf? Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Just try to go with the attitude that you will have a good time, enjoy the beautiful weather and the experience. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship obviously, but if this is one of your best friends and she is going through a tough time right now, try to understand that perhaps she's not herself lately. If she is not there for you, maybe it's because she can't even cope herself. A vacation with the girls (now girl) sans children and jerk husband could be what she was looking for and the vacation she felt she signed up for. Maybe this trip will be an opportunity for you to be closer. Link to post Share on other sites
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