12 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

[SammySammy]

From Esquire magazine:

 

12 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

 

According to the article, the twelve things more harmful than cheating are:

 

1. Lying to or hiding things from your partner
   
2. Withholding any kind of affection
   
3. Harboring quiet resentment
   
4. Lack of communication
   
5. Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions
   
6. Bickering about mundane daily issues and chores
   
7. Condescension
   
8. Staying in a relationship out of convenience
   
9. Manipulation
   
10. Jealousy
    
11. Presenting a false version of yourself at the beginning
    
12. Staying together because you've become codependent
    

Your thoughts?

[JustGettingBy]

Idk how many of these are worse than cheating, but I do agree that they're all bad.

[MrMeh]

13. Somebody getting the last slice of pizza.

[SammySammy]

I was thinking the same thing. I don't know about worse than cheating, but that's like a checklist of things NOT to do.

 

From what I've seen on this site, withholding affection may be just as bad as cheating though.

[whichwayisup]

13. Somebody getting the last slice of pizza.

 

Husband eating my last chocolate bar and not telling me.

 

I think much on that list is damaging but you can't compare the pain and betrayal felt vs the list above.

[Mr. Lucky]

Your thoughts?

 

Disagree with the list and premise.

 

And if a WS thought any of those conditions were tough pre-affair, wait til they're living with a BS after D-Day...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Tayla]

Sounds to me upon reading ,those are the fuel to create such an ill action of cheating.

 

It's like a recipe ... Mix this with that and let it set and fester.

 

I think cheating carries some of the antics from the list.

 

Who though decided this list? I tend to find infidelity in itself a bomb in a relationship . only thing that would precede is abuse of any nature upon the spouse or the children...

[Lady2163]

14. Being a serial murderer

15. Child abuse

16. Domestic or foreign terrorist

17. Being an addict

18. Keeping your family in poverty

[Gloria25]

From Esquire magazine:

 

12 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

 

According to the article, the twelve things more harmful than cheating are:

 

1. Lying to or hiding things from your partner
   
2. Withholding any kind of affection
   
3. Harboring quiet resentment
   
4. Lack of communication
   
5. Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions
   
6. Bickering about mundane daily issues and chores
   
7. Condescension
   
8. Staying in a relationship out of convenience
   
9. Manipulation
   
10. Jealousy
    
11. Presenting a false version of yourself at the beginning
    
12. Staying together because you've become codependent
    

Your thoughts?

 

Uh, aren't the stuff listed above what happens in a RL where cheating is taking place and/or go hand-in-hand with cheating?

 

Cuz, yeah, if you're cheating you're staying in your marriage out of convenience, you're manipulating, you're probably jealous of the BS cuz you're scared they're gonna cheat on you (projection), lying, presenting a false sense of yourself to your spouse/family, etc......

[health]

1.Lying to or hiding things from your partner - it happens, Cheating is worse.

2.Withholding any kind of affection - Cheating is worse

3.Harboring quiet resentment - some people are quiet - Cheating is worse

4.Lack of communication - Cheating is worse

5.Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions - Cheating is worse

6.Bickering about mundane daily issues and chores LOL - Cheating is worse

7.Condescension - pretty bad but - Cheating is worse

8.Staying in a relationship out of convenience - leave out, or it'll lead to cheating...which is worse lol

9.Manipulation - lots of people do this Cheating is worse

10.Jealousy - natural instinct - Cheating is worse

11.Presenting a false version of yourself at the beginning - Cheating is worse

12.Staying together because you've become codependent - Cheating is worse

 

Was Esquire ever a credible magazine? If so, the author of this article downgraded it.

 

Cheating can be the end result of all these actions. In the end it is one of the worst end results/ relationship failures.

[Woggle]

Maybe so but none of this justifies cheating.

[waterwoman]

Daft list. All of those things are damaging to a marriage but most of them are fairly standard minor failings that happen sometimes in any normal human relationship. Unless they become deep-seated and constant they aren't a major problem.

 

Cheating is not even in the same ball-park. No comparison.

[salparadise]

Well they have to write headlines that get attention I guess, so the make a preposterous premise and then pretend to be authorities. This stuff came from reddit, which means it's nothing more than opinions of people with no particular expertise.

 

Most of these are a normal part of relationship dynamics and interactions, yet not problematic in tiny doses, or when it's simply not consequential to anything. For example, if you told your partner that you drank a coke when it was actually a pepsi or 7up - totally inconsequential. But if you told them that and you had actually had five shots of liquor, it's altogether different.

 

When I was married I realized the my wife had committed a number of what I called relationship transgressions. Some were overt and some were more subtle but still added up to undermining of trust, respect and ultimately a dysfunctional relationship. Some of those are on this list.

 

Other things, like jealousy... completely normal behavior when not to the extreme.

 

None of it relates to infidelity. That's just internet BS.

[xxoo]

 

According to the article, the twelve things more harmful than cheating are:

 

1. Lying to or hiding things from your partner
    
   

 

So basically, cheating is worse than cheating

[dreamingoftigers]

I found cheating to be worse than most, if not all of these.

 

I really don't think this was written by a victim of infidelity.

Like, arguing about chores, really?

 

I do that with my six year-old and I certainly don't go to bed crying every night I find her clothes on the bathroom

floor instead of the laundry room.

 

I think that child abuse is worse, rape is worse but even my husband's addiction was easier to deal with. And that was tough, but at least there isn't a "blame the spouse for your husband's Alcoholism" mentality. Unless it's sex addiction, then some people tell you it "doesn't exist" or that you aren't "effing him enough." Or dumb quotes like "sure, he owns 100% of his drinking, but you own 50% of what makes him drink because you are married and it must be because of 'relationship issues.'" Ugh. Alcoholism in the family supports are much better than cheater in the family supports. That makes a huge difference.

[Miss Clavel]

I found cheating to be worse than most, if not all of these.

 

I really don't think this was written by a victim of infidelity.

Like, arguing about chores, really?

 

I do that with my six year-old and I certainly don't go to bed crying every night I find her clothes on the bathroom

floor instead of the laundry room.

 

I think that child abuse is worse, rape is worse but even my husband's addiction was easier to deal with. And that was tough, but at least there isn't a "blame the spouse for your husband's Alcoholism" mentality. Unless it's sex addiction, then some people tell you it "doesn't exist" or that you aren't "effing him enough." Or dumb quotes like "sure, he owns 100% of his drinking, but you own 50% of what makes him drink because you are married and it must be because of 'relationship issues.'" Ugh. Alcoholism in the family supports are much better than cheater in the family supports. That makes a huge difference.

 

it's rare, but i'm speechless. omg

[dreamingoftigers]

it's rare, but i'm speechless. omg

 

I generally find that any other abuse aside from cheating doesn't get blamed on the victim. But cheating often does. People assume that if you were sleeping with your husband, he wouldn't go elsewhere to get it. Or that you must have "emasculated" him somehow. And I guess his manhood is at the bottom of some other woman's birth canal.

 

Sexual addiction is just sucky to deal with. 90% of nen who have it won't barely touch their wives because they want strange, regardless of consequence. You hear of a similar trend with WWs, but there just isn't enough data yet on women. Women don't tend to lose their assets and children due to sexual addiction (yet). You more hear things like the "parade of stepfathers." Clearly this doesn't apply to every WW, or every WH. I am speaking pretty much exclusively of those who use sexual addiction to try to cope and how the partner IS NOT to blame.

 

When it comes to physical abuse, society has overall, in general, found any excuse to act out in that way to be 100% percent unacceptable. Alcoholism and drug addiction is similar.

[waterwoman]

I generally find that any other abuse aside from cheating doesn't get blamed on the victim. But cheating often does. People assume that if you were sleeping with your husband, he wouldn't go elsewhere to get it. Or that you must have "emasculated" him somehow. And I guess his manhood is at the bottom of some other woman's birth canal.

 

Sexual addiction is just sucky to deal with. 90% of nen who have it won't barely touch their wives because they want strange, regardless of consequence. You hear of a similar trend with WWs, but there just isn't enough data yet on women. Women don't tend to lose their assets and children due to sexual addiction (yet). You more hear things like the "parade of stepfathers." Clearly this doesn't apply to every WW, or every WH. I am speaking pretty much exclusively of those who use sexual addiction to try to cope and how the partner IS NOT to blame.

 

When it comes to physical abuse, society has overall, in general, found any excuse to act out in that way to be 100% percent unacceptable. Alcoholism and drug addiction is similar.

 

So true.

 

"Your spouse is an alcoholic? OMG, how awful. It must be really hard for you! He should get help!"

 

"Your spouse is unfaithful? Oh dear, that must be dreadful! You need to get some help with your marriage?"

[Haydn]

Putting empty boxes back in the fridge. (Problem was almost solved)

 

Not replacing the toilet paper.

 

Cheating must be the worst though.

[cocorico]

 

Most of these are a normal part of relationship dynamics and interactions, yet not problematic in tiny doses

 

What???:eek: Did we read the same list?

 

From Esquire magazine:

 

12 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

 

According to the article, the twelve things more harmful than cheating are:

 

1. Lying to or hiding things from your partner
   
2. Withholding any kind of affection
   
3. Harboring quiet resentment
   
4. Lack of communication
   
5. Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions
   
6. Bickering about mundane daily issues and chores
   
7. Condescension
   
8. Staying in a relationship out of convenience
   
9. Manipulation
   
10. Jealousy
    
11. Presenting a false version of yourself at the beginning
    
12. Staying together because you've become codependent
    

Your thoughts?

 

I think all of these are *deadly* in a R, even in "tiny doses". *Any* amount of condescension, for example, signals a lack of respect. I would not tolerate any of this in a R, and I can certainly see why a magazine posits them as "worse than infidelity". Have sex with another woman -> many (perhaps even most) women won't kick you out; but this stuff? Anyone who tolerates this clearly has no self respect, and anyone who does any of this clearly has no respect or love for their partner.

 

I'm so saddened that anyone thinks it's "normal" in a R. If their bar for what they're prepared to accept is that low, no wonder kids are growing up so nihilistic. Nothing to aspire to, if the best you can hope for in life is to be treated like rubbish under the guise of "love".

[cocorico]

14. Being a serial murderer

15. Child abuse

16. Domestic or foreign terrorist

17. Being an addict

18. Keeping your family in poverty

 

Physical or psychological abuse of your partner.

Animal abuse.

Rape.

Tax evasion / avoidance.

Drunk driving.

Reckless driving.

Corruption.

Kidnapping.

Slavery.

Racism.

Sexism.

Homophobia.

Transphobia.

Hate crimes.

Nazism.

The Spice Girls.

Rhino / elephant poaching.

Fox hunting.

Hitler.

Baked beans at breakfast time.

[wmacbride]

From Esquire magazine:

 

12 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

 

According to the article, the twelve things more harmful than cheating are:

 

1. Lying to or hiding things from your partner
   
2. Withholding any kind of affection
   
3. Harboring quiet resentment
   
4. Lack of communication
   
5. Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions
   
6. Bickering about mundane daily issues and chores
   
7. Condescension
   
8. Staying in a relationship out of convenience
   
9. Manipulation
   
10. Jealousy
    
11. Presenting a false version of yourself at the beginning
    
12. Staying together because you've become codependent
    

Your thoughts?

 

Sounds like this list was written by a ws or ow/om to justify cheating.

 

it's also written from the very shallow perspective of someone who has zero experience in long term day to day relationships who simply pulled their list from someone elses work without knowing and of the background story.

 

It's also a recipe for divorce and continued dissatisfaction with whomever you might be with to expect that all these elements will always be a part of a marriage, all the time.

 

This line is especially ridiculous " in other words, you don't have chemistry anymore". Every long term rleationship goes through periods when you love your spouse, but the chemistry might not be there. That's the time when you need to do some work to bring it back, not say " time to sleep around " or " time to divorce". it's true some marriages fizzle out and should end, but this statement is taken out of context in someone's social media posting, and with no background information, it's useless.

 

Sure, the list does have some good points about things you should strive for, but to use it to rationalize cheating is silly.

 

As for what is more painful that cheating, that is subjective. it might be the worst thing to one person, but to another, something else could be worse.

 

btw, given the rest of the "journalistic' content of the online magazine, I;m not surprised at the quality of this particular article.

[oldshirt]

From Esquire magazine:

 

12 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating

 

According to the article, the twelve things more harmful than cheating are:

 

1. Lying to or hiding things from your partner
   
2. Withholding any kind of affection
   
3. Harboring quiet resentment
   
4. Lack of communication
   
5. Being stubborn about things or getting entrenched in certain positions
   
6. Bickering about mundane daily issues and chores
   
7. Condescension
   
8. Staying in a relationship out of convenience
   
9. Manipulation
   
10. Jealousy
    
11. Presenting a false version of yourself at the beginning
    
12. Staying together because you've become codependent
    

Your thoughts?

 

 

That list basically describes cheating. Those are all things that WS's do to their BS when they become involved with other people.

 

The things on the list do not often occur individually to an appreciable degree in a vacuum on their own. They are the result of the disregard a WS feels for the BS as a result of the affair.

 

That list isn't worse than cheating. That list is a result of cheating. That list IS cheating.

[wmacbride]

Physical or psychological abuse of your partner.

Animal abuse.

Rape.

Tax evasion / avoidance.

Drunk driving.

Reckless driving.

Corruption.

Kidnapping.

Slavery.

Racism.

Sexism.

Homophobia.

Transphobia.

Hate crimes.

Nazism.

The Spice Girls.

Rhino / elephant poaching.

Fox hunting.

Hitler.

Baked beans at breakfast time.

 

Fine. That is YOUR list of things that might be more hurtful than cheating, but to assume that everyone else finds "baked beans on toast" for breakfast as being more hurtful is really bizarre, even if said in jest.

[Toodaloo]

2.Withholding any kind of affection - Cheating is worse

 

Actually withholding affection has been found to be very damaging to the human psyche. Isolation is considered a form of torture because it takes away human contact and any form of affection and interaction.

 

Look at what happens to children when it happens. Its not pretty. Devastating in fact and the results last a life time. I know of several adults who had a very difficult start to life where affection was withheld. Decades on they still struggle as a direct result. Ask most couples what went wrong and one of the things on the list will be that affection was withheld... Actually is FAR more damaging and breaks up far more marriages and relationships than cheating...

 

If however you are with holding affection because you are not dealing with an awkward situation or something that is upsetting you then really you need to ball up and deal with the cause, let the rest resolve itself.

 

But withholding affection is actually very very cruel. Google it.

 

Note withholding affection and by this I do not mean just with holding sex I mean those touches, hugs, a kiss...