Are the Highs Worth the Lows?

[Tayla]

To someone who willingly chooses to make a mockery of the institution of marriage, sure it's their normal to. is it worth it?

 

To the lawyers, absolutely!

 

 

 

all others are casualties.

[bathtub-row]

I don't think it matters one iota about whether his wife wears make up or not, or if she gets her nails done or not. And you should never encourage a man to look down on a woman for this. I'm guessing she was that way when he married her anyway.

 

Having said all that, I don't understand what all the hesitation is about. How long are you going to let your life be controlled by a bad marriage and a kid who may actually be thrilled to see her parents put an end to the Cold War? What's funny to me is that people think their kids don't know what's going on. Your daughter may not know about your affair but believe me she knows about the relationship between you and your husband.

 

Trying to fix a timeline on when it's right to end things so that the kids can deal with it is just you kidding yourself. What would you tell a friend in your situation? What would you tell your daughter? Bad marriage, exit stage left. End of story. If MM can't muster up the courage to leave his make-up-free wife, then too bad for him.

 

And to answer your question - no, the roller coaster ride isn't worth it. Either pee or get off the pot.

[mimi_a]

dear dreamgirly,

from one married woman to another married woman, i can only say, marriage is for life. we all have our struggles, and the grass looks greener on the other side at times, but truth is, that's a lie. if i can tell you one thing, end the relationship with your boyfriend and focus on the future with your husband. you will not regret it. think of the day you met your spouse, your first date, your wedding day... love is not a feeling. affection is. love is something that goes above and beyond all things, and always looks out for what is better for others. stop your selfish behavior of making yourself happy through an affair. most of all, be open with your spouse and if he will still have you, focus on building a future with him. the world may tell you to follow your emotions, and as a woman it is easy to fall into that trap. most of all, i want to ask you what kind of relationship you think you will have with this guy? he is at least in his second serious relationship and has already lost interest in his current wife. will you become wife number 3, until he finds number 4?

[Ophelia25]

I'm rushing and haven't read all of this thread yet, but the question triggered my attention. I think that for many of us, YES, the highs are definitely worth the lows, or we wouldn't be in affairs. Regular relationships are hard enough, let alone ones that involve dishonesty and guilt and sneaking around and confusion and mixed signals and emotions and so on.

 

What I think happens, though, is that the highs often get shorter and less frequent, and the lows get longer and more intense, until eventually, we realize that it's not worth it. For some of us, we realize this quickly and can take immediate action to redirect ourselves. Others of us are much, much slower. For me, well into the 8th year of an EA, with few physical encounters, I still love the highs so much that I can sustain the good feelings for weeks on end. However, the lows are getting increasingly intolerable, to where I can't function like a real person when they hit. So, the only logical step seems to be working toward an end to the relationship, which for me, will take enormous effort, therapy, and lots of fighting with myself.