Ex messages me after 8 months nc!

[JimmyJones89]

Hi,

 

Me and my ex split up back in July last year. I go nc straight away! I find out 3 weeks later she's in a relationship with someone else, bla bla bla.

 

Fast forward to 2 days ago and I get a text, 'hey, how you been? X'. I was completely stunned. It took me a few months to get over her and I've not heard anything from her and then here she is.

 

So I reply, 'I'm great, hope you're well.' Then she asks how my job is going so I reply just as plainly as the last but asked her why the random message. She said she has just been to centre parcs with her family and it was a weird weekend and everything reminded her of me (I went with her and her family last year) and she was wondering how I was.

 

I let that message stew till yesterday morning and then said 'That was a fun weekend but I am doing great. Was that all you wanted?'. Now she hasn't replied!!

 

What was the point in any of this?? Now she has got me thinking about her again and I'm annoyed she hasn't text back. She only doing this to wind me up or does she miss me?

 

Women are crazy!

[kidm]

She dropped you breadcrumbs and you gobbled it like you hadn't eaten in ages. You also played your hand by asking "is that all you want?" She got her ego boost and has moved on. Maybe she will return for more. This is not a woman thing...it's a dumper thing.

[PegNosePete]

asked her why the random message. She said she has just been to centre parcs with her family and it was a weird weekend and everything reminded her of me

I don't see any reason not to take that at face value. She didn't do it just to wind you up or upset you. Your error is assuming that it goes any deeper than that. She just said hello and you thought it was going to lead to more, and are hurt because it didn't.

 

Next time, stick to NC. Don't reply to pointless attention seeking (especially when there's a X on the end, whats with that?)

[Yasuandio]

I came to belive that real deal "No Contact" elimanates all avenues of communication. Changing your phone number (not just blocking her - but changing number to an unlisted one, if at all possible) would limit her ability to contact you. When you keep the old number - that leaves the door open to such experiences you have now encountered (and might have secretly or subconsciously hoped for). We all hope for a time, we all leave the door open for a time, that is completely normal.

 

Close the door and obtain peace, is my advice. Yas

[sandylee1]

I like your last message to her. Well done. Now why wasn't she blocked on your phone before now?

[JuanDelToro]

She dropped you breadcrumbs and you gobbled it like you hadn't eaten in ages. You also played your hand by asking "is that all you want?" She got her ego boost and has moved on. Maybe she will return for more. This is not a woman thing...it's a dumper thing.

 

It could have been breadcrumbs but i don`t agree that he fell for it hard. In my opinion he handled it nicely. He was polite, avoided the trap and at the end the way he asked her for the reason behind her contacting, showed confidence, indifference and most probably felt like touching hot iron for her (that`s why she hasn`t replied).

[JimmyJones89]

I guess I never blocked her completely because I hoped she'd come back. Now I just feel like too much time has passed. She hasn't bothered with me at all, since we split, so I'm not going to waste my time on her again!

 

It does make me feel a tad upset but I'll get over it fairly quickly.

 

Must have been one hot iron, no reply still.

[dumbass2]

"I let that message stew till yesterday morning and then said 'That was a fun weekend but I am doing great. Was that all you wanted?'. Now she hasn't replied!!"

 

Oh, she will. You are just not a priority. She's testing the waters. If she was interested in trying to get back with you she would have jumped all over your responses right away. She knocked and you opened the door. Now the door is open and she is standing outside still, not sure if she wants to go in. Now she will get back to you when she feels like it and if you think it is okay for someone to ignore you, then you will reply to her next text and show her you have no boundaries. You did fine the first go around. Now don't fall into a trap that will leave you all hurt and trying to get over her again. If she texts again a few days from now or later, do not answer and that will show her that you have shut the door.

[truth_seeker]

Hi,

 

Me and my ex split up back in July last year. I go nc straight away! I find out 3 weeks later she's in a relationship with someone else, bla bla bla.

 

Fast forward to 2 days ago and I get a text, 'hey, how you been? X'. I was completely stunned. It took me a few months to get over her and I've not heard anything from her and then here she is.

 

So I reply, 'I'm great, hope you're well.' Then she asks how my job is going so I reply just as plainly as the last but asked her why the random message. She said she has just been to centre parcs with her family and it was a weird weekend and everything reminded her of me (I went with her and her family last year) and she was wondering how I was.

 

I let that message stew till yesterday morning and then said 'That was a fun weekend but I am doing great. Was that all you wanted?'. Now she hasn't replied!!

 

What was the point in any of this?? Now she has got me thinking about her again and I'm annoyed she hasn't text back. She only doing this to wind me up or does she miss me?

 

Women are crazy!

 

Yes, women are crazy. Even a woman told me so!

 

Good job in calling her out like that. Probably embarrassed her that is why no response. She was expecting or hoping you would have said you missed her or it would be great to see her again...

 

She's definitely testing the waters. She reached out to you for a reason.

 

So, here's what likely happened... you guys were dating, she fell for another guy... she broke up with you, went off with him... their thing is over, now she wants to see if she can get back with you.

 

Even though you still have feelings for her, you shouldn't get back with her. She left you once for another man, and expects you to take her back now? If she comes calling again you either ignore it or you reply back: don't BS me with these out of the blue texts. If you're looking to get back together it isn't happening.

[truth_seeker]

Do women actually think men are that dumb? They expect men just to play along with their stupid games?

 

Random text to see how you're doing = I want to find out if you're still into me.

 

Random phone call to catch up = I still have feelings for you.

 

Random, unearthly coincidence she bumps into you somewhere = I got it bad for you and in desperation mode to get your attention.

 

Remember this and decide how to proceed.

[RocketQueen]

I think when it comes to break ups being crazy doesn't discriminate...seems regardless of gender they like to play games.

 

I think you handled it really well- she doesn't need to know its pulled your rope and ruffled your feathers.

 

I can't understand why people do it and my instinct would be to think it was something more because I PERSONALLY just wouldn't check in for check in's sake.

 

Argh. People can be so crap.

 

High five for how you handled it though

[privategal]

Your silence right NOW is speaking volumes.

She assumed if she didnt reply you'd chase her, "hey, didn't get a reply, wanna talk..."?

Ya no.

With her big ego she hoped to hear, Im miserable, lost without you, how are you (so she could tell you how great life is without you)

You showed maturity.

You were the bigger person in responding politely.

Now you know it will waste your time so theres nothing else she can say so yes block her everywhere it was selfish of her to interrupt your healing to say nothing.

[Blanco]

Do women actually think men are that dumb? They expect men just to play along with their stupid games?

 

Random text to see how you're doing = I want to find out if you're still into me.

 

Random phone call to catch up = I still have feelings for you.

 

Random, unearthly coincidence she bumps into you somewhere = I got it bad for you and in desperation mode to get your attention.

 

Remember this and decide how to proceed.

 

They think that because most men ARE that dumb, myself included.

[Sgthaytham]

Through experience, you probably should've assumed she wanted to see you.

 

She might have just come out of a relationship or felt lonely. Something along those lines.

 

I would have said "Its so nice to hear from you again, we should get together and catch up. When are you free?"

 

That way either she blows you off (in this case you tell her "get in touch if you change your mind") and you'll know she just wants the attention OR she tells you she's free.

 

Worked for my ex when she got in contact with me.

 

P.S most people here will tell you that a girl who wants you back will tell you... This isn't the case. Some might, but most will beat around the bush. It's up to you to take the lead.

Edited April 18, 2016 by Sgthaytham

[dumbass2]

"Worked for my ex when she got in contact with me."

 

So are you back together with your ex and everything going smoothly?

[JimmyJones89]

Truth_seeker hit the nail on the head! She found someone else while she was away for work!

 

I loved her a hell of a lot and id love to get back with her. Down to her to come out and admit she did wrong and apologise. Otherwise she isn't getting no message from me!

 

 

Her lose

[Simon Phoenix]

Through experience, you probably should've assumed she wanted to see you.

 

She might have just come out of a relationship or felt lonely. Something along those lines.

 

I would have said "Its so nice to hear from you again, we should get together and catch up. When are you free?"

 

That way either she blows you off (in this case you tell her "get in touch if you change your mind") and you'll know she just wants the attention OR she tells you she's free.

 

Worked for my ex when she got in contact with me.

 

P.S most people here will tell you that a girl who wants you back will tell you... This isn't the case. Some might, but most will beat around the bush. It's up to you to take the lead.

 

If a girl does want you back, she'll keep messaging and will be more direct. It is not up to the dumpee to take the lead from the dumper if the dumpee is still recovering/emotionally invested. I'm sorry, that's just not cool. And you should never assume anything. If they really want to revisit a relationship, they won't be dissuaded.

 

Sorry, I just don't agree with this.

[Blanco]

Any time an ex has actually wanted me back or at least had some interest, they've eventually been more direct about it. Why? Because I didn't do any of the heavy lifting for them. They didn't start out being direct, but once they realized I wasn't going to lend a hand by asking what they wanted, they had no choice but to be direct.

[Densel]

Any time an ex has actually wanted me back or at least had some interest, they've eventually been more direct about it. Why? Because I didn't do any of the heavy lifting for them. They didn't start out being direct, but once they realized I wasn't going to lend a hand by asking what they wanted, they had no choice but to be direct.

 

So how long after the break up your ex contacted you?

[Blanco]

The most recent time, which was actually three years ago now, it was a little less than three weeks before she started with the "feeling out" texts. I had a sense what was happening almost right away, but felt like I needed her to be upfront about it instead of putting out the breadcrumbs and hoping I'd be the one to really get the ball rolling on reconciliation.

 

She got more direct over several days before she finally said she'd made a mistake.

 

In retrospect, I probably should've just taken the little ego boost from this moment and carried on with life. Unfortunately, I pretty much went back all in at that point and then much deeper. We're no longer together, but I'm still recovering from the final (and permanent) breakup.

[Brutum Fulmen]

Hi,

 

Me and my ex split up back in July last year. I go nc straight away! I find out 3 weeks later she's in a relationship with someone else, bla bla bla.

 

Fast forward to 2 days ago and I get a text, 'hey, how you been? X'. I was completely stunned. It took me a few months to get over her and I've not heard anything from her and then here she is.

 

So I reply, 'I'm great, hope you're well.' Then she asks how my job is going so I reply just as plainly as the last but asked her why the random message. She said she has just been to centre parcs with her family and it was a weird weekend and everything reminded her of me (I went with her and her family last year) and she was wondering how I was.

 

I let that message stew till yesterday morning and then said 'That was a fun weekend but I am doing great. Was that all you wanted?'. Now she hasn't replied!!

 

What was the point in any of this?? Now she has got me thinking about her again and I'm annoyed she hasn't text back. She only doing this to wind me up or does she miss me?

 

Women are crazy!

 

 

READ THIS!

 

 

 

She got bored of your replies.

 

 

This: "She said she has just been to centre parcs with her family and it was a weird weekend and everything reminded her of me (I went with her and her family last year) and she was wondering how I was. "

 

 

is "womanese" for I miss you.

 

 

I keep telling people on here that most women will not outright tell you she "misses you" in fear that you won't feel the same way.

 

Remember, you guys haven't spoken for months... she doesn't know where she stands with you.

 

Women are attracted to men who's intentions are unclear.

 

 

You did very well going NC as soon as she dumped you.

 

After all these months she has realised that the silent treatment was permanent and she doesn't like it.

 

 

 

Anyway, now to my explanation.

 

 

If a woman who has blown you off (an ex or someone you wanted to date but turned off) has at the very least 51% she will get in contact when she realises you're gone if she doesn't get in touch.

 

When she does, which can take weeks or months (8 months in your case) you have to assume she wants to see you.

 

 

The reason she stopped replying is because you didn't catch her drift and she got bored.

 

It's likely that things ended with the guy she left you for. He clearly didn't understand how to treat women.

 

She, as everyone else does, looked back at the past with rose-tinted glasses. She thought of you and realised what she had let go.

 

 

You missed your chance to ask her out.

 

She might get in contact again, she might not, but remember this post if she does.

 

 

I recommend you go watch some Corey Wayne videos on exes and what to do when they get in touch RIGHT NOW.

[JimmyJones89]

Well now I'm annoyed with myself for missing the opportunity. I really want to message her but I can't cave in after all this time!

 

Would anyone else send a message or just play the waiting game again?

[BC1980]

Well now I'm annoyed with myself for missing the opportunity. I really want to message her but I can't cave in after all this time!

 

Would anyone else send a message or just play the waiting game again?

 

I would play the NC for good game and block her, so, next time, you don't have go be subjected to these nothing texts. No, I would not message her back because you sent the last text right? Ball is in her court. She just sent you a feeler text to see if you would respond. She probably realized she made a mistake by texting you and is hoping you don't contact her again. She saw that you will respond, so she got what she wanted.

[Wave Rider]

It could have been breadcrumbs but i don`t agree that he fell for it hard. In my opinion he handled it nicely. He was polite, avoided the trap and at the end the way he asked her for the reason behind her contacting, showed confidence, indifference and most probably felt like touching hot iron for her (that`s why she hasn`t replied).

 

Yeah, I agree this was handled pretty well. You were direct in asking her what she wanted, and if she wanted something and refused to tell you about it, I guess that's her loss. And I'm not so quick to ascribe malicious intention to her message. She probably has entertained some fantasies about getting back together, though she may not be willing to do it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well now I'm annoyed with myself for missing the opportunity. I really want to message her but I can't cave in after all this time!

 

Would anyone else send a message or just play the waiting game again?

 

You didn't miss an opportunity. If it was anything legitimate, she'd up the ante.