Author JimmyJones89 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Had this dream about her last night and when I woke up i was so dissappointed. It's been a couple months since she sent me that message. Now my urge to contact her is so strong! how stupid would I be if I did? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiknam Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Had this dream about her last night and when I woke up i was so dissappointed. It's been a couple months since she sent me that message. Now my urge to contact her is so strong! how stupid would I be if I did? On a scale from 1-10, where 10 is very stupid, it would be around 8-9. Definately not to it. If you do it, your result will be: - Feeling worse, as you "sell out" - Pushing her further away, since you are easy and "available" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Nothing but breadcrumbs. My ex contacted me about a week ago but was straight to the point that he wanted me back. I however, didn't want him back and him being in contact just shaked up my emotions from the breakup. I've learned that hearing from an EX one way or the other, leads nowhere good. BLOCK her and continue NC. Now you're sitting there wondering WHY she contacted you. Contact with an EX, not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 UMM don't do it PERIOD. It will only set you back. This will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 The most recent time, which was actually three years ago now, it was a little less than three weeks before she started with the "feeling out" texts. I had a sense what was happening almost right away, but felt like I needed her to be upfront about it instead of putting out the breadcrumbs and hoping I'd be the one to really get the ball rolling on reconciliation. She got more direct over several days before she finally said she'd made a mistake. In retrospect, I probably should've just taken the little ego boost from this moment and carried on with life. Unfortunately, I pretty much went back all in at that point and then much deeper. We're no longer together, but I'm still recovering from the final (and permanent) breakup. 3 weeks is too darn soon, right..? How are you doing now? Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDayIWillKnow Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here and make an observation. I have read so much on this forum and looked at so many posts. And here is what I have observed. Often people ask about contact with an ex, and the responses are pretty standard - DONT contact your ex. Why would you want to talk to your ex? and ex is an ex for a reason. It's BREADCRUMBS. It will only lead to heartbreak. It leads to NOWHERE good. The ex is the devil (this is often expressed even with minimal information on the situation) And so on and so forth. And then often once in a while, a post will come along where somebody says that either their ex contacted them, or they took a leap and contacted their ex, something happens, they met up, maybe they fell back in love, it was beautiful and their world was turned upside down with a decent reconciliation and they have ended up strong months later. And then people would congratulate them, say they are happy for them and how beautiful a story it is. And where are those bitter people with all the advice that is extreme and absolute? Nowhere to be found. Just an observation, and maybe we should talk about this phenomenon My advice OP, take all the advice here with a pinch of salt. People like to sound like they know what they are talking about, but nobody knows anybody else's situation so perfectly and to the T. These aren't court cases, these are relationships and matters of the heart. "The Ex" is not some animal species that can be studied and made absolute statements about. Be careful especially with the ones that have a bitter tone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Had this dream about her last night and when I woke up i was so dissappointed. It's been a couple months since she sent me that message. Now my urge to contact her is so strong! how stupid would I be if I did? I don't think it would be wise to contact her. She pretty much disappeared last time. She texted you, you texted back, and she never responded. She made the choice not to respond because she did not want any further contact with you. You had a dream about her. It happens. A dream isn't a reason to contact her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Agree with BC. i dreamt of my ex every night for the first 3months after the break up. It means nothing Do not contact her, its for your own good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here and make an observation. I have read so much on this forum and looked at so many posts. And here is what I have observed. Often people ask about contact with an ex, and the responses are pretty standard - DONT contact your ex. Why would you want to talk to your ex? and ex is an ex for a reason. It's BREADCRUMBS. It will only lead to heartbreak. It leads to NOWHERE good. The ex is the devil (this is often expressed even with minimal information on the situation) And so on and so forth. I have also noticed a few with a more "bitter" tone, but in general I dont think what you describe is happening. Most of reconciliations have the same ending with the happy stories counted on one hand Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDayIWillKnow Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) I have also noticed a few with a more "bitter" tone, but in general I dont think what you describe is happening. Most of reconciliations have the same ending with the happy stories counted on one hand My point is that you see all these replies with absolutes, like "an ex is an ex for a reason, never go back to an ex, it will never end well etc" and then that turns out not to be entirely true because these threads do appear where people had a successful reconciliation(more often than suggested) as a result of reconnecting. And then when it does happen, you get a whole load of congratulatory replies but never any of those bitter ones coming back and going oh you know what I was wrong, it does sometimes workout and I'm just a bitterpuss, congrats. Those bitter ones just disappear into the shadows without a word on those threads. Only to reappear again in other advise threads repeating the same absolutes about never contacting an ex. In fact, those bitter ones probably aren't even going to acknowledge what I'm saying right now. And it also makes me wonder how many possible reconciliations get missed out on as a result of such black and white advice. It almost makes you forget you're in the "second chances" section. Edited June 23, 2016 by SomeDayIWillKnow Added some thoughts at the end Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Second chances must be initiated by the person who did the dumping. Thats why dumpees are advised to ignore non commital messages ( example : "i miss you" vs "id like us to reconcile our differences"). Its not black and white advice, its logic born from experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 In fact, those bitter ones probably aren't even going to acknowledge what I'm saying right now. And it also makes me wonder how many possible reconciliations get missed out on as a result of such black and white advice. It almost makes you forget you're in the "second chances" section. That would be really sad even if it has happened only once. On the other side, dumpers do not just need to conclude they made a mistake by leaving their partners (and I am talking about the ones that were actually wrong, not about the total of dumpers), but also -90% I would say?- to be brave enough and reach out with a strong intention to make up for the emotional mess they caused to their ex. What happens if they are not? If they have a diamond heart, but not the strength it takes? This might be a vast grey zone and only people themselves can judge and decide on each case. And, anyway, we are coming here to vent, talk to someone, look for support, get some opinions, but not to be told what to do. Like we do with our friends i guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
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