OK Cupid The Q & A Obsessed - Rigidness

[LookAtThisPOst]

This could be a two-parter.

 

Came across this dating profile of a local woman...I gave it a go and answered a lot of the questions that OK Cupid had to offer.

 

After to getting around 400, I figured, "Does this EVER end?" So I stopped...figuring that was obviously enough.

 

I don't put that much stock in the %'s...I kind of use it as an opener in an initial email to a woman saying, "Hey, we're a 98% match, live locally, so I figured I'd get to know you."

 

At the bottom, she had written that, "Though some of you think that those questions don't matter, they do to ME...and just because you we have a high percentage matching us, well, if you haven't answered that many...then that % doesn't mean much."

 

She answered over 1,100 questions. She actually doesn't have a life apparently, lol.

 

Then on the "Typical Friday Night I am..." question on the main profile she says,

 

Well of late not much, haven't dated.

 

In a couple months by choice, went out twice from OK CUpid and felt if more time had been taken before the date we would have known we were not a match.

 

Some don't mind spending time and money finding that out, I personally don't want to go out just for something to do.

 

So now she prefers to waste hours online being pen-pals to a guy prior to meeting him. It sounds like she's wanting to FIND fault with a guy before meeting him in person, yes?

[Justanaverageguy]

Why do you care ? Isn't the point of the questions to establish compatibility ? Haven't you already gathered from the way her rigid approach doesn't line up with your expectations that you are likely not very compatible and wouldn't want to date her ? Job done! So move onto someone who's approach lines up more with yours

[xxoo]

. It sounds like she's wanting to FIND fault with a guy before meeting him in person, yes?

 

No, it sounds like she's trying to find a good match and screen out the bad matches.

 

You're not a good match (finding fault before meeting her), so you would be someone she's trying to screen out.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Why do you care ? Isn't the point of the questions to establish compatibility ? Haven't you already gathered from the way her rigid approach doesn't line up with your expectations that you are likely not very compatible and wouldn't want to date her ? Job done! So move onto someone who's approach lines up more with yours

 

Actually...NO one would be good enough for her based on what she's demanding. That's why she took time off from the site.

 

As with a lot of women on these sites, NO ONE is good enough for her.

 

Seen her time and time again on the site I'm almost recommending she move to the big city where options are more there.

 

All in all, a lot of these dating profiles, probably with the men too, give a tone as if they have an axe to grind.

[TooLegitToQuit]

I have to admit to being confused by this thread. The responses seem kind of harsh. I'm assuming OP wrote this thread to figure out how to write her to meet her... Why else would anyone post about a random OLD profile? Then again from his tone he doesn't seem that interested.

 

Forgive me, I'm new here

Edited April 13, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have to admit to being confused by this thread. The responses seem kind of harsh. I'm assuming OP wrote this thread to figure out how to write her to meet her... Why else would anyone post about a random OLD profile? Then again from his tone he doesn't seem that interested.

 

Forgive me, I'm new here

 

Well, it's rather an example of the pickiness of people who put up dating profiles and how trending it is that there have been on the site for years yet still remain dateless even....and then proceed to complain about it right in their profile.

 

If you complain about it in your profile, then perhaps that person should adjust their standards, if not, relocate...seriously, relocate...esp. if you live in a small town with limited options.

 

I picked this one as she has verbiage that supports this. This was the first time I had seen someone complain in their profile how they feel they wasted their time meeting the 2 people they met in person...and then regretted meeting in person as opposed to getting to know them online instead even longer...as she would have felt that keeping it online would have been a better weeding out process.

 

She expressed that she took a few months away from OK Cupid because how she felt she wasted time with the only 2 men she met on there...and I'm like, "Sorry, but it goes with the territory, deal with it."

 

This is the nature of online dating. Chat a bit, meet sooner than later, if you don't hit it off...then fine you don't see each other again.

 

But to complain that you wasted each other's time by seeing each other? Quite unrealistic. It's kind of a "I want my cake and eat it too mentality."

[d0nnivain]

I'm a picky person & I can be rigid. I know that about myself.

 

 

Before OLD, I actually went to an in person match-maker & filled out a questionnaire. When the counselor's "scored" me they said I was too picky & I needed to be more open minded if I hoped to meet somebody. I was incredulous. I said to the woman that I found her attitude to be lacking in customer service. I explained I was paying a lot of money for them to match me. If I wanted to meet just anybody I'd go to a bar. The service gave me a refund. But I was OK with that because I truly felt that I wasn't getting my money's worth.

 

 

Although I did it a long time ago & for a short time OLD scared me. The idea of meeting somebody through the internet was extremely uncomfortable for me. I also know that I can't shop on line because I need the tactile sensation of touching my purchase so it makes some sense that I didn't do well with OLD.

 

 

Her behavior is probably a function of her perceived self preservation. Clearly you don't care for her attitude but you don't have to. Simply don't date her but stop acting like you are superior to her because you disagree with her reasons for rejecting you & her methodology for selecting a date.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm a picky person & I can be rigid. I know that about myself.

 

 

Before OLD, I actually went to an in person match-maker & filled out a questionnaire. When the counselor's "scored" me they said I was too picky & I needed to be more open minded if I hoped to meet somebody. I was incredulous. I said to the woman that I found her attitude to be lacking in customer service. I explained I was paying a lot of money for them to match me. If I wanted to meet just anybody I'd go to a bar. The service gave me a refund. But I was OK with that because I truly felt that I wasn't getting my money's worth.

 

 

Although I did it a long time ago & for a short time OLD scared me. The idea of meeting somebody through the internet was extremely uncomfortable for me. I also know that I can't shop on line because I need the tactile sensation of touching my purchase so it makes some sense that I didn't do well with OLD.

 

 

Her behavior is probably a function of her perceived self preservation. Clearly you don't care for her attitude but you don't have to. Simply don't date her but stop acting like you are superior to her because you disagree with her reasons for rejecting you & her methodology for selecting a date.

 

 

When the counselor's "scored" me they said I was too picky & I needed to be more open minded if I hoped to meet somebody.

 

This means you should take heed, esp. if it's coming from a professional.

 

Quite glad you brought the subject of a professional matchmaker's opinion...if they run in synch with others out there, it's a pretty good gauge to go by.

 

Wow, you sound like an article posted by a matchmaker that did the same thing. I think the matchmaker was a man and was during his best to find "Mr. Right". He found someone VERY close to her match, almost dead on, expect that he was a couple of inches shorter than what she desired.

 

He called her, set up an appt., and pulled out his file. He was banking on the possibility she'd be an inkling open minded about it.

 

Nope, same result, the matchmaker suggested the same thing..that she should be somewhat open-minded. Nope, she left his office immediately. Quite sad.

 

There was this one TV show called, "Millionaire Matchmaker"...apparently she refers to these people as their "problem child" and they get them on occasion. A woman, mid 40's, was never satisfied with the appearances of her matches...so one day she decided to set her up on a date with a guy, without showing a pic of him.

 

The audience saw what he looked like, he was a bit older, early 50's, good looking guy, she even knew his age....really in shape...handsome. The woman was demanding she see a picture, but the matchmaker said no...the woman caved...she went to meet him in the lobby of the hotel...and she turned right around after she got a look at him....she thought he looked too old. LOL

 

I was like "Huh?"

 

She wouldn't even go through the date, even though they were on the threshold of the entry door. The matchmaker called her up after, and severed ties with her as a "never satisfied' client.

 

stop acting like you are superior to her because you disagree with her reasons for rejecting you & her methodology for selecting a date.

 

Not being superior at all, in fact the your matchmaker seems to nullify that. They are just being realistic as well they expect their clients to be.

Edited April 13, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[d0nnivain]

LookAtThisPost

 

 

I'm happily married. And I got everything I wanted on a very picky checklist: drop dead gorgeous, great sense of humor, sexy, loyal, financially stable, my race & ethnicity, well educated, strong character, never been married, no kids & over 35. The so called professional matchmaker was a person with a job & a computer; she had no higher education in anything let alone anything relevant like sociology, psychology or biology. She told me I would have to give up most of my list if I ever hoped to find anybody. After meeting with her & before age became one of my criteria, I dated 3 other men who fit the bill so her recommendation was even more useless IMO.

 

 

 

 

As I also tried to explain, but which you missed, IRL I was willing to be more flexible. But since I was paying a fee, IMO I was right to expect the service I was paying for to enable me to be picky. I was very put off by the idea that I had to pay and lower my standards. What kind of service is that?

[Miss Peach]

Why do you care ? Isn't the point of the questions to establish compatibility ? Haven't you already gathered from the way her rigid approach doesn't line up with your expectations that you are likely not very compatible and wouldn't want to date her ? Job done! So move onto someone who's approach lines up more with yours

 

This is my thought too.

 

To give you a woman's perspective... I had so many guys wanting to meet me on OLD I didn't have the time to do that, keep up on my work, and keep up on my personal life. I do have enough time for a relationship but the amount of responses I get on OLD are pretty high. But what woman of quality really wants to spend all her waking hours meeting guys IRL when a large percentage of them won't be worth it? So women develop different things to try to weed out the guys we think will be time wasters.

 

The difference is there are a lot of jaded men AND women out there (especially on OLD). While this woman has every right to want to screen men who are not worth her time, I am against putting negative and jaded things on my profile. I hate reading them on others people's profiles too and avoid them. I think that if someone can't go into dating with an open, positive mind then they needs a break from dating and OLD.

[losangelena]

I have to admit to being confused by this thread. The responses seem kind of harsh. I'm assuming OP wrote this thread to figure out how to write her to meet her... Why else would anyone post about a random OLD profile? Then again from his tone he doesn't seem that interested.

 

Forgive me, I'm new here

 

 

Stick around, you'll learn.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is my thought too.

 

To give you a woman's perspective... I had so many guys wanting to meet me on OLD I didn't have the time to do that, keep up on my work, and keep up on my personal life. I do have enough time for a relationship but the amount of responses I get on OLD are pretty high. But what woman of quality really wants to spend all her waking hours meeting guys IRL when a large percentage of them won't be worth it? So women develop different things to try to weed out the guys we think will be time wasters.

 

The difference is there are a lot of jaded men AND women out there (especially on OLD). While this woman has every right to want to screen men who are not worth her time, I am against putting negative and jaded things on my profile. I hate reading them on others people's profiles too and avoid them. I think that if someone can't go into dating with an open, positive mind then they needs a break from dating and OLD.

 

It's interesting. The only success I had getting responses and dates from women, were the ones that were new to the site.

 

Makes for a strike while the iron's hot moment.

 

I am against putting negative and jaded things on my profile. I hate reading them on others people's profiles too and avoid them.

 

The long time veterans had gotten more and more bitter. You can see it written in their profiles. lol

 

That is a plus on your part, and kudos to you!

[TooLegitToQuit]

Oh, ok.

 

I get how a profile like that can be off-putting but I am completely missing the need to write a thread about her. I see profiles that I don't like all the time, I just click "Remove from search" and move on to the next. I think that is what most people do. Who has the time and energy to spend on this?

 

Hard to wrap my mind around this thread but to each their own....

 

Well, it's rather an example of the pickiness of people who put up dating profiles and how trending it is that there have been on the site for years yet still remain dateless even....and then proceed to complain about it right in their profile.

 

If you complain about it in your profile, then perhaps that person should adjust their standards, if not, relocate...seriously, relocate...esp. if you live in a small town with limited options.

 

I picked this one as she has verbiage that supports this. This was the first time I had seen someone complain in their profile how they feel they wasted their time meeting the 2 people they met in person...and then regretted meeting in person as opposed to getting to know them online instead even longer...as she would have felt that keeping it online would have been a better weeding out process.

 

She expressed that she took a few months away from OK Cupid because how she felt she wasted time with the only 2 men she met on there...and I'm like, "Sorry, but it goes with the territory, deal with it."

 

This is the nature of online dating. Chat a bit, meet sooner than later, if you don't hit it off...then fine you don't see each other again.

 

But to complain that you wasted each other's time by seeing each other? Quite unrealistic. It's kind of a "I want my cake and eat it too mentality."

Edited April 13, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[losangelena]

Oh, ok.

 

I get how a profile like that can be off-putting but I am completely missing the need to write a thread about her. I see profiles that I don't like all the time, I just click "Remove from search" and move on to the next. I think that is what most people do. Who has the time and energy to spend on this?

 

Hard to wrap my mind around this thread but to each their own....

 

I totally agree! I don't see the point of these kinds of posts, either. So a woman on OLD does something in a manner which you find disagreeable? Fine, then move on. They have hide and block functions in the app for this very reason.

[GemmaUK]

I'm guessing that you can't see how many questions someone answered nor what the responses were before one or the other person makes contact..is that right?

 

If you can see them prior to contacting someone then it makes zero logical sense why you contacted her as you've basically said a pile of negative things about her. EG. You say you think she as no life and sits on OKC answering questions.

 

Can you or can't you see these questions and answers prior to contact? I've never been on OKC so have no idea.

 

I wouldn't recommend that you tell her to relocate as I suspect that will just confirm for her that you were not a good pick for her.

 

She has every right to be as picky as she wants to be. It certainly sounds to me like she wants to find Mr Right For Her rather than Mr Right Now.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

She has every right to be as picky as she wants to be. It certainly sounds to me like she wants to find Mr Right For Her rather than Mr Right Now.

 

Well, considering the age she is, mid-50s and the small town she lives in, if she doesn't relocate or doesn't at least consider long-distance online dating...she would probably be screwed.

[xxoo]

 

She expressed that she took a few months away from OK Cupid because how she felt she wasted time with the only 2 men she met on there...and I'm like, "Sorry, but it goes with the territory, deal with it."

 

You really should take your own advice regarding people on OLD who don't use OLD the way you think they should:

 

"Sorry, but it goes with the territory, deal with it."

[GemmaUK]

Well, considering the age she is, mid-50s and the small town she lives in, if she doesn't relocate or doesn't at least consider long-distance online dating...she would probably be screwed.

 

She is a smart lady.

She would rather be happy and single than in a relationship that isn't right for her.

Why do you care so much about her personal situation?

She just doesn't want to date you so forget it and move on to someone who does want to date you.

You don't even sound like you would want to date her with all the negatives you have posted here - hence my question about whether you can see these questions before any contact? Her replies have ruled her out as someone you would want to date so I don't understand why you mailed her at all.

[LookAtThisPOst]

She is a smart lady.

She would rather be happy and single than in a relationship that isn't right for her.

 

This has always puzzled me, people think JUST because they wind up dating someone that's not 100% within their criteria, like height or some minor flaw...that they will indeed be unhappy.

 

I really think this is not the case, in fact, it's kind of like this person will never be satisfied and they are thinking they can do better.

 

They think, "He's cute, but...I could do better."

Why do you care so much about her personal situation?

She just doesn't want to date you so forget it and move on to someone who does want to date you.

You don't even sound like you would want to date her with all the negatives you have posted here - hence my question about whether you can see these questions before any contact? Her replies have ruled her out as someone you would want to date so I don't understand why you mailed her at all.

 

The thing is, that's just an example of pretty much a good amount of those who have profiles. It's almost like why should they even bother? You know...one of many. The internet is saturated with people like this.

 

If you're going to complain or make unreasonable demands in your profile about it, then it's time they should do away with online dating.

 

I think this is why matchmakers and dating coaches don't have much luck anymore in the business.

Edited April 13, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

I'm not talking height or a minor flaw here.

It's personality, morals, respect and values.

All crucial to relationships.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm not talking height or a minor flaw here.

It's personality, morals, respect and values.

All crucial to relationships.

 

Oh okay, gotcha. :-)

[ltjg45]

Forgive me, I'm new here

 

I get how a profile like that can be off-putting but I am completely missing the need to write a thread about her. I see profiles that I don't like all the time, I just click "Remove from search" and move on to the next. I think that is what most people do. Who has the time and energy to spend on this?

 

What is really scary is that you are completely new here and you understand the very message so many members here have told the OP concerning this matter far quicker than he ever could.

 

It just goes to show just how much of a time waster these threads really is.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, considering the age she is, mid-50s and the small town she lives in, if she doesn't relocate or doesn't at least consider long-distance online dating...she would probably be screwed.

 

How exactly is she screwed?

 

Because she's not conforming to your way of using OLD?

 

Maybe she's happy single, but if she comes across someone who strikes her fancy, she'll change her mind.

[BlueIris]

Maybe she's happy single, but if she comes across someone who strikes her fancy, she'll change her mind.

 

Yes! Some people are OK staying single unless someone very special comes along. They’re not “screwed” for feeling that way. Being in a relationship just isn't a top priority for them.

[LookAtThisPOst]

How exactly is she screwed?

 

Shooting their-selves in the foot by having unrealistic expectations.

 

Maybe she's happy single.

 

Not if she's complaining about the inability to find a good man IN her profile. I see it a lot. A lot of people after being on these dating sites for a while update their profiles with rants...treating it almost like another Facebook.