Am I wasting my time?

[ChickiePops]

speaking personally as I can't speak for other OW, I always had it in me. God, that sounds cold and heartless but the facts are I cheated on my first husband several times, inc with MOM, one in particular who I had no desire to live a life with, or for him to leave his wife, it was purely the thrill of it.

 

This time though it's different. I love him, I want to be with him. I did have a dreadful 2nd marriage though, which I thought was karma for my behaviour in my first. And then my first relationship after getting out of a horrible second marriage is an affair with a MM. Maybe I have issues.......

 

Everyone has issues and impulses..for example I had an impulse to ram the car in front of me this morning when they were going 20 miles under the speed limit..but not everyone acts on them. Had I hit the car in front of me, I could have hurt the other driver and whatever innocent passengers they had, and myself, and I'd have done major damage to my car and theirs. I love my car but the impulse was still there. I chose to ignore it, and I'm grateful for that. I didn't hurt anyone, or myself, or my car and I only got to work 5 minutes late.

 

Someday your destructive lifestyle will catch up with you if you don't change it. A serial cheater is inherently unhealthy..it's definitely time to seek some help to try to understand why you do this to yourself and others.

[MrsBilliethekid]

Everyone has issues and impulses..for example I had an impulse to ram the car in front of me this morning when they were going 20 miles under the speed limit..but not everyone acts on them. Had I hit the car in front of me, I could have hurt the other driver and whatever innocent passengers they had, and myself, and I'd have done major damage to my car and theirs. I love my car but the impulse was still there. I chose to ignore it, and I'm grateful for that. I didn't hurt anyone, or myself, or my car and I only got to work 5 minutes late.

 

Someday your destructive lifestyle will catch up with you if you don't change it. A serial cheater is inherently unhealthy..it's definitely time to seek some help to try to understand why you do this to yourself and others.

 

I wouldn't say I have a destructive lifestyle or that I'm a serial cheater, maybe in the past but not now. I met my second husband in 2002, separated May 2014 and MM is the first man I've been with since.....I certainly didn't intend or look for a MM to have an affair with and did infact chase (by chase I mean tell to get lost, not chase as in pursue) several MM who came onto me after splitting with xH. Men seem to think that single mum's are desparate for any kind of attention which is def not the case. Putting aside the 'married' part, MM is attentive, respectful, loving, kind, gentle, funny, great conversationalist, clever, we have so much in common........and yeah, I know, he's married

[ladydesigner]

I've noticed that so many BWs go on to become OWs. Is it that the betrayal leaves you so broken or that deep down you always had it in you to do this?

 

I'm one of these. I had an A shortly after my WH's first EA (PA not proven). I absolutely think it was a way to gain the control back, albeit temporarily

[ChickiePops]

I wouldn't say I have a destructive lifestyle or that I'm a serial cheater, maybe in the past but not now. I met my second husband in 2002, separated May 2014 and MM is the first man I've been with since.....I certainly didn't intend or look for a MM to have an affair with and did infact chase (by chase I mean tell to get lost, not chase as in pursue) several MM who came onto me after splitting with xH. Men seem to think that single mum's are desparate for any kind of attention which is def not the case. Putting aside the 'married' part, MM is attentive, respectful, loving, kind, gentle, funny, great conversationalist, clever, we have so much in common........and yeah, I know, he's married

 

Oh it's definitely destructive. To you, your kids, him, his wife, and his kids..and probably other people you're not aware of too. No matter what happens here, someone is going to be devastated.

[WasOtherWoman]

I've noticed that so many BWs go on to become OWs. Is it that the betrayal leaves you so broken or that deep down you always had it in you to do this?

 

Interesting question. I was an OW probably ten years after being a BS.

 

Being a BS was not the end of the world for me, although it did feel like it immediately after discovery. I quickly decided that I was not going to forgive him, we divorced, life went on and I really didn't allow myself to be any worse for the wear from that experience. I wonder if knowing that betrayal is not the end of the world was the reason i allowed myself to become an OW?

[sandylee1]

I'm one of these. I had an A shortly after my WH's first EA (PA not proven). I absolutely think it was a way to gain the control back, albeit temporarily

 

A revenge affair I can actually understand....like showing your H you've still got it. I can actually see myself doing this if my H had an affair.... because quite frankly I've had offers and shut them down..but if he throws it out of the window....he can have the visions of me with another man.... I'm not going to have those mind movies on my own. He'd have to be extremely remorseful and grovel to stop me thinking this way.

 

but it's those that split with their H and become a single OW .... causing another woman to face the same devastation that they did.

Edited April 20, 2016 by sandylee1

[MrsBilliethekid]

I did it. I told him I can't do it anymore. If he wants to remain in a miserable marriage then that's up to him. Obviously there was more to it but that's the gist of it. I'm not doing the whole NC yet.......I want to give him a chance to 'make things right' but I won't be seeing him til he does and contact will be limited and on my terms. I feel stronger already.

[Ms. Faust]

Good luck, hopefully you won't have to wait long for his wife to decide to divorce him.

[WasOtherWoman]

I did it. I told him I can't do it anymore. If he wants to remain in a miserable marriage then that's up to him. Obviously there was more to it but that's the gist of it. I'm not doing the whole NC yet.......I want to give him a chance to 'make things right' but I won't be seeing him til he does and contact will be limited and on my terms. I feel stronger already.

 

Good for you, it's a start. You set your boundary.....

[LovingDelilah]

I hope you find somebody better. He sounds irresponsible. If he thought his wife crazy then why leave his child with her. We can all make mistakes but you'd best avoid taking this further.