Jakefontanas Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 I've been with my Girlfriend for about 7 months. I'm 29 she is 25. Her parents have spoiled her tremendously. To the point where she thinks she's supposed to have EVERYTHING her way. She's a sweet girl don't get me wrong but she wants EVERYTHING her way. Her last guy cheated on her a lot and disrepected her. It's made her become very possessive and obsessive. Lately she's been acting so crazy and possessive. She is a such a spoiled brat. She texts me all day. She gets upset if I cannot message her back right away. I have several jobs and sometimes it could take me hours to text her back. About 4 days ago she was meeting me at my job after work. She texted me if I could hurry because she was afraid because she was waiting in the parking lot alone(it was late). So I rushed to her (without responding to the text). When I got to her she questioned me as to why and how I got there so fast....not considering she told me she was scared ??. So I just brushed off her questions. The next day she started sending me text messages saying I don't respect her or treat her good and that she hates me for the way I treat her. I asked her wtf is she talking about!!. She called me a "dumbass" and I responded with "what???? Omg you're an idiot". So she text me late at night saying that she can't believe I called her an idiot. I pointed out that she called me a "dumbass" and that she had no reason to be texting me what she texted me. She said she's sorry and that she's trying to work on her spoiled ways. Yesterday she texted me and I couldn't immediately respond. So she texted me asking why am I not talking to her. I responded with "busy" and she said "same excuse diff day" that irritated me so I responded again saying "busy". She immediately starts texting me saying she hates me and that I'm an ******* and she'll never speak to me again. She told me to **** off. So I got angry and said to her to stop texting me because she isn't worth my time. She then responded with "omg I can't believe you said I'm not worth your time" ....remember she told me to **** off and that she hates me. I told her I can't drop everything just to talk and she said she hopes I DIE busy because I always say I'm busy. That pissed me off so bad and I told her that I'll remember she said that. She responded with "idc bye" Later that night she text me a long apology saying how she doesn't know how to change her spoiled ways and how she can't help how she gets upset when I don't text her back. She told me she's trying so hard because she doesn't want to lose me and that she loves me and wants me to forgive her. She apologized for what she said. At first I didn't text her back because I was upset. She kept texting me apologizing and begging me to talk to her. She text me saying "I'm sorry please forgive me" I only said "K" she then responded. Asking me to please talk to her and I said "why??". She told me again how she's so sorry for her words. And that she doesn't want me to be mad at her. I told her "u just piss me off" she again said she's sorry and that I've been patient with her and that she wants to change her ways because she loves me. I didn't respond because of course I'm still upset. I love her. I wouldn't put up with this if I didn't. I REALLY love her. I need her to know that I'm not going to hurt her. I want her to stop her bratty ways. I want to work it out. She literally told me to die yesterday because of one of her little tantrums. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Goodness, this relationship sounds terrible. She doesn't know how to be in a relationship. I really think she should be alone for a while until she learns what it means to respect other people. You allow her to get away with this terrible behaviour every time. What consequences has it brought about? Absolutely none. Every time you forgive her. So she will do it again. There is only one way she will change her behaviour, and that is if she has motivation. Currently she has no motivation because you let her get away with it every time. You need to draw a line in the sand and tell her DO NOT CROSS. And if she crosses it, she needs to feel consequences. After 7 months you should not be going through this much drama. That is not what a good, healthy relationship looks like. She is 25, not 15. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jakefontanas Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 Goodness, this relationship sounds terrible. She doesn't know how to be in a relationship. I really think she should be alone for a while until she learns what it means to respect other people. You allow her to get away with this terrible behaviour every time. What consequences has it brought about? Absolutely none. Every time you forgive her. So she will do it again. There is only one way she will change her behaviour, and that is if she has motivation. Currently she has no motivation because you let her get away with it every time. You need to draw a line in the sand and tell her DO NOT CROSS. And if she crosses it, she needs to feel consequences. After 7 months you should not be going through this much drama. That is not what a good, healthy relationship looks like. She is 25, not 15. Dude you have no idea. Not blaming her parents but gah! They spoiled her soooo much. I'm having to deal with the outcome. I love her and she loves me too. She just needs to learn that everything isn't about her. You're right at 25 she should know better. When we get along its great. It makes me so happy. Im sure in about an hour when she wakes up she'll be texting me some more apology lol Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 I'm having to deal with the outcome. No, you're choosing to deal with the outcome. Im sure in about an hour when she wakes up she'll be texting me some more apology lol There is only one person who can break this cycle..... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jakefontanas Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 No, you're choosing to deal with the outcome. There is only one person who can break this cycle..... Yeah well if she meant nothing to me I'd leave her. I love her Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 You love someone who tells you to go and die? It doesn't sound as though she loves you. One does not tell someone they love, to go and die. This is not love. It's an abusive co-dependent relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jakefontanas Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 You love someone who tells you to go and die? It doesn't sound as though she loves you. One does not tell someone they love, to go and die. This is not love. It's an abusive co-dependent relationship. Yes I love her. Would I be here still if I didn't. I know her well and she doesn't try to hurt me. She lashes out when she gets upset 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Sit her down & tell her what you wrote here. Explain to her that you do love her & you want to believe that she wants to change. Also warn her that her failure to change is going to cause you to break up with her. Then tell her that she has to be patient when you are at work. You have responsibilities & you can't be at her beck & call 24/7. Give her a choice. Tell her you earn x dollars per year plus benefits (calculate that amount) and if she wants to pay you that amount of money every year plus a 5% cost of living increase every year you will be happy to do nothing but cater to her. Since that is unrealistic, she needs to grow up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Yes I love her. Would I be here still if I didn't. I know her well and she doesn't try to hurt me. She lashes out when she gets upset Just wait until her behavior escalates. The next step should be when she slaps you across the face for disrespecting her. Then you will get the same apologies you are getting now. And you will have the same rationalizations: 'I love her', 'She said she'll never do it again'... bla, bla, bla... She is the only one who can change her behavior, but she wont as long as you are enabling her...why should she? You love her... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Don't worry....your love for her will fade pretty quickly here and nature will take it's course. You can't force her to change, she is who she is. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Next time she acts like a brat, say to her "Hey, if you want to give me a hug and a kiss just do it. No need to be a brat". Then smile at her and tell her to come over and talk it out. You love her and that's cool. You may have to condition her behavior if you plan to keep your sanity, by downplaying her temper tantrums. Tell her to talk to you in a loving manner if she has an issue and you will do the same. Best of luck bro! Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 If you want to give it another chance insist that she seeks therapy THEN you'll CONSIDER giving her another chance. If you've had enough ... tell her you just can't deal with it anymore and wish her well in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Yeah well if she meant nothing to me I'd leave her. I love her Let's see how much you love her if you marry her, have kids with her and are doing ALL the work while dealing with a woman child. If you are going to put up with her behavior what do you want from LoveShack? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Yes I love her. Would I be here still if I didn't. I know her well and she doesn't try to hurt me. She lashes out when she gets upset Are you kidding me? Dude she probably treats everyone like that because she is a spoiled brat. You do realize that continuing this relationship with her will not change her behavior but only exacerbate it right? She will continue to do this. She only loves herself...not you. If at only seven months she is acting like that you have to understand she will always act like that. I know you came here thinking somebody would give you advice on why you should stay with her. But I don't see that happening. You should probably get out of the relationship before you end up giving her a Five knuckle shuffle across her face. You don't want to do that, so end the relationship before you do. Nothing good is coming out of this relationship. "Because I Love Her" is not a valid reason to stay with someone who is so immature. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 She is who she is at this point, and you're the yen for her yang. You can change one but not the other. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 You can't change her. It's not about what you do or don't do. She has some serious issues that go far beyond being spoiled by her parents or being cheated on in the past. It will get worse, not better, if she doesn't get help. One of my ex-boyfriends was very similar to your girlfriend. He was insanely jealous and possessive, and when he didn't get his way, he unleashed terrible verbal tirades. Including when I was at work. Including the "I hate you!" and "You will never see me again" and "you don't care about me" and the very loving "you deserve a kick in the ass." Seriously. That verbal abuse eventually turned physical. That is not love. That is abuse. Full stop. My ex suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. And he knows it; he's been diagnosed. But he refused to seek further treatment. I am not saying your girl is also a BPD sufferer, but she does need help. The way she is treating you is unacceptable but it will continue because she sees all she has to do is play nice for a little while and you'll stay. You have to get serious about the consequences of her behaviour if you really want this to stop. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Yes I love her. Would I be here still if I didn't. I know her well and she doesn't try to hurt me. She lashes out when she gets upset No-one is 100% bad. That doesn't mean you should let them wipe their feet on you. Seriously. You are letting her abuse you, you are letting yourself down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jakefontanas Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 You guys I really don't want to leave her. I love her so much. I feel that she knows I love her and she might play on that Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 You guys I really don't want to leave her. I love her so much. I feel that she knows I love her and she might play on that What exactly is this supposed to mean? She knows you love her...... so she knows she can treat you poorly? She knows you love her, so she knows she doesn't have to control her behavior? Why do you love her? Is it the way she makes you feel? Because you respect and admire her? Because she shows she is caring and puts your needs before her own? What it is? Do you treat her poorly, because she knows that you love her? Sounds silly doesn't it? Sometimes love isnt enough. You needed to be treated kindly, and with respect, not constant tantrums. Where do you see this going? Do you see all of the drama just going away? Do you think she is really going to CHANGE? What is her motive to change? You already said that "she knows you love her" - so what is going to really make her change? Do you know how often an abuse victim stays around in the name of "love"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 I can't even read your whole post because it's just too ridiculous and painful. You need to lose this girl like the bad habit that she is. And I don't mean next week or next month. Because if she senses that you're about to bolt, she'll get you to sleep with her in the hopes of her getting pregnant so that she can trap you. This girl is nuts with a capital N. And if you need a glimpse of what your life would be like if you stay with her, I can give you a real life example of a relative of mine who married someone almost exactly like your gf. First of all, she got pregnant so that he'd marry her. About ten years later, he told me that he's sorry he ever got involved with her and that he should've never married her - even if she was pregnant. His life is basically a living hell but he knows that if he leaves her, she's likely to go off the deep end. I personally can't stand to be around her. She continually disrespects him, yells, screams and calls him names. All of this in front of their kids. Not to mention the names she calls the kids. Do not pass Go and do not collect $200. Walk away from this psycho, and fast! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Have you considered that her apologies are just meaningless words? True regret for actions is accompanied by change. Tell her this. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Maybe its time for you to have a hard think what do you love about her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 You guys I really don't want to leave her. I love her so much. I feel that she knows I love her and she might play on that Well then let it continue and trust me it will get worse. What you should do is let her know that she's 25 years old and she better start acting like one real soon because her bad manners and her ways are getting old. Sooner or later all the love in the world wont be able to mask her behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Yeah well if she meant nothing to me I'd leave her. I love her Pfft. You should love yourself more. Why did you agree to be exclusive with someone who is this annoying? Stop what you're doing and have a good think. Put her on a break, and consider your options. There are easier ways to get laid, mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 You guys I really don't want to leave her. I love her so much. I feel that she knows I love her and she might play on that Yes, needy people get exploited. You really need to get a grip before this destroys your self esteem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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