Re: losing a friend because you fell in love

[LoveAngel]

recently, i told one of my friends that i loved her. she gave me the "i like you as a friend" speech. now, i don't know what to do or how to act. of course, i still want to be her friend, but i can't pretend that i don't love her when i really do. similarly, she can't pretend that she loves me when she really doesn't. now, we stopped calling each other the way we used to and stopped doing things together. is there a way to save this friendship? she means a lot to me and i don't want to lose her. i thought about just acting like her friend when i'm with her, but since i already messed up and told her that i was in love with her, then she will know it is an act, right? what can i do? i really need her in my life.

Mike,

 

As I said in reply to Patti's message, there aren't any clear cut solutions to the situations life throws at us. We just have to make our best effort at it and know that at least we put our all into it, no matter what the outcome. One key point I think should be made since you replied to Patti's message is that you didn't mention she was your "best friend" -- only *a* friend, which is a different situation. It doesn't seem that this friendship you're describing really extended that deeply on an emotional level. If it did, please correct me and let me know. You said it -- the three words that can change everything. You're right. You can't pretend you don't and she can't pretend she does. You have to be yourself, and she, herself. If this friendship is really that important to you; if you feel it's worth saving then it may take a lot of hard work on the part of the both of you. You've reached an awkward situation where the feelings just aren't mutual. That's not to say they can't change in the future, but that's also not to say that they will change. Only time will tell in situations like these. In the meantime, be her friend! Be what you are, and unless she feels the same way, you're her friend. If the situation reaches the point you describe of a sort of distancing on her part, then perhaps you should ask her to sit down with her and talk it out. You've got to respect her feelings, just as she respected yours. Just don't let this ruin your chances of friendship. It surely will if you press the issue. Do the things you did together before this happened, and play it by ear. I'm sure you'll find someone special eventually, whether it's her or not. I know it must really hurt to find out that the feelings aren't mutual. But I guess you need to make a decision about what's more important to you -- strengthening your already existing friendship, or breaking this off because she can't give you what you want.

 

I invite anyone else who has had similar experiences to share with Mike and Patti and the rest of us here. A little insight never hurt anyone.

 

Best wishes to you,

 

LoveAngel