pushmug Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 hello everybody, its been 6 months from hell since a female coworker gave my husband a ride and he kept it from me for 3 months until he told me all about it ...yes i can get very upset and crazy from being too jealous and it is ruining my marriage so i chose to trust him after giving him such a hard time baout it . NOW he says they got a foosball table aat work and play everyday with her and another 3 guys ... am i wrong for being so upset about this? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsBilliethekid Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 hello everybody, its been 6 months from hell since a female coworker gave my husband a ride and he kept it from me for 3 months until he told me all about it ...yes i can get very upset and crazy from being too jealous and it is ruining my marriage so i chose to trust him after giving him such a hard time baout it . NOW he says they got a foosball table aat work and play everyday with her and another 3 guys ... am i wrong for being so upset about this? Gave him a ride? As in, in her car? If you have form for crazy and jealous, I don't think I'd have told you either....... If he's playing foosball with her and 3 other blokes I don't think you have anything to worry about....other than trying to control your own emotions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 my husband has a single woman at work that i dont really know that well... they have a foosball table that they play on every single day with another 3 guys and its making me go crazy ...i find it so innapropriate ...or am i making a big deal out of it Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 my husband has a single woman at work that i dont really know that well... they have a foosball table that they play on every single day with another 3 guys and its making me go crazy ...i find it so innapropriate ...or am i making a big deal out of it Well if they are just playing table football then you are making a big deal of it, if there is more to it, then not. Do you have any other "evidence"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 yes , i dont think i would have told me either , i dont know how to stop my self from being so jealous. its a relationship killer:( Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 yes , i dont think i would have told me either , i dont know how to stop my self from being so jealous. its a relationship killer:( seek out therapy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 my husband has a single woman at work that i dont really know that well... they have a foosball table that they play on every single day with another 3 guys and its making me go crazy ...i find it so innapropriate ...or am i making a big deal out of it As there are 3 other guys present, I think you probably are. Do you think it would make any difference if she was married? Are the other 3 guys married? What exactly makes you crazy? Why do you feel so insecure? Does your H have a habit of wandering/straying? What's the real problem, here? Him? or You? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Couple of questions for you 1. You say your hubby kept the car ride from you for a period of time. Had he talked about this woman a lot previously or gone out of his way to do so? Reason I ask this is that in a lot of cases of infidelity with co workers, the Spouse can often talk incessantly about the other person or go to extremes and often say a lot of negative things about them in order to obfuscate their true feelings. So again, has your husband talked a lot about this person? 2. Has you husband shown any inappropriate behaviors in the past that concerned you and triggered this reaction from you. You seem quite upset about it so has this happened before? 3. Have YOU had any contacts with people outside your marriage that your husband would deem inappropriate? I ask this because also in some cases a cheater goes way overboard themselves and accuses their spouse of being a cheater when in fact they themselves are. Not saying you have or are, but just want you to think about it since we are only going to be receiving one version of events. If you can answer any of these questions we may be able to better dispense some advice that is worthy of consideration. From what you have given us all we can do is throw stuff out there that may or not be helpful 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 OP, if you worked with men, what would you consider appropriate behavior? Would you give a coworker a ride home and, if so, how would your H feel about that? Where I live, things are pretty casual. Are work relationships more formal and discrete where you live? I know cultures and locations vary. Regarding the game table at work, people do interact at work for other than strictly work, though not necessarily playing foosball. Does he stay after work to play foosball and does he do it regularly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 I think i really have trust issues,I know. But i hate the fact that he has fun with a woman other than me , I keep imagining that he will eventually fall in love with her , it hurts physically hurts my insides when i think about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 We have been fighting almost every other day since his coworker gave him a ride... I know its in my head deep inside, but i get these bouts of anger and jealousy . Plus they get a new foosball table and play with her and other guys ( since she is the only female coworker in the office) everyday and that makes me super jealous and mad at him . I would want to ask him questions about every single detail ( do u high five after a game , do u have lunch together? Are u ever alone with her in the kitchen/ meeting room? Do u ever chat about something personal? ) and many many more ? i can't stop this destructive behavior.. Deeep deep inside im sure he would never cheat on me and loves me and the kids and would never risk us for anything else but I can't help my self . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 I think i really have trust issues,I know. But i hate the fact that he has fun with a woman other than me , I keep imagining that he will eventually fall in love with her , it hurts physically hurts my insides when i think about it Your fear may become a self fulfilling prophecy - if you behave in a jealous and irrational manner, he may well fall out of love with you and eventually in love with someone else. As much as you fear losing him, you are actively driving him away. You need to see a psychologist ASAP and get some strategies to stop this behaviour. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 i wish could get therapy , its super expensive and i am not covered almost anyone i talk to tells me i need therapy. it saddens me to realize that its in my head .. but reading posts on my threads give me some kind of sedative. i thought my sister just wanted to calm me down but the fact that random people are telling me the same thing , well .. starting to feel a bit down and ashamed that im giving my husband a hard time without any true evidence that he might like her or favor her over me im so afraid he'll start wanting to spend more time with her than with me . Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 i woke him up early ...took his phone and searched it vigorously and exploded in his face AGAIN . how is it that i cant control my anger towards this situation ,(office group on watsaap includes a female coworker ) i started shouting at him that he had been erasing and editing the group while i had no evidence whatso ever!!! and now i feel so bad . was anyone in my position and got over her husband having a female coworker ??? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 You say you cannot afford therapy. Can you consult any anger-management resources? Books, support groups, etc? It's good that you recognize you have a problem, but you must seek out ways to solve it. If you keep up with your behaviour, you will lose your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Wow....wow....WOW again please seek out therapy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pushmug Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 im trying the online therapy at the moment and its helping . im posting here to get it out i know im a horrible person Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 im trying the online therapy at the moment and its helping . im posting here to get it out i know im a horrible person You're NOT a horrible person, but you do have a problem that you need to seek help with. I'm glad that you're taking a step in that direction. Link to post Share on other sites
BMI03 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 ...was anyone in my position and got over her husband having a female coworker ??? I think it is a positive that you see that you have a problem that requires attention to fix. That's good. I quote the above because while it is a good step that you see you have a problem, I think you still have a sense that there is a wrongdoing, or issue with your husband having a female co-worker that also needs addressing. I don't mean to be harsh, but from what I have saw so far from your posts, there simply isn't. Or to be more clear, the average person does not, or should not, have issue with their significant other having a co-worker of the opposite sex, even one they get along with and socialize with within the workplace, if there is no bad behaviour associated with it. For most people, your question is hard to relate to because there is typically nothing to get over for most. I don't know the type of job he does, but your man likely has no control over who his company hires; he may work in teams where growing a relationship with the other team members is important, or where networking with colleagues is beneficial to his work. The only issue here on his end that I hear is his having kept the ride a secret. While I don't think anything should be secret to one another, I can't say that I don't understand why he may have did it. Because if this is how you react to things of that nature, he was most likely fearful of an irrational response. Online counselling is great if you can't afford face to face. Read books too. I hope you can get over this before you chase him away. It may be useful to share with him that you recognize your problem and are doing something about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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