Is it possible my professor is attracted to me? [UPDATE]

[katie949]

.....one of your female students, an attractive one, asked you out for coffee/a drink after graduation?

 

Would you be flattered or horrified? If you found her attractive, would you say yes?

[Fleur de cactus]

Katie,

 

Could you start by sending him a facebook friendship request if you are not friend on facebook yet. Some profs do not like to be friend of their students but after your graduation I think it does not have any harm. If he accepts your request send him some messages and from there maybe you can ask for a tea, coffee together. If he does not respond to the request, maybe it is not a good sign you can decide to stop pursuing him or not. All the best my dear.

[katie949]

Ok, so my English professor (who is in his early 30s) and I used to get along well. We used to talk after class, and when we saw each other around on campus, or just say hi if he was in a rush.

 

After seminars or presentations, both faculty and students would go to a local bar (the head professor likes to have an informal atmosphere). This prof and I used to talk to each other, he'd tease me sometimes and we'd talk about anything - politics, childhood, music... Whatever. We basically got along well.

 

On a few of these occasions, in bars late at night (always in a group), the prof did say to me that he had to keep a professional distance from students, because he had to protect himself for the sake of his career. I completely understand this. However, I didn't think there was anything wrong with our chatting and joking - it wasn't overstepping any boundaries, we only saw each other at academic events, in the company of other profs.

 

Since the last faculty/student event, this prof has been ignoring me. Last week, after I had a panic attack in my exam, I emailed all of my profs to let them know (they were all expecting a good grade from me). All of them replied, apart from this one guy. Since then, we have bumped into each other on campus, but he didn't even speak to me, just walked past. A few days later, I was sitting outside, and I saw him look me straight in the eyes, but he did not even smile or say hello... Although, that said, as soon as we made eye contact, I quickly looked down at my laptop screen, worried he didn't want to see me.

 

Basically, since I'm in my final year and about to graduate, I may never see this professor again if I don't get the grades I need to stay for an MA. Perhaps he doesn't care whether he ever sees me again. It just seems odd though, as he always used to be so nice to me. What should I do? I want to talk to him, preferably in person, but I don't want to embarrass myself.....

[katie949]

Katie,

 

Could you start by sending him a facebook friendship request if you are not friend on facebook yet. Some profs do not like to be friend of their students but after your graduation I think it does not have any harm. If he accepts your request send him some messages and from there maybe you can ask for a tea, coffee together. If he does not respond to the request, maybe it is not a good sign you can decide to stop pursuing him or not. All the best my dear.

 

Thank you Fleur. I have thought about that. The guy once said that he doesn't add or accept students who he is currently teaching, but after they have graduated, he doesn't mind.

[stillafool]

I did say AFTER I have graduated The problem is, I don't know what I want to do....Which is why I'm asking on here...

 

How would anyone here know what you want when you don't even know?

[stillafool]

 

 

Since the last faculty/student event, this prof has been ignoring me.

 

.....

 

Maybe he's realizing you have a man crush on him and he's trying to discourage it.

[katie949]

Maybe he's realizing you have a man crush on him and he's trying to discourage it.

 

He never tried to discourage it up until that event, and he must have known because I didn't do anything different.

[elaine567]

He never tried to discourage it up until that event, and he must have known because I didn't do anything different.

 

Maybe he just realised that his friendliness to you was giving you the wrong idea and wanted to thus nip any ongoing friendship in the bud as it was unhealthy.

I guess professors are pretty used to students getting crushes on them, when all they are trying to do, is help them be better students.

Once apparent that a student is besotted, then all they can do is show the attraction is not mutual and shut them down completely.

He, no doubt saw trouble ahead and swerved to avoid it.

[katie949]

Ok, long story short: at my former uni, there was a professor (Jack) I grew to like (Ie crush on); before this,, I'd had the impression he was attracted to me, and I liked this. Nothing untoward ever happened - he just used to talk to me a lot, tease me sometimes, on faculty events (mainly in pubs/bars after presentations), on a few occasions he sat really close to me and none of the other profs would do that....

 

One evening, he told me that our relationship could only be 'an employer/employee' relationship because he was a prof. I understood this: he had his job to think of (a colleague of his had joked to me that Jack "knew everything I was up to!"...). Since then, Jack sometimes ignored me, but sometimes was friendly.

 

The final two weeks of term, we ignored each other totally: he looked me straight in the eyes one day, but I just looked away and down at my phone, because I assumed he'd want to avoid me. We never spoke. I emailed him to ask his advise about choosing Masters courses, but he didn't reply (I know that he saw it).

 

Anyway, now I am doing an MA at a different institution. Now, Jack is teaching a few supplementary classes at my current uni, and I have to (well, I am strongly advised to) attend. The problem is, on one hand, I really want to see him...On the other hand, I don't want to see him at all, because I feel hurt and angry and it might be painful to see him...

[katie949]

Maybe he just realised that his friendliness to you was giving you the wrong idea and wanted to thus nip any ongoing friendship in the bud as it was unhealthy.

I guess professors are pretty used to students getting crushes on them, when all they are trying to do, is help them be better students.

Once apparent that a student is besotted, then all they can do is show the attraction is not mutual and shut them down completely.

He, no doubt saw trouble ahead and swerved to avoid it.

 

Maybe, but for a long time he spent lots of time talking to me and joking around.....He did not just suddenly realise that I had a crush on him on that one particular evening of the faculty party. The first time he spoke to me after a lecture, he didn't know me, he was quite awkward, tripping over his words.

[GemmaUK]

Nothing matters.

He was clear.

You don't appear to have listened.