How much more can one take?

[BrokenMe]

I've been married to my husband for about 5 years. We have two beautiful children ages 3 and 4. We have had a very rocky relationship from the day I found out I was pregnant with my 1st child. I remember I came home from work just "knowing" I was pregnant (didn't take a test yet) and when I got home he was sleeping. He reeked of alcohol and had ignored my phone calls earlier in the day. I woke him up and he went in to a rage and attacked me. I didn't understand what was happening. We got into a fight and he left the house. I later discovered that he was sleeping in his car in the driveway. The next morning his parents had to come and take him home. I was so confused and I went to the drug store and bought a pregnancy test. It was positive. We talked things out and he cried and apologized for what he did. During the course of the pregnancy he had such major mood swings and I wasn't able to understand why and I figured I was just being hormonal. Eventually I found out that he was using cocaine. Up until the day I gave birth it was very up and down. I contiplated leaving him but wasn't sure what to do. After my son was born I told him I was leaving him and he would never see us again since he was still using. ( I found a bag in his wallet.) He swore he would stop that he didn't want to lose me and our son. With a newborn and no other family nearby except for his parents I gave him another chance. Things got better and I could tell he was clean. After 6 months we decided to give our son a sibling. It was his idea bc he was an only child and he hated it. I got pregnant right away and we had our baby girl. Although we had our fair share of problems it was nothing we couldn't deal with. Well about a year and a half ago my husband changed careers. He is now a part owner of a limo company so he is pretty much working 7 days a week. He is hardly ever home and when be is he is too tired to do anything. He basically comes home plays w the kids for 5 mins eats showers and sleeps. This of course drive us apart and I began to resent him. Well thanksgiving eve last year I went to work and the kids were with my inlaws. DH decided to go have a glass of wine at a friends restaurant. The next morning he never showed up to pick me up from work.(working overnight) I had to call his dad to get me at 5 am and when I got home I found an empty bag of coke in his wallet. I also found text messages between him and an acquaintance of mine that works at the restaurant as well. They had been "talking" for 2 weeks after he took her and her friends out (limo) and she according to him threw herself at him. They apparently went out one night and they kissed. After this incident I was devastated. Well things only got worse. He started using cocaine pretty much daily. He opened a separate bank account and hides it from me. When I realized he was using I didn't know what to do. He became so evil and nasty towards me. I lost it when I found bits of the drug in our basement where he was sleeping. It was also our kids playroom. I told his parents because I didn't know where to turn. They didn't believe it. I showed them what I found and they were still in denial. He made me look like I was crazy. That he would NEVER bring drugs into the house yet alone in our kids playroom. I went as far as having what I found tested to prove it and they still didn't acknowledge the problem. Well after 3 months of hell he finally came clean. And admitted to using. He said he relapsed and would stop and go to NA meetings but no rehab. He said I'm not a junkie. I have a business and will not ever go to rehab. Well he never went to a meeting either. After a month or so his mother had to have a very high risk surgery. During this time I noticed again his moods changing. I checked his wallet and found a dollar bill with cocaine residue. I said that's it and kicked him out. I was done. He got a hotel room and was a completely jerk and denied everything I accused him of and told me I was crazy. After about a week he suddenly changed his tune and missed me and the kids. We talked and talked and agreed that the kids need a heathy stable life and we need to do this for them. He seemed for the first time very sincere and committed to being a better Husband and father. I took him back and the kids were so happy to have him home. I thought this is it. We need to move on together and put everything behind us for good. After a week of things going great... I had an urge to check his phone. When I did I found text messages between him and several escorts that took place the very next day after he left the house. He spent money on hookers while I was home heartbroken over our problems. How can someone be so sick and twisted. The day I let him back home he said.. I already paid for the hotel so why don't we stay here tonight and make up since your mom is at the house with the kids. We were intimate that day when we made up in the very same bed he brought his prostitues into!!! I am so sick to my stomach! Sorry for the long post.... I just can't believe someone is capable of doing such disturbing things to their own wife! I would love to just leave him but my kids would fall apart and I have no one to help me with them. What is wrong with me that I keep taking him back?? Oh and When I confronted him about the messages he denied all of it and even swore on our kids. I showed him the copies I had of the texts and he said ...Big deal I got a "massage"... Wow. Get over it. Is this guy a sociopath??

[ashley1992]

OMG! i have experianced the similar situation only last month!! i totally get you! you need to leave this man! it would be healthy for your kids and ur own future.. a child rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE in one! hun u can do this.. there is help out there.. at first its extremely hard i know! but there is light at the end of the tunnel. my partner also cheated on me with prostitutes... brutally multiple times! and said it was nothing!! and came back home to me and was intimate with me too!!

 

i cant believe this.. in shock.. i have to pick up the pieces.. move houses.. sell everything... but think of yourself u deserve respect and honesty and love as well... my ex swore on every god possible.. even his dead uncles grave! they are psychopaths and are so out of touch with reality.. he spent thousands of dollars with hookers for 1-2 hrs of ****!! wen i was a loving and caring partner that did everything! i also had all the proof.. bank account statements, phone bills, text messages etc and now he became cold and distant.. didnt even give a care in the world.. changed overnight.. from being my partner and my world to a piece of garbage.. do this for ur kids sake.. would u want ur daughter to be with someone like this??

 

im here if you want to talk... going through the same thing! stay strong xo

Edited April 14, 2016 by ashley1992

[butterfly1958]

What a long heart breaking time! Really ponder your way forward. Your husband may need rehabilitation counseling. There are places where you can get free counseling for you and your children to decipher what options you might have as you move forward. Talking with someone who handles these life events can help you consider all options and find resources for you. Focus on the Family has counselors by making a phone call....1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. Mountain time. Churches have programs and people who want to help others. I am a person of faith and believe that God will allow you to move forward with strength if you use the resources that are in your community. Praying all goes well for your family as a unit.....