The beginning of the end - thoughts?

[placid_hell]

My situation is a little different I suppose. Some background information. I'm 39M, she's 40F. We met a while back as friends, but after several years of on-off contact we began seeing each other. The relationship was LD in the beginning, but she eventually moved to be with me. At present, we're not actually married, we have no kids, and the house is our only jointly owned asset.

 

Fast forward 14 years. Things are not so hot. Intimacy is non-existent, there feels like there's no emotional bond, there's a clear difference in what we want for our future, and there's few if any common interests. Two years ago we moved halfway across the country, far away from family and friends, and that I feel is when things slowly started to unravel. There are a lot of things that got us to this point, but nothing that was an actual relationship killer. We don't really fight, in fact there's a complete absence of conflict as we both tended to be avoidant. But there has been a lot of resentment and neglect on both sides that feels like a sort of death by a thousand cuts. Nothing really served to strengthen the relationship. Everyone got comfortable until there was suddenly nothing to be comfortable about.

 

We've running the gamut of therapy (couples counseling and individual therapy), and I have brought up separation directly to her with disastrous results. Now that I've had several months to sort my feelings out I still feel like this is the best path. I still have a lot of guilt because on some level the relationship actually hasn't been remotely bad in the sense that one normally expects to result in separation or divorce, but I feel no longer emotionally connected to her, and I fear that by dragging this out we're just going to start resenting each other, or worse, one of us steps out. She clearly wants to hold on to this, but I no longer have the energy to make it work. I still care about her and want to minimize the impact this will have on her, but I'm not really sure how to lay this out. She's exhibited ideations of self-harm in the past, and while I'm not responsible for her feelings, I don't want to be cold hearted about this either. I have zero illusions about the consequences of my decision (it's going to suck, I will lose most of my friends, I will have to move out, etc.), I just want to do this in the most respectful way I can. I'm sure I will get pounded by readers for not trying harder to make this work, but I'm already spent, I've been unhappy for a long time now, and I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any input/thoughts are welcome.

[LifesontheUp]

You seem sure about splitting and to be fair to your girlfriend you need to act on it instead of dragging this out any longer.

 

How about doing it with the counsellor present? Perhaps speak to them seperately on how to approach it?