I'm Bored. How long does it take to feel?

[loveweary11]

I never, never think about my ex wife anymore, except when posting here, since that's what this place is about.

 

Since divorce, I've done it all. Went out and had the most fun imaginable.

 

Well, I'm bored of that stuff now. I'm bored of partying, bored of all the random girls, bored of that life.

 

All oats sewn, all crazy fantasies lived, proved to myself I still had worth and enough of it to attract much younger, extremely attractive girls, at that.

 

Recently, on my way out of Miami, I met a girl you all would approve of. 38 yrs old. British ex pat, real estate investor (using her own money), emotionally stable, kind, good person and of course thin and in perfect shape with those darker features I like.

 

I felt a couple big moments of excitement about her. Had a great time doing everything we did together, thought about her a lot, had fun. She is a warm, wonderful person.

 

However, it was time for me to leave Miami. I left.

 

She would follow and I may pursue with her, but the thing is... I'm frustrated when my quiet time or work focus is interrupted. I'm really still preferring not to be accountable to anyone.

 

I have feelings, but it's hard to feel them anymore. They are very weak and I prefer to go about my own business vs worrying what someone else thinks.

 

I can still get sex whenever, so that draw doesn't lure me in.

 

I'd be happy with a female clone of myself out exploring the world.

 

I just don't feel ready to give up my free time to anyone. Why is this?

 

Is this normal so long after divorce?

 

How can i learn to care again? Because i don't.

[losangelena]

I just don't feel ready to give up my free time to anyone. Why is this?

 

Is this normal so long after divorce?

 

How can i learn to care again? Because i don't.

 

I think it's quite simple. You're out of practice. Relationships, prioritizing others; it's a muscle that needs working out. Yours has atrophied, so of course it's going to feel uncomfortable at first.

 

Power through or not, it's your choice.

[Tayla]

I think you do care, just not to the level of past scenarios.

 

If it helps, some of us who met that cross road, actually embraced the single life style.

 

Not the brief encounters or such so much as being okay without having another person view our lives "together".

 

May I ask if you see yourself as "needing" another to go thru life with?

 

I admire your freebird mentality, its exhilarating to read of your confidence and ability to enjoy life on your terms.

[loveweary11]

I think you do care, just not to the level of past scenarios.

 

If it helps, some of us who met that cross road, actually embraced the single life style.

 

Not the brief encounters or such so much as being okay without having another person view our lives "together".

 

May I ask if you see yourself as "needing" another to go thru life with?

 

I admire your freebird mentality, its exhilarating to read of your confidence and ability to enjoy life on your terms.

 

Yes, I used to feel like I needed another to go through life, but after having actually had that other for the entirety of my adult life to this point, I'm no longer feeling that way.

 

I like to have a team mate to work on projects with. I like to have someone to inspire and get excited about things with. I like to have someone to share life's adventures with.

 

However, it seems most situations I can get into involve curtailing the fun or changing for someone.

 

I guess I'm curious about that embracing of not wanting anyone else.

 

Do you feel people judge you differently? Think of you as less worthy? I mean family and odd situations with strangers who wonder why you are alone, when you actually need to impress them. Lost hotel reservation for example. Easier to fix as a couple, right?

 

Then there are household chores. I keep failing at things because I take on a level of work that was shared by 2 previously. Earning the $$$, cleaning, shopping, running a boat, finishing an interior. I can't do all these things as one person. And... everyone I hire is terrible or can't get things done correctly. No matter which side I hire help on. So I'm stuck.

 

I need 2 people to move forward.

 

But... I am emotionally dead now. Happier alone.

 

Very conflicted. That's why i post... when i feel conflicted.

[jen1447]

Well, I'm bored of that stuff now. I'm bored of partying, bored of all the random girls, bored of that life.

 

I can still get sex whenever, so that draw doesn't lure me in.

 

That's one thing I've never quite gotten about you LW (no offense) - the puss-puss never gets old so chasing it never gets tiresome. Makes me think you're not really an aficionado. (And no that doesn't mean I think you're gay or lying, just that you're not actually as into women as you usually seem to be. And sorry if this is crass but by "women" I do in fact mean their sexual anatomy.)

 

Maybe you're really just a softie at heart. Mr. Emotional.

[SammySammy]

I think many men reach a crossroads at some point in our lives. Sometimes after divorce.

 

Like you, after my divorce I went on a rampage. At this point in my life, I've "been there and done that" with women. Pretty much anything and everything I can imagine. Having women in my life is easy. Getting the next one is easy.

 

Our crossroads presented us with a Blue Pill vs. Red Pill scenario. We took the Red Pill. We now see women and relationships for what they are, not what we would like for them to be.

 

Because we see the truth, nothing excites us. We have no desire to be tied down.

 

And we can't go back.

 

Because we took the Red Pill.

[PrettyEmily77]

And we can't go back.

 

Because we took the Red Pill.

 

I think you were mis-sold the product, MKD...

[SammySammy]

I was. From birth.

 

I was sold that "sugar and spice and everything nice" fairy tale like everybody else. I believed it wholeheartedly. Wanted the wedding, house, two cars, two kids and white picket fence like everybody else.

 

Ah, but that

.

 

I really got to see "how deep the rabbit hole goes". Perspective is much different now. Naturally.

Edited April 14, 2016 by MidKnightDreams

[serial muse]

I think many men reach a crossroads at some point in our lives. Sometimes after divorce.

 

Like you, after my divorce I went on a rampage. At this point in my life, I've "been there and done that" with women. Pretty much anything and everything I can imagine. Having women in my life is easy. Getting the next one is easy.

 

Our crossroads presented us with a Blue Pill vs. Red Pill scenario. We took the Red Pill. We now see women and relationships for what they are, not what we would like for them to be.

 

Because we see the truth, nothing excites us. We have no desire to be tied down.

 

And we can't go back.

 

Because we took the Red Pill.

 

By the bolded, I assume you mean: people?

 

Red pill lingo aside, I can imagine that it's disillusioning to realize that we're all human and individuals, if you weren't expecting it. Part of realizing that men and women are just people is realizing that they also have their own needs, and sometimes they'll be in conflict. Choosing to be in a relationship means being willing to place value on another's needs, and to thereby acknowledge another person's basic autonomy. If you're really open to the experience, you may even find yourself enjoying those differences and new ways of thinking, and adjusting expectations of yourself accordingly.

 

I think that's the OP's issue: He has a fantasy of finding someone to plug snugly into his framework; she has to be the exact right shape for the existing hole, so to speak, because he seems to find the idea of adjusting for another person irritating and perhaps even shameful. It's easy to see why a younger woman with no ties and no responsibilities and no real plan, at least right away, for her own life would be so appealing, therefore.

 

But it's not a plan that's destined for success, really. It's self-defeating, just like the red pill talk. If you want a relationship, you find a way to be willing to take on the whole shebang, which includes adjustment and an understanding that women and men are just people, not idealized cartoons. (It also includes not insisting that any adjustment is inherently bad or untrue to yourself; sometimes adjustment helps you see yourself better.) If you don't, you just go on and do things your way and then find a way to tell people who insist on querying you about it that it's none of their business. Simple.

[loveweary11]

That's one thing I've never quite gotten about you LW (no offense) - the puss-puss never gets old so chasing it never gets tiresome. Makes me think you're not really an aficionado. (And no that doesn't mean I think you're gay or lying, just that you're not actually as into women as you usually seem to be. And sorry if this is crass but by "women" I do in fact mean their sexual anatomy.)

 

Maybe you're really just a softie at heart. Mr. Emotional.

 

I am Mr Softie at heart. 100%. I am emotional. Yes.

 

But I'll share with you the reason I'm bored with randoms. Hooking up with randos has always been about that next hotter girl. The next more intense otrgasm. Getting to a new level. Well, I'm done with that quest. I can't find a hotter girl or a better orgasm anymore. I've reached the top of the hill on those. There aren't hotter girls or stronger orgasms to chase than ones I've already had.

 

What's another random or 10 when it's just the same old?

 

I like thrills, not getting into habits.

[loveweary11]

 

I think that's the OP's issue: He has a fantasy of finding someone to plug snugly into his framework; she has to be the exact right shape for the existing hole, so to speak, because he seems to find the idea of adjusting for another person irritating and perhaps even shameful. It's easy to see why a younger woman with no ties and no responsibilities and no real plan, at least right away, for her own life would be so appealing, therefore.

 

But it's not a plan that's destined for success, really. It's self-defeating, just like the red pill talk. If you want a relationship, you find a way to be willing to take on the whole shebang, which includes adjustment and an understanding that women and men are just people, not idealized cartoons. (It also includes not insisting that any adjustment is inherently bad or untrue to yourself; sometimes adjustment helps you see yourself better.) If you don't, you just go on and do things your way and then find a way to tell people who insist on querying you about it that it's none of their business. Simple.

 

Precisely.

 

I enjoy my life and need a complimentary partner, if one at all.

 

I am not interested in the traditional track people take within society and am not willing to give up personal happiness in order to conform to any lifestyle I'm not comfortable with.

 

I don't mind a blend of lifestyles, but as i grow older, i like my quiet time, my focus and my projects.

 

I would only really accept someone that fit my lifestyle and had her own quiet time interests.

[jen1447]

I am Mr Softie at heart. 100%. I am emotional. Yes.

 

But I'll share with you the reason I'm bored with randoms. Hooking up with randos has always been about that next hotter girl. The next more intense otrgasm. Getting to a new level. Well, I'm done with that quest. I can't find a hotter girl or a better orgasm anymore. I've reached the top of the hill on those. There aren't hotter girls or stronger orgasms to chase than ones I've already had.

 

What's another random or 10 when it's just the same old?

 

I like thrills, not getting into habits.

 

That's my point - for someone who genuinely loves it, it's never just the same old. Each one is like discovering some new great piece of art or going to a different country and immersing yourself in a new, unfamiliar culture. The fact that you don't feel that just tells me you're not as much of a ladies' man as you sometimes appear to be. You're chasing sth other than tang ....feelings, security, fulfillment, whatever. That's fine and even commendable but you were never gonna find that thru random hookups to begin with.

 

Oh and there's always a hotter girl. And you can always find ways to give them more orgasms ....never mind yours.

[loveweary11]

That's my point - for someone who genuinely loves it, it's never just the same old. Each one is like discovering some new great piece of art or going to a different country and immersing yourself in a new, unfamiliar culture. The fact that you don't feel that just tells me you're not as much of a ladies' man as you sometimes appear to be. You're chasing sth other than tang ....feelings, security, fulfillment, whatever. That's fine and even commendable but you were never gonna find that thru random hookups to begin with.

 

Oh and there's always a hotter girl. And you can always find ways to give them more orgasms ....never mind yours.

 

No, there aren't hotter girls. Honestly.

 

I've been with a few of what I consider to be the hottest girls on the planet. There aren't hotter ones. All have other defects, imperfections, etc. I have reached the top of that. I'm talking about pure perfection. Hot in an animalistic way, looking at such details as face, eyes, nose, stomach, skin texture, boobs, legs, arms, hands and feet. Everything. Even skin color and hair/eye color. I've been with perfection. There is no next level on that.

 

This thread says I'm *not* chasing those things. That I'm not feeling those things.

 

In the hookup world, I'm also sure that not immersing your self in each person's unique sensuality doesn't even matter. You just go get another new one. I think, essentially, tang has become a commodity to me and I'm not interested in relationships.

 

Thread was asking people if they felt the same, thought that was normal at my specific point in life and if it goes away and how long it might take.

[loveweary11]

Like...getting new tang is like getting gas or milk at the convenience store.

 

Not cool, but that's what it is. And even easier, I usually order it using an app. lmao

 

But at the same time, I'm not in the mood to give my life up to anyone either.

 

These things seem messed up to me.

[Emilia]

I was. From birth.

 

I was sold that "sugar and spice and everything nice" fairy tale like everybody else. I believed it wholeheartedly. Wanted the wedding, house, two cars, two kids and white picket fence like everybody else.

 

Ah, but that

.

 

I really got to see "how deep the rabbit hole goes". Perspective is much different now. Naturally.

The biggest luck ever for me was the fact that I ended up in a flat share with a couple of players ( late 30s at the time) I saw what 'too much fun' did to them and their male and female friends. Biggest lesson in life ever, I've made sure I'd never end up that way.

That's my point - for someone who genuinely loves it, it's never just the same old. Each one is like discovering some new great piece of art or going to a different country and immersing yourself in a new, unfamiliar culture. The fact that you don't feel that just tells me you're not as much of a ladies' man as you sometimes appear to be. You're chasing sth other than tang ....feelings, security, fulfillment, whatever. That's fine and even commendable but you were never gonna find that thru random hookups to begin with.

 

Oh and there's always a hotter girl. And you can always find ways to give them more orgasms ....never mind yours.

You are too young to understand.

[jen1447]

No, there aren't hotter girls. Honestly.

 

I've been with a few of what I consider to be the hottest girls on the planet. There aren't hotter ones. All have other defects, imperfections, etc. I have reached the top of that. I'm talking about pure perfection. Hot in an animalistic way, looking at such details as face, eyes, nose, stomach, skin texture, boobs, legs, arms, hands and feet. Everything. Even skin color and hair/eye color. I've been with perfection. There is no next level on that.

 

This thread says I'm *not* chasing those things. That I'm not feeling those things.

 

In the hookup world, I'm also sure that not immersing your self in each person's unique sensuality doesn't even matter. You just go get another new one. I think, essentially, tang has become a commodity to me and I'm not interested in relationships.

 

Thread was asking people if they felt the same, thought that was normal at my specific point in life and if it goes away and how long it might take.

 

You're looking at 'hotness' solely cosmetically then, which might be part of the issue. Otherwise I think you just don't get it but you're right about the topic drift - I was just making an observation about you anyway. Carry on.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe you don't want anyone getting that close to you because you have low self-esteem.

[losangelena]

Like...getting new tang is like getting gas or milk at the convenience store.

 

Not cool, but that's what it is. And even easier, I usually order it using an app. lmao

 

But at the same time, I'm not in the mood to give my life up to anyone either.

 

These things seem messed up to me.

 

Sooooo ... here's another thought:

 

Maybe put the brakes on the convenience store sex for a while. Don't treat it like some cheap commodity that you can (literally) buy.

 

Maybe your desire for a true and honest relationship will return if you allow your mind to reconnect the link between sex and emotions.

 

Or will your insatiable penis not stand for that?

[clia]

You just seem burnt out with your life, generally. You've been doing the same thing for the most part (I think?) over the past few years -- running your business, trying to get your boat ready, commuting back and forth between FL and NY, going out with party girls, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't really traveled anywhere or done much that fuels your passion lately, have you? You've also mentioned you don't have any male friends.

 

It sounds boring to me, too!

 

I think you just need a change. Get the boat finished so you can move on with your life. Have you been making progress?

[PrettyEmily77]

I was. From birth.

 

I was sold that "sugar and spice and everything nice" fairy tale like everybody else. I believed it wholeheartedly. Wanted the wedding, house, two cars, two kids and white picket fence like everybody else.

 

Ah, but that

.

 

I really got to see "how deep the rabbit hole goes". Perspective is much different now. Naturally.

 

I see. No middle ground, then?

 

I like to think that I know how people work but that's not stopped me from still liking men. A lot. Well, I like mine.

 

OP, the good thing is that no one is forcing you to be in a relationship if you don't fancy it. Whenever you do, you'll know - until then, enjoy meeting new people (other than hotties if possible) and get yourself interested in what makes them tick.

[loveweary11]

Maybe you don't want anyone getting that close to you because you have low self-esteem.

 

Me???

[amaysngrace]

Me???

 

Yea. Is that funny?

[loveweary11]

You just seem burnt out with your life, generally. You've been doing the same thing for the most part (I think?) over the past few years -- running your business, trying to get your boat ready, commuting back and forth between FL and NY, going out with party girls, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't really traveled anywhere or done much that fuels your passion lately, have you? You've also mentioned you don't have any male friends.

 

It sounds boring to me, too!

 

I think you just need a change. Get the boat finished so you can move on with your life. Have you been making progress?

 

Not really. Very little progress.

 

I'm stuck.

 

I hire people to do the boat, they can't. I hire people to do the admin/management work, they cant.

 

I've painted myself (or was painted by divorce) into a corner.

 

I have two highly specialized tasks that need to be done and have not been able to find reliable help on them.

 

I'm going to give it another shot up north this summer. Trying to hire people from a boat building school.

[loveweary11]

Yea. Is that funny?

 

Yes! lol That is funny.

 

I'm horrible. I'm way too over confident. Over the top.

 

I don't even want to post the way I think because I'd be hated by all.

 

My self esteem, if anything, needs to come down a bit.

[amaysngrace]

Yes! lol That is funny.

 

I'm horrible. I'm way too over confident. Over the top.

 

I don't even want to post the way I think because I'd be hated by all.

 

My self esteem, if anything, needs to come down a bit.

 

Okay then I have no idea only but to leave you with this one little nugget of truth....a truly cofident person doesn't give a crap about what other people think but this is the second time in this thread alone that you mentioned people's opinions or what people will approve of.