I'm Bored. How long does it take to feel?

[Satu]

*What does it mean to explore solitude?

 

**I grew up in relative solitude. A very rural area. It was quiet. Now, away from people to some extent, but not too far, I'm feeling and enjoying the same solitude again,

 

And you're right. ***I'm not connected. I normally have some huge undertaking going on that drives me. Right now, everything feels like busy work. There is no passion with life, no passion with women. Just a sense of plugging along.

 

I'm a huge cynic. Product of NY and a life of travel. Takes a lot to impress me. But since divorce, nothing ignites passion within me.

 

****Do you feel returning to solitude would help that?

 

*What I mean by solitude is time spent completely alone, having no interaction of any kind with anyone. Away from people, away from the internet, away from your phone.

 

Just you.

 

The social persona that you use to interact others will slide off or shut down.

 

Then you'll find that what is happening inside you will be amplified, and you'll start to have some realisations that haven't previously come to mind. You will ask questions, and get answers.

 

 

"What do I really want?"

 

"Why have I been feeling what I've been feeling?"

 

"Where do I really want to go from here?"

 

 

**There is no such thing as relative solitude.

 

 

***The feeling of disconnection can only be resolved by connecting with your own deep self. The deep self is deeper than the daily waking state. It lies in the preconscious and subconscious parts of you.

 

 

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

 

- Carl Jung.

 

 

****Yes, it would help you because you will encounter yourself in a new way, and you will see yourself and your life in a new way.

 

 

I know it can be difficult to arrange time for complete solitude due to external demands.

 

You would need to be alone far away from anyone, or in the wilds for 2-3 weeks to get the full benefit.

 

 

Take care.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Satu

[loveweary11]

Oh wow.

 

Thanks, Satu.

 

I actually have that right now. I have a forced month alone going north by boat.

 

In fact, this forced disconnect from others (except work) is what's freaking me out.

 

I feel like I'm wasting my life/time. But maybe it's an opportunity to do just what you suggest and disconnect. From everything. (still have to work though)

 

But i may even be able to arrange 2 weeks off of work as well.

 

I'll look into this. If i vanish, that'll be why.

[thecrucible]

That sounds like a tough one, loveweary. And Satu, I know what you mean about enforced solitude. I am a girl scout and when we take the girls away on camp, we often go somewhere totally isolated so I'm far away from technology for up to a week. I actually find it really liberating and I have so much more inner calm after I even only spend a few days away from technology - having properly attentive conversations, waking up to the rhythms of the day and seeing the sunrise over beautiful mountains. I can feel lonely a lot of the time and I don't like it very much but I'm trying to use some of it for practical reflection and to achieve things.

 

But ultimately what is beginning to cure me of this similar feeling to the OP has actually been reconnecting with people again, sharing more feelings with my friends and being vulnerable with people again (which is actually really difficult for me in general). I've been spending a lot of time with my elderly neighbour who is lonely and he tells me stories of his life and loves and that inspires a bit of a desire for love in me - it makes you think about what life is about when you get to know someone who has had a long one.

 

Also two weeks off work might be just what you need. Sorry hope I didn't share too much personal stuff here, this thread is not about me. I just know I am in a reflective mood like you.

[loveweary11]

That sounds like a tough one, loveweary. And Satu, I know what you mean about enforced solitude. I am a girl scout and when we take the girls away on camp, we often go somewhere totally isolated so I'm far away from technology for up to a week. I actually find it really liberating and I have so much more inner calm after I even only spend a few days away from technology - having properly attentive conversations, waking up to the rhythms of the day and seeing the sunrise over beautiful mountains. I can feel lonely a lot of the time and I don't like it very much but I'm trying to use some of it for practical reflection and to achieve things.

 

But ultimately what is beginning to cure me of this similar feeling to the OP has actually been reconnecting with people again, sharing more feelings with my friends and being vulnerable with people again (which is actually really difficult for me in general). I've been spending a lot of time with my elderly neighbour who is lonely and he tells me stories of his life and loves and that inspires a bit of a desire for love in me - it makes you think about what life is about when you get to know someone who has had a long one.

 

Also two weeks off work might be just what you need. Sorry hope I didn't share too much personal stuff here, this thread is not about me. I just know I am in a reflective mood like you.

 

 

 

I feel like that's what I need too.

 

I've been isolated for so many years now. First, all alone for 3 years in the middle of nowhere building my hull, then now again moving the boat north.

 

To be honest, I think it's the isolation and lack of community causing my problems.

 

I'm strongly considering pulling the boat, storing it, getting an rv and going around the country with the express purpose of meeting all sorts of people and through travel, finding a new path.

 

I'm bored of up/down the east coast. I should be at Coachella, not stuck out here wasting my life. I should be checking out Alaska, Oregon, Washington state, British Columbia. Not going over the same old places I have been.

 

I need new. I need new people too. New friends. A change.

 

I think it was Art Critic that suggested this a while back.

 

So I think I'll pull the boat for a year+. Go to the northeast by rv, then next winter, all around the south, then next summer up the west coast to Alaska, etc.

 

I'm sure to find my calling/passion again doing that. I am sure to find new friends. I'm also pretty sure to find some travel partners and be open to love again just from the sheer openness and losing control of everything involved in this type of adventure.

[Tayla]

the more I read your comments Lw, the more I recall my former bf.

 

He was a part of the Silicon Valley software gang, made his millions, cashed out at 40 years young... Bought a beat up yacht... Took two years fixing it up... (Yes he refurbished it with blood sweat and many heart aches... Parts taking weeks for his motors, etc) Finally he set sail around the world... He found his calling when he landed in New Zealand... But his goal was back in Canada. So there he was amongst the tribes... And he finally understood his passion. So 18 more months of sailing , he arrives state side. Sells his yacht after docking it ... Buys a plane ticket... And two weeks later ... Is living on a farm in Canada... Marrying a lady with kids, to whom he becomes. Step Dad to. I never saw it coming... yet there he was... Content and absolutely grounded in his new life. He never planned that in his late 40's that a farm and family would be his life style. makes me wonder how your plans will turn out when you decide not to plan but instead just .. Sail on.

 

He is a better man for that choice.

[loveweary11]

the more I read your comments Lw, the more I recall my former bf.

 

He was a part of the Silicon Valley software gang, made his millions, cashed out at 40 years young... Bought a beat up yacht... Took two years fixing it up... (Yes he refurbished it with blood sweat and many heart aches... Parts taking weeks for his motors, etc) Finally he set sail around the world... He found his calling when he landed in New Zealand... But his goal was back in Canada. So there he was amongst the tribes... And he finally understood his passion. So 18 more months of sailing , he arrives state side. Sells his yacht after docking it ... Buys a plane ticket... And two weeks later ... Is living on a farm in Canada... Marrying a lady with kids, to whom he becomes. Step Dad to. I never saw it coming... yet there he was... Content and absolutely grounded in his new life. He never planned that in his late 40's that a farm and family would be his life style. makes me wonder how your plans will turn out when you decide not to plan but instead just .. Sail on.

 

He is a better man for that choice.

 

 

Yep.

 

A lot of similarity there.

 

Farms are great for our personality types, actually. Lots to learn, problems to solve. Fun!

 

But... I can't sail on because I'm stuck. I can't get very, very skilled help I need to take one of my more than full time jobs away from me. NY business is 60+hrs a week "on" and building a boat interior is every waking moment.

 

No one is able to build the interior of boat and no one is able to run my business. I need the business for income (not cashed out like your ex).

 

So I'm getting nowhere.

 

Just socially isolating myself further, stuck on an unfinished boat that draws a crowd filming it outside, but is a construction site inside. And i got nothing done on it all winter.

 

That's why I'm thinking rv. So I can go explore and be social, visiting lots of people across the usa and canada.

 

Considering leaving the boat on the hard a year and going. Letting the travel and social interaction clear my mind and give me new ideas. that's what's missing. New ideas and passion.

 

Been sitting in bed all weekend thinking. Socially isolated as always..

 

Essentially, I'm trying to take on both jobs of a married couple, but you can't do it alone.

Edited April 17, 2016 by loveweary11

[Imajerk17]

Sadly, I do not.

 

I'm the boss, so no work friends. I travel, so no constant community. No old friends. Those were gone from being married so long.

 

I just have party girls.

 

And in general, nobody wants to hear about my feelings...

 

I'm confused. If you are working 60+ hours/week and are so skilled then surely you have the money to hire a skilled worker to finish your boat? I mean, otherwise someone w your impressive CV (as you've mentioned on here before) could just say hell with it and get a job in NYC's technology sector and make yourself a mint. Or am I missing something?

 

I am sure there are others wondering all this too. At any rate working 60 hours/week tied to that boat of yours doesn't sound like much fun (or being free) to me either. Good for you for deciding to set it aside for some time. Your yacht sounds to me to be more like an anchor!

 

As for the party girls that's precisely how you set it up though, even going so far as sugaring them to hang out w you.

 

I think you'd do yourself well to reconsider how your decisions got you into this situation.

Edited April 17, 2016 by Imajerk17

[MidwestUSA]

Honestly, the RV sounds like just another money pit, and overstimulation.

 

Has anyone seen those challenges? They pop up on my Facebook feed - you live in a tiny cabin in the mountains for a month, with no connection to the world? No electricity, find your own water.

 

If I were in OP's sitch, that's something I'd consider. Actually, it would be good for me right now, even tho I don't have any specific issues to deal with.

 

But it's planting time. Gotta get the crops in. My connection to the earth is what brings me peace, but I struggle during the winter months. Moving some of the banana trees into the basement, and occasionally sitting with them in a bikini, under the grow lights, does help.

[clia]

Why is it so difficult to find someone to finish the interior of your boat? Out of curiousity, I ran a Google search and there appear to be tons of companies in or near the Miami area specializing in yacht interior design. (Which is what I would expect from that area.). Surely all those companies can't be terrible.

 

Regardless, I think you should sell the boat, even if it means taking a loss. It seems like a huge albatross around your neck. And if you made no progress on it all winter, then what's the point? Just get rid of it. Not the right boat, not the right time.

 

Regarding the RV travel, will you still have to work 60 hour weeks on your other business while doing that?

[Taramere]

Yes! lol That is funny.

 

I'm horrible. I'm way too over confident. Over the top.

 

I don't even want to post the way I think because I'd be hated by all.

 

My self esteem, if anything, needs to come down a bit.

 

I would say that strong self esteem involves being prepared to show your true self to people on the basis that while not everybody might like it, the people you are best suited to being around will be happy enough with it - and a minority might even love it. Feeling that you must hide the way you really think for fear of being hated for it could indicate high levels of arrogance, but that's not necessarily the healthy self confidence that is conducive to happiness.

 

And it seems to me that your conflict consists of impressing others (with a boat, the most physically beautiful/perfect women etc) versus happiness. I've heard people on here talk before of being materially wealthy and how "sorry, but it does bring happiness." The beautiful house, clothes, car etc. Well, those people may well be genuinely happy - but if they are genuinely happy then I think that they'd also be happy without all the material things they feel bring them happiness.

 

The boat, the house, the beautiful army candy etc...these are all props, and genuine happiness doesn't rely on props. Genuine happiness can come from very simple things indeed. As they say, the best things in life being free. Expensive props can certainly make life fun, but if the person doesn't know how to have fun without them then I'm doubtful that they bring happiness as opposed to being a distraction from unhappiness.

 

If you believe that people here would hate you if you were to express your true thoughts, then that seems problematic. It suggests to me that you may have a bit more work to do in terms of learning to like and be comfortable with yourself.