Isn't lieing same as cheating?

[troubledhusband]

My gf of 5 months that has lived with me for 3 months broke our normal routine one day after work when she made last minute plans with one of her girl friends. A week later I found out that she meet up with one of her ex boyfriends an older individual which used to be her boss at work.

 

She asked her girl friend to cover for her and tell me that they went out for drinks together. That night she came back past 1:30am (I fell asleep past that so I don't remember what time she really showed up).

 

I found out from looking at her txt messages that she meet her ex and asked her friend to cover for her. Also she was super excited to have meet with her ex. When I confronted her she went crazy on me about how I don't give her space to be with her girl friends (not the first time either).

 

It is true I kept pushing her to go back to school as she's in her 30s and no college yet. At first when we moved in together she was wide open to the idea and claimed is what she wanted. So I supported her with rent and let her take a 4pm to 9pm night job to free her day and prep for school. Instead she only studied a little bit and spent more time talking on the phone and chating with friends.

 

This has been going on for few months and I've been feeling like she kept taking advantage of me. Sex has been good but that's about it. Lately we have been arguing more and more, maybe that's why she meet with her ex.

 

Irrespective of the situatuion, she knows very well about my first marriage and how I can't tolerate deciving. Yet she choose to do it anyhow.

 

Am I exagerating for wanting to break up with her after 6 months given she lied to me and tried to have her frind cover the lie as well?

[GorillaTheater]

It seems to me that you're dealing with both lying AND cheating. The two have this inevitable way of getting intertwined, anyways.

 

 

Even the most innocent take on this situation isn't too good. Clearly she at a minimum lied to you in order to meet this guy, and went so far as to enlist her friends into helping her cover her tracks.

 

 

If you can't trust her, why bother having a relationship with her? And yeah, that's a rhetorical question.

[Tayla]

First this topic is misleading, because LIEING to someone carries its own agenda. I lied about my weight, or what time I arrived somewhere. Both in which I am accountable to rectify and be more accurate in the future, yet a lie just the same

 

The Action of Cheating and deception is on another level of concern.

 

Its your life and your standards.

 

If you wish to end it, then do so with the understanding that its on principle and practice.

[smackie9]

Dude lets just admit, the only thing that was really ever going for this relationship was the sex. The reality is she's in her 30's, has nothing to show for it, and has no ambition to do anything with her life. All you are doing is making her into something YOU want her to be. Well guess what, it's not going to happen so you better just cut her off and cut your losses.

 

She already is displaying inappropriate behavior...lucky you it's only 5 months invested.....it will be an easy breakup.

 

BTW, you barely know this woman, you have her move in with you and support her???? Give your head a shake....stop trying to rescue, and find someone that is mature, and has a career/financial stability.

[dreamingoftigers]

Dude lets just admit, the only thing that was really ever going for this relationship was the sex. The reality is she's in her 30's, has nothing to show for it, and has no ambition to do anything with her life. All you are doing is making her into something YOU want her to be. Well guess what, it's not going to happen so you better just cut her off and cut your losses.

 

She already is displaying inappropriate behavior...lucky you it's only 5 months invested.....it will be an easy breakup.

 

BTW, you barely know this woman, you have her move in with you and support her???? Give your head a shake....stop trying to rescue, and find someone that is mature, and has a career/financial stability.

 

This exactly.

 

If you choose women and move in with them so quickly etc, that's a poor choice.

 

If you really want to "rescue" someone and give them free rent and send them to school, I'LL move in.

 

You won't get any sex though. But hey, I'll be honest with you.

[lolablue17]

Lying about meeting with an Ex, is almost like cheating.

 

Lucky for you that you don't have any dilemma because you got them both... What on earth make you think she didn't cheat? Of course she did.

[dreamingoftigers]

Lying about meeting with an Ex, is almost like cheating.

 

Lucky for you that you don't have any dilemma because you got them both... What on earth make you think she didn't cheat? Of course she did.

 

Why else would she need a friend to "cover?"

 

Someone doesn't want to lose her meal ticket......

[Methodical]

Lying and cheating are both deceitful but not one and the same. Forex: "No, I didn't back out of the driveway and hit the mailbox," is a far cry from hooking up with an ex. Deceitful on both accounts, yes, but at opposite ends of the spectrum. In your case, you caught her with her hand in the cookie jar while lying about...two offenses, per se.

[d0nnivain]

Lying and cheating are not always the same thing but most cheaters do tell lies to cover up their cheating.

 

Going forward date people for at least 1 year before you live with them. Had you waited to move in, this break up would be a lot less messy.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Honestly, if you have to ask the question then perhaps you're the one that needs your head examined.

 

This chick is coo coo for coco-puffs and by the sounds of things a loser. Don't YOU think you deserve better?

[Keke1]

Lying and cheating are not always the same thing but most cheaters do tell lies to cover up their cheating.

 

Going forward date people for at least 1 year before you live with them. Had you waited to move in, this break up would be a lot less messy.

 

This shouldn't be messy at all. OP do and say this.

 

I know you deceived me and that will not be tolerated. Please take two or three days to gather your things and get out. K thanks bye.

 

Don't worry about her because she'll land on her feet. Or her back ?

[LostOnes05]

Man...that sucks. What day do they pick up the trash from your neighborhood? Because that would be the day I put her out of my place and say how ironic it is that she's leaving that day.

 

If she becomes irate with you look her in the face and have this conversation:

 

You: Look I completely understand. It's hard when you lie to your boyfriend and hang out (or whatever you did) with your ex. So it's best for you to go rekindle things with him under a moonlight dinner at a 1 star restaurant or Wendys if you so choose. I know you love their french fries.

 

Her: Fine! He's so much better than you anyway! You're just controlling and want me to be something I'm not.

 

You: You're absolutely right. He is much better a man than me to take you back. And again you're correct that I wanted you to be something you're not...an equal, loyal, and truthful partner in this relationship. But again, I finally see your side of things. I shouldn't have been more invested in your future than you were and I certainly shouldn't have supported you through it. That's something I'll work on in my next relationship. I wish you guys the best of luck in part II of your romance novel.

 

You: Oh, and could you empty the two trash bins on your way out?...it's garbage day. Thanks a million and give my regards to your friend.

 

Then watch her pack in silence. Then no contact...

 

Sidenote: That was fun. And please kick her out on trash day...it will give you a gigantic laugh and story to tell later.