space

[t]

I love my boyfriend very much and he also loves me. He says that I have been smothering him. I agree, I am a little on the needy, dependent side. I need to be more independent. Anyway, he wants some space. So, for the next two weeks(maybe less, maybe more) we are not going to see each other. I definitely need some "ME" time anyway. What is the actually definition of "space" anyway. Does it have a different meaning that I am not getting? Does this mean he maybe thinking about leaving me? I need space, but I have never thought of taking two weeks away from someone I love. Is space another way of saying "I'd like to blow you off?"

 

HELP. Just a little confused.

[Tony T]

If your boyfriend says he needs space, he's not talking about a two week vacation from each other. He's talking about a continuing situation in the relationship whereby a certain amount of time is spent in quality time together and a certain amount is spent with friends and in doing other things.

 

He's also talking about flexibility. He doesn't want you nagging him about spending this time or that time with him. He wants to feel like he is in a relationship and at the same time that he is free.

 

This two weeks apart will accomplish absolutely nothing. You have got to start conducting the relationship on a day to day basis so that he doesn't feel smothered and the only way that can happen is by giving him time for other things and not being so needy.

 

This space thing is often used as a blow off technique. It may be too late to show him you can give him the time he needs to be free and be himself in this relationship. But let's hope that's not the case here.

 

I have a good idea you had ample warning he was having a problem with this. The problem didn't just come up all of a sudden out of nowhere. It's a shame you needed something like this to wake you up to exactly what he was driving at.

 

Do not call him or contact him at all during this two week period.

 

Hint: His love for you will increase proportionately to the degree that you can seem like you can do just fine without him.

[t]

If your boyfriend says he needs space, he's

not talking about a two week vacation from each other. He's talking about a continuing situation in the relationship whereby a certain amount of time is spent in quality time together and a certain amount is spent with friends and in doing other things. He's also talking about flexibility. He doesn't want you nagging him about spending this time or that time with him. He wants to feel like he is in a relationship and at the same time that he is free. This two weeks apart will accomplish absolutely nothing. You have got to start conducting the relationship on a day to day basis so that he doesn't feel smothered and the only way that can happen is by giving him time for other things and not being so needy. This space thing is often used as a blow off technique. It may be too late to show him you can give him the time he needs to be free and be himself in this relationship. But let's hope that's not the case here. I have a good idea you had ample warning he was having a problem with this. The problem didn't just come up all of a sudden out of nowhere. It's a shame you needed something like this to wake you up to exactly what he was driving at.

 

Do not call him or contact him at all during this two week period. Hint: His love for you will increase proportionately to the degree that you can seem like you can do just fine without him. thank you for your advice. I don't really like the idea of two weeks myself but if that is waht he wants i have to give it to him. I agree, i don't think that it is going to do anything. I just hope that he does not come back and say that he does not love me anymore. I hope after this we can work it out so that i can see him and have him not feel smothered.

[WGirl]

Some people need more space than others. You need to respect that if you want this relationship to last. That is what your boyfriend is telling you in so many words. How often do you see or call each other? Maybe he feels like he doesn't have enough time to do other things that he would like to do. It would be good for you too to develop your own interests outside the relationship. I don't think it is a good idea to ever make a relationship your whole life because if something happens and the two of you break-up, what are you going to do then? I don't think he is trying to blow you off.

 

He just feels smothered. Maybe try calling him once a day. See each other maybe a couple of times a week. It is hard for me to give advice about that because I don't know what your regular habits are. Let him have a little space. The more push the relationship on him, the more you will push him away at this point. Ease up a little and good luck.

I love my boyfriend very much and he also loves me. He says that I have been smothering him. I agree, I am a little on the needy, dependent side. I need to be more independent. Anyway, he wants some space. So, for the next two weeks(maybe less, maybe more) we are not going to see each other. I definitely need some "ME" time anyway. What is the actually definition of "space" anyway. Does it have a different meaning that I am not getting? Does this mean he maybe thinking about leaving me? I need space, but I have never thought of taking two weeks away from someone I love. Is space another way of saying "I'd like to blow you off?" HELP. Just a little confused.

[t]

thank you. I want to give him his soace and will but it will be hard. I would go and see him maybe one day and then the next and take a day off and see him the next and thne the whole weekend. He has his own place so i would sleep there and then go home on monday. that is a bit much. you are right, i do live more for the relationship than i should. that is because i am too needy. i am working on that. there are extenuating circumstances. i am getting my head straight and maybe that will make me find my independence. thnaks again.