New start or fighting a lifetime

[Bling7]

I don't have anyone to voice my issues to so here we go. I married my high school sweetheart five years ago next month to find out years later he has been struggling with depression that I caused him back in high school bc he was a "rebound" he has never gotten over that and still brings it up to this day. Fast forward to today we have a 1 1/2 year old son who is amazing. A year ago I quit my successful job that I loved to work for his business. At the time I thought it would allow more time for my husband to spend with our son but it only took more time away from me & him. Skip back 3 years ago when he started his business. When he first started his business he was over weight but lost it all to start a new life of his own. I loved him more when him was overweight. But once he lost the weight he brought back up the way I treated him in high school & how it still eats at him today. He threatened to end his life if I didn't give details on my previous boyfriend. He believes certain songs bring back meowrys of this ex of mine. That I have not contact with & can't stand even if I was to see him. But this was the worst time of my life bc I never knew he was still holding on to this painful memories day in & day out. And why had he married me after all these years if he was in so much pain. I wished he hadn't and I honestly fell of my father was still alive today & hadn't passed away the summer after I graduated high school we wouldn't be together today. Ok back to present day our marriage has turned in to co-workers he is the boss & im a pee-on. He blames me for ever mistake & issue that is made even if it's really his fault. " you've cost our family money" He claims everything he does is for the family, the family he doesn't invest any time with but claim it's all for the future. The bigger his business grows the bigger his ego gets & the farther apart we grow. He yells at me daily i.e. verbal abuse sums it up. I fear him ever time the phone rings, every time I see him. His answer is to do my job better & our relationship will get better. Now every time I f' up he claims it makes him think back to 1997 & why am I (him) working so hard for you (me). I luv this man but I can't do it any longer. I much rather start over from absolutely nothing. I want to take my so. And live under a bridge. I get more excited thinking about moving out & getting a new job than thinking about our future together. I never wanted my son to grow up in a divorced household but 2 people staying together that don't get a long seems worst. Ive lived in this type of home and I've experienced it first hand. He says I just threaten divorce but next time I do I should have the papers ready. He is over that embarrassment bc I'm more embarrassing f'n up his business. To stay & fight or leave it all behind? just looking for advice one.

[Downtown]

Bling, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread.

 

I mention these red flags because several of the behaviors you describe -- e.g., the suicide threat, moodiness, irrational jealousy (over the song), verbal abuse, and always being "The Victim" who blames you for every misfortune -- are shown on that list. If the rest of these 18 behavioral traits rings many bells, please tell us which are very relevant and which are not. I would be glad to discuss them with you.