Elsa204 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 My BF and I got into an argument and it got pretty heated. I called him a "dumbass". He said "for calling me a dumbass I got you" I felt really bad and immediately apologized. He is still acting very cold with me. He won't speak to me or respond to any of my text messages and when he does he's very short. I've apologized so many times to the point of begging almost. Still being very cold.... This argument happened Tuesday.... I'm starting to not feel hurt anymore but angry. I realize my words weren't kind but I've apologized to the point where I feel pathetic. I'm just starting to feel like he's being this way to punish me or like he's on a power trip. He won't respond to anything I say but he'll constantly view my snapchats. Maybe he's more hurt than I thought idk I've decided as of last night to not try and talk to him anymore. Also not to post anything on snapchat since he constantly looks. This situation has turned me off a little. I feel like he is being spiteful and I felt pathetic. I thought as a couple we'd talk things out. I've apologized so many times and he just flat out ignores me. So maybe I'm annoying him by constantly apologizing?? So I've decided maybe he needs space and to not see or hear from me until he's over it?? Idk is space the right thing!?? Is what I said really THAT bad?? Link to post Share on other sites
sunking101 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Calling someone a dumbass is pretty lightweight in my opinion. I'd brush that off in a matter of seconds. He seems overly sensitive and the silent treatment is pathetic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Calling someone a dumbass is pretty lightweight in my opinion. I'd brush that off in a matter of seconds. He seems overly sensitive and the silent treatment is pathetic. Lol.... Not disagreeing Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 It's not a name I'd like to be called and I would have ended a relationship over it.... before I got married ..... but my tolerance for that kind of stuff is very low. This is the stage you see if your BF/GF is compatible .... so if you see that when you get into an argument .. he or she resorts to calling you names ... then one is justified to be ticked off (even with an apology) and can do what they please. I know someone who called her husband a stupid idiot during an argument ... and his response was similar to your BFs. .... he said "more fool you for marrying a stupid idiot" It's better to walk away from an argument instead of getting to the point you did. Imagine how it could have escalated if he called you a name ... then you try and top it..and it goes on and on. It all depends on your ages...length of your relationship...on whether you've done this before ..... whether or not you argue a lot. It's immature to name call and some people don't take kindly to it even in an argument. Next time..with him or a future guy ... it's better to say "you're acting like a dumbass right now" It's like I tell my kids they did something stupid ... not that THEY are stupid. There's a big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 It's not a name I'd like to be called and I would have ended a relationship over it.... before I got married ..... but my tolerance for that kind of stuff is very low. This is the stage you see if your BF/GF is compatible .... so if you see that when you get into an argument .. he or she resorts to calling you names ... then one is justified to be ticked off (even with an apology) and can do what they please. I know someone who called her husband a stupid idiot during an argument ... and his response was similar to your BFs. .... he said "more fool you for marrying a stupid idiot" It's better to walk away from an argument instead of getting to the point you did. Imagine how it could have escalated if he called you a name ... then you try and top it..and it goes on and on. It all depends on your ages...length of your relationship...on whether you've done this before ..... whether or not you argue a lot. It's immature to name call and some people don't take kindly to it even in an argument. Next time..with him or a future guy ... it's better to say "you're acting like a dumbass right now" It's like I tell my kids they did something stupid ... not that THEY are stupid. There's a big difference. He's said WORSE.... Way WORSE Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 I've decided as of last night to not try and talk to him anymore. Also not to post anything on snapchat since he constantly looks. This situation has turned me off a little. I feel like he is being spiteful and I felt pathetic. I thought as a couple we'd talk things out. I've apologized so many times and he just flat out ignores me. So maybe I'm annoying him by constantly apologizing?? So I've decided maybe he needs space and to not see or hear from me until he's over it?? Idk is space the right thing!?? Is what I said really THAT bad?? The bolded part is exactly what you do. Dissappear for the next 7 days. He is acting childish at this point so let him know you will not put up with it and continue begging him. Just go ghost for the next week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WatchingTheHorizon Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 He sounds right out exhausting. Why are you with him? What keeps you there? Because if he's hyper sensitive, yet feels free to insult you, and loves using the silent treatment -long term even, which is calculated- as his first choice weapon, I don't see any perks myself. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 (edited) He's said WORSE.... Way WORSE Past altercations do not excuse and justify future ones. He said worse, way worse. You choose to forgive him and move on or you go your own ways. You don't hold onto it to justify your own actions. My last girlfriend started insulting me with mild things. Then, despite being highly educated, was out of a job for a few months. In this time I did all the house chores, as well as looked for work, ultimately taking a barista job to pay the bills until I landed a good job in my field. Sometime in our time together, the insults escalated until she was calling me a worthless, useless, waste of space because I hung her cloths up to dry after they came out of the dryer damp instead of re drying them and I was playing a video game when she came home from the store. I just sat there for a bit really considering the words she just said to me, and the feeling and hatred in them. That kind of disrespect stood with me and was a large impact on why I broke up with her. It wasn't that she called me useless and your boyfriend isn't mad you called him a dumbass. It's anger over the disrespect you have for him. Loving relationships shouldn't be filled with disrespect and hostility. You don't choose your siblings, and you fight with them, but you still love them. Your partner however is choosing you and you are choosing him. Why would you choose such a relationship? Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 (edited) My BF and I got into an argument and it got pretty heated. I called him a "dumbass". He said "for calling me a dumbass I got you" I'm sorry. I must be slow on the uptake. I do not understand what his reply even means. That said if you have repeatedly apologized, but he's still not talking, you can only assume he's immature & overly sensitive. You have choices now: You can play his game & fade out to see if he chases. That is not very healthy. Or what I'd do is reach out one last time & say something along the lines of: Look I repeatedly apologized. If you are inclined to accept my apology talk to me. Otherwise I am going to interpret your continued silent treatment as you not having the balls to break up with me to my face & I will act accordingly. Call me in 24 hours or lose my contact info permanently. At the expiration of the deadline (or maybe 36 hours later if I was feeling weak) I'd block him from everything & start the grieving process for the demise of my relationship. Edited April 15, 2016 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 I'm sorry. I must be slow on the uptake. I do not understand what his reply even means. That said if you have repeatedly apologized, but he's still not talking, you can only assume he's immature & overly sensitive. You have choices now: You can play his game & fade out to see if he chases. That is not very healthy. Or what I'd do is reach out one last time & say something along the lines of: Look I repeatedly apologized. If you are inclined to accept my apology talk to me. Otherwise I am going to interpret your continued silent treatment as you not having the balls to break up with me to my face & I will act accordingly. Call me in 24 hours or lose my contact info permanently. At the expiration of the deadline (or maybe 36 hours later if I was feeling weak) I'd block him from everything & start the grieving process for the demise of my relationship. "I got you" usually means like "I'll show you" or "I'll teach you a lesson". I was starting to think that if I do the whole disappearing thing that's playing his game. I hate playing games it's exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Was he actually being a dumbass, and was the situation appropriate to check him? If you were just being gratuitous, your bad. If he deserved it, his. It does sound like he's riding the wave of your apologies for all its worth. If he really has issues getting over sth like that he may be a bit more of a little boy yet than you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Was he actually being a dumbass, and was the situation appropriate to check him? If you were just being gratuitous, your bad. If he deserved it, his. It does sound like he's riding the wave of your apologies for all its worth. If he really has issues getting over sth like that he may be a bit more of a little boy yet than you realize. He was being a jerk yes.... Not a dumb ass but a complete *******!! And to be honest with you it's not like he didn't retaliate!! When I called him a dumbass he responded with "moron". I personally didn't care because I knew we were both being very stupid.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 "I got you" usually means like "I'll show you" or "I'll teach you a lesson". I was starting to think that if I do the whole disappearing thing that's playing his game. I hate playing games it's exhausting. Thank you for the explanation. If you don't want to play games, you alone have the power to stop yourself from participating. When are you going to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Thank you for the explanation. If you don't want to play games, you alone have the power to stop yourself from participating. When are you going to do that? I mean I haven't said anything to him today at all. Yesterday I texted him "are you still upset?? I've apologized a thousand times" and he said "no" and I said "you've said worse to me before and you're on an ego trip" and he said "k" and I said "omg GN" and he only said "GN" then proceeded to view my snaptchat story sooooo Yeah lol. So I mean I guess I won't say anything else ??? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 You're all off on his statement. "For being a dumbass I got you" Means, I wooed you into a relationship despite being a dumbass, so what does that make you? It's like if someone calls you stupid after you beat them on an exam... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 I mean I haven't said anything to him today at all. Yesterday I texted him "are you still upset?? I've apologized a thousand times" and he said "no" and I said "you've said worse to me before and you're on an ego trip" and he said "k" and I said "omg GN" and he only said "GN" then proceeded to view my snaptchat story sooooo Yeah lol. So I mean I guess I won't say anything else ??? Time to stop apologising. Say nothing if he gets back to you fine, if he doesn't he is not worth wasting your time over. If he often says way worse things about you, then perhaps if he doesn't respond he will be doing you a favour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Name calling is a key sign of the inability to manage disagreements. I know personally that this can very likely be the precursor to emotional abuse. That being said....if he has done this as well as you admitting to doing this....best to walk away and mature up. Learn to handle disagreements in a more mature way....i.e. remove yourself from the emotional conflict, take a walk, exercise etc until you can address the issue from both perspectives and listen to the opposing side. I have also heard it said that it is almost impossible to argue while naked....so get naked and settle things out and ......play nice!! (find someone that you can play nice with). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Time to stop apologising. Say nothing if he gets back to you fine, if he doesn't he is not worth wasting your time over. If he often says way worse things about you, then perhaps if he doesn't respond he will be doing you a favour. Yeah, end the apology tour and never go back to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 You're all off on his statement. "For being a dumbass I got you" Means, I wooed you into a relationship despite being a dumbass, so what does that make you? It's like if someone calls you stupid after you beat them on an exam... 100 percent correct. People should take Hawkeye Staters more seriously. I never met a stupid one:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 He was being a jerk yes.... Not a dumb ass but a complete *******!! And to be honest with you it's not like he didn't retaliate!! When I called him a dumbass he responded with "moron". I personally didn't care because I knew we were both being very stupid.. Exactly my point. You start name calling and it escalates. A relationship where the two resort to this is headed for doom. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years and I've never resorted to insults. Yes we do have disagreements... but none of this insulting of each other. It won't get you very far at all. What's the end game in this relationship? Just fun or something more serious. I can't see many men wanting to marry a woman in this situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 I don't like name calling. I WAS called a dumbass before and it was because I wanted to double wrap a pork roast in saran wrap and then foil. that comment didn't go over well with me AT ALL and I was insulted and pissed for several days but I eventually got over it. I shouldn't have though because yes, it escalated, and yes, he was an emotional abuser. Name calling is a big red flag in my book. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 I don't like name calling. I WAS called a dumbass before and it was because I wanted to double wrap a pork roast in saran wrap and then foil. that comment didn't go over well with me AT ALL and I was insulted and pissed for several days but I eventually got over it. I shouldn't have though because yes, it escalated, and yes, he was an emotional abuser. Name calling is a big red flag in my book. You shouldn't have been called a name for that and I'm sorry that happened to you. I called him a dumbass because he never listens to me ever and I was trying to explain something and he was being very stubborn Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 You shouldn't have been called a name for that and I'm sorry that happened to you. I called him a dumbass because he never listens to me ever and I was trying to explain something and he was being very stubborn And he's probably pissed off because you're still excusing your insult instead of owning up that insults aren't the proper way to handle conflict... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa204 Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 And he's probably pissed off because you're still excusing your insult instead of owning up that insults aren't the proper way to handle conflict... Trust me I've apologized to the point where I feel so pathetic. Still no response. Only thing he said in response to me asking why he's as upset as he is was...."You just piss me off".... Idk it's been almost a week and at this point I'm almost ready to just walk away. I feel really hurt at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 I think at this point, you should just break up with him. It feels that this long, especially with numerous apologies (hopefully they weren't excuses, but genuine apologies) he's just being a complete tool. It's one thing to be upset, another to saying "you just piss me off". That in itself is very telling of a resentful relationship. He's resentful and you can't fix that. Just block him if you're in that position and go NC. He's silent treated you, show him how a boss does it. Or just tell him it's over then go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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