Is FWB not interested anymore? [update! 2016-08-01]

[basil67]

I interpret his text as saying that he's interested in you but knows that you're not interested in him. Rolling with the punches refers to not being happy with the situation but accepting the crumbs he's getting because it's better than nothing.

 

It's a really sad text actually. I feel bad for him that he's unable to move on and find someone who wants a relationship with him.

[preraph]

Well, call me hopelessly cynical, but I think he told you he's not sleeping with others to see if he can get you to be one of him multiple women and that he's just trying to get them all to himself without giving up any freedom and being able to keep them all. That's what a lot of guys would like ideally to accomplish. They don't want to be jealous, so they may lie to you because it is ridiculously easy to get women to be faithful to them without any commitment from them or any proof they are not seeing others. The only way to know that is to be with them nearly all the time.

 

You just keep your OLD up and date around. This guy sounds to me like he's playing games.

[juniorrocha]

I interpret his text as saying that he's interested in you but knows that you're not interested in him. Rolling with the punches refers to not being happy with the situation but accepting the crumbs he's getting because it's better than nothing.

 

It's a really sad text actually. I feel bad for him that he's unable to move on and find someone who wants a relationship with him.

 

^This.

 

Whenever one party starts developing feelings, it's no longer a FWB situation. He seems to be wanting more than that.

[preraph]

Just saying he's not sleeping with women isn't commitment or being a real BF. Unless he starts taking you out on real dates and treating you like he doesn't take you for granted and being kind and considerate and being open about his comings and goings, don't fall for it. If he is really into you, he should be doing nice things, considerate things, paying for dates and going on real dates, not just bootie calls, and all that stuff. Don't lose sight of what a real bf is. Having a casual sex guy who says he's not banging anyone else does not quite fit the bill.

[Mindy6803]

Just saying he's not sleeping with women isn't commitment or being a real BF. Unless he starts taking you out on real dates and treating you like he doesn't take you for granted and being kind and considerate and being open about his comings and goings, don't fall for it. If he is really into you, he should be doing nice things, considerate things, paying for dates and going on real dates, not just bootie calls, and all that stuff. Don't lose sight of what a real bf is. Having a casual sex guy who says he's not banging anyone else does not quite fit the bill.

 

 

Not really looking for a commitment. We haven't done real dates. We've gone to concerts, out with his friends or get lunch. He offers to pay for that or even if just if we're grabbing coffee.

[basil67]

Just saying he's not sleeping with women isn't commitment or being a real BF. Unless he starts taking you out on real dates and treating you like he doesn't take you for granted and being kind and considerate and being open about his comings and goings, don't fall for it. If he is really into you, he should be doing nice things, considerate things, paying for dates and going on real dates, not just bootie calls, and all that stuff. Don't lose sight of what a real bf is. Having a casual sex guy who says he's not banging anyone else does not quite fit the bill.

 

Hang on, I'm confused.

 

Why would he take Mindy on a date when she's been clear that she doesn't want a relationship with him? Sounds like a waste of time and money on his part.

[Mindy6803]

I had a FWB for a couple months. I called it off when I started catching feelings and he started getting on me about who I was hanging out with. We were still on good terms. We don't hang out and didnt really text a lot. Really I knew he just used me sometimes. He told me he started dating someone. I changed my number and Facebook recently due to an ex. When he found out they had changed he got upset and started bugging my friend to find out why I was upset with him.

 

I eventually saw him in a bar and he started asking me all these questions about why was I mad at him, he thought we were friends, why would i do that to him, etc. I tried to explain that it didn't have anything to do with him but he was buzzed. He was holdin on to me so I wouldn't leave. It was kind of awkward. And told me I was acting like a bitch.

 

I don't know why he'd act like that? We were only FWB.

[Gloria25]

I remember your threads.

 

Did you ever have the "talk" with him?

 

Can't go through a RL and just sit back and "guess" why someone does this/that.

 

I don't know if you remember my responses, but I'm having similar trouble with my guy. I know I'm catching feelings, but I'm not sure if things he wanted to do with me (i.e. sleepovers, saying he needed me) were more of something even someone in a FWB would desire or he was starting to catch feelings for me. And, us not having a frank convo about it is causing a lot of crap.

 

I don't think none of us can know what's going on in his head. You need to talk to him. And, no beating around the bushes.

 

Also, if you were catching feelings for him, why did you cut it off?

[Mindy6803]

I remember your threads.

 

Did you ever have the "talk" with him?

 

Can't go through a RL and just sit back and "guess" why someone does this/that.

 

I don't know if you remember my responses, but I'm having similar trouble with my guy. I know I'm catching feelings, but I'm not sure if things he wanted to do with me (i.e. sleepovers, saying he needed me) were more of something even someone in a FWB would desire or he was starting to catch feelings for me. And, us not having a frank convo about it is causing a lot of crap.

 

I don't think none of us can know what's going on in his head. You need to talk to him. And, no beating around the bushes.

 

Also, if you were catching feelings for him, why did you cut it off?

 

I told him I was catching feelings and I knew he didn't want a relationship. He told me he was happy with what we had (fwb) and didnt want it to stop but didn't say he wanted more so I let it go not to get hurt. Other than that we haven't been around each other til this happened.

[Gloria25]

I told him I was catching feelings and I knew he didn't want a relationship. He told me he was happy with what we had (fwb) and didnt want it to stop but didn't say he wanted more so I let it go not to get hurt. Other than that we haven't been around each other til this happened.

 

So, did you list all the things he said/did that made you think he wanted more when you told him you were catching feelings?

[Mindy6803]

So, did you list all the things he said/did that made you think he wanted more when you told him you were catching feelings?

 

Not too him, no.

[Gloria25]

Not too him, no.

 

Well, again, I recommend you tell him. But I'm sure you won't then will come back here asking us what we think.

 

I believe you and him need to sit down and talk. And, you need to raise everything with him.

[Mindy6803]

Well, again, I recommend you tell him. But I'm sure you won't then will come back here asking us what we think.

 

I believe you and him need to sit down and talk. And, you need to raise everything with him.

 

 

I tried today. I guess he isn't speaking to me now.

[Gloria25]

I tried today. I guess he isn't speaking to me now.

 

Well, did you text, call or email?

 

What did you say?

 

Cuz at this point, probably cuz all the confusion, he's not open to hearing from you. I mean you told him you were backing off cuz you were catching feelings. So, if he was catching feelings but didn't wanna come out till you came out...you just shut him down.

 

In other words, we're all vulnerable. Some of us aren't gonna put ourselves out there till we have clear signals from the other person.

 

I kinda feel that's what may have happened with my FWB. I believe that he's not super serious about me or anyone right now, but I think he wanted to do a bit more with me, and cuz I constantly have the wall up (from fear he doesn't want the same), he withdraws and this or that.

 

So, maybe send him an email. Lay it all out. Maybe he'll respond, maybe it's too late.

 

But seriously, what do you want? You wanna know why he's doing this or that? Why? You said you broke it off cuz you were catching feelings...so, what does it matter to you if he is doing all of this cuz he has feelings too?

[Mindy6803]

Well, did you text, call or email?

 

What did you say?

 

Cuz at this point, probably cuz all the confusion, he's not open to hearing from you. I mean you told him you were backing off cuz you were catching feelings. So, if he was catching feelings but didn't wanna come out till you came out...you just shut him down.

 

In other words, we're all vulnerable. Some of us aren't gonna put ourselves out there till we have clear signals from the other person.

 

I kinda feel that's what may have happened with my FWB. I believe that he's not super serious about me or anyone right now, but I think he wanted to do a bit more with me, and cuz I constantly have the wall up (from fear he doesn't want the same), he withdraws and this or that.

 

So, maybe send him an email. Lay it all out. Maybe he'll respond, maybe it's too late.

 

But seriously, what do you want? You wanna know why he's doing this or that? Why? You said you broke it off cuz you were catching feelings...so, what does it matter to you if he is doing all of this cuz he has feelings too?

 

He told me he didn't want to be in a relationship so can't really get mad when I don't stick around. I told him today my changes didn't have anything to do with him and I didn't realize he was that upset about it.

[Gloria25]

He told me he didn't want to be in a relationship so can't really get mad when I don't stick around. I told him today my changes didn't have anything to do with him and I didn't realize he was that upset about it.

 

And I agree with you...same thing with my guy. From my understanding, he doesn't want much with me, so my actions reflect his desires. But, like you, I still wonder why he does this or that and haven't raised it with him.

 

Ok, you told him that you didn't realize that he was upset about your "changes". Did you let him know that the reason you broke up with him is cuz you don't wanna catch feelings for him cuz he said that he didn't want a relationship?

 

Did you also say that he's sending you mixed signals, cuz if he doesn't want a relationship with you, why does he do X, Y, Z?

 

PS. Again, why do you care what he thinks at this point? Do you want more with him? Are you wanting him to stop nagging you (cuz him getting upset over this/that if he wants nothing with you indeed is annoying).

Edited August 1, 2016 by Gloria25

[Mindy6803]

And I agree with you...same thing with my guy. From my understanding, he doesn't want much with me, so my actions reflect his desires. But, like you, I still wonder why he does this or that and haven't raised it with him.

 

Ok, you told him that you didn't realize that he was upset about your "changes". Did you let him know that the reason you broke up with him is cuz you don't wanna catch feelings for him cuz he said that he didn't want a relationship?

 

Did you also say that he's sending you mixed signals, cuz if he doesn't want a relationship with you, why does he do X, Y, Z?

 

PS. Again, why do you care what he thinks at this point? Do you want more with him? Are you wanting him to stop nagging you (cuz him getting upset over this/that if he wants nothing with you indeed is annoying).

 

 

I broke it off over a month ago. He had made a big deal and gotten upset when I went on a date with someone. I brought that up when I told him I didn't want to hook up anymore, but I didn't go into everything he was doing. I told him I couldn't be his friend AND hook up without catching feelings. He said he'd rather have the friend than just sex and not see each other. But he'd make comments after that that he wanted the sex part back too.

 

 

He's a pain in my butt, but I don't hate the guy. It kind of knocked me for a loop when he made that big of a deal in the bar we go to in front of our friends.