People who leave you hanging..setting a date up

[Mjm1014]

Okay something that's really been crawling under my skin lately is people that act really interested over the phone (texting, phone calls), but when it comes to actually meeting up, they keep me hanging until last minute. I'm talking to a few girls I've met off of Bumble, and they seem very interested-one girl can't go an hour without texting me, but when I ask her in advance to meet up, she gives me the same excuse "I'll let you know, I'm more of a go with the flow type of person and I'm not sure what's going on."

 

Same thing for another girl that I actually went on a date with-tried asking her to do something and she says the same thing..."I'll let you know" and if she ever does ask me to do anything it's always very last minute when I already have plans to do other things.

 

Before that girl-same exact deal.."I'll let you know"..that girl was actually planning on seeing me and when I told her I had plans a few hours prior to saying she could do something she got upset and stopped talking to me.

 

Is this what dating is coming to? I never had an issue with this until recently. I'm extremely busy, and only have a few days out of the week when I'm actually free so I hate waiting around for someone just to blow me off. How do you handle people like this? It's seriously like everyone I talk to makes me feel like I'm not worthy of their time yet they want to be pen pals over the phone. Sorry kind of a vent post but I feel like all I do is waste my time on people that treat me like an option lol

[Art.at.Heart]

"I'll let you know, I'm more of a go with the flow type of person and I'm not sure what's going on."

That response alone would keep me from talking to her again.

 

This is something I've actually had multiple conversations about with both guys and girls. It seems the general thought process is that the several dating apps available to the public are making the younger generation of females a bit more picky. Your average girl can scroll through tinder and get match after match while your average guy can't. Among my friends, I've been alone in the camp that it's the younger generation of males fault that they're so sex starved they flood every girl's online profile with advances to not-so-subtly try to get into their pants.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Technology has quite frankly ruined dating in my humble opinion.

 

How would I handle someone saying something like this to me? I'd tell them they have all the time in the world because I'm no longer interested. NEXT!

 

Seriously, why play that waiting game??

 

Remember...we teach people how to treat us. Period. If you continue to let someone keep you as an option they will continue to treat as an option rather than a priority.

 

Who the hell wants to be an option?

 

Not me. No thanks.

[smackie9]

Just the way dating has been forever. It's not unusual for people to say yes when put on the spot, then bail. If they give excuses, just take it as a no. This is what you do....you ask out as many as you can, eventually you will get one that will stick.

[SwordofFlame]

Can't say I've come across this often in my online dating experience. In the times where woman did behave like this it ended up being due to low interest.

[TXGuy]

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with it if you understand what it means.

 

It means:

You are low on my priority list, but you have still made the cut. I'll keep stringing you along. If I have nothing better going on one night, I'll let you take me out.

 

She will make plans in advance for guys that she is really interested in. You are not at that level, but you are good enough to keep in the bullpen in case she is bored and has nothing better to do.

 

As mentioned above, there isn't anything inherently wrong with what she is doing. If you manage to go out with her one night, you might be able to climb up the priority list if you impress her or entertain her to her satisfaction. It is simply a result of the reality that she has more suitors than she has free time.

 

There is also nothing wrong with you deciding to spend your time with women who are more receptive to your offer of dates.

[Philosopher]

Ah, the classic "I will check my diary" type of ending to a request for a date that I have a had a few times.

 

This is normally a sign of low or no interest. They either don't want to hurt your feelings or don't have the courage to directly say that they do not think you are a good match for them so they reply with an ambiguous answer to your request to meet up that leaves you hanging. It is probably best not to communicate with them any further. If they text you with a date when they are free, then game on. However if you do not hear from them, which is likely, then it is safe to assume they are not interested.

[hippychick3]

They are doing this because you are the backup person. They want to keep you around in case their number one interest doesn't work out.

 

It sounds horrible, but these girls don't know you yet. I wouldn't take it personally. Look at your profile and see if there's some tweaking you can do to make it more appealing (better pics, check grammar and spelling).

[Mjm1014]

I understand it means low interest, that's obvious, but what I don't understand is, why try to keep in contact with me then? The one girl for instance blows up my phone all day with text messages, but can't be bothered when I try to make plans with her, same goes with all the other girls...they text and text and text for weeks (usually I'm patient in the beginning and understand people are busy), but when it goes on a month where you've asked them out a few times or only seen them maybe once or twice, that's what gets me. It's a huge waste of time.

 

I'm honestly at the point I'm burned out from trying to get to know people because it never leads to anything except for a pen pal. It happens over and over. I'm 28, been trying hard to meet someone and have gone on only 2 dates in the past 6 months...granted most of the people I meet are from online, but it's bull. I've dropped everyone else because they would never meet up and they only wanted to talk. It's frustrating.

[tinkerbell16]

I understand it means low interest, that's obvious, but what I don't understand is, why try to keep in contact with me then? The one girl for instance blows up my phone all day with text messages, but can't be bothered when I try to make plans with her, same goes with all the other girls...they text and text and text for weeks (usually I'm patient in the beginning and understand people are busy), but when it goes on a month where you've asked them out a few times or only seen them maybe once or twice, that's what gets me. It's a huge waste of time.

 

I'm honestly at the point I'm burned out from trying to get to know people because it never leads to anything except for a pen pal. It happens over and over. I'm 28, been trying hard to meet someone and have gone on only 2 dates in the past 6 months...granted most of the people I meet are from online, but it's bull. I've dropped everyone else because they would never meet up and they only wanted to talk. It's frustrating.

 

I am going through the same thing now... it is very frustrating because I am busy too so getting texts through the day then nothing or too late to actually plan or go anywhere. I absolutely hate the dating arena now. Everyone seems to be in to casual and treating each other so poorly. Really loosing hope of finding anything real. Sorry this doesn't help you much but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

[scorpiogirl]

It's irritating to say the least. Guys will message me and then ask if I have a particular texting app. I say no but here's my number. Call me.

 

Nine out of ten don't call. The majority still text even though I said I didn't text.

 

They want to text throughout the day while I'm working or at night when I'm unwinding, and also with the last minute plans.

 

I stop responding if this happens. I tell them I don't have time to be texting all day and we can set up a proper time and place to meet.

Call me and we can talk for 10 minutes, as opposed to texting all damn night.

The time wasters weed themselves out.

 

Even if I'm dateless for a few months, id rather have that than a texting buddy who has no plans to ever meet.

 

That "go with the flow" argument is a lame way of saying " if I have nothing better to do, I'll hit you up".

[Mjm1014]

Yeah it really does suck...its indirectly poor treatment, and I've noticed this is becoming the norm with people. Maybe it's the way the dating scene is now with the advent of Tinder and Buble, but I've never really dealt with this until the past year or so. I work out a decent amount, and hope it's not because of my looks-but I guess that's always a possibility, but it still confuses me why people want to text me for no reason at all since they don't even want to hang out. Even if I do weed these people out, 9/10 of them come running back then do the same thing.

 

I guess it sucks to suck:/ lol

[fitnessfan365]

When they keep reaching out, don't engage them in a lengthy conversation.

 

Respond to her first text. Then when she texts back, say "So when are you free to get together?" If she gives a non-committal response, you say "Well I have to run, but get in touch once you check your schedule." Anytime she reaches out, repeat the process. Eventually she'll either make a date or go away. Either way, it's a win-win. But by continuing to engage her repeatedly with the text-a-thon, it encourages her behavior.

[phineas]

I understand it means low interest, that's obvious, but what I don't understand is, why try to keep in contact with me then? The one girl for instance blows up my phone all day with text messages, but can't be bothered when I try to make plans with her, same goes with all the other girls...they text and text and text for weeks (usually I'm patient in the beginning and understand people are busy), but when it goes on a month where you've asked them out a few times or only seen them maybe once or twice, that's what gets me. It's a huge waste of time.

 

I'm honestly at the point I'm burned out from trying to get to know people because it never leads to anything except for a pen pal. It happens over and over. I'm 28, been trying hard to meet someone and have gone on only 2 dates in the past 6 months...granted most of the people I meet are from online, but it's bull. I've dropped everyone else because they would never meet up and they only wanted to talk. It's frustrating.

 

I ask once.

If they don't say "yes" then I stop contacting and ignore when they hit me up.

 

look these women are human beings intelligent enough to know what you want.

If they are not giving you what you want. a date.

You don't give them what they want. attention.

simple.

 

If they keep bugging me or want to know why i'm not talking to them (and they sometimes do) I get straight to the point.

 

I tell them i'm looking to date, they are not & tell them good luck.

 

an example, I met this one woman on POF. she snapchatted me all weekend and we were supposed to go out on monday night.

Monday afternoon I got a text from her.

I verified we were meeting at X.

nothing. nada. zilch. from her.

TWO weeks later she texted me "hi". LOLOLOLOLOL. ignored.

Edited April 16, 2016 by phineas