Deeko Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Hi everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years and together we have a house and a daughter. I've felt like things were okay with us and we were doing alright for quite awhile. Sure, we've had ups and downs but always seem to get over the bumps okay. A month and a half ago or so, I noticed he was deleting texts from a female who he works with occasionally during his 2nd job (which is just seasonal). I didn't think anything of it honestly... a little weird, but I saw the messages before he deleted them and they seemed like nothing. I let it go. Then, it started happening more frequently and that raised major red flags for me. I then joined in on his cell phone plan and now have access to the phone account and see that he will go days without texting her and then when she texts him (she's the one who initiates the first text 99% of the time), they text several times during the day. I've asked him what's up with this and he has said he does talk to people about work and whatnot, and deletes messages to save room on his phone. I found this odd because he has old messages from people who he doesn't even talk to at all anymore saved in his text box. This went back and forth for quite awhile. We are in counseling, so this was brought up 2 weeks ago. He said he wouldn't cheat on me and isn't talking to anyone. This morning after much of my heartbreak and asking, he finally told me that this girl (who I suspected) was texting him and was interested in him but he made it clear he is unavailable and is making his relationship work with me. I asked the context of their texts and he said they've "thrown jokes around" back and forth to eachother before. He said he replies to her "in kind" I ask that he stop the flirtyness and he said he will try and he wants to be with me and make me happy. I asked to keep their conversations businesslike and short. He said he will. Needless to say, my heart is aching so bad. I feel betrayed. I want to believe everything he said and how he wants to be with me and doesn't feel obligated to be with me. I've told him to be with who he wants and go be happy with who will make him truly happy but don't put me through this. He said he knows all that and I'm who he wants. I guess he's mad at me because he's been super short with me. A part of me wants to text this girl so bad but I don't want to look like the crazy one. We go back to counseling on Tuesday and I'm dying to get in there to hopefully get some peace of mind with this. He is working with her tonight and I asked if he'd mind introducing us and he said he'd love to. Rather than hear "just dump him" I'd like to hear someone who maybe has been through this and/or has positive advice. I don't want this to end. I don't want to be cheated on either though. I want to believe all the positives he told me and let this go but since it's still so new, it's stinging and I'm obsessed. Thanks in advance everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Emotional affairs starting in the workplace is very common. You bond with coworkers because you see them everyday, like they become family....BUT it can also turn into sexual attraction, sexual tension building up over time. The talking, texting may start out as harmless bantering, but before you know it, they are catching feelings for each other...so intense it's hard to escape it. He didn't wake up one morning and said "I'm going to mack on my coworker.." It is gradual. It can be so addicting, all common sense goes out the window, taken over by selfishness. I feel he has been smacked by the gravity of his actions....I hope he comes clean and figures out why he went down that road. My take on it is him being short is because he needs expel his emotional attachment to her.....coming down from the high. Just my two cents, not to be taken as fact. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 You said you were going back to counseling....were you having issues before this? Link to post Share on other sites
lychee Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Sorry to say but.... the cheater will always blame the "other woman/man" ..she's always crazy ..and he just wanted to be her friend. He's bull****ting you. Keep your eyes open. Speaking from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I ask that he stop the flirtyness and he said he will try He said he will TRY??? Seriously... and you accepted that? You know what Yoda says about trying? "Do, or do not. There is no try." There is only one response that I would have accepted when I told him to cut this out, and that is "I am 100% committed to making our relationship work and I promise I will never text her anything inappropriate again, and if she texts me something inappropriate I will tell her to cut it out". Not "I'll try..."....... Sorry to say that he sounds really half-hearted. If I were you I'd tell him that he's either 100% committed to making it work, or he's not. And if he's not, then you're not either, and he can move out tomorrow. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Seasonal job. Ok so more than likely he doesn't even have to text her about work. Unless it's gossiping which i doubt. Anyway I'm trying to say he shouldn't even be contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
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