Privatelady677 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Me and my boyfriend went out last night to see a movie... Long story short, when we got back to my place and were lying in bed he tried to have sex with me but I turned him down because I was tired.. But he says I was trying to prove a point ( we've have several arguments and disagreements lately) & became upset... This morning he was still upset, shut down on me, and on his way out didn't kiss me like he usually does... Just for an FYI I am 27 years old and he is 28... We've been together about 2 years... And I've only rejected him for sex about 2-3 times since we've been together (due to being tired or not in the mood). What do you guys think? The temper tantrum he through over something so petty kinda put the icing the cake on top of the other issues we've been having and I am really contemplating on ending it... Just don't think my heart has followed my mind yet
Blanco Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 You're his girlfriend, not his property. You're not wrong here. It might be different if this was a pattern and you were withholding sex to prove a point / gain the upper hand, but that doesn't sound like that's the case. There's this misconception among a lot of people within relationships, usually us dumb guys, that being in a relationship or married is like having an all-access pass to our partner's body on demand. Unfortunately, this is why rape within relationships are surprisingly high. 10
RecentChange Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 You said it yourself - there are other issues in the relationship, and for him, being rejected might have been the iceing on the cake as well. How often do you inciate sex with him? How often do you two have sex? Is your self life otherwise good? If everything was great in the relationship most normal people would not react with anger by a once in a blue moon "I am too tired". Sounds like this is a sign of other issues.....
katiegrl Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I think he got mad at you, left with no kiss, etc. in an attempt to manipulate you (essentially scare you) so next time you will think twice about turning him down. Stick to your guns, let him be a big whiny baby about it, that is HIS issue not yours. God I can't stand men to try to manipulate like that.... so weak. 2
kendahke Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I think he's got juvenile methods of conflict resolution. Throwing a temper tantrum isn't an adult way of resolving anything. It's manipulative, to tell you the truth. I think he's given you more than enough for you to rethink the wisdom of being with someone who behaves this childishly. Like Blanco aptly put it--you're his girlfriend, not his property. 3
basil67 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 The rejection of sex most likely felt like the proverbial straw. What are the other issues you're having? 1
joseb Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I think that the other issues you are having might have caused this. Can you elaborate? His throwing a tantrum though is pretty childish. Is there a reason he might believe you are trying to prove s point? Do you live together? 2
kismetkismet Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 This behaviour as a stand alone is manipulative and controlling. but without context it's a difficult to tell what point he's trying to prove. What have you been arguing about? Things like this can be 'the last straw' in certain contexts so to speak.
preraph Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Well, now you know that having sex is more important to him than your well-being. I know what I'd do. I certainly wouldn't sign up to spend a lifetime with such a selfish childish jerk who always has to have his way and can't hear the word "no." A person who loves you cares more about you than to act like that. You're not his property. 3
Ami1uwant Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Without knowing why the fights have been happening it's hard to say. The last thng you should do is use sex as a punishment/power/control thing. He key here is to communicate to him you are tired. That this isn't part of a fight. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Women need a reason, men need a place. Well, didn't read all the responses, but glad I get to read this one. Some women just need a pole to ride too. Some men need more than a place. Some men are seeking intimacy and don't know how to go about it other than through sex. Denying your partner sex legitimately could be making him feel hurt. His anger is not a valid outcome, and you should explain that to him. He needs to work on himself a bit and try to learn to get that emotional connection through other methods (hugs, a compassionate kiss, a warm tight hug). You're right to leave but if you choose to stay, I would tell him that his anger will push you away and he needs to learn to treat you with respect. Assert that boundary and stick to it
redbaron007 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Just have a proper conversation with him as soon as possible in a neutral venue like a coffee shop and be totally frank with him about the current issues AND what the red lines are and where he has crossed them. If he does not recognize his mistake, or refuses to acknowledge it, dump him...If he acknowledges his recent tantrums, then you can be gracious to him and offer to work with him on improving your relationship. Do not let this fester as nothing good will come out of it. One of my regrets is not having this type of frank conversation with my ex-wife early on when we first started having problems, which led to increasingly bad behavior on her part and showing disrespect towards me and our marriage, till the marriage became untenable and I had to pull the plug...
soph-walker Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Sex is often a barometer for what's actually going on in the relationship. I agree with others PoV here; you stick to your guns! You weren't put on this earth for his sexual gratification and shame on him for getting angry. Guys can often feel rejected if you turn them down but his actions say that there might be underlying issues. I'd try and talk about it and use it as a chance to air any niggles or issues you're both keeping in. Best of luck.
Buddhist Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 The temper tantrum he through over something so petty kinda put the icing the cake on top of the other issues we've been having and I am really contemplating on ending it... Just don't think my heart has followed my mind yet You called it and I think you are right. If by 28 he still throws a hissy fit when he doesn't get what he wants, that's not a good sign. 2
Beachguy Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Me and my boyfriend went out last night to see a movie... Long story short, when we got back to my place and were lying in bed he tried to have sex with me but I turned him down because I was tired.. But he says I was trying to prove a point ( we've have several arguments and disagreements lately) & became upset... This morning he was still upset, shut down on me, and on his way out didn't kiss me like he usually does... Just for an FYI I am 27 years old and he is 28... We've been together about 2 years... And I've only rejected him for sex about 2-3 times since we've been together (due to being tired or not in the mood). What do you guys think? The temper tantrum he through over something so petty kinda put the icing the cake on top of the other issues we've been having and I am really contemplating on ending it... Just don't think my heart has followed my mind yet If you are sure you've only rejected him 2/3 times then you are awesome. He's a baby. I am a guy been dating a girl for 3 years and sex was always good . Lately I've been rejected like over %75 of the times I've asked. But when she wants it and wakes me out of a deep sleep I am forced to just deal with it. The worst is even though she wakes me and she's into it. She can't take it and I'm left wide awake not satisfied. 1
joseb Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 . Lately I've been rejected like over %75 of the times I've asked. But when she wants it and wakes me out of a deep sleep I am forced to just deal with it. The worst is even though she wakes me and she's into it. She can't take it and I'm left wide awake not satisfied. You are not forced to do anything. Let her know that you are not in the mood. and that you don't appreciate being woken from a deep sleep. 2
risjurad Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 You're his girlfriend, not his property. You're not wrong here. It might be different if this was a pattern and you were withholding sex to prove a point / gain the upper hand, but that doesn't sound like that's the case. There's this misconception among a lot of people within relationships, usually us dumb guys, that being in a relationship or married is like having an all-access pass to our partner's body on demand. Unfortunately, this is why rape within relationships are surprisingly high. This has shown to works the other way around too!
Author Privatelady677 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 Sorry I am just responding to this post been super busy. There is a multitude of issues we've been having lately. Too many to name here... Things on top of things are piling up... Just not sure I want especially since he says he loves me but doesn't have the in love feeling yet and it's been almost 2 years... But once I become distant he tries to be attached.
Author Privatelady677 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 What would you think if a person said that his to you & you been together almost 2 years? He's 28, I'm 27.... I even made the suggestion that he move in with me for a month to see if we could live together (at first he agreed to 2 weeks and then reniged saying he felt I was too stressed with my coursework and he didn't know want to be around it)... He still lives at home with his parents so I assumed he would want to have some freedom at my place for a little while... Sorry for the rant... But I feel as if we are going no where fast especially after some of the issues we've encountered.... Back to sleep he question, would you try to make it work with someone if they said they loved but weren't in love with you after this amount of time in hopes the in love stage would eventually come?
JewelD Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 No, I wouldn't. By two years, you should know whether or not you're in love with someone. If you're still unsure, then you probably don't love them and it's time to move on. 1
Author Privatelady677 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 What would you think if a person said that his to you & you been together almost 2 years? He's 28, I'm 27.... I even made the suggestion that he move in with me for a month to see if we could live together (at first he agreed to 2 weeks and then reniged saying he felt I was too stressed with my coursework and he didn't know want to be around it)... He still lives at home with his parents so I assumed he would want to have some freedom at my place for a little while... Sorry for the rant... But I feel as if we are going no where fast especially after some of the issues we've encountered.... Back to sleep he question, would you try to make it work with someone if they said they loved but weren't in love with you after this amount of time in hopes the in love stage would eventually come? Oops... went to put this in a new thread... SOORY
Author Privatelady677 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 What would you think if a person said that his to you & you been together almost 2 years? He's 28, I'm 27.... I even made the suggestion that he move in with me for a month to see if we could live together (at first he agreed to 2 weeks and then reniged saying he felt I was too stressed with my coursework and he didn't know want to be around it)... He still lives at home with his parents so I assumed he would want to have some freedom at my place for a little while... Sorry for the rant... But I feel as if we are going no where fast especially after some of the issues we've encountered.... Back to sleep he question, would you try to make it work with someone if they said they loved but weren't in love with you after this amount of time in hopes the in love stage would eventually come?
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 No, I wouldn't. By two years, you should know whether or not you're in love with someone. If you're still unsure, then you probably don't love them and it's time to move on. Yes this, he should know by now. If he doesn't, then, unfortunately, it's time for you to move on. Maybe he's looking for a reason to end things?
mortensorchid Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 I hate to say this, but you are in a situation here. You've been together for 2 years and he has not said "I love you" yet? The truth of the matter is that he's never going to say it because, quite honestly, he doesn't love you. He'll come up with a million and one reasons how/why he doesn't or can't, and they're all lame. Moving in together? You might as well put the last nail in the coffin. Living together is not going to help but hurt it even further. Fact. It never works if people live together. Many studies have been done on this, and we're not sure why it doesn't work. All we know is that the sense of commitment does not stick. It's time to move on. I'm sorry and hope your next LTR will be more successful. 1
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