6/17/05 - I officailly give up on women.

[HopelessOne]

I am really wondering something right now. I read Loveshack and I read that women love a confident man. Confidence is sexy and blah blah blah... But I have yet to find one person to tell me where to get it or how to develop it. If you want to attract a beautiful woman, be confident!!!! How do I do that? No one can answer that, but if you have no confidence, act like it. Now isn't that a joke. because as it has been said women pick up on everything right. They can sense and insecure man, but if you ACT confident, you won't be picked up on radar like an F/A-22 Raptor. If you ACT confident you will get girls...believe that and I will email you the secret formula used to make Coca Cola.

 

I was reading some archived posts and I will share the same sentiments as that poster did and say that I give up. Am I a self admitted nice guy? Yes. Have other people told me? Yes. I had my female roommate who is married tell me..."You aren't the type that is out there on the prowl. "You are cool ****** that everyone wants to hang out with, not really hook up with. That is not a bad thing, because in the end you wind up having more friends that the guys who just hook up with girls." So not only would I have alot of friends but you are now telling me that I would a large amount of friends that would ignore the **** out of me so they can go get laid. I was floored, and I am still in shock from that statement and it is over a week old.

 

 

I am cool enough to hang out with, and have a girl spill her guts, but not enough man to want to be with or get to know, or hell just be plain attracted to. I am done with this ****. Everyone says don't try to figure women out and all, tell you what, I want to concede to that man right now, because there have never been more true words in life spoken. You treat a woman well, you are soft, acting like a doormat. If you are a challenge, you are domineering. You are unbendable and won't open up. You do something for her, too accommodating. Don't do enough, you are neglectful, "You aren't there for me!!!" I mean this has to be the most ridiculous logic I have ever heard.

 

 

Go ahead everyone, go ahead and say that I sound really bitter. Did I have a previous GF rip out my still beating heart? Yes. Have I been ignored by women? Yes. You know honestly, I have come to really understand that it does not pay to treat women well at all, well with exception to mothers and sisters and those that are true friends. Other than those, what is the point?

 

 

Or am I the one that is wrong?

[InmannRoshi]

You're worrying too much about what you can base your confidence on. The beauty of it is you don't even have to base your confidence on anything really. I've often found that women prefer baseless self-assurance over quiet achievement

[HopelessOne]

I really and truly do not want to come off insulting, but I have no clue what you are talking about...

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by HopelessOne

I am really wondering something right now. I read Loveshack and I read that women love a confident man. Confidence is sexy and blah blah blah... But I have yet to find one person to tell me where to get it or how to develop it. If you want to attract a beautiful woman, be confident!!!! How do I do that? No one can answer that, but if you have no confidence, act like it. Now isn't that a joke. because as it has been said women pick up on everything right. They can sense and insecure man, but if you ACT confident, you won't be picked up on radar like an F/A-22 Raptor. If you ACT confident you will get girls...believe that and I will email you the secret formula used to make Coca Cola.

 

Confidence is NOT an "act." It comes from within and starts with you accepting who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. It's a process that takes a long time and, IMHO, is something that has to be consciously worked on for a long time until it "becomes" you.

 

My best advice is Counseling and reading recommended books on self-esteem.

 

I was reading some archived posts and I will share the same sentiments as that poster did and say that I give up. Am I a self admitted nice guy? Yes. Have other people told me? Yes. I had my female roommate who is married tell me..."You aren't the type that is out there on the prowl. "You are cool ****** that everyone wants to hang out with, not really hook up with. That is not a bad thing, because in the end you wind up having more friends that the guys who just hook up with girls." So not only would I have alot of friends but you are now telling me that I would a large amount of friends that would ignore the **** out of me so they can go get laid. I was floored, and I am still in shock from that statement and it is over a week old.

 

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" for a start. Read books on improving self-esteem. Get counseling. A self-assured guy would say "whatever" and have forgotten her comments by now (for example.) If you like being you and are comfortable with who you are, you won't care what anyone thinks about you. It's an opinion of someone you care about but is her opinion "correct" or just how she sees the world?

 

I am cool enough to hang out with, and have a girl spill her guts, but not enough man to want to be with or get to know, or hell just be plain attracted to. I am done with this ****. Everyone says don't try to figure women out and all, tell you what, I want to concede to that man right now, because there have never been more true words in life spoken. You treat a woman well, you are soft, acting like a doormat. If you are a challenge, you are domineering. You are unbendable and won't open up. You do something for her, too accommodating. Don't do enough, you are neglectful, "You aren't there for me!!!" I mean this has to be the most ridiculous logic I have ever heard.

 

Umm, definitely recommended reading:

 

"Being a Man in a Woman's World" - Dennis W. Neder

"Love Must Be Tough" - Dr. James Dobson

"How to Raise Your Self-Esteem : The Proven Action-Oriented Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence" - Nathaniel Brandon

"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships" - John Gray

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert Glover

 

Go ahead everyone, go ahead and say that I sound really bitter. Did I have a previous GF rip out my still beating heart? Yes. Have I been ignored by women? Yes. You know honestly, I have come to really understand that it does not pay to treat women well at all, well with exception to mothers and sisters and those that are true friends. Other than those, what is the point?

 

Or am I the one that is wrong?

 

I think you just need to read and get some Counseling. If you are truly interested in feeling better about yourself, those five books will help. But as I said before, becoming "calm, confident and self-assured" is something you'll have to work on a continual basis....probably for the rest of your life. Because you'll improve if you read the books and take it to heart but it does not mean that you'll be "cured" once you read them. It's an ever evolving process, much like life itself.

 

It's a lesson that's only truly learned...when your through. (Copyright Fred Durst)

[BrotherAaron]

I, for one, hate the self-help books. I don't often speak against them, though, because they seem to help some people - but I don't be surprised if you feel that they aren't for you.

 

You sound like your on the verge of a breakthrough. You know that something doesn't feel right with the way you've been treating people and the way that you've been treated. I know it can be discouraging, because you feel that you're "just being yourself" and it isn't good enough for other people. The fact of the matter is that - if you're cool enough to be good friends with good people - you're cool enough to be more than friends with good women. Don't worry about what one girl said. That's her perception of you. I separate my women friends from my women interests for a very good reason. I have no trouble with girls, but I know that, if I asked, some of my female friends would tell me the same thing that girl told you. It doesn't matter, though, because I choose to allow them to view me that way. Girls have a way of seeing a man they're not interested in as an asexual being and then destroying his confidence with comments such as those. You just have to learn to expect them and shrug them off because no woman has the final say on whether you make a better friend or a lover. It's not like you were trying to seduce her anyway, so it doesn't matter if she has romantic intent for you.

 

I truly do think that confidence is your issue, just juding by the fact that you feel you've been ignored by women. The fact of the matter is that you will get the amount of attention from people that you feel you deserve just as long as you don't get on your hands and knees and beg for it, or try and bend over backwards to win people's approval. I used to be afraid of being arrogant, but really a little bit of arrogance is healthy for your personality. Balance that with compassion, friendliness, etc. and you're a well-rounded human being. There's nothing wrong with believing that you are a great person.

 

As for gaining confidence, there is no magic bullet. My life completely changed when I realized that I really didn't like any of the people that I was hanging out with. It's a long story, and it has to do with my (ex) girlfriend hooking up with a guy in my social circle. I'll spare you the boring details, but essentially I expected my friends to stick up for me and not to put up with that s***. They're loyalty was tentative at best, and completely towards the other guy at worst, and I just threw up my hands and said "f*** it! They're not helping me the way they should be. They're not my friends." My new attitude made me expect them to prove themselves to me. I had written people off for the most part, and I was on the fence risking falling into the bitter and arrogant realm of doubting people and self-hating. Fortunately, there were a few good men in my circle afterall. They saw that I was at risk of becoming a loathful hermit, and they came to my aide when I needed it but really didn't deserve it. They brought me up and out of my clout. It was their selfless acts that made me realize that there is much more to life than worrying about what other people think of you.

 

Amazingly, by giving up on others and choosing to rely on myself, I found something incredible: I am everything I want in a person. I hold myself to my highest standards, and truly believe that I meet them. If ever I catch myself falling below those standards, I quickly correct my behavior and I will resort to punishing myself if I fail to do so. It sounds weird, but I see it as basic self-discipline, and it's a good practice.

 

The point to all this nonsense is that you can get the response out of other people that you want, but first you have to understand their motivations. You have to strip yourself of your expectations, and learn to trust yourself before trusting others. Dealing with other people, especially girls, is not a 'game'. Focusing on 'being a challenge!' and other dating 'techniques' will just leave you frustrated because it's unnatural and insincere. I find nothing to be less attractive than false behaviour that is clearly done trying to make me feel a certain way. You must be more concerned with how happy your actions make yourself than you are with how they make other people. In order to bring other people up, you have to focus on how doing so makes YOU feel - because you're emotions are the only barometer you have to judge the quality of your actions by. Once you begin living up to your own potential and truly being proud of yourself for it, others will notice that and appreciate that quality in you.

 

Don't write girls off. In fact, don't write anybody off. If your not happy with the way things are going be aware that you can change them. You have everything you need already to be the person you've always wanted to be - all that you possibly lack is the motivation and the drive to do so. There is no magic bullet to confidence, this is true, but the key to it is realizing that you can live up to your own expectations no matter how high you set them, so set them high. Even having lofty goals will make you feel like you've discovered the keys to life that you were previously lacking. When you've truly found your focus, things become simple, and you'll wonder how you ever got by without it. I wish it was something I could package and mail to you, but it isn't that easy. Don't think for one seconed, however, that it is anything you don't already have. You've just got to learn to embrace it.

[moimeme]

The point to all this nonsense is that you can get the response out of other people that you want, but first you have to understand their motivations. You have to strip yourself of your expectations, and learn to trust yourself before trusting others. Dealing with other people, especially girls, is not a 'game'. Focusing on 'being a challenge!' and other dating 'techniques' will just leave you frustrated because it's unnatural and insincere. I find nothing to be less attractive than false behaviour that is clearly done trying to make me feel a certain way. You must be more concerned with how happy your actions make yourself than you are with how they make other people. In order to bring other people up, you have to focus on how doing so makes YOU feel - because you're emotions are the only barometer you have to judge the quality of your actions by. Once you begin living up to your own potential and truly being proud of yourself for it, others will notice that and appreciate that quality in you.

 

Hear hear!

 

EXCELLENT post, BA!

[HopelessOne]

I am so sick of having to play a game to get any affection from the opposite sex. Why do I have strategize to get a girls phone number? Why is it "being myself" will get me alot of friends but no companionship? Everyone says you will find the right one, your time will come. You want to know why I have probelms with that? What happens when I find the right one? How will I know? I will have nothing to go off of.

 

C'mon people, you all are saying read some books and go talk to someone. Is my self confidence shot? Yes. Is my self esteem drained? Yes. But wouldn't yours be if you walked in a bar and you picked up no interest from a woman. Or what if in your small cirlce of friends every female was drawn to one person and you were left out to dry. And then these same people then have the nerve to turn around and question why you aren't with anyone, or clown you for being so inexperienced. Or how about when you go to a family reunion and everyone gives all of their attention to a sibling, and then asks "Who are you?" I get so ****ing tired of being completely ignored and then when I do something that doesn't involve someone, they have the nerve to say, "Why didn't you call me?", or "I never knew that about you."

 

I don't get it. Everyone is always preaching "Be yourself." I think it is pretty obvious that being myself gets me walked on and disregarded. Everyone seems to right me off.

[krbshappy71]

Everyone seems to right me off.

 

Including yourself.

 

You have to like yourself before others can like you. That's not coming through in your posts so I doubt its coming through in real life. If you ask me you're trying waayyyy to hard to find someone to share your life with instead of just living your life and letting someone walk into it. You don't have to play games with the right person. You don't have to be fake with right person. You'll be yourself and be shocked they don't run screaming from you. Then its love. I'm sure you're sick of people telling you to be yourself, but if that's the advice you keep hearing, maybe its from people who know you for who you are and know you STILL aren't doing it when they see you with/around women. Hang in there. GO OUT AND LIVE YOUR LIFE FIRST.

[Treasa]

While I think self help books are interesting, I don't think they can give someone confidence. Short term, maybe, but not lasting confidence. That has to come from within, from accomplishments, from realizing your worth. If it were as easy as reading a book, no one in this world would have self esteem problems.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by HopelessOne

I am so sick of having to play a game to get any affection from the opposite sex. Why do I have strategize to get a girls phone number? Why is it "being myself" will get me alot of friends but no companionship? Everyone says you will find the right one, your time will come. You want to know why I have probelms with that? What happens when I find the right one? How will I know? I will have nothing to go off of.

 

C'mon people, you all are saying read some books and go talk to someone. Is my self confidence shot? Yes. Is my self esteem drained? Yes. But wouldn't yours be if you walked in a bar and you picked up no interest from a woman. Or what if in your small cirlce of friends every female was drawn to one person and you were left out to dry. And then these same people then have the nerve to turn around and question why you aren't with anyone, or clown you for being so inexperienced. Or how about when you go to a family reunion and everyone gives all of their attention to a sibling, and then asks "Who are you?" I get so ****ing tired of being completely ignored and then when I do something that doesn't involve someone, they have the nerve to say, "Why didn't you call me?", or "I never knew that about you."

 

I don't get it. Everyone is always preaching "Be yourself." I think it is pretty obvious that being myself gets me walked on and disregarded. Everyone seems to right me off.

 

You do suffer from low self-esteem and no self-confidence. You should go to Counseling because only YOU can grab the bull by the horns and turn your situation around. It's not going to magically fix itself.

 

I realize some people will disregard the books (hey, not everyone needs them) but I highly, highly recommend you get into Counseling and read the books I suggested.

 

Relationships aren't a game once you become confident and self-assured. Your problem stems from how you perceive yourself and will not get any better if you don't take some action. So get in to see a Counselor and read the books.

 

Or do nothing, as you have been, and be completely miserable. The choice is yours.

[HopelessOne]

Ok, I order one of those books then what happens? I don't want to come off as being flippant or anything, but you say order the books and then what happens? What do I do from there? What would counseling do? What will someone say that will be the big revelation?

[BigB]

Originally posted by moimeme

EXCELLENT post, BA!

 

Agreed!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by HopelessOne

Ok, I order one of those books then what happens? I don't want to come off as being flippant or anything, but you say order the books and then what happens? What do I do from there? What would counseling do? What will someone say that will be the big revelation?

 

What happens? Depends.

 

Are you going to read them with an open mind or the mind of a skeptic?

 

If you read the books, they will help you understand your behavior and the root cause. But even better, a Counselor can work with you one on one and has been trained in behavioral analysis so he/she will be able to dig down, find the root cause of your self esteem issues and work with you on ways to help get you back on the right track. I think the books should serve to compliment Counseling, not substitute for it.

 

Good luck.

[BrotherAaron]

Originally posted by BigB

Originally posted by moimeme

EXCELLENT post, BA!

Agreed!

 

Well thank you both. This site sure is bringing out the writer in me

 

Unfortunately, I don't think I actually convinced him of anything

[nightwish33147]

Originally posted by HopelessOne

I am really wondering something right now. I read Loveshack and I read that women love a confident man. Confidence is sexy and blah blah blah... But I have yet to find one person to tell me where to get it or how to develop it. If you want to attract a beautiful woman, be confident!!!! How do I do that? No one can answer that, but if you have no confidence, act like it. Now isn't that a joke. because as it has been said women pick up on everything right. They can sense and insecure man, but if you ACT confident, you won't be picked up on radar like an F/A-22 Raptor. If you ACT confident you will get girls...believe that and I will email you the secret formula used to make Coca Cola.

 

I was reading some archived posts and I will share the same sentiments as that poster did and say that I give up. Am I a self admitted nice guy? Yes. Have other people told me? Yes. I had my female roommate who is married tell me..."You aren't the type that is out there on the prowl. "You are cool ****** that everyone wants to hang out with, not really hook up with. That is not a bad thing, because in the end you wind up having more friends that the guys who just hook up with girls." So not only would I have alot of friends but you are now telling me that I would a large amount of friends that would ignore the **** out of me so they can go get laid. I was floored, and I am still in shock from that statement and it is over a week old.

 

 

I am cool enough to hang out with, and have a girl spill her guts, but not enough man to want to be with or get to know, or hell just be plain attracted to. I am done with this ****. Everyone says don't try to figure women out and all, tell you what, I want to concede to that man right now, because there have never been more true words in life spoken. You treat a woman well, you are soft, acting like a doormat. If you are a challenge, you are domineering. You are unbendable and won't open up. You do something for her, too accommodating. Don't do enough, you are neglectful, "You aren't there for me!!!" I mean this has to be the most ridiculous logic I have ever heard.

 

 

Go ahead everyone, go ahead and say that I sound really bitter. Did I have a previous GF rip out my still beating heart? Yes. Have I been ignored by women? Yes. You know honestly, I have come to really understand that it does not pay to treat women well at all, well with exception to mothers and sisters and those that are true friends. Other than those, what is the point?

 

 

Or am I the one that is wrong?

 

 

SO f***ING TRUE MAN i try to be a nice guy with girls at school but then i see them go off with some @$$hol3 ( whyh do u women why @$$hol3s? )

i try to understand them , i like to hear there problems see if i can help but no after they go off to some d/ck head who is a jerk to other people why do u women do that i guess they like @$$hol3s

[nightwish33147]

Originally posted by nightwish33147

SO f***ING TRUE MAN i try to be a nice guy with girls at school but then i see them go off with some @$$hol3 ( whyh do u women why @$$hol3s? )

i try to understand them , i like to hear there problems see if i can help but no after they go off to some d/ck head who is a jerk to other people why do u women do that i guess they like @$$hol3s

 

srry why do u women go off with @$$hol3s?

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by BrotherAaron

Well thank you both. This site sure is bringing out the writer in me

 

Unfortunately, I don't think I actually convinced him of anything

 

BA, I am sure there are quite a few "lurkers" to this forum who read, take the advice, implement it and never have to post here.

 

Rest assured I am positive you helped at least one person and to me, if you can make a difference in at least one person's life, that's something to be proud of.

[HopelessOne]

I do not want my message to become the battleground between OC and I.

 

To you OC, I don't think you feel where I am coming from. Have you ever been ignored? Have you ever been questioned on why you are never seen with anyone of the opposite sex? I was supposed to be having crazy amounts of sex from 18 until now. My sexual prime as a man is gone. I am going on 27 years old and I would like to think that I would have been with some women by this time. By 30-33 I would like to be married. Have you been with a friend and 9 times out of 10 he leaves with the girl and you don't. Or how about when you have a younger brother that everywhere you go he gets all of the attention from the ladies, and he has a GF. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be completely and utterly invisible by women? As if you are not even there, or that you faded into pattern on the wall.

 

OC, I appreciate the suggestions you gave, as a matter of fact I ordered one of the books. You just have to realize from my standpoint, you have suggested go to the bookstore or go see a doctor. Then on the flip side of that, someone else will say the solution comes "from within." Where is the solution?

 

To those that have replied, I am truly thankful for your responses. I am reading and taking this stuff to heart, but I will be honest with you all. I am still failing to grasp what you all are saying are the answers. From the ladies, you all say gain some confidence. How?? Find it inside. Where? Inside. Others say read this and go to counseling. What is the book or a Dr. going to say? Find it inside. Where? Inside.

 

I am trying to be open minded. I have four books in my possession right now and I guess I have failed to grasp any type of concept that they explained. So I will go out on a limb and say that it is me. Am I at a crossroad?

[Chris777]

what do you want hopeless?

 

you are obviously frustrated at females, but you haven't really said what you want.

 

I Gave up myself a couple of years back. im a few years older than you, on the verge of 30 real soon.

so i'm not that far removed from you, but then again, I think some pretty divicive things.

 

I got tired of seeing all these women swoon over the looser guys, with corn ball pick up lines.

plus I got to thinking that things arent the way they are supposed to be. And I got to thinking that i just didn't care anymore. I used to think all I wanted was a wife, and everything would be peachy. and for a while it seemed that way, but i was having to work too hard at it, and it wasn't worth it.

 

My view of the world has drastically changed too so thats part of the issue.

 

I wouldn't mind a woman, but I am not going to jump through hoops to prove anything to one.

You can open all the doors you wan't , but if you expect something for doing it, well, your learning how that goes.

 

I don't want to be part of the "game" anymore.

 

Browse around on this site, and maby you will see what i mean.

 

I think that women, (and men too) are all getting the wrong expectations.

 

Things either work of they don't. No amount of pshcyologizing it means anything. You can try and justify, things being ok, and acceptable. but their is drastic distance between acceptable, and correct.

 

Truth be told I no longer think a woman, exist that would be compatible with me.

Now given the alernatives, are even more unacceptable. I choose to remain single, I am not slamming the doors, but given the odds, I don't expect it.

 

You should decide what it is YOU want.

 

not what some person with a secretary that takes dictation from their anus, has to say in breaking wind, and putting it on paper.

 

If you want a girlfriend/wife, ask yourself why?

 

if not same thing.

 

Weight the 2

 

and go from there.

 

I have been single (mostly) since 97.

 

8 years, raising a daughter, by myself.

 

I think my daughter wants a stepmom, possibly more than I want a new wife.

But I am not going to replace her absent mom, with another woman, just so she has a mom.

 

I want a woman, who will give as much as I will, and then give some more.

I want a woman who complements me, not tries to co pilot things.

I know my place, very few women do in this world any more.

 

and before all the "sexist pig " bashing comes in, aww who cares , i am absolutely amazed at how things can be said that are totally taken out of context, and then others that just go slap over others heads.

 

Its hard sometimes though, but I see how short life really is now, and if a girl comes into my life great, but if not, I've gone longer than many, and every day is just another behind me.

I wan't my daughter to see, that she doesn't have to have a man to be complete.

I want her to see that I am stable, unlike her mother.

And right now she is really the only female i am truely concerned with.

 

I dont have the time, or the energy to flash a bunch of peacock feathers trying to woo some shallow, girl into digging me, for my money, health, or looks (which I admit to no longer having)

 

But i am not going to play house, their are WAAAAAAYY to many people doing that in the world today.

 

2 people together do not a couple, or marrage , make.

 

Hopeless you are not defined by some chick.

If you want to pursue one, go for it.

If you want to understand one, well considering most don't even understand themselves, what do you think your chances are?

 

It took a few years for me, to finally let go of trying to figure out the insanity of my ex wife.(and ex Gfs)

Give it up, because I guarantee you, that it will just cause you more confusion, and befuddlement, than its worth.

Its like trying to figure out why a whale beaches itself , or a train wreck. Is it really worth your time?

 

Dude unless you have kids, remember you are free to do whatever you want.

 

Dont be in any big hurry to give it up.

 

Sooner or later you will have to be responcible.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by HopelessOne

I do not want my message to become the battleground between OC and I.

 

It's funny. I just offer an opinion. It's nothing personal and of course, I'm not trying to start a war and hope no one ever takes it that way.

 

To you OC, I don't think you feel where I am coming from. Have you ever been ignored?

 

Yep.

 

Have you ever been questioned on why you are never seen with anyone of the opposite sex?

 

Absolutely.

 

I was supposed to be having crazy amounts of sex from 18 until now.

 

So....to you, life is all about how much sex you're getting?

 

My sexual prime as a man is gone. I am going on 27 years old and I would like to think that I would have been with some women by this time. By 30-33 I would like to be married.

 

There are some goals in your life you have no control over. Usually they are the ones that are not INDIVIDUAL goals. I was just like you. I thought at 27 I'd be married. I'm 36 and still not married. But, the thing is, I don't let that 'define' who I am. I'll wait as long as I have to find the right person.

 

Have you been with a friend and 9 times out of 10 he leaves with the girl and you don't.

 

All the time.

 

Or how about when you have a younger brother that everywhere you go he gets all of the attention from the ladies, and he has a GF. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be completely and utterly invisible by women? As if you are not even there, or that you faded into pattern on the wall.

 

Of course, when my self-esteem was low.

 

OC, I appreciate the suggestions you gave, as a matter of fact I ordered one of the books. You just have to realize from my standpoint, you have suggested go to the bookstore or go see a doctor. Then on the flip side of that, someone else will say the solution comes "from within." Where is the solution?

 

Congrats on the book. You have to start somewhere. Counseling the books are merely the "catalyst" to get things started.

 

Can you diagnose yourself when you're sick? Most people can't so they go to a health doctor. Why is your "mental health" any different?

 

To those that have replied, I am truly thankful for your responses. I am reading and taking this stuff to heart, but I will be honest with you all. I am still failing to grasp what you all are saying are the answers. From the ladies, you all say gain some confidence. How?? Find it inside. Where? Inside. Others say read this and go to counseling. What is the book or a Dr. going to say? Find it inside. Where? Inside.

 

I am trying to be open minded. I have four books in my possession right now and I guess I have failed to grasp any type of concept that they explained. So I will go out on a limb and say that it is me. Am I at a crossroad?

 

I really, really believe you would benefit from professional Counseling.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

[Mary3]

Confidence : Where does it come from ? What does being confidant really feel like ? How can you grasp what it is if you dont feel it with women ?

 

Confidence is the strength and conviction of knowing you are feeling good about yourself is some area , some where, some way , in your life.

 

When you go outside and scrub and polish your car for 2 hours and its very shiny and brilliant , you can be * confident * that it looks good sitting in your driveway.

 

When you do something on your job and you are absolutely sure that it was a great performance and your boss is going to call you in to congratulate you on your tast , that is you feel * confident * your boss is going to praise you.

 

When you are applying for a home loan and you know your credit is good , you have the down payment , you have filled out all the paperwork and the deal is going to close you feel * confident * you will be purchasing the house.

 

When you step out of the shower and you are all scrubbed and shaved and your body looks healthy and toned , you feel * confident * that your body looks in pretty good shape.

 

With a woman that you see sitting ( NOT IN A BAR ) and she is reading the latest copy of Time or Newsweek or the latest novel you just read , and you see she looks like she is enjoying the book, and you walk over to her ( after silently deciding you will approach her and say hello , great book your reading ) and so you go over to her and confidantly say " Hi , that is a great novel , I read that last week "

 

And then she will say ( confidentally ) " Yes it was a great first chapter ". At which point you now have her attention and you confidentally say " I do agree, have you also read...? ( ect ) at which point she replies " No , I havent " And you say " Yes there are many great books I have read " " May I join you ? "

 

At which point you feel some confidence that you approached her nicely , offered light banter about books, and you express further interest in sitting with her.

 

If she rejects your offer , then you quietly move along and KNOW that not everyone will reject you and YES many might but not ALL and life is not BLACK and WHITE but full of many colors... many people...and many opportunities for you....

 

But your attitude needs a major overhaul. I would not want to go out with you with this thing you are carrying on your shoulder. We can feel that off you.

 

Books may or may not help , counseling may or may not help either.

 

But YOU are in charge of your feelings, your actions. You OWN your insecurities . We DO NOT ! So YOU need to work on getting rid of them because we as women do not want them.

 

Practice in the mirror everyday , have a friend help . get some hypothetical circumstances going. PR\ractice Practice !!

 

Remember when you were learning how to ride a bike. ? Yes you fell down. Yes people helped you back up. But WHO ultimately learned how to ride the bike ? YOU DID ! Now get on the bike of learning and get yourself to a point where you wont wonder if things happen but you will KNOW they will happen

[westernxer]

Originally posted by HopelessOne

I was supposed to be having crazy amounts of sex from 18 until now. My sexual prime as a man is gone. I am going on 27 years old and I would like to think that I would have been with some women by this time.

 

Who said you're supposed to have crazy amounts of sex? Everyone goes at their own pace. Plus you're a guy... you'll be horny for a long time.

 

Stop befriending chicks. It's hurting you more than it's helping. Chicks like to dwell on this type of stuff (feelings and stuff). Be a rooster, for crying out loud. It's not a game, it's biology at its best. Roosters don't have feelings... they just go for it, regardless of what the chicks think.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by westernxer

Be a rooster, for crying out loud. It's not a game, it's biology at its best. Roosters don't have feelings... they just go for it, regardless of what the chicks think.

 

Legal disclaimer: don't take this metaphor too literally

[Mr Spock]

So will you be the pitcher, or the catcher hopeless one?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Declaring that you officially give up on the opposite sex (and meaning it) is a back-firing whammy of unequaled proportions. Once you've finally resigned to quit trying so damn hard to force a relationship to happen, is the moment it…well…just happens.

 

Perhaps it's the **not-overextended-yourself** bit that lends to the perceived air of confidence. Or maybe it's just human nature to place more value on that which is not so readily given away.

 

Either way, you've just jinxed yourself. Cause once you've stopped looking for a relationship, that's usually when a relationship ends up finding you.