Splitting the expenses of a trip

[PreppyPoppy]

So I am in this LDR (or at least what feels like one, haha) with a really great guy, but we live on complete opposite ends of the country. Whenever we see each other, the person flying out to see the other pays for their own airfare and the other person will pay for gas in their own car as we drive around and do different things. We split lodging, food, entertainment costs, etc.

 

I am gearing up to fly out to see him next month and am spending about $550 alone between airfare/airport parking cost. Same as we've done before, we are going to take turns with paying for food and entertainment, and split the lodging cost (it always come out pretty equal at the end). We are going to be taking a road trip though that is about 800 miles round-trip in his car, and he is asking for me to pay for half the cost of the gas.

 

Luckily his car gets great gas mileage, and am thinking that this would require 3 trips to the gas station to fill it back up based on what his car gets per gallon. However, it does annoy me a little that he is asking me to also pitch in to pay for half the gas when I am already spending quite a bit on the airfare. I thought he might handle the gas part of it himself, and we split everything else equally like we have before.

 

Am I being unreasonable with my thinking? I want to be fair, but I guess this kind of irked me the wrong way.

[LydiaLong]

It's always irksome when a man seems stingy. I'm old school enough to think that a man should provide for a woman.

 

What kind of work does he do? Is he so poor that he needs to ask you to help with gas? If so, why are you getting involved with him? More info would help.

[salparadise]

I don't think you're being unreasonable––I think you're both being way too detailed. I do think it would be appropriate for you to buy some gas since you're splitting expenses. You're talking about 20-30 bucks. You're going to wear each other out trying to account for every penny. Let it go and have fun. Tell him to loosen up.

[kidm]

I'm a guy and i find it to be a little cheap that he is nickel-and-diming you on everything. I mean the gas couldn't be that much? I mean based on what you're said about who covers the gas, if you're being very exact, he would need to deduct the amount he spends on gas when you're visiting and there are no other trips involved (just driving around) and then you can split the difference on the remainder which would be the additional amount for the trip. Big turn off right? He needs to loosen up!

[LydiaLong]

Here's some advice to save you LOTS of money and aggravation: Find someone closer.

[smackie9]

Here's some advice to save you LOTS of money and aggravation: Find someone closer.

This^^^^

How long do you think you can keep this up?????

 

One of you is going to have to relocate very soon or it's going to turn into a bust.

[Lois_Griffin]

I couldn't imagine being nickeled and dimed like that from a supposed love interest. It sounds like you're business partners or something.

[Forevermore13]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

 

I'm 'seeing' someone from NYC, I'm in South UK.

 

So airfair is very pricey at usually £450-500 / $850

 

Luckily i get to see him a few times per year because of his job, but other times, its all on us.

 

I would pay 1/2 of the air fair and when he's here, treat him a little. I'd pay for nice accommodation if we wanted to go out of my are for the night etc

 

LDR's are all about give and take, in my opinion

[Shining One]

You're not being unreasonable. I dislike splitting of costs, but if someone insists on it, they should be fair. If you're paying half of everything on the trip, then he should be paying half of your travel expenses.

[hippychick3]

In this situation, given your expenses and his attitude towards money, I would let this guy go and focus on finding someone closer. I would be VERY turned off by his insistence on splitting all costs.

 

A good relationship should not cause you undue financial stress.

[salparadise]

Whenever we see each other, the person flying out to see the other pays for their own airfare and the other person will pay for gas in their own car as we drive around and do different things. We split lodging, food, entertainment costs, etc.

 

We are going to be taking a road trip though that is about 800 miles round-trip in his car, and he is asking for me to pay for half the cost of the gas.

 

I dislike splitting of costs, but if someone insists on it, they should be fair. If you're paying half of everything on the trip, then he should be paying half of your travel expenses.

 

Essentially, they share costs equally, either by splitting or taking turns. The precedent is that each person buys the gas for their own car when the other visits.

 

The departure that she's complaining about is that they're taking a road trip in his car and she thinks that they should follow the precedent, but he sees the road trip as something outside of the established norm and therefore suggests they split the additional gas just as they do for lodging, etc.

 

The road trip is obviously outside of the norm. If they are both on board with sharing all costs then I don't see how she could possibly object to sharing the cost of gas for the road trip. This is especially true since they're taking his car and gas is a small part of the actual cost per mile of operating a car.

 

She says that the trip is 800 miles and the car gets great gas mileage, so let's say 30mpg. That means they'll burn 26.6 gallons at the current price of $2/gal. That's $53 dollars worth of gas or $26.50 each.

 

I find it completely baffling that either one of them is making an issue of $26. I think he's incredibly dorky/lame/asinine/petty for asking, and that she is incredibly dorky/lame/asinine/petty for turning it into an issue. I mean, hell fire - next think you know they'll be arguing over who has to pay for the extra condoms if they have sex a few extra times on the trip!

 

OP, the $26 is insignificant relative to the upset and damage caused by discussing it already. The way this should work in my opinion is, given the the precedent of sharing all costs... you start out with a full tank which he pays for, at the first gas stop you swipe your card without even mentioning it or noting how many gallons it took. Next stop, he swipes his card, and continue alternating until you're back home. Whatever amount of gas is left in the tank doesn't count. Don't ask for a refund if you swiped last and there's half a tank left. Pretend it doesn't bother you even if it's killing you!

 

I never calculated anything that close even with my guy friends when we were mostly broke. I came back from a round-the-country road trip once in a car that had 4 different tires than we left with. On the final leg, once we were sure we had enough gas in the tank to get home we literally scraped together enough change to buy two beers and had less than a dollar between us as we pulled in to home. We never even bothered to try and calculate expenses and make adjustments. He paid some and I paid some, and that was good enough. You should try that. I think you'll be happier overall.

[kidm]

Essentially, they share costs equally, either by splitting or taking turns. The precedent is that each person buys the gas for their own car when the other visits.

 

The departure that she's complaining about is that they're taking a road trip in his car and she thinks that they should follow the precedent, but he sees the road trip as something outside of the established norm and therefore suggests they split the additional gas just as they do for lodging, etc.

 

The road trip is obviously outside of the norm. If they are both on board with sharing all costs then I don't see how she could possibly object to sharing the cost of gas for the road trip. This is especially true since they're taking his car and gas is a small part of the actual cost per mile of operating a car.

 

She says that the trip is 800 miles and the car gets great gas mileage, so let's say 30mpg. That means they'll burn 26.6 gallons at the current price of $2/gal. That's $53 dollars worth of gas or $26.50 each.

 

I find it completely baffling that either one of them is making an issue of $26. I think he's incredibly dorky/lame/asinine/petty for asking, and that she is incredibly dorky/lame/asinine/petty for turning it into an issue. I mean, hell fire - next think you know they'll be arguing over who has to pay for the extra condoms if they have sex a few extra times on the trip!

 

OP, the $26 is insignificant relative to the upset and damage caused by discussing it already. The way this should work in my opinion is, given the the precedent of sharing all costs... you start out with a full tank which he pays for, at the first gas stop you swipe your card without even mentioning it or noting how many gallons it took. Next stop, he swipes his card, and continue alternating until you're back home. Whatever amount of gas is left in the tank doesn't count. Don't ask for a refund if you swiped last and there's half a tank left. Pretend it doesn't bother you even if it's killing you!

 

I never calculated anything that close even with my guy friends when we were mostly broke. I came back from a round-the-country road trip once in a car that had 4 different tires than we left with. On the final leg, once we were sure we had enough gas in the tank to get home we literally scraped together enough change to buy two beers and had less than a dollar between us as we pulled in to home. We never even bothered to try and calculate expenses and make adjustments. He paid some and I paid some, and that was good enough. You should try that. I think you'll be happier overall.

 

He didn't ask to split the additional gas (and had he asked that, it would still be tacky). OP's reaction is not unreasonable.

[salparadise]

He didn't ask to split the additional gas (and had he asked that, it would still be tacky). OP's reaction is not unreasonable.

 

Reading comprehension issues?

 

"We are going to be taking a road trip though that is about 800 miles round-trip in his car, and he is asking for me to pay for half the cost of the gas."

[kidm]

Reading comprehension issues?

 

"We are going to be taking a road trip though that is about 800 miles round-trip in his car, and he is asking for me to pay for half the cost of the gas."

 

If you are going to call someone out on "reading comprehension issues" make sure OP's comment is not open to interpretation. Their regular practice is to have the non-traveling party pay for gas for driving around to do different activities. A 800 mile round-trip this time around means they will not be driving around as much as they do, if at all, so a fair thing for BF to do if he is counting every penny is to give OP "credit" for the amount he usually spends on gas with no 800-mile trip involved (i.e. he would pay more for the trip and OP pays less than half). Anyways whichever way you look at this, my point still stands: split the whole cost of the trip 50-50- tacky, ask OP to pay for only half of the amount above his regular costs- still tacky.

[Robert]

Folks, the threadstarter left the forum soon after posting the original post, four days ago. We'll close this to new posts until they return and request more feedback via the 'Alert Us' button.

 

Thanks,

~6