when you have given up...

[Brapting]

What do you do if you tried to do something and felt like you had failed. You gave up...and that was it for a few years. How do you come back from it?

 

I don't mean something like 'learning an instrument'. Failing and giving up. I mean something much bigger, like trying to be someone or something. Trying to be a normal and happy person...and failing.

 

I used to be a lot more full of life. Setbacks were unpleasant, but it would just make me work harder to be happy and normal. I still wasn't happy or normal, but at least I was trying.

 

Eventually something happened and I just gave up. It hurt so much that I still wasn't normal and happy and I just resigned myself to fact that it wouldn't happen. I just gave up trying and accepted the inevitable. I have stayed this way for a couple of years.

 

I feel so horrible and unmotivated now. Like I have lost...like there is literally no point in trying any more.

 

Even if I wanted to recapture that motivation...I don't know how I would do it after this long. I guess a part of me doesn't want to feel that disappointment again of trying to achieve something and failing. Investing all that time and energy for nothing.

 

Please help.

[Satu]

You don't need all that trying and effort to be happy.

 

Happiness is its own cause.

 

All that trying and effort is more likely to make you unhappy, rather than happy.

 

Give it up.

 

Go to the park and feed the ducks.

 

They are there now, waiting for you.

 

 

Take care.

[Rachel39]

I know all about failing ..... Businesses, relationships, how this can keep you stood in fear.... Scared to try again because what if you fail again?

 

I'm going through this right now with another failed business, but Iv taken myself back to education updating my skills about to get some therapy and then maybe some life coaching.

 

Sometimes you need that some one by your side pushing you saying you can do this because we have so much self doubt it's hard to find it In yourself.

 

Yes Iv failed so many times but I'm a fighter and I'm getting back up again for another round!

 

You need to find some fight in you, watch motivational speaks in YouTube .... People who have lost but are now successful. Change your thoughts it's not easy but if you have the tools to start with it helps ..... Just watch loads of YouTube videos to do with self esteem.... Self doubt ...... Fear...... Success..... Watch coaching videos too ......

 

Make a start today !!

[Rachel39]

Start with a vision board .... Place everything on it that your heart desires .... There are all your goals.....

 

I think getting some coaching may work I also attended a 2 day free coaching event in the U.K. ....

 

Yes they are trying to sell you the whole course but the 2 days are free and it was the 2 days I spent they give you so many tools to take away

[Phoenician]

so will you be happier if you surrender ?

 

no,

 

you must be good in something , aim it and create a chalenge ; a fight , you will win it because it is the only thing you know how to do it the right way .

 

then brag about it feed the ducks and fight to find the lady you are looking for .

[thecrucible]

As I self-confessed perfectionist (and actually diagnosed one) I have to say that I totally relate to your feelings. But over the years I've learned that doing something (anything) is preferable to doing nothing. No you won't bounce back straight away but perseverance is half the battle. Set a goal but have realistic steps to reach along the way - don't heap expectations on yourself or the task will feel insurmountable.

[Brapting]

Thanks for all the comments guys.

 

I am still finding myself struggling with this big time. Its hard to describe, but I just don't know 'what to do', I wish someone would tell me 'what to do'.

 

I am so messed up. My self esteem is non existent, I literally have no friends or social life (I just sit at home browsing all weekend) and my romantic life has been non existent since college...10 years ago. I don't really feel as though I am a person...that I even have an identity...and I don't like who I am. I find myself looking for what to do online...but it is all so overwhelming, I don't know where to start...so I don't. Things just get worse and worse and I don't know how to stop it. It feels like I am sliding down a cliff and I have given up trying to stop it.

 

Recently I have found myself trying to commit to things...like personal development...but after a month I give up and move onto the next thing.

 

I am just so messed up and I don't know where all of this will end.