Trying to move on..But attachment issue to my ex ?

[Michaelroyale]

Hi every one thanks for the advice on a previous thread but I wondered if there's any advice about attachment to an ex wife that really preventing me moving on...try as I may after 30years together and responsible for this calamity although I never saw it coming (I got lazy in the marriage) have always tryed to mend it even through the separation and divorce with no joy I suppose she fell out of love with me but even after 3years apart and the emotional roller coaster I've been through with her I'm still emotionally attached to her and finding it difficult to move on even through she's in another relationship ..so how do you switch off from some one you've spent your life with had children with and deep down still love? I would love to eventually move on and get some kind of life back but how and where do you start I'm 54 and feel I've done everything i could.. but without success..you would think even after the divorce and her longtime boyfriend I'd be over her and heaven knows I should but this attachment persists any advice would be very appreciated.

[Rachel39]

I was with my sons dad for 16 years and he had an affair so was well Iv his way to been over me before I found out they are happily married and have 2 children now.

 

I have had 2 relationships after him so I think this has helped me move on slightly but I'd say I was still grieving for our relationship (not him) whisky in them.

 

It has taken me 5 years to move through this and not feel any resentment towards him and at a place of realising I deserved a better life!

 

If you do things that will help you move on it will make it easier for you but your be to want to that makes all the difference.

 

You have to say to yourself it's time to move on now and be happy, maybe you hold some guilt for the relationship failing... If you do you have to work at removing this as it will keep you stuck where you are and you have a life to live !!

[Michaelroyale]

Thank you for your post much appreciated, yes I still feel guilty for the problems that caused the divorce, I never realised at the I was digging my own grave...We take good woman for granted stop courting them and then wonder why they fall out of love with us...I have come to terms with the situation new boyfriend and all but it's still very painful...yes you are correct I need to try and forgive myself and move on...thankyou

[Rachel39]

You have to start somewhere unless you will stay stuck! Have you tried any therapy / life coaching.

 

You need to start living the rest of your life as you do not want to look back and regret been stuck and not moving forward also.

 

You have accepted she has moved on and you need to find some happiness too, there are lots of good women out there and you have another chance and you won't make the same mistakes again.

[Michaelroyale]

l yes I have been to therapy last year when things were difficult finding out about the boyfriend and all...yes I agree with you its time I moved forward now..Thank you for your kindness and advice Rachel. Mike