malinda Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have a boring relationship. The passion is fizzled out and I want things to be good again. But the other night me and him went out for drinks and I checked his phone the following morning because he allows me to use his internet. I saw a facebook message of him giving out his number to a woman he met on holiday in Egypt 2 years ago (right before we met) She lives 2 hours away from us and wanted his number a year ago she used to message him over and over for it but never suggested she liked him more than friendship because she was careful of holiday romances. I confronted him at that time abd he said he just made friends with her because he went alone on that holiday. There were pictures at the time of her sitting on his lap but he said nothing happened sexually she just looks like an attention seeker to me judging from pics. Im so upset as our relationship has become stale due to financial hardship and him telling me I've gained weight in recent months. He says he has no idea why he did that and that he just saw her old message from 1 year ago and decided to reply the other night whilst drunk. I keep thinking she has got in touch and they are talking. I cant know either way. Should I just leave? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Revisit that conversation, and instead of talking about her, talk about what has happened to your relationship, tell him what you want, ask what he wants, then come to your conclusion to end it or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 So she asked for his number a year ago and he randomly gave it to her the other night? Yeah, that's not a good sign. Assuming they haven't talked for a year, something in him pinged and he went back looking for her message to respond. Even if she hasn't replied, the very fact he did so doesn't bode well for the relationship. He knows why he did it; don't buy is "I have no idea why I did that" BS. There's always a motivation, he just doesn't want to cop up to it. And what's this about you gaining weight - What does he say, exactly? And how much weight are we talking? I think you need to take a step back and consider whether this relationship adds to your life in a positive way anymore. It doesn't sound like it. If you're wanting to fix things and he's chatting up other women, it won't work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 If you find your relationship boring and unsatisfying, so will he. That's your main issue, rather than anything else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Relationships just run their course, which is normal....you both are having a difficult time reading the writing on the wall. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author malinda Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 Relationships just run their course, which is normal....you both are having a difficult time reading the writing on the wall. I am scared of this. It gets more complicated though. I took out a loan for $15000 to buy him a car last year because he quit his job as a bus driver saying he hated it and we never had time to see eachother and convinced me it was the only way he could make money. He hasnt paid me for it yet. He gets by on this 'i'm trying and I will make it work act' but nothing ever comes of it. We are now temporarily staying at my moms house till we get a place to rent. I just feel so stuck. How nowadays shows me 0 affection and why I keep buying his cr**p i dont know. When he says he loves me and would never cheat I always believe him. Ive put on 28lbs and hate myself but he picks on my weight too. I think i realise by just writing all this that alot is wrong and not much is right but I 've lost sense of what a good relationship should be and feel like. Tonight hes been working for 11 hours driving and not called me once. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 It gets more complicated though. I took out a loan for $15000 to buy him a car last year . Are you insane????? Hun the only thing he is doing here is taking you for a ride but not in this new car you bought him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) You take that car away from him, sell it, and pay off the loan....kick him to the curb. Cut your losses now. Edited April 17, 2016 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Please tell us the car is registered in your name. If not you are about to learn a very expensive lesson: never loan money to friends. If you can't afford to gift them the money, don't do it. Try your level best to get him to sign a promissory note for the outstanding balance of the loan plus interest that you have drafted by a lawyer. If he has any integrity he'll sign. If he doesn't sign, you have bigger problems then losing a dead beat BF who has one foot out the door. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 If it gets real ugly default on the loan (yes it will damage your credit, usually takes 5 years to recover) and the bank will come and take the car, if you can't. Link to post Share on other sites
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