What to do with my friend?

[Bobby]

I have this friend who I have known for almost 5 years. Overall, I consider her one of my best friends and value the friendship very much.

 

The problem is sometimes she take things for granted. By that I mean several times she had forgotten we were suppose to go out and instead she made plans to do something else. This is really bothering me because she knows I won't get mad at her.

 

Another example, sometimes she doesn't return my email when I ask her something. It's getting a little old when I have to email her again and asking the same questions. When I have to email her again, I try not to sound mad or anything. I think she just doesn't see that it's bugging me.

 

I don't have too many friends and I don't want to just write her off. What should I do?? If I ignore her, it won't help because it doesn't bother her, it would only bother me even more when I don't hear from her.

 

I'm not someone who needs constant attention from people, but it's make me depress sometimes when she doesn't care.

 

I don't want her to keep taking me for granted. How can I let her know that it's bothering me. I don't want to sound like a jerk, how should I do this?

 

I need some advice. Please help!

[Tony T]

There are two things you can do that will be effective in different ways.

 

First, and really you should, let her know that you feel it is rude for her not to respond to your Emails. Let her know that's not the way friends treat other friends. Also, let her know you will no longer tolerate her breaking plans with you to do things with other people. Tell her plainly and simply that opting to do something with others when she has plans with you is a matter of disrespect and you simply won't put up with it any longer. Let her know if she values the friendship, she better change her ways.

 

Don't be nasty when you tell her these things but be firm. I'm sure you will find a big difference in her future conduct. You will probably shock her with your new behavior, which is what she has been wanting from you. Women do not like wimps they can push around.

 

The second thing you can do is break off all communications with her for a week or two. Do not send her Email, do not call her and do not return her mail or calls. Just go totally dark for ten days or so. This way she gets the same medicine she is giving to you.

 

When you finally do talk to her, pretend there was nothing wrong at all. Tell her that you received her messages but that you learned from her how it is not necessary to return Emails right away. Let her see how it feels.

 

Don't ever, ever sit back and let somebody treat you like this and put up with it, I don't care who they are. If you let a friend treat you with lack of respect or consideration, the friendship will not last very long.

 

There is also a possibility she may sense you want more than just a friendship and she may feel uncomfortable about that. Follow my instructions above and you'll flush the whole thing out.

[growingpain]

i think being friends it is necessary to let her know your feelings. it is not good to hide your feelings to your friends.

 

if you are mad, let her know you are mad in a mature manner. if she really doesnt care, then maybe you should reevaluate this friendship. maybe she doesnt value your friendship as much as you do. maybe that is just the way she treats friends, you should know.

 

people choose who to be their friends with, people choose how much effort to put into their friendships. if you get depressed from this friendship, maybe you should use your energy for friends who would care.

 

gp

I have this friend who I have known for almost 5 years. Overall, I consider her one of my best friends and value the friendship very much. The problem is sometimes she take things for granted. By that I mean several times she had forgotten we were suppose to go out and instead she made plans to do something else. This is really bothering me because she knows I won't get mad at her. Another example, sometimes she doesn't return my email when I ask her something. It's getting a little old when I have to email her again and asking the same questions. When I have to email her again, I try not to sound mad or anything. I think she just doesn't see that it's bugging me. I don't have too many friends and I don't want to just write her off. What should I do?? If I ignore her, it won't help because it doesn't bother her, it would only bother me even more when I don't hear from her. I'm not someone who needs constant attention from people, but it's make me depress sometimes when she doesn't care. I don't want her to keep taking me for granted. How can I let her know that it's bothering me. I don't want to sound like a jerk, how should I do this? I need some advice. Please help!

[WGirl]

I have been in this position. I am no longer friends with the people who treated me like that. It is no fun to be taken for granted. What she is doing is just downright rude. If you want to give her another chance, tell her to knock off what she is doing. Tell her it means your friendship if she does not stop it. She should get the message. If she cares about the friendship, she will stop doing it. If she doesn't, you don't need someone like this to be your friend.

I have this friend who I have known for almost 5 years. Overall, I consider her one of my best friends and value the friendship very much. The problem is sometimes she take things for granted. By that I mean several times she had forgotten we were suppose to go out and instead she made plans to do something else. This is really bothering me because she knows I won't get mad at her. Another example, sometimes she doesn't return my email when I ask her something. It's getting a little old when I have to email her again and asking the same questions. When I have to email her again, I try not to sound mad or anything. I think she just doesn't see that it's bugging me. I don't have too many friends and I don't want to just write her off. What should I do?? If I ignore her, it won't help because it doesn't bother her, it would only bother me even more when I don't hear from her. I'm not someone who needs constant attention from people, but it's make me depress sometimes when she doesn't care. I don't want her to keep taking me for granted. How can I let her know that it's bothering me. I don't want to sound like a jerk, how should I do this? I need some advice. Please help!