My Perfect Ex-Wife

[bwt20racer]

Picture High School. Boy buys girl flowers (carnations) each Valentine's and girl has nothing to do with boy. Boy goes to the military and girl goes off to school. Girl finds boy online on Facebook 20 years later and wants to meet up with boy because he is muscular now. Girl moves from Washington State and meets up with boy. Girl and boy get married in a whirlwind marriage on the beach that makes the front page of a huge city newspaper.

 

Fast forward to 2015 .. it's Summer. I get depression and all the years of my bad childhood and military times catch up to me. I start to question my marriage because I was depressed and I start wondering why I am with my wife. I have an affair with my wife's friend who she also works with and has to see her everyday at school. I had sex with her in the office of my house where I work. My wife gives me a chance again, but I can't get the other woman out of my head. Depression got to me and this woman was filling a gap my wife wasn't at the time. My wife talks about divorce but isn't serious. She does have some papers drafted up but isn't serious about signing them. My wife tries her best to keep me happy.. and one morning, I leave her a note and sign the papers thinking she wants that (January 4th, 2016). I leave that day and go get professional help from the VA. A month later (January 28th, 2016), the divorce date happens, and we are divorced in 10 minutes.. seven years down the drain in 10 minutes. That night.. I am at the gym and have a heart attack and die for 6 minutes. My wife comes to see me and I tell her "I died twice today". From that day on, I did everything I could to keep her and try to win her back. I also got rid of the woman I cheated on completely. My "wife" still has to see her on a daily basis down the hall, but she has since been let go and is moving to another school District, far, far away in 6 weeks.

 

Present day, she just started dating a new guy about three weeks ago. We still stay in contact and are pleasant to each other but she told me she is with someone. She did tell me she started having sex with him right away in our house and it almost sounded as if she meant to hurt me, which is NOT like her character at all. She said "apparently I do like sex since you said I never wanted it".

 

At this time, we have no final divorce decree, she is struggling to pay the bills as I supported the household income by at least 80% at the time, she is trying to get the mortgage in her name for a $175,000 note on a school teacher income of $30,000 take home. She sort of asks for money at times, but I tell her "sorry, we are divorced". I created her lifestyle.. buying her fancy things, a Lexus SUV, you name it.

 

I have not done a No Contact period, if I have it's been just a few days. This is a delicate situation as the final decree isn't in yet, we still have bills we split, we are still sorting things out at the house, she's trying to get it in her name.. and now she has a guy in her life that "makes her happy" and "i'm already having sex with him". It's only been six weeks since the divorce.

 

My "wife" is a very passive person by nature and she's not good at saying "no".

 

Guys.. I made a mistake. I cheated on her and am disgusted by it completely. She did have an emotional affair on my on March 12th, 2013. She was secretly texting a guy in a city an hour from me and she secretly "met up for lunch" as well. I forgave her for it because we all make mistakes. My mistake, cost me my best friend and my damn near perfect for me wife.

 

I did get help at the VA, and my counselor last met with me and 15 minutes in the conversation, she got up from her seat, walked to me and said "stand up", I stood up and she started crying and said "most people say they change, but you have actually changed.. you are a new man.. ". My counselor made me do a worksheet to see if I truly love her or if I just miss her.. and she said I passed with flying colors on the "I truly love her" side..

 

I want my "ex" back. I have truly learned from my mistakes, and my depression got the best of me last Summer. Ideas??

Edited April 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed URL- personal info

[Satu]

The chances of you two getting back together are very slim.

 

Close to zero.

 

I think it might work out best for you to just move on, as she has.

 

I wish I could say something more encouraging, but I just don't see a happy ending to this tale.

 

Sorry.

[PegNosePete]

I want my "ex" back.

Well, I want a Ferrari, a million bucks, and a monkey dressed in a dinner jacket to serve me martinis on a silver tray every evening. Unfortunately, wanting something does not mean you can have it.

 

Ideas??

Your ex has made it totally clear that your marriage is well and truly 100% over. Your only option at this point is to accept that and move on.

[jofor]

Thank you for your service to our country! Im sorry to hear about your marriage and depression issues. I am wondering what love means to you- how would you describe love? Do see it as a feeling that can come and go? Or is it more than that?

I think love is more than just feelings and emotions , those are important but they come and go and really cant be trusted for a long term commitment. Can you make the decision to love this girl no matter what she does, looks like, acts like etc. through sickness and health till death do you part?

If so do you think that she can say the same thing? If I could say these things and really believe them with a rational mind than I would wait untill I thought she could be receptive to the idea of marriage again ( after all she is in a relationship and by all accounts is "happy").

 

These are hard things to say and do in today's Hollywood- Disneyland idea of love and relationships, but I think its the way to go. Be a hero from the old days, protect and defend her and yourself. Seek others happiness first before your own.

[road]

You want your wife back tell her that and how IC has helped fix what was broken inside you so you are now able to be a good husband.