ktragers Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Been seeing someone for about two months and besides the first few dates where he bought drinks for me at a bar or paid for movie tickets, he's been splitting bills with me whenever we eat out and I'm not sure how I should feel about that. Not that I'm expecting guys to pay for everything all the time, but I thought a guy should at least TRY to show that he's willing to treat a lady most of the time if he's enthusiastic about her, or just do it in turns - I get this time and he takes care of the next one. Also, sometimes when we walk around some tourist spots in the city and see an ice cream parlor/truck, he'd feel the urge to buy some but then change his mind thinking we can just go to a grocery store nearby to get a cheaper kind. I've definitely noticed that this guy is pretty frugal in many aspects of his life that he tries to cook at home a lot of the time, saying it's a way for him to save money (which is a good trait, I think). He's 29 and an only child, and a lot of his clothes and various things he needs are bought and sent to him by his mom, which is kind of weird to me. For the most part I have fun with him and we get along very well. He's told me on many occasions that he likes me "the moderate amount" and enjoys spending time with me. He's always been pretty consistent with making plans to see me, keeping in touch with me every day, etc. Things have been slowly getting serious. I do know that his experience with dating/relationships is kind of jaded and he hasn't had much luck in the past with girls. I'm not sure if he's still feeling me out and waiting to see if this thing goes anywhere before he fully "invests" in me or something... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 He's told me on many occasions that he likes me "the moderate amount" and enjoys spending time with me. Forget about the paying thing. Unless he was joking, I would run for the hills! 15 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 He's 29 and an only child, and a lot of his clothes and various things he needs are bought and sent to him by his mom, Sorry OP, I don't see a future in this unless you want to be a surrogate mother to this guy..... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Sorry OP, I don't see a future in this unless you want to be a surrogate mother to this guy..... He likes you "the moderate amount"...whatttt???? Lose him quick. It doesnt matter if hes been screwed over by other girls in the past...your not other girls. If he carries his past relationship issues into the one he is developing with you it will not work...and that seems to be what hes doing. Like the above poster said, forget about about the bill issue. I think you have a larger issue at hand 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Moderate amount?? Please tell me that English is a second language and this is a poor translation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 The guy is a fruitcake. He'll just get worse over time. And, btw, the next time a guy wants to split the bill with you, say ok, pay your half, and never see him again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Ok this guy says he "likes you a moderate amount" and his mother is still sending him clothes? Run run run! Regarding the bill splitting, I admit that's it's not exactly sexy splitting bills...but have you offered to pay at all? I'd prefer to treat someone if she treated be back, at least part of the time. If she just turned up and always expected me to pay, I'd assume she's either a princess or gold digger, and move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Personally I could never date someone who counts pennies. I would simply say I'll get this one, you get the next, etc. However I knew a couple who were together 7 years and would always split everything right down the middle. Even when they went to a restaurant they wouldn't split it 50/50, they would count who ate what etc. That would totally do my head in but it worked for them just fine. As long as both parties think the same way, it's really no problem. Liking a moderate amount, as the others above said, is a really weird thing to say, unless it's a language translation issue. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 "I like you a moderate amount, but I love money with all my heart." 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 OP this guy is treating you as though "you will do"... not as though you are the one... Please do not put up with this and just get rid so you can find a better one. This is not a match made in hevan at all. If you want to know how you just say "I am sorry but this is not working out for me and I am afraid I do not want to continue with this relationship." Good luck... I am horrified. More so as I long term dated a guy like this and it just got worse and worse... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 However I knew a couple who were together 7 years and would always split everything right down the middle. Even when they went to a restaurant they wouldn't split it 50/50, they would count who ate what etc. That would totally do my head in but it worked for them just fine. As long as both parties think the same way, it's really no problem. I don't get it either. But, my cousin has been happily married for about 10 years now. She and her husband are annoying misers, but they have one of the most secure marriages of anyone that I know. Not how I'd want to live my life, but it really seems to work for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Tell him you like him a moderate amount too, that you'd prefer to alternate rather than splitting, and that if you had a guy who covered all your expenses you'd love him more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I don't get it either. But, my cousin has been happily married for about 10 years now. She and her husband are annoying misers, but they have one of the most secure marriages of anyone that I know. Not how I'd want to live my life, but it really seems to work for them. Because they are a matched set. Of course made in heaven, goes without saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Tell him you like him a moderate amount too, that you'd prefer to alternate rather than splitting, and that if you had a guy who covered all your expenses you'd love him more. Dump him saying that you want a man that wants you more then moderate. Because you need a man that will pay for the dates. No woman should expect a man to spend more then he can afford. Though going out on a date is just as much a treat as anything else. He should be able to handle his money to be able to treat himself and his GF in a financially responsible manner. A man's willingness to spend on a date shows the woman his willingness to work and provide for her. Hence the point of dating. Dating is the job interview for marriage. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 You dating to get to know each other . So you have to be clear what is your type and what you like and aspect from a men. You cant keep that secret and hope someone will guess it. Beside if you see this guy is not what you need and want to keep going further into it. Not because you dating him and click with him means you have to make a bf/gf relationship out of it. And in the beginning he sure have to spent on you but at some point maybe after 3th date you will have to pay yourself too. If spiting is not the way you like, then tell him. And he sound a bit like a greedy guy. or not really your type. He may adjust now but get back to his old ways later once you become his gf. So use your brain, more then your emotions. If hes not what you looking for dont waste time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 This guy is cheap. That is different from being frugal. A cheap man withholds everything: money, affection & time. A frugal man saves money to meet a financial goal. A frugal man saves but also knows when to splurge. A ice cream from a truck is a good place to splurge. Since he can't even do that what's going to happen as you move forward. The guy sounds like a candidate for that show about cheapskates -- those people that dry & reuse paper towels, and use cloth TP to save money. Don't invest your heart with this guy because he's not going to give you his. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktragers Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Forget about the paying thing. Unless he was joking, I would run for the hills! Glad a lot of folks noticed this because this definitely worried me too. This came up when we were in the car about to drive somewhere, and he started tickling me trying to make me laugh. At some point I jokingly said something along the lines of, "So I guess you like me, huh?" He jokingly replied, "Uh huh, just a little bit... a little bit." So later I brought it up again and said, "Wow, you only like me just a little bit..." He said, "I like you the moderate amount..." Can't tell if that was a joke or more serious, though. I think it was the latter. I didn't make a huge deal out of it at the moment because if he really does like me "the moderate amount" and not "a lot," I kind of feel the same way about him too... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 This guy is cheap. That is different from being frugal. A cheap man withholds everything: money, affection & time. A frugal man saves money to meet a financial goal. A frugal man saves but also knows when to splurge. A ice cream from a truck is a good place to splurge. Since he can't even do that what's going to happen as you move forward. The guy sounds like a candidate for that show about cheapskates -- those people that dry & reuse paper towels, and use cloth TP to save money. Don't invest your heart with this guy because he's not going to give you his. What makes you think he is "cheap" and not "frugal"? Serious question. The OP never said he reuses paper towels. He just splits on dates, which is a very modern thing to do. Do I do it? No because I do well and don't mind being generous. But that's out of generosity, not a need to do it. I get that we live in a consumerist society where if you make your own food to save money you must be a weirdo. But it's funny. The female posters on here always take shots at "gold diggers" and then turn around and get on men for being cheap. It's a lose-lose standard. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 It's all about compatibility. He is wise with his money at every turn. There are women out there that would appreciate that....most of us don't (haha). This isn't going to change with him so I'm guessing this is a bit of a deal breaker....which is totally acceptable. It doesn't make you a gold digger, you have different spending habits. We all have certain expectations, how money is spent is a big one. Don't over look this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktragers Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Sorry OP, I don't see a future in this unless you want to be a surrogate mother to this guy..... True. I find this part about him very weird and it's the first time I dated someone who's a "mama's boy." I don't have a problem with a guy being close to his parents and I think it's rare or admirable that a grown man would take the time to try to communicate with their parents on a regular or even daily basis. But this guy's mom checks on him every day as if he was still a little baby, and sometimes would even call him in the mornings asking him if he's up and getting ready for work yet. When we are out during the day, he'd receive texts from his mom frequently and he knows that whenever his phone buzzes it'd probably be his mom a lot of times. According to him, his mom sends him "care packages" (not sure how often) filled with clothes and sometimes even toothpastes or dental floss, etc. I guess it's another way for her to "baby" him so that he doesn't have to buy those things with his own money. I found this out because one time I complimented on a shirt he was wearing and asked what size he is, and he doesn't even know, saying his mom got him that. I get the impression that he understands that this is a bit embarrassing because sometimes if I mention something like "surprised you haven't heard from your mom yet today" he'd get semi-offended and said, "yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a mama's boy..." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Glad a lot of folks noticed this because this definitely worried me too. This came up when we were in the car about to drive somewhere, and he started tickling me trying to make me laugh. At some point I jokingly said something along the lines of, "So I guess you like me, huh?" He jokingly replied, "Uh huh, just a little bit... a little bit." So later I brought it up again and said, "Wow, you only like me just a little bit..." He said, "I like you the moderate amount..." Can't tell if that was a joke or more serious, though. I think it was the latter. I didn't make a huge deal out of it at the moment because if he really does like me "the moderate amount" and not "a lot," I kind of feel the same way about him too... To me this sounds like maybe he has a hard time expressing himself. Like maybe he does like you a lot, but is afraid to say it, so he has to come up with weird expressions like, "I like you a moderate amount." How much do you like him? Doesn't sound like much more than "a moderate amount," either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 What makes you think he is "cheap" and not "frugal"? Serious question. The OP never said he reuses paper towels. He just splits on dates, which is a very modern thing to do. Do I do it? No because I do well and don't mind being generous. But that's out of generosity, not a need to do it. I get that we live in a consumerist society where if you make your own food to save money you must be a weirdo. But it's funny. The female posters on here always take shots at "gold diggers" and then turn around and get on men for being cheap. It's a lose-lose standard. Come on now....not buying an ice cream from a vendor, thinking you could just go home and have some out of the freezer instead or buy a bucket at the grocery store??? that is being frickin cheap. She's not expecting him to buy her a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes she saw in the window at Nordstroms for christ sakes..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Come on now....not buying an ice cream from a vendor, thinking you could just go home and have some out of the freezer instead or buy a bucket at the grocery store??? that is being frickin cheap. She's not expecting him to buy her a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes she saw in the window at Nordstroms for christ sakes..... I don't think that's cheap, I think that's smart. Why get a pair of small paper cups at the ice cream shop, when you can walk into the supermarket across the street from the parlor, and grab a pint and two spoons near the door, and split it? Much more logical. I mean if a girl on a date suggested that I'd want to undress her right there and then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktragers Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Come on now....not buying an ice cream from a vendor, thinking you could just go home and have some out of the freezer instead or buy a bucket at the grocery store??? that is being frickin cheap. She's not expecting him to buy her a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes she saw in the window at Nordstroms for christ sakes..... Yeah exactly. I'm careful with my money too and I'm okay with splitting bills with the guy every now and then to be fair. I understand it can get really expensive if the guy pays for everything all the time. But I think when you are out and having fun, sometimes you just have to pay for the $7 ice cream cone instead of a bucket for $5 at the grocery store, purely for the experience. It's just the cost for having fun; otherwise, stay at home and don't get out at all...that'll save money for sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 According to him, his mom sends him "care packages" (not sure how often) filled with clothes and sometimes even toothpastes or dental floss, etc. I guess it's another way for her to "baby" him so that he doesn't have to buy those things with his own money. I found this out because one time I complimented on a shirt he was wearing and asked what size he is, and he doesn't even know, saying his mom got him that. This gets worse. If he is so "under his mother's thumb" then you'll have his mother accompanying you on dates next! He's not grown up yet, please move on to a mature man. Link to post Share on other sites
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