***5th Date, He asked me to be his GF*** [updated]

[Dis]

The guy I've been dating asked me to be his gf tonight, it was the 5th date.

I have been on the look out since the beginning for red flags as I have always ignored or been blind to them in the past. So far with this guy I havent seen any. I really like him, what I like most about him is he is actually a good guy. I've always dated guys that were liars, love bombers, or guys that had so many issues they had no business being in a realtionship. This guy is the first one that seems to have his head on straight, is kind, genuine, sweet and really into me for the right reasons. He's so affectionate, not all sexual contact all the time, sometimes he randomly hugs me and squeezes me and I love that because I'm very affectionate myself. That contact with him feels very natural and comfy. Our sexual physical connection is awesome too. He's doing everything right so far....

 

So I said YES! He told me he's ready for a serious relationship, that he wants to make me happy. All has gone swimmingly so far.

 

***What I want to know is.....is asking a girl to be your gf on the 5th date normal timing??? I dont feel like I'm jumping into anything because he has shown me what a good guy he is. I just want some outside perspectives.

 

We also have not had sex yet, I told him my rule....No sex until past 1 month of a serious relationship. He's very respectful about that.

 

Thanks!

[bathtub-row]

It's not normal timing and it's hard to say at this point if he's trying to rush things for some reason or not. Just give it time and see how things go. I hope it works out.

[basil67]

I don't think there's such a thing as *normal*. I just think that you should go with the flow and not let a title hold you in a relationship if you do start to see red flags.

[Dis]

It's not normal timing and it's hard to say at this point if he's trying to rush things for some reason or not. Just give it time and see how things go. I hope it works out.

 

I think the reason why he asked me is he knows I'm a great catch and wanted to lock me down before someone else scooped me up. I think he's being smart and proactive. Of course time tells all

[Dis]

I don't think there's such a thing as *normal*. I just think that you should go with the flow and not let a title hold you in a relationship if you do start to see red flags.

 

Very wise advice. A title doesnt mean I would tolerate being with a guy displaying red flags. I would be out. As for now he seems wonderful. I agree that going with the flow and the nature of the relationship does not always equate to normal timing. It feels right so I'm going for it

[Mrin]

I told my soulmate that I was taking down my profiles on our third date. We had the BF/GF talk on our fourth. Pretty sure we traded ILY's by our seventh.

 

I once dated a woman for four months and never had the BF/GF conversation. Not even the exclusivity chat.

 

And everything in between.

 

It differs.

[Mikau]

I don't necessarily think it's too fast (or too slow), these things happen when they happen and as long as everything feels good it's fine.

 

I think you're taking a risk by having such a hard "one month into a relationship before we have sex" rule. This gives him reason to rush having the talk. Now if he's a genuinely good guy it won't matter and everything will be fine anyway, but you are making it harder to judge his motives I think.

 

By all means wait until having sex until you're comfortable and in a relationship, but I would tell prospective boyfriends something along the lines of 'I want to take it slow and wait for things to feel right', or something. That way the focus is on having a good time and making you feel right, rather than getting the boyfriend/girlfriend status as soon as possible.

[Dis]

I told my soulmate that I was taking down my profiles on our third date. We had the BF/GF talk on our fourth. Pretty sure we traded ILY's by our seventh.

 

I once dated a woman for four months and never had the BF/GF conversation. Not even the exclusivity chat.

 

And everything in between.

 

It differs.

 

Thanks for that perspective Timing does differ from relationship to relationship. As long as I'm being smart/not ignoring red flags I'm really happy to be his gf

[Dis]

I don't necessarily think it's too fast (or too slow), these things happen when they happen and as long as everything feels good it's fine.

 

I think you're taking a risk by having such a hard "one month into a relationship before we have sex" rule. This gives him reason to rush having the talk. Now if he's a genuinely good guy it won't matter and everything will be fine anyway, but you are making it harder to judge his motives I think.

 

By all means wait until having sex until you're comfortable and in a relationship, but I would tell prospective boyfriends something along the lines of 'I want to take it slow and wait for things to feel right', or something. That way the focus is on having a good time and making you feel right, rather than getting the boyfriend/girlfriend status as soon as possible.

 

Agreed. If I do get to that 1 month with a guy and it doesnt feel right, I will not have sex with him, so I guess the specific timing varies. I told him I dont have sex until I get into a relationship before the 3rd date. I specified about the 1 month thing after he asked me to be his gf

[angel.eyes]

I agree that there's no such thing as "normal" timing. My current boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend on date #4. Sometimes it just feels right and you know.

 

I'm glad that things are going well so far and you said yes.

[Gershwin]

I got asked to be gf at date 5 too. He sounds great, don't overthink it & congrats!!

[hippychick3]

I see nothing wrong with this as long as he doesn't have a history of jumping into relationships too quickly. If you feel "special" to him, then go with it and enjoy!

 

My bf and I didn't have the bf/gf convo by the 5th date, but we were exclusive since date one and he had made it clear on that day that he wasn't going back online.

[d0nnivain]

Relationship timing can't be measured solely on a calendar. It's about what feels right to the couple. Here he is showing you he's serious. That is a good sign.

 

 

Relax though & stop over thinking this. He asked you to be his GF, not the mother of his children. It's still quite simple to walk away if things aren't working. Label or not it's only been 5 dates.

 

 

Try enjoying the relationship & stop dissecting it. By definition, to dissect something it has to be dead.

[kendahke]

The guy I've been dating asked me to be his gf tonight, it was the 5th date.

I have been on the look out since the beginning for red flags as I have always ignored or been blind to them in the past. So far with this guy I havent seen any. I really like him, what I like most about him is he is actually a good guy. I've always dated guys that were liars, love bombers, or guys that had so many issues they had no business being in a realtionship. This guy is the first one that seems to have his head on straight, is kind, genuine, sweet and really into me for the right reasons. He's so affectionate, not all sexual contact all the time, sometimes he randomly hugs me and squeezes me and I love that because I'm very affectionate myself. That contact with him feels very natural and comfy. Our sexual physical connection is awesome too. He's doing everything right so far....

 

So I said YES! He told me he's ready for a serious relationship, that he wants to make me happy. All has gone swimmingly so far.

 

***What I want to know is.....is asking a girl to be your gf on the 5th date normal timing??? I dont feel like I'm jumping into anything because he has shown me what a good guy he is. I just want some outside perspectives.

 

We also have not had sex yet, I told him my rule....No sex until past 1 month of a serious relationship. He's very respectful about that.

 

Thanks!

 

It really depends upon the two people involved, but I've heard people bringing it up by the 2nd or 3rd date.

[jen1447]

It must have been the ziti.

[smackie9]

There is no such thing as "normal" timing when wanting to commit. When it feels right, then it's right. I thought this is what the majority of people want.....true commitment, or at least some conformation that is the direction it's going to. The boards are full of threads of people whining about not being ask or wondering if it will happen or are they just FWB/being used for sex, blah blah blah.

 

Don't question it. If you are happy, then be happy about it. You are one of the lucky ones. Most people who come here, their outcome is not very good you know.

[salparadise]

What I want to know is.....is asking a girl to be your gf on the 5th date normal timing???

 

We also have not had sex yet, I told him my rule....

 

 

Pretty normal if she's talking about rules and withholding sex until he puts a label on it.

[S_A]

I asked my current GF to be my GF after date #2. I think you're fine. Enjoy it!

[katiegrl]

Hey Dis.... not understanding your one month rule.

 

I mean let's say you only have three dates in that one month period, are you still gonna feel comfortable enough after only three dates to have sex?

 

Or how about let's say you have eight dates in a two week period? And you have gotten close and feel super comfortable but you're gonna withhold because it hasn't been one month yet?

 

I say have sex when you are comfortable and have developed a level of trust such that you are confident he cares and isn't going anywhere.

 

It is always a risk though... and some men prefer to wait until after sex to decide whether or not they wish to make a particular woman his girlfriend.

 

But I certainly don't think it's a bad thing that he asked.... after five dates prior to sex.

 

How do you feel about him? Do you feel comfortable enough with him to call him your boyfriend?

[strawberryshortstack]

Hey Dis.... not understanding your one month rule.

 

I mean let's say you only have three dates in that one month period, are you still gonna feel comfortable enough after only three dates to have sex?

 

Or how about let's say you have eight dates in a two week period? And you have gotten close and feel super comfortable but you're gonna withhold because it hasn't been one month yet?

 

I say have sex when you are comfortable and have developed a level of trust such that you are confident he cares and isn't going anywhere.

 

It is always a risk though... and some men prefer to wait until after sex to decide whether or not they wish to make a particular woman his girlfriend.

 

But I certainly don't think it's a bad thing that he asked.... after five dates prior to sex.

 

How do you feel about him? Do you feel comfortable enough with him to call him your boyfriend?

 

It's not one month from the start of dating, it's one month from the start of entering into an official relationship together, if I'm comprehending correctly.

 

I'm not sure I agree with it - I prefer waiting until it feels like the right time, regardless of milestones or timing - but every person, and relationship, is different.

[katiegrl]

It's not one month from the start of dating, it's one month from the start of entering into an official relationship together, if I'm comprehending correctly.

 

I'm not sure I agree with it - I prefer waiting until it feels like the right time, regardless of milestones or timing - but every person, and relationship, is different.

 

Oh I see.... so once they become "serious" with each other, it's one month after that?

 

So I guess by becoming bf/gf would that would be considered the start of "serious'?

 

Now he has to wait another month to have sex.

 

No wonder he's pushing it! :lmao:

Edited April 18, 2016 by katiegrl

[sunshine2]

Our sexual physical connection is awesome too.

 

How do you know that if you haven't had sex yet? Im confused. But I think that the 1 month rule is letting him know that you need to feel comfortable so what better way then to ask you to be his GF soon so that you feel more comfortable. I hope Im wrong, JMO.

[katiegrl]

How do you know that if you haven't had sex yet? Im confused. But I think that the 1 month rule is letting him know that you need to feel comfortable so what better way then to ask you to be his GF soon so that you feel more comfortable. I hope Im wrong, JMO.

 

You mean like create a false intimacy sort of thing?

 

I dunno tough call. My ex asked me to be exclusive on second date, but we had already had sex (on first date, actually the night we met..).

 

And were together six years. Sex was huge part of our RL though, not sure how good or bad that is in retrospect. But we were very much in love.

 

But from what I have read on this board, many men are all gung ho about a woman, coming on strong and then once they have sex, they kind of pull back and re-assess.

 

And like I said (again from reading this board) many men don't even make the decision to make a woman his girlfriend until after sex.

 

There are always exceptions though.

 

Fingers crossed it all works out for Dis though!

 

Good luck Dis whatever you decide!

[Dis]

The one month rule (meaning one month after we enter a serious relationship bf/gf) is open to change. I usually just say one month because usually after one month of having a bf I have a good idea whether its going to work or not. If I didnt feel comfortable after the one month mark then I'd simply tell him that. He's very laid back, so I'm sure he'd understand. But I dont think I'll need to postpone it

[Dis]

How do you know that if you haven't had sex yet? Im confused. But I think that the 1 month rule is letting him know that you need to feel comfortable so what better way then to ask you to be his GF soon so that you feel more comfortable. I hope Im wrong, JMO.

 

We've made out and done a few other things, nothing too serious but I can tell the way we react to each other, the way we touch each other, the way we kiss that the physical chemistry is def there