Cinnamonstix Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I think you kind of missed your chance to do it casually. If you bring it up later, it makes it look like you were stewing on it for a while. That said.... I wouldn't ask. It shows lack of trust and insecurity. Unless he gives you reason to think otherwise, you need to trust him. He should be innocent until proven guilty. If he is open and honest with you, he will mention the names of his friends and family members and you will soon find out who she is anyway. Same if he turns out to be a douche. You will know! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 If he's texting with her a lot, I'm sure you'll see her name again. If you don't want to ask now, you can ask when/if you see her name again. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 This is why I never look at phone screens or laptops when email is up. I wouldn't go as far as 'none of your business' but close. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 The night got off to a rough start. He was in a mood about money. I was trying to let him know he could talk to me about it, I also thought something about me was bugging him so I def inqiured about what he was upset about. We've only been dating for 2 weeks so we are still new to each other. Still learning. I guess I asked too much because he said, "Why are you harping on this, its making me feel weird." So that in turn made me feel weird and awkward being at his house when he was in such a mood. I also felt like he didnt want me there even though he invited me. I've also been alittle traumatized by my previous ex's bad moods. So I got alittle freaked out and suggested he take some time alone. He then said, "Did you even want to come over, you dont have to go" But I politley left anyway. On my way home I realized he wanted me there. So I turned around and went back. He was laying on the couch and opened his arms up to me. I said I was sorry for leaving, that I didnt handle things the right way. He was happy to have me back. The rest of the night went super well. The little misunderstanding made us want to be around each other more. Then the "Victoria" thing happened. God I am so inept sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Oh, I missed this previous thread. You've only been dating two weeks? Try to relax and let the fun and connection happen. That is what it should be about at this point. Don't worry too much and suck all of the fun out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 Oh, I missed this previous thread. You've only been dating two weeks? Try to relax and let the fun and connection happen. That is what it should be about at this point. Don't worry too much and suck all of the fun out of it. Hmmm amazing point there! I tend to get serious too quickly, your right...I need to just have fun and enjoy him. This is why I need outside persectives. Well the rest of the night was really fun, makeout session/other stuff. I'll try to tone my thinking down. Its still very early, when I'm not thinking too much its so fun, we I do think too much I drive myself crazy. Thanks for that perspective 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 You're going to ruin this relationship before it even gets off the ground. You cannot question every little thing. Should I take him food? Why was his kiss weird? Who's Victoria? It's going to get old really fast. Take things at face value until you have reason to believe otherwise. He's not your past. He's your now. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
morrowrd Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I think 5 dates is more than enough for someone to ask that question. It's not like you're getting married, it's an offer to become exclusive. You have an opportunity here to have something good, just know that there is still much to do when it comes to learning about each other. Being exclusive is a perfect way to do that, and a healthy way too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I think if you make a decision to be in a relationship, you also need to make a decision to trust. Unless he has given you reason to distrust him, then your auto-response should be trust. You can't keep dragging past relationships into it. Of course our past influences us and we would be silly not to learn from it, but it can't color everything that happens. Of course he has women's names in his phone. All of his relationships are not going to be men. The guy asked you to be his gf and he spends most of his free time with you. I doubt he has some hidden agenda. And if he does, I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough. These things have a way of coming to light. One thing that stands out to me -- you always mention being at his place. Does he ever go to yours? Do you have a roommate so you'd prefer to be at his place more than yours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 You've been on what, 7 or 8 dates now? Maybe 9? Many of which seem to be at his house? Cool it down, sister-friend! Do what you can to create a bit of distance (not bad, silent distance, just some breathing room). Y'all don't have to be in each others' space all the time right away. There's plenty of time for that later! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Is there a specific reason why all your dates seem to occur at his place and not yours? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Is there a specific reason why all your dates seem to occur at his place and not yours? Not only that, but Dis, does he ever take you OUT? I mean you have only been dating two weeks, y'all are acting like you have been in a RL for years.... It is great you feel so comfy, but try mixing it up .... plan fun things on the outside, keeps it fresh and exciting. Again it has only been two weeks. Keeps it from becoming same ole same ole, and frankly sort of duh. Which it could very easily, so be careful with that.. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I'm getting the impression you're not only staying in, you're also seeing him almost every night now. I think it's a bit soon to be spending so much time together. Try to do other things so that take your focus off the relationship and make you less available. I'm not saying this to "play games", but he's probably already beginning to notice that you are preoccupied with the relationship, so if you're busy doing other things (besides school) it creates balance and intrigue again. If he's already acting annoyed, maybe deep down he doesn't want you to say yes every time he asks you to hang out. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Dis, you strike me as an anxious dater. I just want to be clear that I asked why all the dates were at his place out of curiosity. I'm guessing there's a good reason for it. I certainly don't want to jump to conclusions about the meaning of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Why say anything? I have friends who are girls and their numbers are in my phone. As does my better half, have friends who are blokes. What if he knows others girls? You`ll ask who they are as well? Forget it. Yeah, I can't imagine how weird it would be if I had just started dating someone, they saw a guy's name on my phone and asked me who they were. Major alarm bells. I have plenty of male and female friends and it smacks of insecurity and jealousy from day one. OP, your mind is a whirlwind! You need to cool it down fast or you're gonna crash and burn this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jebrooks1988 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Not only that, but Dis, does he ever take you OUT? I mean you have only been dating two weeks, y'all are acting like you have been in a RL for years.... It is great you feel so comfy, but try mixing it up .... plan fun things on the outside, keeps it fresh and exciting. Again it has only been two weeks. Keeps it from becoming same ole same ole, and frankly sort of duh. Which it could very easily, so be careful with that.. Not to be a negative nancy here, and correct me if the facts are wrong, but you told him about your 1 month rule. He makes you his girlfriend within that time frame. You're always at house. Is it possible he is trying to get sex from you? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Good rule of thumb - keep your nose out of other ppl's contact lists/call logs if you're the suspicious type. Bscly everything you find in there'll be potentially suspicious. "Who the hell is this mom person???" (And as you can see the crazy isn't far off when you go down that road.) 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 You're going to ruin this relationship before it even gets off the ground. You cannot question every little thing. Should I take him food? Why was his kiss weird? Who's Victoria? It's going to get old really fast. Take things at face value until you have reason to believe otherwise. He's not your past. He's your now. I think if you make a decision to be in a relationship, you also need to make a decision to trust. Unless he has given you reason to distrust him, then your auto-response should be trust. You can't keep dragging past relationships into it. Of course our past influences us and we would be silly not to learn from it, but it can't color everything that happens. Of course he has women's names in his phone. All of his relationships are not going to be men. The guy asked you to be his gf and he spends most of his free time with you. I doubt he has some hidden agenda. And if he does, I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough. These things have a way of coming to light. One thing that stands out to me -- you always mention being at his place. Does he ever go to yours? Do you have a roommate so you'd prefer to be at his place more than yours? Yeah, I can't imagine how weird it would be if I had just started dating someone, they saw a guy's name on my phone and asked me who they were. Major alarm bells. I have plenty of male and female friends and it smacks of insecurity and jealousy from day one. OP, your mind is a whirlwind! You need to cool it down fast or you're gonna crash and burn this. Great point guys. I really appreciate your perspectives. And yes....there is no reason why I shouldnt trust him. I guess my mind got carried away there...it was late....just got done with finals. I let the whole "Victoria" thing go. I have no reason to assume or to suspect. If anything he has shown me that I can trust him. I think just seeing it was like a knee jerk reaction, it brought up my past alittle....but the thing I like most about him is that hes very different from all the guys I've dated. I do feel I can trust him...I feel safe with him. I did not act wierd after I saw that because I knew in the back of my head that it was probably nothing and I knew if I brought it up I'd run the risk of killing what we have. I def didnt ask him about it either. Not every man lies....I need to remember that and pump the brakes when things like this happen. This is why I need outside perspectives, mine can be way off base. Once I heard your thoughts....I felt like an idiot for freaking out about it. Its going so well so far, I just want to enjoy it, not complicate things. When my mind is quiet, I enjoy him and our time together....when my mind is going a million miles an hour, I overthink things. He hasnt seen me act any other way than sweet and confident, which I'm proud of because I'm still learning, I have a long way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 i think you decide what is normal for you ....what you feel comfortable with...and it shouldn't depend on another's views of what determines normal...sounds all good to me for you, if you are happy and he is happy to define yours and his relationship and how it is progressing...sounds like a normal start to a good relationship ...and i wish you well with that....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 Is there a specific reason why all your dates seem to occur at his place and not yours? You've been on what, 7 or 8 dates now? Maybe 9? Many of which seem to be at his house? Cool it down, sister-friend! Do what you can to create a bit of distance (not bad, silent distance, just some breathing room). Y'all don't have to be in each others' space all the time right away. There's plenty of time for that later! Not only that, but Dis, does he ever take you OUT? I mean you have only been dating two weeks, y'all are acting like you have been in a RL for years.... It is great you feel so comfy, but try mixing it up .... plan fun things on the outside, keeps it fresh and exciting. Again it has only been two weeks. Keeps it from becoming same ole same ole, and frankly sort of duh. Which it could very easily, so be careful with that.. I'm getting the impression you're not only staying in, you're also seeing him almost every night now. I think it's a bit soon to be spending so much time together. Try to do other things so that take your focus off the relationship and make you less available. I'm not saying this to "play games", but he's probably already beginning to notice that you are preoccupied with the relationship, so if you're busy doing other things (besides school) it creates balance and intrigue again. If he's already acting annoyed, maybe deep down he doesn't want you to say yes every time he asks you to hang out. Dis, you strike me as an anxious dater. I just want to be clear that I asked why all the dates were at his place out of curiosity. I'm guessing there's a good reason for it. I certainly don't want to jump to conclusions about the meaning of it. He has taken me out 4 times for dinner and he ordered in a few nights ago. But because we hang out so much....yes its alot now....he cant afford to take me out everytime so we just chill at his house now. I actually prefer hanging out at his house because when I live alone my place gets messy and I also have 4 cats and a rabbit so theres alot going on. I would rather go to his place. Its quiet and I like it more than mine. So I dont have a problem with that. But I will invite him over at some point, he needs to see where I live too. Ok and ya...I know. We've been hanging out too much. After reading your comments I'm going to wait until Tuesday to see him. I need to create some healthy space there, so he can miss me and I can miss him. And so things dont get boring....some mystery needs to be there. I've def been too available. Yes he's always asked to see me but that doesnt mean I need to everytime. We've been seeing each other way too much. I was actually thinking about that before, I guess I just needed a reality check. We're getting way too cozy too quick, like we've been in a relationship for months and months. Ok I'll pump the breaks there too. What would I do without outside perspectives. God I feel dumb lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 i think you decide what is normal for you ....what you feel comfortable with...and it shouldn't depend on another's views of what determines normal...sounds all good to me for you, if you are happy and he is happy to define yours and his relationship and how it is progressing...sounds like a normal start to a good relationship ...and i wish you well with that....deb Thanks Deb. I know that there is no "normal" when it comes to relationships but I there are some times where I need outside input. Esp when I am repeating old patterns that were not healthy. At the end of the day only me and him know what we have and what we feel for each other. If I hear an outside perspective that makes sense I'll learn from it. If I hear one that doesnt, I wont take it into consideration. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 Good rule of thumb - keep your nose out of other ppl's contact lists/call logs if you're the suspicious type. Bscly everything you find in there'll be potentially suspicious. "Who the hell is this mom person???" (And as you can see the crazy isn't far off when you go down that road.) Haha Very good point. I honestly didnt even mean to see that name, he was showing me something on his phone so I just happened to see it. I would never and have never gone in my bf's phones. Seeing as I already am suspicous by nature, I do not want to see anythingggg on his phone because it will only drive me nuts (probably unjustifiably) He hasnt given me any reason not to trust him, I'll remember that and keep calm Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 Not only that, but Dis, does he ever take you OUT? I mean you have only been dating two weeks, y'all are acting like you have been in a RL for years.... It is great you feel so comfy, but try mixing it up .... plan fun things on the outside, keeps it fresh and exciting. Again it has only been two weeks. Keeps it from becoming same ole same ole, and frankly sort of duh. Which it could very easily, so be careful with that.. katiegrl, I remember something you said when I posted about my last breakup. You mentioned your ex took things fast, you instisted on slowing things down and he turned out to be grateful for that. The guy I'm seeing now is taking things fast, not in a love bombing way but he is very eager to spend time with me and see me as much as possible. I remembering now what happened with my last bf (which is carrying over into this relationship) We ended up spending so much time together at his place I took on the "wife" role. And then.....boom....the relationship was over just like that. I'm not going to see him until Tuesday. I'm going to give us space and time to miss each other. I cant be available everytime he wants to see me, thats not a good look. I'm going to take things slower. Make him want me more, miss me more. Thanks for the check girl Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 katiegrl, I remember something you said when I posted about my last breakup. You mentioned your ex took things fast, you instisted on slowing things down and he turned out to be grateful for that. The guy I'm seeing now is taking things fast, not in a love bombing way but he is very eager to spend time with me and see me as much as possible. I remembering now what happened with my last bf (which is carrying over into this relationship) We ended up spending so much time together at his place I took on the "wife" role. And then.....boom....the relationship was over just like that. I'm not going to see him until Tuesday. I'm going to give us space and time to miss each other. I cant be available everytime he wants to see me, thats not a good look. I'm going to take things slower. Make him want me more, miss me more. Thanks for the check girl You are very welcome Dis.... and be sure you guys go out once in awhile too....and do fun stuff. You plan something... that's not against the rules you know.... Take your time getting to know each other, go out, see each other in different environments and scenarios ....... interacting with other people, etc. Enjoy the process! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 You are very welcome Dis.... and be sure you guys go out once in awhile too....and do fun stuff. You plan something... that's not against the rules you know.... Take your time getting to know each other, go out, see each other in different environments and scenarios ....... interacting with other people, etc. Enjoy the process! Its alittle tough for me to plan something because money is very tight for me. Until I graduate with my nursing degree, I dont have alot of money to spend on outings but I could plan dinner and treat him once in a while. Tonight he said he was free tomorrow night after work. I told him I have plans with friends tomorrow night. I'm starting to push back alittle...not in a game playing way but in a way that makes me less available. Then he said "I miss you" even though I just saw him last night. Stepping back is working already Link to post Share on other sites
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