Author Louisesarah Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 I wish someone could tell me how to get over the feeling of total embarrassment of falling for it? Because I've tried yet I can't get over all the lies he said to use me. I emotionally invested for 2 years..how do you stop being hurt because I've tried dated other people but still I'm hurt. I hate him and wish I could get my revenge but he will always smell of roses Link to post Share on other sites
renaissancewoman Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I wish someone could tell me how to get over the feeling of total embarrassment of falling for it? Because I've tried yet I can't get over all the lies he said to use me. I emotionally invested for 2 years..how do you stop being hurt because I've tried dated other people but still I'm hurt. I hate him and wish I could get my revenge but he will always smell of roses I think the first step is to stop focusing on him and focus on you. You need to love yourself and give yourself grace. How can you even hope to have a healthy relationship with anyone else if you don't love yourself first? Revenge is futile. You think that somehow you can hurt him. He's proven that he doesn't care about you, what consequence is it to him what you do. The longer you hold on to this, the more you hurt yourself. What exactly are you looking for? The only person with the power to move forward in your life is you. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I wish someone could tell me how to get over the feeling of total embarrassment of falling for it? Because I've tried yet I can't get over all the lies he said to use me. I emotionally invested for 2 years..how do you stop being hurt because I've tried dated other people but still I'm hurt. I hate him and wish I could get my revenge but he will always smell of roses This is something you need to work through with counseling, journaling, introspection, etc. You chose to invest emotionally in someone who was obviously bad news. You need to get to the root of why you would make a self-destructive choice to love an unavailable man and then further refuse to let go when it didn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Youve gotten all the advice over and over and over and over on these boards. You got advice, suggestions, tough love, coddling, hugs, support. You stay stuck. You havent posted in weeks and you are back here without one ounce of growth or new mindset. I think you should keep on obsessing, keep loving him, keep hanging out with his family...keep monitoring what he does on facebook. Just keep going on this path and maybe someday you will tire yourself out of your pity party but one thing is for sure, there isnt any new thoughts or advice here that you havent already heard. This is attention seeking behavior, you maybe like the slap on the wrist you keep getting here I dont know but while you remain stuck and asking the same wuestions, others are learning, growing, healing, moving on and at best maybe you can read their threads and learn a thkng or two that way. Youve never contributed to anyone else's thread with support or advice. Maybe you are just a taker. Maybe you feel everything is all about you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 I hate myself 99% of the time. I never feel good enough,him treating me like that was kind of proof that I wasn't worth it. I'm so down on myself I can't even be bothered to wash my hair or anything. I hate him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 In all fairness how could I contribute to any one else's thread when I'm such a mess myself. How would I dare try and advise others when I can't even help myself. I'm not going to patronise people when I'm a mess myself Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 He isn't on my friends. He has every single person from the post man to the milk man but I wasn't good enough to be a friend. If he friended you on FB, his wife would see it. You can "block" him on FB, even if you are not friends. Then you won't see anything. Not his comments, nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 In all fairness how could I contribute to any one else's thread when I'm such a mess myself. How would I dare try and advise others when I can't even help myself. I'm not going to patronise people when I'm a mess myself You need professional therapy. When youve literally had thousands of posts to help you and analyze it for you, its time for a new avenue. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and ecpecting different results. You keep coming back with the same things, no new questions and how many times can we all say the same advice. Go to a professional or you can also choose to stay in place where you've been for 2 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 You can begin to feel better by taking ownership of your role in what happened, learning from it and then moving on. You messed up, that's not his fault. You made a huge mistake, again, not his fault. That being aid, this is something you can move past. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and stop feeding the beast by spending time on facebook and social media. Start taking some baby steps towards living your life again. Don't feel like washing your hair? Make yourself do it anyway.Join a group, club ,volunteer or find some other way to meet new friends that have nothing to do with the past. If you really are stuck and no matter what you do, you can't starting moving forward, see your doctor, as they may be able to recommend a therapist or some other treatment that can help. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 If he friended you on FB, his wife would see it. You can "block" him on FB, even if you are not friends. Then you won't see anything. Not his comments, nothing. OP knows she can block him but refuses to do so because she has to see what is going on with him no matter how unhealthy it is. This is a simple step toward healing which she refuses to take. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I wish someone could tell me how to get over the feeling of total embarrassment of falling for it? Because I've tried yet I can't get over all the lies he said to use me. I emotionally invested for 2 years..how do you stop being hurt because I've tried dated other people but still I'm hurt. I hate him and wish I could get my revenge but he will always smell of roses You can start by blocking him so you can't snoop on him anymore. Also stop asking his sister what is going on with him and his wife. Just get involved with something, anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Honestly at this point your pain is all on you. You are well aware of how he behaves and yet you continue to stalk him online and expose yourself to his misdeeds..you are choosing to inflict pain on yourself. FFS you only slept with him one time! It's really time to move on. You know he is toxic. You know she is toxic. Block and begin healing already, otherwise you have no one to blame but yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 The last 20 comments full of advice Ive seen posted on her threads a hundred times already. Shes heard it. She doesnt want this help. I suspect shes validated by the attention to her threads. Her last thread she was all dolled up walking down the street he consistently drives down and she knows he does so she was trying to be seen, he saw her twice but has not chased her so shes back for more pity and lectures here. Shes washing her hair, these are pity me statements. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 This isn't about him anymore; it's about you. It could be any guy as long as he doesn't want you. You are obsessed. You - not him, not the friend, not the sister - are the one making unhealthy choices. Either you fix you or you are welcome to spend countless time and energy fixated on someone who is t interested just because that's what you want. This is unrequited, LouiseSarah. Time to get over him, them, all. It has nothing to do with any of them any more anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 It isn't about sleeping with him once It's about talking to him daily for over 2 years and we were close. I told him everything Not everything is about sex Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 It isn't about sleeping with him once It's about talking to him daily for over 2 years and we were close. I told him everything Not everything is about sex Do you see how this goes round and around? She ignored the last 20 comments and replied with the SAME exact info she relayed over 100 times in the other threads. Its a waste. You dont want help. Im not sure what you are doing here but help is not what you are seeking. This very statement you just made youvemade over and over and the posters who addressed you here already were ignored and your back to square one in your replies. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 We get it, we have all "loved" someone who didn't want us, someone who didn't appreciate us, someone who went off with someone else, someone who just didn't feel the same way we did, someone who strung us along, someone who didn't really care a damn about us.... etc. etc. However we learn how to get over that, we concentrate on their bad points, we realise they were not the wonderful person we thought they were, we knock them down off that pedestal we put them up on, and we get on with our lives, we find better people to love, people who love us back in return. You are stuck in a cycle of shampoo, rinse, repeat over this guy and it is obviously not getting any better, and that is why you need to seek professional help here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 After how bad he treated me and we aren't even friends yet his sisters other friend( well not really close anymore ) he is commenting on her profile pics on Facebook. It's really winding me up. He knows she is on my friends list and it's sickening me that afte everything he can't acknowledge I exist but can be friends with her and comment on her Facebook yet can't be friends with with me. I'm so angry when I see him comment on her status or picture because I feel like it's salt in the wound. He knows il be able to see but doesn't even care Why are you lurking him on fb? He DOESN'T care and as you said, he's treated you so badly, so why are you so upset now? Be glad he's NOT in your life anymore. Love and respect "you" and forget him. Stop following what he does or doesn't do online. You're making it worse for yourself by paying attention to what he is up to. Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Get into hard core therapy and stay there. I don't want to kick you while you are down but you need more help than a forum can provide. You are not a mistress or betrayed spouse, you are someone in dire need of a safe place. Accept some help from an outside PROFESSIONAL source and let them help you through this. If you need medication, take it. The path you are on is just going to get darker and more demeaning. Seriously. Get off the internet and go get that intensely needed help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 << A note from moderation: If you have come to this thread to berate or insult another poster, including but not limited to the thread-starter, DO NOT POST. Rude, unsupportive posts will be deleted and posters will be losing posting privileges if it continues. >> ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Why are you lurking him on fb? He DOESN'T care and as you said, he's treated you so badly, so why are you so upset now? Be glad he's NOT in your life anymore. Love and respect "you" and forget him. Stop following what he does or doesn't do online. You're making it worse for yourself by paying attention to what he is up to. I'm not lurking on him,the girl was on my friend list and that's how I seen. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I'm not lurking on him,the girl was on my friend list and that's how I seen. This is entirely besides the point. You are well aware that if you don't block him, you can still see anything he posts via someone else if you want to. So yes, you are lurking. Louise what is it that you want to happen? You haven't made any changes or any progress in getting over this so what are you hoping to achieve? Be honest..nobody can help you if you're not honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I think that you're trapped in your life & very depressed. I know you're focusing on your history with him but maybe, just maybe, you can't get over this because you know what you did was so very wrong. If it had turned into a love affair. If he had left his W & baby for you it would of all made sense? You could of 'saved him'? You wouldn't be the girl who slept with this mess of a man while his wife was up all night with a new baby wondering where the hell her husband was! Have you given any thought to finding a new job & moving away? You're stuck with this small disfunctional group of people that you've known forever. The world is a huge exciting place filled with wonderful opportunities. How about going back to school? A lot of the people advising you are older & have lived a lot more life. I think that's why they're getting so frustrated with you. I think you're 'bigger' than your life & it's making you very depressed. PLEASE! Some people spend their who lives not really living. The drugs, drinking, affairs, drama...it's all they've got to fill their monotonous lives. Move on. Move up. Find life! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I'm not lurking on him,the girl was on my friend list and that's how I seen. Okay, so why haven't you blocked him? No good reason not to, unless you enjoy seeing what he's up to, even if by accident (since she is on your friends list). It's hurting you and preventing you from grieving and healing. Link to post Share on other sites
2016forme Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 It sounds like this person is being immature. Each time you see his FB comments, it opens up old and unhealthy wounds. Please don't allow this person to occupy your space and time. It is going to upset you more and more each time you see those comments. The person knows he's deliberately making you upset. You can ignore the comments and not even look at what is being said. Give yourself time to heal while getting over the pain. Best of luck to you in your endeavors. Link to post Share on other sites
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