Leaving Home Confliction

[cochilla]

I'm 19 years old and I really want to leave home more than anything, but there are a few problems such as, me not being completely finished with school. The reason I'm still trying to finish school (high-school - home-school) is all due to my mom's financial problems.

 

My mom is narcissistic and OVERLY-controlling. Please don't take when I tell you that my mom is really controlling lightly, because I can not debate//argue with her on what I feel like is right for my life, because if I do she will always tell me I'm going to have a hard time in life all because I don't want to follow her lead.

 

I seriously do everything home, I can't even go jogging in my safe neighborhood because my mom won't let me, and me bringing up to her how I want to get out the house and jog, or walk she gets really aggressive and tells me to leave her house. My mom has said some cruel things to me on how she would disown me, and only deal with my sisters since they want to follow her lead. My mom doesn't respect me whatsoever and she belittles me to the highest degree where I feel less than my actual age just by telling me how I shouldn't watch rated-R movies, because some scenes are too much?

 

I'm a really mature person, but my mom doesn't take the time out of her "busy" schedule to really talk to me on what I want to do, or the things I enjoy. My mom is so "busy" that she can't even make her own food, like it's either my sisters or me who make her food 24/7, but she mostly wants me to make her food. I have a little brother who she doesn't even take actual time out to teach him things, or to be respectful, she depends on my sisters, or me to teach him basically everything. In general it's very stressful living here, and the roles are completely reversed.

 

Talking with my mom is not an option, because even when I have tried expressing myself calmly, which I always do she flips my words, and makes me sound crazy which makes me totally confused on what I was talking about to begin with.

 

My mom is mentally abusive which has totally affected me horribly from having suicidal thoughts and depression. I know self-harm is never the option, but I have. Although, my mom has never physically abused me since I was 16 she is very intimidating in the sense as if she will hit me, which I know she will if I push the wrong buttons by saying something she really doesn't like.

 

I have no clue what is wrong with my mom, but I am naturally calm, and respectful person, always. But she just has these moments where she knows all the right things to say to bring me down, and it almost makes me feel like something is wrong with me. My mom almost wants me to be like my sisters who are very loud and hyper, and I don't know, I'm not like that. I seriously can't force myself to be fake, I've tried it but it didn't work out at all I just relapsed back into my true self.

 

Anyways, I'm conflicted on leaving, I already have a destination on where I will be going and I can simply finish school wherever I go, which will be with my boyfriend of a year. I'm just very nervous that my mom will be confused on my abrupt disappearance and I feel like she's going to hate me. I also feel like I will not amount to anything without my mom by my side since she has instilled that in my head for years now, but I also feel like I'm going to be truly happy to be away from the drama//stress that she causes.

[Satu]

I don't know what might be wrong with her mentally, but she is mentally abusing you.

 

Do move out, regardless of how she may react.

 

 

Take care.

[d0nnivain]

You are 19. Your mom's home schooling did you know favors. Reach out to the local board of education which controls your home schooling. Your mother had to register you somewhere to convey a diploma. Find out what is left for you to do & get that done.

 

 

Once you get a diploma, get a job & move out. Apply for whatever assistance may be available to you. Do not move in with a BF. That is simply a different set of problems.

 

 

If you truly believe your mother is abusive, to protect your younger siblings reach out to the authorities You need another responsible adult to supervise her. Yes, she will hate you for this but you may be saving your siblings.

[thecrucible]

She might not think she is belittling you. She might think she is being very mothering and protecting you from certain things in life. But you need to let her know that she can't have you wrapped up in cotton wool forever and that you'll need to spread your wings soon and get out in the world. Then if she puts you down and treats you differently because you're not as outgoing as your sisters, you need to tell to accept you exactly as you are. If this causes an argument then that's actually a good thing because in that moment she'll see your self-respect and eventually the dynamic of your relationship will change. I would tell her how you feel plainly without raising your voice so it's all out there directly. Hmm hopefully she will be reasonable and listen to you. In the meantime, set yourself up for being more independent, get qualified and hopefully this will lead to you getting a living wage so you can move out into your own flat.