International views on Cheating or Affairs ?

[velvette]

I know lots of french canadian's both quebecois ( Quebc and portions of northern Ontario near the border with Quebec, e.g.- Mattawa) and Le Acadie ( Acadians, who are the cultural ancestors of the Cajuns from Louisiana...they were french living in the portion of Canada that is now the martime provinces. The British undertook expulsions in the 1700's and sent them to the area now known as Louisiana)

 

I'm partly descended from Quebecois french and know many other who are as well. I don't know of too many in either of these cultural groups who view cheating as "meh".

 

 

Doesn't surprise me. I know a lot of Itlalian Americans, and the "meh" does apply to males. Many of them still believe they are entitled to cheat; the women not so much and certainly not according to their husbands. But, like I said, most Italian American women I know don't marry Italian American men, possibly because they tend to have these patriarchal attitudes. They tend to marry Irish, German or other WASP Americans where at least there is a level playing field when it comes to cheating.

Edited April 19, 2016 by velvette

[velvette]

I actually find it hilarious that an American man would justify cheating to his wife by saying its ok with the French or the Finnish.

 

 

What American wife wouldn't be laughing her ass off at that?

 

 

I know I would.

 

 

My husband said a lot of stupid stuff when he was cheating, but he would never dare say something that stupid to me, unless he actually wanted to be divorced.

[Gloria25]

We need to have a Filipino weigh in, male and female.

 

I spent time there in the 80s. Every man who could afford it, was probably having an affair. The women not so much. One attitude I saw was: he comes home to me every night.

 

They "paid" for it. Both to keep the mistress happy and the wife from rocking the boat.

 

Mistresses were courted and wooed and given expensive presents and often had expenses paid. They keep their mouth shut, they don't overstep, they are pleasant and cheerful and they provide great sex.

 

And if a Filipnoo checks in here, they can explain that whole "second family" thing. I may screw it up, but because divorce is illegal and annulments are expensive both parties just agree to separate and move on to have second families often with partners who are in the same situation.

 

That's sorta how I saw it growing up ^^ and I'm Black/Hispanic. Maybe that's one reason why I don't date Black and/or Hispanic guys.

 

Yes, OW and BS will fight. Gotta be careful, some BS will walk up to a OW and slit her face with a razor. But still, it's sorta like this "Oh well, at least he comes home to me" attitude that BS' have - even though they will kick a OW's butt if the opportunity presents itself.

 

Where I come from, Hispanic women are aggressive. They'll walk up to you and your husband and start making moves on him - right in front of you. There's no shame in the game I guess. Maybe that's where my attitude as a OW came from?

 

Now, I didn't see OWs getting showered with gifts and all that. But yeah, they get some money from these guys - but aren't doing it for money. I don't really know what a OW's motivations were. And yes, the OW knows her "role".

[Lady2163]

That's sorta how I saw it growing up ^^ and I'm Black/Hispanic. Maybe that's one reason why I don't date Black and/or Hispanic guys.

 

Yes, OW and BS will fight. Gotta be careful, some BS will walk up to a OW and slit her face with a razor. But still, it's sorta like this "Oh well, at least he comes home to me" attitude that BS' have - even though they will kick a OW's butt if the opportunity presents itself.

 

Where I come from, Hispanic women are aggressive. They'll walk up to you and your husband and start making moves on him - right in front of you. There's no shame in the game I guess. Maybe that's where my attitude as a OW came from?

 

Now, I didn't see OWs getting showered with gifts and all that. But yeah, they get some money from these guys - but aren't doing it for money. I don't really know what a OW's motivations were. And yes, the OW knows her "role".

 

The Philippines was under Spanish rule for 400 years. The adultery comes from the Spanish querida (sp) and machismo traits. Filipinos who know their genealogy often have a child producing Spanish priest in their family tree.

 

So, there is a historical foundation that breaking the laws of God is not necessarily punishable.

[Gloria25]

The Philippines was under Spanish rule for 400 years. The adultery comes from the Spanish querida (sp) and machismo traits. Filipinos who know their genealogy often have a child producing Spanish priest in their family tree.

 

So, there is a historical foundation that breaking the laws of God is not necessarily punishable.

 

Interesting...

 

I do know of some Filipino people with Spanish names and/or speak Spanish. Always wondered how/why.

[Lady2163]

Interesting...

 

I do know of some Filipino people with Spanish names and/or speak Spanish. Always wondered how/why.

 

Spanish, Tagalog and Italian are sort of cousins to each other language wise.

 

Pardon the spellings

 

How are you?

 

Spanish - Como es tace

Italian - Como sty

Tagalog Kuma sta ka (no C in the alphabet, they use K)

 

Many nouns in Tagalog are actually Spanish.

[Gloria25]

Spanish, Tagalog and Italian are sort of cousins to each other language wise.

 

Pardon the spellings

 

How are you?

 

Spanish - Como es tace

Italian - Como sty

Tagalog Kuma sta ka (no C in the alphabet, they use K)

 

Many nouns in Tagalog are actually Spanish.

 

Yeah, I can make some sense of songs/dialect in Italian and Portuguese, but that's about it. I have relatives that are fluent in Portuguese and other languages I'm the math and letters nerd in the family

[cocorico]

Back home, affairs are regarded as an occupational hazard of being M. BS tell the WS not to shame her by telling her he has a GF, he must keep the GF out of her face. As long as he provides for the BS and his family with the BS, she turns a blind eye. This is especially true in some cultures; in others, less so. Polygamy is legal, and sometimes a MM will M a GF, but usually they are just parallel families - maybe a BS and family back home in the rural area, and a GF and family in the city, and he will send an allowance home to the BS every month and visit maybe over Christmas time to make another baby, then go back to live with the GF and his other family in the city the rest of the year.

[cocorico]

In those Islamic countries that operate under Sharia Law, women get either beheaded or stoned to death for adultery. (Not sure about their AP)

 

Maybe that wasn't what you were looking for?

 

Actually, Sharia law stipulates 100 lashes (of moderate intensity) for adultery, not beheading or stoning.

 

In Malaysia, where Sharia law is binding only to Muslims, both men and women can be sentence to flogging with a cane (rotan) but usually around 6 lashes rather than 100. (Adultery is not a crime under civil law in Malaysia, so non-Muslims are not bound by Sharia law on adultery, nor subject to flogging if caught in adultery.)

[Arieswoman]

Coricoro,

 

Actually, Sharia law stipulates 100 lashes (of moderate intensity) for adultery, not beheading or stoning.

 

I beg to differ;

 

Saudi Arabia sentences Sri Lankan maid to death by stoning for adultery | Daily Mail Online

 

(That sentence was later commuted)

 

Punishment for adultery in Islam

[Liam1]

Actually, Sharia law stipulates 100 lashes (of moderate intensity) for adultery, not beheading or stoning.

 

In Malaysia, where Sharia law is binding only to Muslims, both men and women can be sentence to flogging with a cane (rotan) but usually around 6 lashes rather than 100. (Adultery is not a crime under civil law in Malaysia, so non-Muslims are not bound by Sharia law on adultery, nor subject to flogging if caught in adultery.)

 

Cocorico:

 

You are right, adultery is not a crime under civil law in Malaysia.

 

I think a lot of people get Middle Eastern countries confused with Malaysia because there is a high Muslim population there.

 

Malaysia is a multi-religious and multi-ethnic country in Southeast Asia

 

I think a lot of people who do not travel much fail to understand that when a person is in another country, they are subject to that countries laws and can be punished by that country's legal system, with the laws that apply to the country they are visiting, no matter whether they are American or any other nationality.

 

Being of different nationality does not shield one from the laws of the country they are in when they break a law.

 

I run into Americans who are in Middle Eastern countries and accidentally break a law and then they are flummoxed when the American consulate can not bail them out.

 

IMO, before a person visits another country they should familiarize themselves with the laws and customs, lest they get themselves inadvertently in trouble due to lack of education about the laws associated with that foreign country.

 

As in America, other countries also mandate that ignorance of a law is not an excuse and when disobeying a law the visitor, whether aware of the laws or not, will still be punished if they do not abide by the laws.

[mellywell]

Actually, I think that no matter where one lives, it is not the "international view" that matters, but the view of the person to whom you vowed love and fidelity. Even if dozens of countries celebrate adultery, if me sleeping with another person behind my spouse's back and breaking the vow of fidelity hurts them, and I do indeed care about them, then I have done something wrong in my relationship.

 

It might not hurt Mary if you punch her in the nose, but it would hurt me. And if part of your vow to me was to NOT punch me in the nose, then what Mary thinks or what they do in Norway is really irrelevant.

[Gloria25]

Coricoro,

 

 

 

I beg to differ;

 

Saudi Arabia sentences Sri Lankan maid to death by stoning for adultery | Daily Mail Online

 

(That sentence was later commuted)

 

Punishment for adultery in Islam

 

There's different stuff they can do...

 

They can stone, they can lock her away in her home till the figure out what else to do with her, they can do the lashes.

[wmacbride]

There's different stuff they can do...

 

They can stone, they can lock her away in her home till the figure out what else to do with her, they can do the lashes.

 

In places like Afghanistan, women have been burned, had acid thrown in their faces, strangled to death, etc. for the "crime" of being raped or even just for wanting a divorce form an abusive husband. Not sure about adultery but i expect the treatment is just as bad if not worse.

 

The wife of a friend of mine spent some time there training women to be in the security force and police in Kabul and Kandahar. She is a gay women with a high rank in our military, and some of the things she saw while there were absolutely heartbreaking. Arranged marriages of very young girls to much older men, child abuse, etc., are all commonplace.

 

Shariah law may or may not be the accepted legal construct for the land, but many of the men who live there view it as the true law, and it's quite violent.

Mind you, many of these man have more than one wife, and treat all fo them like property. These women most certainly are NOT happy and "meh' when it comes to cheating. It hurts every bit as much, but they have learned that it is their lot in life.

 

Mind you, infidelity and polygamy happen here as well. There's that yahoo out in Bounty with a bunch of "wives" who collect welfare for his many children, and even with all those wives, he's still out sneaking around with whomever will have him.

[wmacbride]

There's different stuff they can do...

 

They can stone, they can lock her away in her home till the figure out what else to do with her, they can do the lashes.

 

 

they can do all kinds of things, "illegal" or not, and the law will look the other way.

 

Its' really sad, the low value placed on women.

 

One of my wives is married to a woman who is a high ranking officer in the military. She spent time in Afghanistan training women to be in the police and security forces. from what she told me, this completely confused the men there, and they became upset when she wouldn't put up with any of their crap .

[Lady2163]

they can do all kinds of things, "illegal" or not, and the law will look the other way.

 

Its' really sad, the low value placed on women.

 

One of my wives is married to a woman who is a high ranking officer in the military. She spent time in Afghanistan training women to be in the police and security forces. from what she told me, this completely confused the men there, and they became upset when she wouldn't put up with any of their crap .

 

Teasing...one of your wives is a married to you and a woman?

[wmacbride]

Teasing...one of your wives is a married to you and a woman?

 

Sorry..one of my friends...( she'd laugh if she knew I wrote "wives":laugh:)

[DevastatedDiva]

Its more to do with economic class than nationality.

 

 

If the poor or working class have affairs, its seen as slightly disgusting.

 

If the rich and powerful have affairs, its expected, and considered to be interesting and entertaining.

 

 

So don't have an affair if you can't afford it

 

 

 

 

Thunk camilla and Charles

[Gloria25]

In places like Afghanistan, women have been burned, had acid thrown in their faces, strangled to death, etc. for the "crime" of being raped or even just for wanting a divorce form an abusive husband. Not sure about adultery but i expect the treatment is just as bad if not worse.

 

The wife of a friend of mine spent some time there training women to be in the security force and police in Kabul and Kandahar. She is a gay women with a high rank in our military, and some of the things she saw while there were absolutely heartbreaking. Arranged marriages of very young girls to much older men, child abuse, etc., are all commonplace.

 

Shariah law may or may not be the accepted legal construct for the land, but many of the men who live there view it as the true law, and it's quite violent.

Mind you, many of these man have more than one wife, and treat all fo them like property. These women most certainly are NOT happy and "meh' when it comes to cheating. It hurts every bit as much, but they have learned that it is their lot in life.

 

Mind you, infidelity and polygamy happen here as well. There's that yahoo out in Bounty with a bunch of "wives" who collect welfare for his many children, and even with all those wives, he's still out sneaking around with whomever will have him.

 

Agreed that yep, there's always a group of evil and/or creepy guys that use the "religion" to abuse of women. In the middle east you got one thing, and in rural/weirdo America you got that too (well, except for the acid in the face, stonings, and beheaddings).

[Zenstudent]

I don't know how these alleged statistical data from Denmark were gathered - I certainly haven't met anyone who said "meh" when they were betrayed.

 

If you're looking for factors that separates "meh"-fans from dislikers, I think the parameter WS/BS will be a much more significant discriminator.

 

But that's just my uneducated wild guess.

[Shanex]

I have countless stories about the ''village cukolds'' where I live, which is in the West, it has become so common most people don't care really or will just gossiping about whose wife is hooking up with the postman or plumber oh and theres a rumor that the secretary slept with the major and all of a sudden she is granted privilege she'd never have before or otherwise.

 

Other countries are far more conservative. Beheading /hanging a woman over infidelity is a bit much, but this is only a few Islamic countries if I should name them.

[PrettyEmily77]

The Stereotypical "meh" seems to be associated with France, and I had a coworker once who spent a year there in the 80's reinforce this view.

 

My mum is French and I know the country well for having lived there a few years and going there often on visits.

 

I can tell you that this is indeed a stereotype. Adultery gets talked about more openly between friends / family members and no-one would really make a secret of the fact that so and so's marriage broke down due to an affair (including the betrayed partner and the adulterer).

 

The roller-coaster of emotions and pain suffered by the betrayed partner is pretty universal, though.