Jealous because my girlfriend had sex with my cousin before she met me

[js_77]

I met this girl months ago and we've been dating since them, i'm really trying to forget and avoid jealousy but it's not easy! The fact the i have sex with the same girl my cousin had bothers me too much! I think about breaking up but i love her so much! I'm jealous of her past, unfortunately. People may tell me to end the relationship but i like this girl a lot. I feel myself so imature! She told me in the beginning of our relationship she had sex with my cousin years ago in college. My cousin lied to me, after that i don't talk to him anymore. He lied to me because when i met her he told me he didn't have anything with her, she was just a friend in college years ago. They've know each other for a long time, but she says was only casual, a one night stand! Now talking about other previous relationships we had, she was married twice and i was married only once. I feel jealous in almost everything. I need help how to overcome my insecurities and jealousy. I don't trust her i think she'll cheat on me, she doesn't love...etc. Sometimes i think about breaking up just because she had sex with my cousin, this upsets me very much, even though i like her a lot. What you think i should do? Try? End the relationship? Sometimes i feel like i just can't date a girl who had sex with my cousin, it's tough and hard for me to acceptI don't know what to do anymore!

[GorillaTheater]

The cousin thing I sort of get, although you have a choice between getting over it or breaking up with her; there's not much acceptable middle ground.

 

 

But do I understand right that you're also jealous that she's been married more times than you? Really?

[d0nnivain]

As a divorced adult do you inherently understand that it will be almost impossible for you to meet & date a virgin? If you do find one your own age, that person is most likely going to have a lot of issues to deal with.

 

I never understand retroactive jealously so I'm not a good one to ask for advice. Past relationships are just that: past. If they had been any good the person I'm currently dating would still be with their EX. They are not. They are with me. So I focus on the present.

 

That said a cousin is pretty close. I'm not sure I could handle knowing that a close family member had previously seen my SO naked.

 

As Gorilla said, you are either going to put it behind you & never think of it again or you have to break up because there is no middle ground until somebody invents the time machine. Even then, you change 1 think in the past you alter the future. So if she hadn't had those college experiences & been married 2x, she wouldn't be the person you like now.

[thecrucible]

You either accept it or you let her move on. I think you are being too harsh on your cousin. He didn't want to tell you and spoil your relationship over something that happened years ago and is no longer relevant. When you know the names of people in your gf's past, it would hit you more than if they were a mythical quantity.

[smackie9]

ummmmm OK so this has nothing to do with her past at all, this has a lot to do with you suffering from anxiety. I suggest you seek out therapy to get to the root of your anxiety and go from there.

[Buddhist]

What I think you should do is get out of any relationship with another person until you sort out these issues. The chances of you meeting women with more sex in their background than you, more marriages more of anything basically is very high. So basically you're going to feel jealous and reactive in a relationship with just about everyone.

 

These issues point to some fairly interesting emotional beliefs lurking around there. I can't connect to any of your issues because the thoughts behind them are like nothing I've ever experienced. But I think you are right to realise they are causing you grief and you should have a desire to sort them out.

[smackie9]

BTW your cousin in no way was obligated to divulge that information....it's none of your business who he slept with and when. You are being immature to shun your cousin. Deep down you shunned him, not because he lied to you but because he had sex with her and you resent him for it.

[SherryEast]

I truly believe you have some pretty serious insecurity issues and honestly it you love her, you should be able to let this go. If you can't, then stop doing this and end this. I really think it's wrong of you to leave her over nothing. Because her past honestly doesn't impact what SHE feels for YOU.

[kendahke]

I met this girl months ago and we've been dating since them, i'm really trying to forget and avoid jealousy but it's not easy! The fact the i have sex with the same girl my cousin had bothers me too much! I think about breaking up but i love her so much! I'm jealous of her past, unfortunately. People may tell me to end the relationship but i like this girl a lot. I feel myself so imature! She told me in the beginning of our relationship she had sex with my cousin years ago in college. My cousin lied to me, after that i don't talk to him anymore. He lied to me because when i met her he told me he didn't have anything with her, she was just a friend in college years ago. They've know each other for a long time, but she says was only casual, a one night stand! Now talking about other previous relationships we had, she was married twice and i was married only once. I feel jealous in almost everything. I need help how to overcome my insecurities and jealousy. I don't trust her i think she'll cheat on me, she doesn't love...etc. Sometimes i think about breaking up just because she had sex with my cousin, this upsets me very much, even though i like her a lot. What you think i should do? Try? End the relationship? Sometimes i feel like i just can't date a girl who had sex with my cousin, it's tough and hard for me to acceptI don't know what to do anymore!

 

You know what? You're not ready to be dating anyone. You really need to talk with a professional.

 

If you dont' trust her, why are you with her? She is eventually going to get sick of your distrust.

 

If her having had a life long before you met her where it included a college fling with your cousin flays you that much, then seriously--you need to do everyone a favor and just let this go. The earth isn't going to spin backwards for her to get a do-over on the sex with your cousin tip--so either you accept that that is a part of her past and you love her and trust her anyway or you let her go and just stop the nonsense.

 

I wonder what you love more: her or the turmoil you've secured by dealing with someone you say you can't trust. Addiction to drama really needs to be done with an adult who has already gone through marriage and divorce.

[js_77]

We've been dating for a year. Last night we went to a bar with our friends and we were having a great time when suddenly my girlfriend started to act a little angry and I asked her what's wrong and she said "That guy was checking me out, he was staring at me and i didn't like it!" I asked her "You were checking him out too? DId you like him?" She said "Of course not, I told you and I'm telling you, I didn't like it."

 

At least there were girls staring at me too because she said she saw a few girls staring at me but she didn't feel very jealous the way I did. I tried to cover my jealousy because we were together with our friends but from that moment my night was over! And I'm still angry and mad because I think she was checking him out too! What to do when this happens? What to do when guys is checking out my girlfriend? What to do if I catch my girlfriend checking them too?

 

Girlfriend checking out other guys? Everytime I catch my girlfriend checking out other guys she denies. I won't be a hypocrite, I check out other girls too but I'm more jealous than her so when I see her staring at other men I go angry and mad!

[Space Ritual]

what do you want?

 

she told you it was making her uncomfortable getting checked out by a guy. In most scenarios a BF would be happy that his gf even mentioned it. Instead you are here accusing her of being interested in the guy that was creeping her out.

 

 

Look, in life there are going to be people that both you and your girlfriend find attractive. It is a human trait to look at them if they are pleasing to the eye. If she were to drop you in the midst of it and go talk to this guy I would be concerned. However not only did she not, she TOLD you it made her feel uncomfortable.

 

So you made quite the leap to "she denies".

 

You know, when insecurity creeps up on you, it is probably a good thing to let go of the outcome. Insecurity like this is not a good trait. Keep this up and I guarantee you that one of these days she is going to go talk to another dude. Being insanely jealous is a surefire way to becoming single again.

 

You need to dial that jealous act down a bit, kid.

[Emilia]

Wha? You think people go blind when they get into a relationship?

[jen1447]

Yeah, this seems really reactionary.

[Chi townD]

You better get a handle on your jealousy dude. Because if you don't you're going to lose her. It's human nature to look at other people. But, the difference is if she pursues it, then that's an entirely different matter. To be honest, I'm not getting that kind of vibe.

[pteromom]

I won't be a hypocrite, I check out other girls too but I'm more jealous than her so when I see her staring at other men I go angry and mad!

 

You need to work on your emotional response.

 

When you get angry and mad, calm yourself back down with LOGIC.

 

She isn't leaving you for the other guy.

She's not talking to him or flirting with him or trying to get with him.

You are able to look at other girls without cheating or meaning anything by it - and she is able to do the same.

It means nothing other than there are good looking people in the world. It's normal to enjoy looking at them.

 

Your anger just makes you look insecure, which is VERY unattractive and is going to have the opposite effect of what you want (her paying attention only to you.) You need to get a handle on it.

[Clay]

It really depends on what you mean by her checking them out. Is it like a long drawn out stare as they walk by so they know she is looking at them or is it a glance?

 

If is is the Long drawn out stare then I probably would take a step back from the relationship. Its perfectly normal to check people out but if your making sure the other person knows your doing it then its disrespectful in my eyes.

 

I also agree you need to work on your response.

 

C

[smackie9]

omg what the hell was she expecting going to an establishment of mostly single people consuming alcohol and listening to loud music. DUH. She wanted you to get jealous because she wanted your attention. So what if she noticed him...you noticed girls looking at you and the only way to know that was to be looking at them. Your girl was playing you up probably because she saw you checking some ladies out. The both of you need to grow up. People are going to look...we all do it. So suck it up, because you can't stop it from happening. As for your GF, she's a sh*& disturber. She played you to get your attention is a very negative way. That's so childish. What was she expecting you to do? Go over and start a fight with the guy? Let it go, you can't win this.

[RoseHeart]

Wait, I don't understand. She told you about HIM checking her out and she said she didn't like it. I don't see how that in any way implies that she was into him and checking him out. She just noticed and got annoyed and told you making it very clear she didn't like or enjoy it. What exactly do you want from her?

[redbaron007]

I check out EVERY woman I find attractive, even if she is with a guy. So if I found your girlfriend attractive, I would totally check her out. So would many other guys. Will you confront every one of us? Go right ahead.

 

Your jealousy is your problem, not my problem, not your girlfriend's problem. If you don't take steps to fix your jealousy problem, you will lose her, my friend.

[js_77]

Thanks guys, I'm about to start therapy to overcome jealousy and insecurity!

[js_77]

I've been dating her for a year. Should i worry about this? I found out about this guy who had sex with her after her divorce years ago and she told me she had feelings for him back then. I think they don't talk to each other anymore but sometimes they likes each other on their posts newsfeed. She has him on instagram too and I think she may talk to him or text him occasionally, I don't know! I don't trust her!

[smackie9]

Then breakup with her already.

[usa1ah]

We've been dating for a year. Last night we went to a bar with our friends and we were having a great time when suddenly my girlfriend started to act a little angry and I asked her what's wrong and she said "That guy was checking me out, he was staring at me and i didn't like it!" I asked her "You were checking him out too? DId you like him?" She said "Of course not, I told you and I'm telling you, I didn't like it."

 

At least there were girls staring at me too because she said she saw a few girls staring at me but she didn't feel very jealous the way I did. I tried to cover my jealousy because we were together with our friends but from that moment my night was over! And I'm still angry and mad because I think she was checking him out too! What to do when this happens? What to do when guys is checking out my girlfriend? What to do if I catch my girlfriend checking them too?

 

Girlfriend checking out other guys? Everytime I catch my girlfriend checking out other guys she denies. I won't be a hypocrite, I check out other girls too but I'm more jealous than her so when I see her staring at other men I go angry and mad!

 

 

 

 

Man you need help, if she in a blank stare looking at a guy is one thing but just checking out the other people in a bar is common place. When I was younger I was always, well almost always, the designated driver. I loved watching what people did when drinking and keeping my friends out of trouble. You really need to work on yourself before continuing this relationship or there won't be one.

[usa1ah]

I've been dating her for a year. Should i worry about this? I found out about this guy who had sex with her after her divorce years ago and she told me she had feelings for him back then. I think they don't talk to each other anymore but sometimes they likes each other on their posts newsfeed. She has him on instagram too and I think she may talk to him or text him occasionally, I don't know! I don't trust her!

 

 

 

Smacking the forehead!!!!!!

 

 

Have trust you have a relationship, NO TRUST NO RELATIONSHIP!

[bubbaganoosh]

Thanks guys, I'm about to start therapy to overcome jealousy and insecurity!

 

While your at it, try apologizing to your cousin too for trying to be a nice guy and not trying to throw a monkey wrench into your relationship. You owe him that much.